my mum says same thing. she is adamant the guy i marry, we have a long engagement and get to know each other properly, and the family gets to know each other before we get married.
makes sense to me and my family
BUT what scares me is that thats what that girl did too for FIVE bloody years
how could she have not clocked what he's really like
Submitted by Sirus on 13 December, 2005 - 20:59 #32
he was possibly tryna lure her for 5 years, and in the process, concealing his true self?
why, i dont know
—
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
Maybe I will be happier living on my own with 50 cats :?
Submitted by Sirus on 13 December, 2005 - 21:09 #37
lol
what you gotta remember is that there are happy marriages as well
but the messed up ones always seem to stick out more for some reason
marriage - you make it what it is IMO, but sometimes theres things outta your hands true.....but its all a test of character
—
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
Submitted by fizzy1 on 13 December, 2005 - 21:17 #38
im going to tell you a story. are you sitting comfortably???
there was one girl who wanted to marry a guy. he considered himself religious, and likened himself to the Taliban, make of that what you will.
anyway the family did not approve. she was adamant she wd marry him.
when they went to set the date, he was foul and rude to her uncle, who was much respected.
the family had second thoughts about him, they didnt want some one so disrespectful in their family.
she ran away that nite, stayed with a friend and said she wd not come home until they promised to get them married.
silly girl you may say, after what he was like to her family, but the family agreed as they were afraid she may not come back and may do something shameful.
begrudgingly they let them get married.
after marriage the son in law continued to cause problems for the family, wd follow the sister home, poured paint stripper over her car three times, argued with her father and gave him a black eye, police were also involved.
they now have a child and both families have started talking again, but still distant with him.
moral of the story?? sometimes the family can see that the person is bad for you/for the family, but the person getting married can be stubborn and refuse to see it.
Submitted by Sirus on 13 December, 2005 - 21:21 #39
lol
i thawt there was gonna be a twist or sumfin!!
thats jus plain stupid on both sides
such people i guess deserve each other
—
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
Submitted by fizzy1 on 13 December, 2005 - 21:30 #40
the above girl's sister on the other hand liked a guy, but didnt want to say anything to parents because of what they had already been through.
anyway told them, families met, got on really well, they left it a while before they got engaged so they cd get to know each other. then had a long engagement, year and a half.
then got married. happy together, thank god and are now expecting their first child. he tries extra hard with her parents to make up for their other son in law.
it works both ways, but best to have family's approval and not to rush into anything.
Submitted by Dawud on 13 December, 2005 - 21:44 #41
LilSis what do you mean, "the guy's family was beating on her (as well as the guy)"
These things aren't doing wonders for my anger restraint.
—
Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.
Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes
Submitted by *DUST* on 13 December, 2005 - 21:45 #42
"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:
but u know whats shocking-this girl dating her fiancee for about 5 years
both parents knew-
parents had decided to wed them when they both finish Uni
...and after FIVE odd years of dating the girl didnt know that her man was capable of raising his hands
"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:
guys she wasnt dating him :roll:
so, who do we believe - lilsis or.... lilsis?
5 years is outrageous for an engagement. it just gets silly, wot u DO or DONT know about the person just gets mixed up after that long a time - say the girl fell for him in the first 6 months, so if she was in lurve from then on she would overlook any bad changes in his character.
—
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Submitted by fizzy1 on 13 December, 2005 - 21:48 #43
true, it is too long
but what about those who get engaged before they start studying, then agree to marry when they have finished?
IMO you should get married quickly after engagement.
Do all the searching before you get engaged.
When its time to get married, get engaged, and very quickly married.
Its a bad idea keeping someone in tow for years. People will chagne, the situations will change, and you know what asian families are like. Engaged is as good as married. I something goes wrong, there will still be hell to pay, so why set up for a fall? Get over and done with it.
—
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Submitted by *DUST* on 13 December, 2005 - 21:53 #45
"Admin" wrote:
IMO you should get married quickly after engagement.
Do all the searching before you get engaged.
When its time to get married, get engaged, and very quickly married.
Its a bad idea keeping someone in tow for years. People will chagne, the situations will change, and you know what asian families are like. Engaged is as good as married. I something goes wrong, there will still be hell to pay, so why set up for a fall? Get over and done with it.
well said. i agree.
—
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
Submitted by fizzy1 on 13 December, 2005 - 22:08 #46
i agree
but sometimes it may be a good idea to get them engaged before they go to uni, then they are less likely to misbehave.
If they are engaged, why not get over and done with it in a timely manner?
—
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Submitted by star on 13 December, 2005 - 22:18 #48
"Admin" wrote:
IMO you should get married quickly after engagement.
true...otherwise u get yourself caught in a TRAP and you cant get over next man you fall for unintentionally
Submitted by fizzy1 on 13 December, 2005 - 22:19 #49
5 years is outrageous for an engagement. it just gets silly, wot u DO or DONT know about the person just gets mixed up after that long a time - say the girl fell for him in the first 6 months, so if she was in lurve from then on she would overlook any bad changes in his character.
u can call it "dating" or "getting to know him with parents blessings"
the reason they never got married ASAP was cos they were both doing their GCSE parents wanted both to graduate first
Submitted by Medarris on 13 December, 2005 - 22:55 #51
shudnt be falling for next mans if you aint gonna marry em and make em happy.
