It is the West and Arab regimes that have waged war against Tehran for decades, not the other way around.

This series is a collaboration between Dr. Ali and MuslimMatters, bringing Quranic wisdom to the questions Muslim families are navigating.

The Silent Crisis

The question Muslim teens are asking but not saying out loud:

“Where do I belong?”

• Not fully Muslim enough for the masjid (too American, too questioning, too struggling, too “whitewashed”)
• Not fully American enough for school (don’t vape, don’t date, don’t party, have a “Muslim name”)
• Not fully understood at home (parents don’t get what it’s like to be the only Muslim in the room)

Result: A generation of Muslim teens who feel completely alone even when surrounded by people.

And parents often don’t notice until it’s too late.

The Data We Can’t Ignore

Recent studies on young people in America show:

• 61% of young adults (ages 18-25) report profound loneliness – the highest of any generation (Harvard, 2021)
• 56% of Muslim students report feeling more stressed than their non-Muslim peers (ISPU)
• 41% of young adult American Muslims DON’T feel safe at night walking in their local communities (Gallup, cited in ISPU study) which is an indicator of loneliness (walking alone)

These statistics are very troubling, but let me say the quiet part out loud—we don’t have nearly enough data on what our kids are going through right now. Talk to any Muslim youth director, school counselor, or imam working with teens. They’ll tell you the same thing:

Muslim teens today report epidemic levels of loneliness and struggle. The patterns are consistent:

• Feeling “different” or isolated at school
• Having no close friends who understand their religious identity
• Experiencing isolation even within Muslim spaces

This isn’t just a few teens. This is a pattern emerging across Muslim communities nationwide. I can absolutely testify to this.

Why this matters:

Loneliness doesn’t just hurt emotionally. It’s a gateway:

• To compromising Islamic values just to fit in
• To abandoning religious practice to avoid standing out
• To staying in toxic friendships because “at least it’s something”
• To depression, anxiety, and in severe cases, self-harm

Your teen’s loneliness is not a character flaw. It’s a structural reality of being Muslim in the West.

And it needs to be addressed, not dismissed.

The Story of Salman al-Farisi

Salman experienced loneliness at a level most of us can’t imagine:

His Journey:

• Born to a prestigious Persian family who were guardians of the sacred Zoroastrian fire
• Left everything—family, wealth, homeland—searching for truth
• Traveled from Christian teacher to Christian teacher
• Each teacher died, sending him to the next, with the last encouraging him to find the last Prophet who was prophesied to emerge in that era in the “land of the date palms”
• Finally reached Medina, but was betrayed and sold into slavery
• Couldn’t even attend the Prophet’s ﷺ gatherings because he was enslaved and had to work

The loneliness elements:

• No family (left them voluntarily)
• No country (Persia → various Christian lands → Arabia)
• No freedom (enslaved)
• No community (outsider everywhere)
• Different ethnicity and language (Persian among Arabs)

Salman was the ultimate outsider.

The Ayah That Changes Everything

Surat Al-Jumu’ah 62:2-3:

“Allah is the One Who raised for the unlettered people a messenger from among themselves—reciting to them His revelations, purifying them, and teaching them the Book and wisdom, for indeed they had previously been clearly astray—and others of them who have not yet joined them in faith…”

The Companions asked: Who are these “others”?

The Prophet ﷺ placed his hand on Salman’s shoulder and said:

“If faith were at the Pleiades (the stars), a man from among these people would find a way to get there.” (Bukhari)

What Salman’s Story Teaches Us

1. Loneliness is preparation, not punishment

Salman’s lonely years weren’t wasted. They were formative.

That’s where he:

• Developed deep knowledge (studied multiple religions, recognized truth when he saw it)
• Built character through service (even as a slave, he served)
• Refined his persistence (never gave up the search despite repeated loss)

When he finally found the Prophet ﷺ, he was ready—because the journey had prepared him.

For your teen: This lonely season isn’t meaningless. It’s building them for something they can’t see yet.

2. “Not yet joined them” doesn’t mean “never will”

The ayah says “others who have not yet joined them”—not “never will,” but “not yet.”

This is your teen’s reality:

• They haven’t found their people YET
• They don’t fully belong anywhere YET
• But “yet” implies it’s coming

Salman wandered for years before finding the Prophet ﷺ. But he did find him and he also found belonging. Even a superficial study of Salman’s life shows how beloved and deeply respected he was among his Muslim brothers in Madinah.

3. Allah sees the outsiders

The fact that Allah included 62:3 in the Quran—explicitly mentioning those who “have not yet joined”—means:

Allah sees the outsiders. He has a plan for them. They’re not just part of the story, but they also play major roles.

Your teen who feels like they don’t fit? Allah has already written them into the narrative of Islam.

Warning Signs Your Teen Is Struggling with Loneliness

Behavioral:

• Increased screen time (escaping into social media or gaming)
• Withdrawal from family
• Reluctance to attend Islamic events or youth programs
• Declining grades despite ability
• Sleeping excessively (fatigue from emotional pain)

Emotional:

• Irritability or mood swings
• Comments like “Nobody gets me” or “I don’t fit in anywhere”
• Lack of enthusiasm about previously enjoyed activities
• Mentions of feeling “invisible” or “forgotten”
• Self-deprecating humor that’s actually a cry for help

Social:

• No close friends (or only online friends)
• Avoiding social situations
• Staying in toxic friendships out of desperation
• Being the “whitewashed” kid at the masjid, the “weird Muslim” at school

Spiritual:

• Pulling away from Islamic practice
• Questioning faith, not out of curiosity, but out of alienation
• “Why be Muslim if it just makes me a target for bullying, ridicule, etc.?”

What Parents Can Do

1. Validate the feeling—don’t minimize it

Don’t say:

• “You have us! You’re not alone.”
• “Just make friends at the masjid.”
• “Other kids have it worse.”

Do say:

• “I can see that this is really hard. I want to know more about what you’re going through.”
• “Being the only Muslim in your school must be exhausting.”
• “It’s okay to feel lonely. That doesn’t mean something’s wrong with you though.”

2. Understand the double isolation

Your teen isn’t just lonely at school. They’re also lonely at the masjid.