—
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
Submitted by star on 13 December, 2005 - 23:02 #52
things happen unintentionally, BUT meeting another person could also be the best thing happenin even if its ONLY for a short time
Submitted by Medarris on 13 December, 2005 - 23:10 #53
maybe.
—
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
Submitted by star on 13 December, 2005 - 23:17 #54
whats the best present u can give to your husband? anyone
Submitted by Medarris on 13 December, 2005 - 23:23 #55
speaking as a man, the best present my wife could give me is to love me more than any1 else (not including ALLAH & Rasul salallahu alayhi wa sallam).
Her marrying me and loving me more than any1 else would be the best gift. Followed by chastity and loyalty to me. Nothing more. Not food or washing or ironing. Love and loyalty.
Whats the best present you can give to your wife? anyone.
—
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
Submitted by *DUST* on 13 December, 2005 - 23:36 #56
"naj" wrote:
things happen unintentionally, BUT meeting another person could also be the best thing happenin even if its ONLY for a short time
plz explain... not sure i get wot u mean.
—
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
That girl’s story made my heart feel heavy. It’s terrifying the ordeal that some people have to go through.
I was just speaking to my parents…they were telling me about the importance of tolerance, Sabr and compromise.
I don’t know..
The thing is, girls in this country have been brought up in a very pampered, loving way. They’ve been treated like “princesses” by their fathers. So, obviously for such girls it’s so hard to tolerate being treated like crap by others…
Part of the solution is to live separately… sometimes people get along a lot better if they don’t live under one roof. Top scholars have also recommended this.
Its so dangerous to be deluded in love. Love really IS blind. It makes one oblivious to the faults of their beloved...if someone criticises their love, that individual is quick to jump in their defence..and thats WRONG....I really don't understand how one can get to "know" someone for so many years and still be oblivious to their faults...
Anyways, I’m babbling here. All I cant say is the importance of character and deen in a partner can not be emphasised enough. I think there was a hadith (I’m paraphrasing here) which basically said to marry someone with good character and deen…so that even if he dislikes/hates her he will never be cruel to her.
she spent five years loved up instead of actually getting to know what that guy is like, what he expects from her etc
its impossible for me to beleive that u can be close to someone for so many years and not know the person
Submitted by laila on 14 December, 2005 - 13:06 #59
its possible lilsis its also possible to go through you're whole life and not know your partner - it's called delusion.
ever heard of those women or men that live all their lives with one person and when the person dies or one significant event happens then they find out he she has been living another complete different life ie like having a wife somewhere else or committing crimes?
Submitted by yashmaki on 14 December, 2005 - 15:45 #60
Sometimes you can be married to a person for a few years and then things go wrong. Not because you never knew the person but because ppl change it's a natural part of life. We mature, we get new tastes, we have new ambitions. And if the other partner doesn't change or wants to remain the same then the problems can begin.
i mean you can't expect for you or your husband to be the same person you were from 22 to 32, time changes ppl. If you learn to grow together. Compromise, keep the lines of communication open that helps. Most relationships break down coz ppl stop talking, and if they do talk they just yell at each other.
makes sense to me and my family
BUT what scares me is that thats what that girl did too for FIVE bloody years
how could she have not clocked what he's really like
he was possibly tryna lure her for 5 years, and in the process, concealing his true self?
why, i dont know
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
so does the fault lie in him being so clever
or the girl being so naive and blinded in love?
God knows
but personally...I think I would have clocked what a person is REALLY like after being with them for five years
who wouldnt?
true
the fault lies with both
but sumtymz u cant blame her - depends on how good the guy was
OR
if he changed for sum reason
which is a possibility - could have joined some Caveman organisations....and The End for the wife as we know it
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
surely he wasnt like that all the time
i mean maybe he changed
a friend of mine said he knows a couple, they were together through uni, then got married when they left.
were happy together, have children. been married for 10 years and he now beats her. she took the kids and i think is planning to get a divorce.
he wasnt like that when they started seeing each other, but gradually changed over time.
Fizzy dont depress me any further
we've been with that girls family all evening
u think u know someone but u dont-
Maybe I will be happier living on my own with 50 cats :?
lol
what you gotta remember is that there are happy marriages as well
but the messed up ones always seem to stick out more for some reason
marriage - you make it what it is IMO, but sometimes theres things outta your hands true.....but its all a test of character
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
im going to tell you a story. are you sitting comfortably???
there was one girl who wanted to marry a guy. he considered himself religious, and likened himself to the Taliban, make of that what you will.
anyway the family did not approve. she was adamant she wd marry him.
when they went to set the date, he was foul and rude to her uncle, who was much respected.
the family had second thoughts about him, they didnt want some one so disrespectful in their family.