At school: Too Muslim (doesn’t party, doesn’t date) At masjid: Not Muslim enough (too American, doesn’t speak the language, “whitewashed”)

This double rejection is uniquely painful.

Don’t dismiss concerns about the masjid community with “but they’re Muslim, you should feel comfortable there.”

A personal plea and a challenge:

Sometimes the masjid is actually WHERE the isolation happens. I have counseled young people who literally have PTSD, a condition that normally happens as a result of war, due to experiences at Islamic school or exclusion at the masjid! I don’t have the words for this.

I can almost guarantee you that the next time you’re at the masjid, the Islamic school, or even the college campus that you will see someone off by themselves. Why don’t you be the person to welcome them into your group, or offer to be their friend. I urge you, by Allah, to remember the words of our Prophet ﷺ:

“The most beloved people to Allah are those who are most beneficial to people. The most beloved deed to Allah is to make another Muslim happy, or remove one of their troubles, or forgive their debt, or feed their hunger….” (al-Mu’jam al-Awsaṭ lil-Ṭabarāni—authenticated by al-Albani)

If you do nothing more this Ramadan than to show kindness to another Muslim desperately in need of friendship, I strongly believe that you will have made an eternally strong case for admission to the pleasure of Allah, more than months on end of worship. We cannot abandon one another like this my dear brothers and sisters. Please, don’t be the person to reject the friendship of another Muslim and push them into isolation.

3. Help them build community—don’t just tell them to find it

Passive: “You should make Muslim friends.”

Active:

• Host other Muslim families with teens
• Drive them to youth programs and stay involved
• Connect them with Muslim students at local universities
• Help them start something (study group, Quran circle, service project, online blog, faceless YouTube channel)
• Encourage digital community building (halal Discord servers (like shuksi!), Islamic study groups online)

Lonely teens don’t need advice. They need to feel a sense of belonging.

4. Reframe loneliness as formative, not punitive

Share Salman’s story with your teen.

Key points:

• He was alone for YEARS before finding the Prophet ﷺ
• Those years built the skills and character he’d need later
• The Prophet ﷺ honored him uniquely
• His outsider status didn’t disqualify him—it positioned him uniquely

Ask: “What if this lonely season is preparing you for greatness you can’t see yet?”

5. Point them to purpose

Salman’s loneliness was bearable because he had a mission: find truth.

Help your teen find theirs:

• What do they care about? (Justice, environment, education, helping others?)
• How can they serve right now? (Even small acts build connection)
• What are they building toward?

Purpose heals loneliness more than socializing does.

6. Model healthy solitude vs. loneliness

Show them the difference:

• Loneliness: Painful isolation, feeling unwanted
• Solitude: Chosen alone time for growth, reflection, worship

Share your own experiences:

• “I felt really alone in college too. Here’s what helped…”
• “Sometimes I need time alone to recharge. It’s different from loneliness.”

The Prophet ﷺ spent nights alone in worship. Solitude with Allah is different from isolation from people.

The Ayah Every Lonely Teen Needs

Surat Ash-Sharh, 94:5-6:

“For truly, with hardship comes ease. Truly, with that hardship comes more ease.”

Repeated twice for emphasis.

Not “after” hardship. With hardship.

Meaning: Even now, in your teen’s loneliest moment, ease is being prepared. They just can’t see it yet.

This lonely season will not last forever. And when it ends, they’ll look back and see it wasn’t wasted—it was formative.

Just like Salman.

Discussion Questions for Families

For Teens:

1. Where do you feel most alone? What would help you feel less isolated there?
2. If you could design your ideal community, what would it look like?
3. What is this lonely season teaching you about yourself?

For Parents:

1. Did you experience loneliness as a teen or young adult? How did you navigate it?
2. Are you helping your teen build community, or just telling them to find it?
3. How can you create more space for honest conversation about this?

For Discussion Together:

1. What can our family do to help build Muslim community for young people?
2. How can we use this season productively rather than just waiting for it to end?
3. What does Salman’s story teach us about purpose in isolation?

The Bottom Line

Salman al-Farisi was alone for years.

No family. No country. No freedom. Different ethnicity. Different language.

And yet: Allah wrote him into the Quran. The Prophet ﷺ honored him as a forerunner of other converts who would contribute greatly to Islam. He became one of the greatest Companions.

His lonely years weren’t wasted. They were preparation.

Your teen’s lonely season is the same.

Continue the Journey

This is Night 12 of Dr. Ali’s 30-part Ramadan series, “30 Nights with the Quran: Stories for the Seeking Soul.”

Tomorrow, insha Allah: Night 13 – “Forgiveness When It’s Really, Really Hard”

For daily extended reflections: https://30nightswithquran.beehiiv.com/

 

SOURCES:

1. Institute for Social Policy and Understanding (ISPU) – Multiple studies including:
   • Young Adult American-Born Muslims and Mental Health (2016)
   • State of American Muslim Youth (2015)
   • Various surveys on bullying and discrimination
2. World Health Organization (WHO) – Loneliness report (2025), cited in Education Week
3. Harvard Graduate School of Education – Young adult loneliness survey (2021)
4. Mental Health Challenges for American Muslim Youth in an Age of Terrorism – Qualitative study (n=70, ages 12-18)

Related:

When Love Hurts: What You Need to Know About Toxic Relationships | Night 11 with the Qur’an

30 Nights with the Qur’an: A Ramadan Series for Muslim Teens

The post I’m So Lonely! The Crisis Muslim Parents Are Missing | Night 12 with the Qur’an appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Imam Shuaib Din was not hit by multiple shots fired by Abdul Raouf Afridi, who ambushed him outside his home

A man has been arrested for recently shooting a gun at prominent Muslim leader Imam Shuaib Din in Utah, the police department in the city of Sandy said Saturday.

Din’s suspected attacker was identified as Abdul Raouf Afridi. Police said the man was arrested on 12 counts of aggravated assault, including felony discharge of a firearm, possession of a controlled substance, dangerous discharge of a weapon from a vehicle and possession of a dangerous weapon as a prohibited person.

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For much of the ongoing genocide, Baker Abu Safia was the only surgeon in northern Gaza.