she ran away that nite, stayed with a friend and said she wd not come home until they promised to get them married.
silly girl you may say, after what he was like to her family, but the family agreed as they were afraid she may not come back and may do something shameful.
begrudgingly they let them get married.
after marriage the son in law continued to cause problems for the family, wd follow the sister home, poured paint stripper over her car three times, argued with her father and gave him a black eye, police were also involved.
they now have a child and both families have started talking again, but still distant with him.
moral of the story?? sometimes the family can see that the person is bad for you/for the family, but the person getting married can be stubborn and refuse to see it.
lol
i thawt there was gonna be a twist or sumfin!!
thats jus plain stupid on both sides
such people i guess deserve each other
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
the above girl's sister on the other hand liked a guy, but didnt want to say anything to parents because of what they had already been through.
anyway told them, families met, got on really well, they left it a while before they got engaged so they cd get to know each other. then had a long engagement, year and a half.
then got married. happy together, thank god and are now expecting their first child. he tries extra hard with her parents to make up for their other son in law.
it works both ways, but best to have family's approval and not to rush into anything.
LilSis what do you mean, "the guy's family was beating on her (as well as the guy)"
These things aren't doing wonders for my anger restraint.
Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.
Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes
so, who do we believe - lilsis or.... lilsis?
5 years is outrageous for an engagement. it just gets silly, wot u DO or DONT know about the person just gets mixed up after that long a time - say the girl fell for him in the first 6 months, so if she was in lurve from then on she would overlook any bad changes in his character.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
true, it is too long
but what about those who get engaged before they start studying, then agree to marry when they have finished?
how long is acceptable?
IMO you should get married quickly after engagement.
Do all the searching before you get engaged.
When its time to get married, get engaged, and very quickly married.
Its a bad idea keeping someone in tow for years. People will chagne, the situations will change, and you know what asian families are like. Engaged is as good as married. I something goes wrong, there will still be hell to pay, so why set up for a fall? Get over and done with it.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
well said. i agree.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
i agree
but sometimes it may be a good idea to get them engaged before they go to uni, then they are less likely to misbehave.
or do you think im wrong?
They will be just as likely to misbehave IMO.
But will try to keep it under wraps a bit more.
If they are engaged, why not get over and done with it in a timely manner?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
true...otherwise u get yourself caught in a TRAP and you cant get over next man you fall for unintentionally
ok
guess it can back fire on you
u can call it "dating" or "getting to know him with parents blessings"
the reason they never got married ASAP was cos they were both doing their GCSE parents wanted both to graduate first
shudnt be falling for next mans if you aint gonna marry em and make em happy.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
things happen unintentionally, BUT meeting another person could also be the best thing happenin even if its ONLY for a short time
maybe.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
whats the best present u can give to your husband? anyone
speaking as a man, the best present my wife could give me is to love me more than any1 else (not including ALLAH & Rasul salallahu alayhi wa sallam).
Her marrying me and loving me more than any1 else would be the best gift. Followed by chastity and loyalty to me. Nothing more. Not food or washing or ironing. Love and loyalty.
Whats the best present you can give to your wife? anyone.
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
That girl’s story made my heart feel heavy. It’s terrifying the ordeal that some people have to go through.
I was just speaking to my parents…they were telling me about the importance of tolerance, Sabr and compromise.
I don’t know..
The thing is, girls in this country have been brought up in a very pampered, loving way. They’ve been treated like “princesses” by their fathers. So, obviously for such girls it’s so hard to tolerate being treated like crap by others…
Part of the solution is to live separately… sometimes people get along a lot better if they don’t live under one roof. Top scholars have also recommended this.
Its so dangerous to be deluded in love. Love really IS blind. It makes one oblivious to the faults of their beloved...if someone criticises their love, that individual is quick to jump in their defence..and thats WRONG....I really don't understand how one can get to "know" someone for so many years and still be oblivious to their faults...
Anyways, I’m babbling here. All I cant say is the importance of character and deen in a partner can not be emphasised enough. I think there was a hadith (I’m paraphrasing here) which basically said to marry someone with good character and deen…so that even if he dislikes/hates her he will never be cruel to her.
IMO the girl was blinded in love
she overlooked too many flaws
she spent five years loved up instead of actually getting to know what that guy is like, what he expects from her etc
its impossible for me to beleive that u can be close to someone for so many years and not know the person
its possible lilsis its also possible to go through you're whole life and not know your partner - it's called delusion.
ever heard of those women or men that live all their lives with one person and when the person dies or one significant event happens then they find out he she has been living another complete different life ie like having a wife somewhere else or committing crimes?
Sometimes you can be married to a person for a few years and then things go wrong. Not because you never knew the person but because ppl change it's a natural part of life. We mature, we get new tastes, we have new ambitions. And if the other partner doesn't change or wants to remain the same then the problems can begin.
i mean you can't expect for you or your husband to be the same person you were from 22 to 32, time changes ppl. If you learn to grow together. Compromise, keep the lines of communication open that helps. Most relationships break down coz ppl stop talking, and if they do talk they just yell at each other.
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