A historic polling shift reveals Americans increasingly backing Palestinians over Israelis.

This series is a collaboration between Dr. Ali and MuslimMatters, bringing Quranic wisdom to the questions Muslim families are navigating.

The Relationship Nobody Talks About

Muslim parents worry about haram relationships—romantic ones, primarily.

But the toxic relationships destroying Muslim teens are often:

• Controlling friendships
• Emotionally manipulative “situationships”
• Bullying relationships disguised as friendship
• Family relationships with toxic dynamics
• And yes—sometimes romantic relationships

The Quran addresses all of these.

And it does so through the most heartbreaking story of parental love in Islamic history.

The Story of Nuh & His Son

Prophet Nuh ﷺ preached for 950 years. He endured mockery, rejection, and isolation.

But his greatest pain? His own son.

As the flood came, Nuh saw his son refusing to board the ark. He called to him desperately. His son refused.

And then Allah said words that shatter every parent’s heart:

قَالَ يَـٰنُوحُ إِنَّهُۥ لَيْسَ مِنْ أَهْلِكَ ۖ إِنَّهُۥ عَمَلٌ غَيْرُ صَـٰلِحٍۢ

“He is not of your family. He is of unrighteous conduct.” [Surat Hud 11:46]

What this teaches:

• Even the purest love has limits
• You cannot force someone to be saved
• Your responsibility to your own soul is real
• Walking away—when someone is determined to drown—is sometimes the only option

Warning Signs of Toxic Relationships for Parents to Know

1. Isolation: Your teen is pulling away from family, friends, and the masjid community.

• “They don’t like my friends anyway”
• “My family just doesn’t understand”
• Sudden withdrawal from activities they used to love

2. Mood Changes Tied to One Person: Their emotional state is entirely dependent on one person’s behavior.

• Constantly checking their phone anxiously
• Devastated by this one person’s disapproval
• Extreme highs and lows tied to one relationship

3. Changed Values: They’re doing things that contradict their Islamic values to please someone.

• Crossing physical boundaries
• Lying to family about whereabouts
• Abandoning religious practice to “fit” the relationship

4. Excessive Guilt and Self-Blame: They’re constantly apologizing for things that aren’t their fault.

• “I made them angry”
• “If I were better, they wouldn’t treat me this way.”
• Walking on eggshells around one person

5. Fear of Ending It: They know it’s wrong, but are afraid to leave.

• “They’ll hurt themselves if I go. They told me they’ll commit suicide.” (Note: If someone threatens suicide, tell a trusted adult immediately. You are not responsible for their choices, and threats of self-harm are a form of manipulation, not love.)
• “They need me”
• Fear of physical reaction to departure

The Islamic Framework: Harm Is Not Love

The Prophet ﷺ said:

“There shall be no causing harm and no receiving of harm.” (Ibn Majah)

This principle applies to every relationship:

• Friendships
• Romantic relationships
• Even family relationships

If a relationship is consistently causing harm:

• Spiritually (pulling from Allah)
• Emotionally (controlling, manipulating, diminishing)
• Physically (any form of violence)

Islam gives not just permission, but responsibility to remove that harm.

What Parents Can Do

1. Create a safe environment for disclosure

Your teen won’t tell you about a toxic relationship if they fear:

• You’ll overreact
• You’ll blame them
• You’ll “fix it” without consulting them
• You’ll use it against them later

Say: “Whatever you’re going through, I want you to come to me first. No judgment. No immediate action without your input. Just me, listening.”

2. Ask better questions

Not: “Are you in a relationship?” (They’ll lie)

But: “Is there anyone in your life right now who makes you feel bad about yourself? Anyone who tries to control what you do?”

3. Know the warning signs

The list above is your checklist. If you see 3 or more, have a gentle conversation.

4. Don’t force a sudden exit

Forced exits from toxic relationships—especially if the other person is controlling or threatening—can be dangerous.

Work with your teen, not over them.

5. Get professional support

A Muslim counselor or therapist can provide what a parent often can’t: professional tools for navigating this safely.

For Teens: The Permission You’ve Been Waiting For

You are allowed to leave.

You are allowed to leave even if:

• They say they love you
• They had a difficult past
• They’ll be devastated
• You’ve been together a long time
• People will judge you

The Prophet ﷺ never caused harm to anyone. And he never condoned harm being caused to anyone.

What you’re experiencing is not love. Love builds. Love respects. Love makes you better.

What you deserve:

• To be seen, not controlled
• To be respected, not belittled
• To be built up, not broken down
• To be loved in a way that brings you closer to Allah, not further

Nuh didn’t abandon his love for his son when he let him go.

He released what he couldn’t control.

You can too.

Discussion Questions for Families

For Teens:

1. Is there a relationship in your life—friendship or otherwise—that consistently makes you feel worse about yourself?
2. Are you staying in anything out of fear or guilt rather than genuine love?
3. Do you feel like you could tell your parents if someone was treating you badly?

 

For Parents:

1. Have you created an environment where your teen would tell you about a toxic relationship?
2. Are you watching for the warning signs listed above?
3. Do you have a Muslim counselor or therapist you trust who could help your teen if needed?

For Discussion Together:

1. What’s the difference between a difficult relationship and a toxic one?
2. How does the story of Nuh and his son change how you think about love and limits?

What would you do if someone you loved was hurting you?

Continue the Journey

This is Night 11 of Dr. Ali’s 30-part Ramadan series, “30 Nights with the Quran: Stories for the Seeking Soul.”

Tomorrow, insha Allah: Night 12 – “Loneliness & Finding Your People”

For daily extended reflections: https://30nightswithquran.beehiiv.com

Related:

I Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone | Night 10 with the Qur’an

30 Nights with the Qur’an: A Ramadan Series for Muslim Teens

The post When Love Hurts: What You Need to Know About Toxic Relationships | Night 11 with the Qur’an appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

PM criticises ‘sectarian politics’ in byelection but party may fear Greens’ nascent leftwing political machine

The Green party’s success at winning Muslim votes in Gorton and Denton has sent tremors through Westminster, prompting recriminations and accusations from opposition parties, who sense another major realignment in British politics.

Experts say Hannah Spencer’s unexpectedly wide margin of victory was delivered in part by a significant shift of Muslim voters from Labour to the Greens.

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Two Palestinian teenagers shot and killed by Israeli soldiers, settlers in West Bank.

The astroturf group’s strategy event had the theme ‘evolve’ – but its speakers want to take the country back to the past

• Get our breaking news email, free app or daily news podcast

Last weekend, the astroturf body Advance Australia held its first national conference in Darling Harbour. Contrary to its theme, “evolve”, what leaked recordings of the speeches reveal is that Advance wants to return Australians to a mythical past.

At a time when Australian politicians and certain members of the commentariat are lecturing us about “social cohesion”, Advance’s messaging was a reminder that our definition of hate speech often depends a lot on who does the speaking.

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I am, like millions of others, dutifully fasting from dawn to dusk this month. My faith does not define me. It refines me

• Nazir Afzal is chancellor of the University of Manchester and a former chief prosecutor

As Ramadan begins, Muslims across Britain prepare for a month of fasting, reflection and charity. For most of us, it is a time of spiritual discipline and generosity. For too many of us, it is also a time when the drumbeat of anti-Muslim hatred grows louder.

I have never liked the word “Islamophobia”. It sounds abstract, almost clinical. What we are dealing with is not a vague fear. It is hostility. Suspicion. Discrimination. Abuse. So, I call it what it is, anti-Muslim hatred.

Nazir Afzal is chancellor of the University of Manchester and a former chief prosecutor

Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here.

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This series is a collaboration between Dr. Ali and MuslimMatters, bringing Quranic wisdom to the questions Muslim families are navigating.

The Conversation Nobody’s Having

Here’s a scene playing out in Muslim homes across the world:

Teen: silently struggling with a crush, consumed by guilt, convinced they’re a bad Muslim

Parent: oblivious, assuming their teen “isn’t like that,” avoiding the conversation because it’s uncomfortable

Result: Teen either spirals into guilt-driven despair or abandons halal boundaries entirely because nobody gave them a framework.

Both outcomes are preventable.

But prevention requires a conversation most Muslim parents are avoiding.

What Your Teen Actually Needs to Hear

1. Having feelings isn’t a sin.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَجَاوَزَ عَنْ أُمَّتِي مَا حَدَّثَتْ بِهِ أَنْفُسَهَا مَا لَمْ تَعْمَلْ بِهِ أَوْ تَكَلَّمْ

“Allah has forgiven my ummah for what occurs in their minds, as long as they don’t act on it or speak of it.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Your teen needs to hear this—from you, not just from a screen.

2. Islam has a framework for managing attraction.

It’s not just “don’t do haram things.” It’s:

• Lower your gaze (practically, including digitally)
• Fast to diminish desire
• Pursue marriage through halal means when ready
• Build taqwa as a genuine protection

3. Silence on this topic is dangerous.

When Muslim parents don’t address attraction, teens get their framework from:

• Non-Muslim peers
• Social media
• Trial and error

None of these produce Islamic outcomes.

The Three Stages of Attraction

Islamic scholarship identifies three distinct stages:

Stage 1: The Initial Glance: Involuntary. Completely forgiven. The Prophet ﷺ taught: “The first glance is forgiven; the second is not.” (Abu Dawud)

Stage 2: The Lingering (or second) Gaze: Choice enters here. This is what “lower your gaze” addresses.

Stage 3: Feeding the Feeling: Instagram stalking. Unnecessary contact. Obsessive daydreaming. This is where most teens actually struggle—and where parental guidance is most needed.

Understanding these stages helps teens shift from: “I’m a bad Muslim for feeling this” (unhelpful guilt)

To: “What am I actually doing with this feeling?” (productive taqwa)

What “Lowering the Gaze” Means in 2026

Classical scholars defined this as avoiding the intentional lustful stare.

In 2026, it also means:

Digitally:

• Unfollowing accounts that feed attraction
• Not stalking their social media
• Muting posts that become obsessive

Socially:

• Not engineering situations to be near them
• Maintaining appropriate group settings
• Avoiding private conversations that cross lines

Mentally:

• Redirecting intrusive thoughts with dhikr
• Not building elaborate fantasies
• Replacing mental dwelling with productive action

This is practical guidance your teen can actually implement.

The Prophetic Prescriptions

The Prophet ﷺ gave two specific prescriptions for managing attraction:

1. Marriage:

“We do not see for those who love one another anything better than marriage.” (Ibn Majah)

For teens at marriageable age: Help them pursue this if possible. Don’t make marriage so inaccessible that haram becomes the only option. Yes, you were able to wait until you were in your late 20’s or early 30’s because your society has guardrails that are no longer present. Your kids are growing up in a society where phone apps are available, and sadly very popular, whose only purpose is to find someone to have sex with that night! You’re asking them to be chaste, so help them, please.

2. Fasting:

“Whoever can afford to marry, let him do so. And whoever cannot, let him fast, for it diminishes desire.” (Bukhari)

Fasting isn’t just for Ramadan. It’s a genuine prescription for managing desire. Encourage your teen to fast regularly—Mondays and Thursdays, or the three middle days of each month, or even more often. It works well and extinguishes desire when no other option is available.

For Parents: The Conversation to Have

What to say:

“I know this might feel weird, but I want you to know that having feelings for someone is completely normal and completely human. Islam doesn’t pretend that those feelings don’t exist—it gives us a framework for navigating them with dignity. I want to be the person you can talk to about this, not someone you have to hide it from.”

What NOT to say:

• “Don’t even think about that”
• “Good Muslims don’t have those feelings”
• “You shouldn’t be thinking about this at your age”
• “Just make du’a and it’ll go away”

These responses:

• Increase shame without providing tools
• Make you the last person they’ll come to
• Leave them alone with something they need guidance for

The Marriage Conversation

Here’s something most Muslim parents in the West avoid:

Early marriage isn’t the problem. Inaccessible marriage is.

When we make marriage:

• Financially impossible until 30+
• Culturally restricted to specific ethnicities
• Dependent on career completion
• Laden with expensive cultural expectations

Funny story: One of my medical school colleagues, a wonderful and handsome young man, wanted to get married. He had actually grown up around a sister who was a close family friend, and they eventually developed feelings for each other. Same ethnic background, two families that already liked one another, and two people who matched on so many levels. It was the perfect story! So, the young man’s mother approached the girl’s mother and proposed. The girl’s mother accepted immediately and was overjoyed. Then they came to a discussion of the mahr (dowry). The boy’s mother said she was uncertain how to approach this topic, but the girl’s mother responded with surprise saying, “Why? The matter is very clear from the Quran. When Musa wanted to get married, the girl’s father proposed that he should work for him for 8-10 years! So, your son should pay the equivalent of 8 years worth of salary as the dowry (which would have amounted to over 300k USD at the time). Easy.” Needless to say, the marriage never happened (this is NOT the Islamic stance on setting the dowry either), despite everything lining up so perfectly, because of cultural greed the likes of which are truly astonishing.

Sadly, too often we’re creating a 10-15 year gap between when attraction happens and when marriage becomes “acceptable.”

And then we’re surprised when teens, and our young adults, struggle with halal behavior or go off and get married to non-Muslims.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• Am I making marriage accessible for my teen when they’re ready?
• Am I prioritizing cultural expectations over Islamic guidance?
• Would I rather my child pursue halal marriage at age 20 or turn to haram?

This isn’t a call to marry off your 15-year-old.

It’s a call to have honest conversations about marriage as a real, accessible option—not a distant goal dependent on impossible prerequisites.

The Taqwa Framework

Ultimately, here’s what Islam teaches:

Attraction is human. Taqwa is the protection.

Not only willpower. Not shame. Not only avoidance of difficult situations.

Taqwa—genuine God-consciousness—that makes you not WANT to compromise what Allah has for you.

When your teen has a strong enough relationship with Allah:

• Halal behavior becomes natural, not forced
• They genuinely want what Allah wants for them

This is why Week 1 (Identity) matters for Week 2 (Relationships).

A teen who knows who they are before Allah won’t need to compromise their values for the approval of someone they’re attracted to.

But, don’t mistake this point for what it’s not. We can’t say that a young person who is struggling with desire “just needs to have taqwa”. Taqwa will carry them and protect them, yes, but desire is human and Allah created that as something natural, with halal channels. Taqwa won’t extinguish desire. We’re not monks, right?

Discussion Questions for Families

For Teens:

1. Have you been carrying guilt about feelings you never chose? How does tonight’s teaching change that?
2. Honestly assess: Are you managing attraction in a halal way? Or feeding it through social media, unnecessary contact, daydreaming, etc.?
3. Do you feel like you could talk to your parents about this? Why or why not?

For Parents:

1. Have you created space for your teen to come to you about attraction without shame?
2. Are your expectations around marriage realistic and accessible? Or have you made halal options feel impossible?
3. How do you model halal relationship boundaries in your own life?

For Discussion Together:

1. What does Islam’s framework for attraction tell us about how Allah designed human beings?
2. How can our family make halal options more accessible and less stigmatized?
3. What does “guarding your chastity” look like practically in our family’s specific context?

Continue the Journey

This is Night 10 of Dr. Ali’s 30-part Ramadan series, “30 Nights with the Quran: Stories for the Seeking Soul.”

Tomorrow, insha Allah: Night 11 – “Toxic Relationships & When to Walk Away”

For daily extended reflections with journaling prompts: https://30nightswithquran.beehiiv.com/

Related:

When to Walk Away from Toxic Friends | Night 9 with the Qur’an

30 Nights with the Qur’an: A Ramadan Series for Muslim Teens

The post I Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone | Night 10 with the Qur’an appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

[This narrative scene is excerpted from The Interrogation Vault trilogy. Set within a digital simulation of the first Hijrah to Abyssinia (Rajab, 5th year of the Prophetic mission), the story follows a protagonist and an extraterrestrial visitor as they analyze the strategic genius of the Prophet ﷺ. Together, they explore his mastery of ally selection, crisis management, and the crafting of ambassadors whose impact would echo through history.]

***

“And he didn’t send them to any land,” the alien continued. “He sent them to a Christian kingdom. To a just king. He knew Najāshi would listen.”

He turned to me.

“What does that tell you?”

“That he trusted justice wherever it was,” I replied.

“Yes,” the alien nodded. “But more than that—he understood diplomacy. He sought allies. Islam wasn’t retreating. It was extending.”

The scene shifted again.

We were in Abyssinia now—green hills rising above open plains, birds darting through eucalyptus groves. The Muslims stood before the throne of Najāshi, weary but dignified.

A hush fell over the court.

Then Ja‘far stepped forward.

And he spoke:

“We were a people in ignorance… until God sent us a messenger… who taught us to speak truth, to care for kin, to protect the weak…”

His voice echoed across the throne room like a prayer carried by wind.

I felt my throat tighten.

“He could have just recited theology,” the alien whispered. “Instead, he described transformation. The moral revolution that Islam was birthing.”

Then came the challenge.

Qurayshi envoys arrived—polished, persuasive, bearing bribes. “These are rebels,” they insisted. “Hand them over.”

Najāshi turned to the Muslims.

“Do you carry anything from what your Prophet has received?”

Ja‘far nodded.

And recited verses from Surah Maryam.

Tears shimmered down the king’s face. The simulation let us feel it—the hush of the court, the tremble of awe, the moment a Christian king defended Muslim refugees against his own nobles.

“These weren’t just migrants,” the alien said. “They were envoys. Their presence in Abyssinia laid the foundation for interfaith respect, for political leverage, for survival.”

I exhaled. “But it must have been… so hard.”

The alien gazed toward the hills.

“Fifteen years. Some never saw the Prophet ﷺ again. They missed Badr. Uhud. They prayed facing Jerusalem until word of the qiblah (direction) reached them months later.”

He paused.

“They were not forgotten. But they felt forgotten.”

The simulation pulled us into a quiet tent.

A woman wept silently as her child slept beside her.

“I miss him,” she whispered to no one. “I miss his voice.”

I felt a weight in my chest that no gravity could match.

“Why did they stay so long?” I asked.

“Because they understood that service to Islam isn’t always visible,” the alien replied. “Sometimes, it means guarding the future from afar. They were the insurance policy. The reserve. The seed in foreign soil.”

The scene faded.

“Today,” the alien said, “you remember Badr. Uhud. Khandaq. But do you remember the ones who left?”

I looked at the sea again.

“They didn’t fight with swords,” I said slowly. “But they fought with sacrifice.”

He nodded.

“And that is the harder jihad.”

He stepped forward.

“You call it Hijrah. But it was also Hikmah. Wisdom. Timing. Diplomacy. Trust. If Islam was only spiritual, none of this would have mattered. But it did. Because Islam was always a movement. And movements… must move.”

I didn’t speak.

The chamber was too full of farewells.

Too full of forgotten names who gave everything for a future they would never fully see.

Rain still fell.

But now I knew.

They weren’t drops.

They were prayers.

***

 

Related:

– NICOTINE – A Ramadan Story [Part 1]: With A Name Like Marijuana

– Lejla And The White Days [Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs] – A Short Story

 

 

The post Fifteen Years In The Shadows: The Strategic Brilliance Of The Hijrah To Abyssinia appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Some hearts enter Ramadan quietly — not because they lack faith, but because they lack a place to belong. Not everyone walks into the sacred month with a community waiting for them, a masjid that feels like home, or a circle of people who hold their presence with warmth.

Some believers arrive carrying a different kind of longing: the longing to be welcomed, to be seen, to be spiritually safe.

These are the uninvited hearts — the ones who love Allah deeply, yet often feel like strangers among His Creation.

And Ramadan, in its mercy, comes for them too.

The Month That Opens Its Doors to Everyone

Ramadan is not a gated community. It does not ask for credentials, popularity, or belonging. It does not require you to have a spiritual family or a perfect life.

It simply arrives — softly, generously, without conditions — and says: Come as you are.

Allah tells us in the Qur’an:

“And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.” [Surah Al-Baqarah: 2;186]

Near to the ones who feel left out. Near the ones who pray alone. Near to the ones who enter Ramadan with a heart that has been bruised by people but still reaches for Him.

When the World Doesn’t Invite You, Allah Does

There is a unique kind of worship that belongs to the uninvited heart.

The suhoor eaten in silence. The iftar made for one. The taraweeh prayed in a small room with no rows to join. The du‘ā’ whispered with no one to say “ameen” but the angels.

These acts are not lesser. They are not lacking. They are not lonely in the sight of Allah .

They are intimate. They are witnessed. They are beloved.

Sometimes Allah calls the Qur’an:

“O mankind, there has to come to you instruction from your Lord and healing for what is in the breasts and a guidance and a mercy for the believers.” [Surah Yunus: 10;57]

For the believer who feels spiritually displaced, the Qur’an becomes a home — a place where the heart is finally allowed to rest, to breathe, to belong.

In a world where people may overlook you, the Qur’an never does. In a month where others gather in circles, the Qur’an gathers you into its light.

A Du‘ā’ for the Uninvited Heart

There is a du‘ā’ that fits the ones who feel unseen, unheard, or unclaimed:

“And say, “My Lord, cause me to enter a sound entrance and to exit a sound exit and grant me from Yourself a supporting authority.”[Surah Al-‘Isra: 17;80]

A du‘ā’ for strength. For protection. For divine companionship when human companionship is scarce.

Let it be your anchor this Ramadan.

Ramadan as Your Sanctuary

If you enter this month feeling uninvited by people, know this:

Ramadan itself is your invitation.

It is the sanctuary Allah built for the hearts that wander. It is a refuge for the ones who feel spiritually homeless. It is the month that gathers the forgotten, the quiet, the tender, the unseen — and places them gently in the presence of God.

May this Ramadan be a sanctuary for your uninvited heart. May it soften what has hardened, heal what has been aching, and remind you that Allah’s Door is always open — even when every other door feels closed.

And may you leave this month knowing, with certainty, that you were never truly uninvited. You were simply being invited somewhere higher.

 

Related:

– A Ramadan Without Community, And Isolation The Whole Year Round

– Ramadan At The Uyghur Mosque: Community, Prayers, And Grief

 

The post Ramadan As A Sanctuary For The Lonely Heart appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

My husband and our children live in safety and comfort in Muslim-majority Malaysia. For the past few weeks before Ramadan, I noticed that there were already banners outside of restaurants advertising Ramadan buffets. There were already discussions around what we were going to wear for Eid. I would commiserate with my friends around our rush to pay back our qada fasts before Ramadan begins, and our intention to do better next time.  Alhamdulilah for the privilege of being part of the religious majority, in a country that is designed for Muslim families like mine.

Ramadan Intentions

My husband tells our children that every Ramadan, we aim to do better than the last. And this Ramadan, we’re trying to focus on cultivating a habit of daily dua. The most important dua we first encouraged our children to make is an avid hope that we all live to see Ramadan. Death is something we have the luxury of not thinking about while we’re rushing them through the busy school mornings. 

Gratitude Circles

It’s been a hit-and-miss process of figuring out consistent family rituals for us, but alhamdulilah, one ritual that has worked is our gratitude circle. After we pray Maghrib as a family, we take turns expressing one thing we’re grateful for, one thing that has been tricky, and one thing we’re looking forward to. In Ramadan, we can upgrade our gratitude circle by adding a sincere dua at the end for whatever we wish, and making dua for each other and the rest of the ummah. I hope that cultivating a habit of daily dua goes hand-in-hand with having shukr for all of our many blessings – and this is a much-needed reminder for me too.

Orienting Everything Back to Allah

Now that my children are all in primary school, they’re busy at school with their teachers and classmates. All my husband and I can do now is continue to instil as many Prophetic values when they are home with us – especially the habit of turning to Allah and asking Him for help, in all things. What I want them to develop – in addition to outward acts of worship like fasting and prayer – is a deep, internal connection and relationship with Allah . 

Turning Requests into Dua

“What I want them to develop is a deep, internal connection and relationship with Allah [swt]“[PC: Aldin Nasrun]

As much as my husband and I want to connect our children to success in the afterlife, they are still young and very much connected to their worldly desires. My children often have a constant barrage of requests for new toys and so on. Alhamdulilah, Allah sparked a creative solution for me. Instead of getting annoyed at my children’s often constant requests, I’ve realised three things:

1. Alhamdulilah, my children feel safe enough with me to confide their deepest desires, no matter how trivial. What seems small to me is actually a huge deal to them. 
2. Their childhood years living with me are so finite, and so foundational in their feelings of linking my husband and me with safety. Their teenage years feel so far away, but I want my children to know they can always come back to my husband and me when they run into more complex problems.
3. I’ve redirected their once-grating one-liners into a daily act of devotion. No matter what they ask me – within the realms of permissibility, of course! – I reply with my one simple one-liner: “Everything starts with dua.”

Sportscars, Dolls, and Phones

When my six-year-old asks for a toy sportscar, or my eight-year-old asks for another doll, or my ten-year-old asks for a phone, then my response remains the same – start with dua. Ask Allah first, before asking me. 

Turner of Hearts

My son was amazed when I told him that his duas can soften my heart and even his father’s. “So if I want something, but you say no, then Allah can make you say yes?” 

I nodded, very seriously. “Allah is the Turner of hearts.”

This gave my son a lightbulb moment of clarity, and I hope it can plant that seed of Allah’s Omnipotence. 

Ramadan in Times of Genocides

I talk to my children about how there are kids their age (and younger) who are struggling to find food to eat in Sudan and Palestine during regular days, and how their Ramadans look so different to ours. We are certain that there will be tasty food to eat at iftar time, but that isn’t the case for so many families. What we can do is continue to boycott unethical brands, and get into the habit of setting aside money to donate to trustworthy charities. 

Conclusion

Childhood is such a crucial time to set foundational habits that will serve our children well not only in this life, but also in the next, inshaAllah. Orienting all their desires to Allah , the Most-Generous, is a daily act of devotion that I hope and pray will stay with them for the rest of their lives.

 

Related:

– Beyond The External Trappings: Teaching Children The True Essence Of Ramadan

– The Key To Raising Children With The Book Of Allah? Getting Them Started Young

 

The post Cultivating A Lifelong Habit Of Dua In Children appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

This series is a collaboration between Dr. Ali and MuslimMatters, bringing Quranic wisdom to the questions Muslim families are navigating.

The Loyalty Trap

Here’s the conversation happening in Muslim homes right now:

Teen: “I know my friends are bad for me. But we’ve been tight since sixth grade. What should I do?”

Parent: “Just get new friends.”

Teen: shuts down completely

The parent isn’t wrong. But they’ve completely missed why this is so hard.

Because for a teenager, walking away from a long-term friendship isn’t just losing a friend.

It’s losing:

• Shared history
• Social identity
• The people who probably saw them through their hardest moments
• The people with whom they may have shared some of their most formative memories
• Their entire sense of belonging

“Just get new friends” is about as helpful as telling someone with depression to “just be happy.”

What teens actually need: A framework for understanding when loyalty becomes self-destruction—and permission to choose themselves.

The Quran provides both.

The Story Most People Skip

Surat al-Kahf (The Cave) is famous for being read every Friday. But most people rush past its opening story without taking the time to reflect on the message that story conveys.

The Companions of the Cave weren’t just people who hid in a cave.

They were young people who walked away from everything:

• Their families
• Their friends
• Their city
• Their entire social world

Because staying meant compromising, and most likely losing, their faith.

Surat Al-Kahf, ayah 13:

نَّحْنُ نَقُصُّ عَلَيْكَ نَبَأَهُم بِٱلْحَقِّ ۚ إِنَّهُمْ فِتْيَةٌ ءَامَنُوا۟ بِرَبِّهِمْ وَزِدْنَـٰهُمْ هُدًۭى

“This is their story in truth: They were youth people who believed in their Lord, and We increased them in guidance.”

“Young people.” Not scholars. Not elders. Young people—like your teen—who made an impossibly hard decision.

And what did Allah do?

He protected them. He gave them comfort. He made their story a lesson for all of humanity until the Day of Judgment.

They chose Allah over comfort. And Allah chose them.

The Key Ayah Parents Need to Know

Surat Al-Kahf, ayah 28:

وَٱصْبِرْ نَفْسَكَ مَعَ ٱلَّذِينَ يَدْعُونَ رَبَّهُم بِٱلْغَدَوٰةِ وَٱلْعَشِىِّ يُرِيدُونَ وَجْهَهُۥ ۖ وَلَا تَعْدُ عَيْنَاكَ عَنْهُمْ تُرِيدُ زِينَةَ ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا ۖ وَلَا تُطِعْ مَنْ أَغْفَلْنَا قَلْبَهُۥ عَن ذِكْرِنَا وَٱتَّبَعَ هَوَىٰهُ وَكَانَ أَمْرُهُۥ فُرُطًۭا

“Stay patient in the company of those who call upon their Lord morning and evening, seeking His Face. Don’t look beyond them, desiring the luxuries of this worldly life. And do not obey those whose hearts are heedless of Our remembrance, who follow only their desires, and who are in total loss.”

This ayah is a direct command—not a suggestion:

1. Be patient with righteous people – even if they’re less exciting, less popular, less fun
2. Don’t be dazzled by worldly appeal – the cool friend group isn’t worth your deen
3. Do not obey those heedless of Allah – even if they’re charismatic, loyal, or longstanding friends

If your teen has friends pulling them away from Allah—this ayah is speaking directly to their situation.

The Prophetic Warning

The Prophet ﷺ said:

الْمَرْءُ عَلَى دِينِ خَلِيلِهِ فَلْيَنْظُرْ أَحَدُكُمْ مَنْ يُخَالِلُ

“A person is on the religion of their close friend, so let each of you look to whom they take as a close friend.” (Abu Dawud, Tirmidhi)

And:

“The example of a good companion and a bad companion is like a perfume seller and a blacksmith. The perfume seller might give you some perfume or you might buy from him, or at the very least you will enjoy a good smell. The blacksmith, however, might burn your clothes, or at the very least you will be exposed to smoke.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

The blacksmith analogy is critical:

The blacksmith isn’t trying to burn your clothes. They’re not a bad person. They’re just doing what blacksmiths do.

But you still leave with burns to your clothes and smelling like smoke.

Your teen’s friends don’t have to be malicious to be harmful.

They just have to be consistently pulling in the wrong direction.

Warning Signs: When Friendship Becomes Toxic

For Parents—Watch For:

1. Gradual prayer abandonment: They used to pray. Now they don’t. When did it start? Who did they start spending more time with around that time?
2. Increasing secrecy: Hiding their phone. Vague about where they’re going. Defensive about who they’re spending time with.
3. Personality shift: The teen you knew—their humor, their values, their interests—is disappearing. They’re becoming someone else.
4. Pulling away from Islamic activities: Used to come to the masjid, halaqa, youth group. Now makes excuses every time.
5. Defending friends no matter what: Even when their friends’ behavior is clearly wrong, your teen defends it aggressively. This often signals that loyalty has become identity.
6. “You just don’t like my friends”: When you raise concerns, they accuse you of being judgmental. This deflects from the actual issue.

For Teens: The Four Questions

Before deciding whether to walk away from a friendship, honestly answer:

1. Am I a better Muslim when I’m with them, or worse? Not “are they Muslim?” but “do I pray more or less when I’m around them?” “Do I make good choices when I am around them?”
2. Do I compromise my values to keep this friendship? If maintaining the friendship requires hiding your Islam, skipping prayers, or participating in haram—that’s your answer.
3. Do they respect my boundaries, or constantly push against them? Real friends—Muslim or not—respect your values even when they don’t share them. Toxic friends mock, pressure, and manipulate.
4. Would I be proud to stand before Allah with this friendship on my record? Not “would I be embarrassed?” but “would I be ashamed?” If you’d be ashamed, you already know.

Never forget this story from the Quran, from Surat as-Saafaat [37: 51-57]:

قَالَ قَآئِلٌ مِّنْهُمْ إِنِّى كَانَ لِى قَرِينٌ

“One of them will say: ‘I had a companion.”

يَقُولُ أَءِنَّكَ لَمِنَ الْمُصَدِّقِينَ

“Who used to say, ‘Are you one of those who believe?”

أَءِذَا مِتْنَا وَكُنَّا تُرَاباً وَعِظَـماً أَءِنَّا لَمَدِينُونَ

“(Like) That when we die and become dust and bones, that we will be indebted.” (Ibn ‘Abbas, may Allah be pleased with them both, said (that this means), “Rewarded or punished according to our deeds.”)

قَالَ هَلْ أَنتُمْ مُّطَّلِعُونَ

“He then said, ‘Will you look down’” (meaning, the believer will say this to his companions among the people of Paradise.)

فَاطَّلَعَ فَرَءَاهُ فِى سَوَآءِ الْجَحِيمِ

“So, he looked down and saw him in the midst of the Hell-Fire.”

قَالَ تَاللَّهِ إِن كِدتَّ لَتُرْدِينِ

“He said, ‘I swear by Allah! You nearly ruined me.” (The believer will say, addressing his former friend, “By Allah, you nearly caused me to be doomed, if I had obeyed you.”)

وَلَوْلاَ نِعْمَةُ رَبِّى لَكُنتُ مِنَ الْمُحْضَرِينَ

“Had it not been for the grace of my Lord, I would certainly have been among those in Hell.”

Your decision can have some serious consequences. That’s why this is so important.

Why “Just Get New Friends” Doesn’t Work

Parents often make this mistake: Identifying the problem (toxic friends) without addressing the solution (where do better friends come from?).

Telling a teen to leave a friend group without providing an alternative leaves them:

• Isolated
• Resentful
• Likely to return to the toxic group out of loneliness

The Companions of the Cave didn’t just walk away from their society. They walked away together.

They had each other.

Before encouraging your teen to walk away, ask:

• Is there a Muslim youth group they can connect with?
• Is there an MSA at their school or nearby university?
• Is there a halaqah, Quran class, or Islamic program where they could meet peers?
• Are there Muslim families in our community with teens the same age?
• If you are far from the jamaa’ah, I often tell parents that this means that they might have to sacrifice. Yes, maybe where you live now you have a great job, but you should seriously consider moving to a place where your children’s deen is protected. This is the concept of hijrah, which can include another city in the same country, not just another country.

The exit from toxic friendships must have a destination.

The “Just Say No” Problem

Here’s what most Islamic advice gets wrong about toxic friendships:

It tells teens to “be strong” and “resist temptation” without addressing the environment.

But the Prophet ﷺ didn’t just tell the early Muslims to “be strong” in Mecca.

He commanded hijrah—a physical departure from a toxic environment.

Environment matters more than willpower.

If your teen is the only practicing Muslim in their friend group, they’re swimming upstream every single day.

They can be strong. But eventually, they’ll be exhausted.

The goal isn’t resilience alone. It’s strategic community building that builds true resilience.

Your teen needs a tribe that pulls together in the same direction they’re trying to go.

The Hardest Part: The Aftermath

Walking away from toxic friends is hard. What comes after is harder.

The loneliness phase: For weeks—sometimes months—your teen may feel completely alone.

This is the most dangerous window. Because the old friends will reach out. And the emptiness will make those messages feel irresistible.

What parents can do during this phase:

1. Don’t say “I told you so” – Even if you were right, this closes the door
2. Increase family connection – Be more present, more fun, more engaged
3. Actively help build new connections – Don’t just say “find better friends”—make introductions, create opportunities
4. Validate the grief – “I know this is really hard. Losing friends hurts even when it’s the right decision.”
5. Point to the story of Ashab al-Kahf – Allah gave them something better. He will for your teen too.

As the Prophet ﷺ guarantees for us:

“For sure, you will never leave anything for the sake of Allah, except that Allah will replace it with something better for you.” (Ahmad—authenticated by al-Arna’oot)

A Note on Gradual vs. Clean Breaks

Not every toxic friendship requires a dramatic exit.

Sometimes:

• Gradual distancing is safer (especially if the friendship has volatile elements)
• Redefining the relationship works (staying connected, but changing the dynamic)
• A direct conversation is appropriate (especially for longstanding friendships and especially if that friend is also Muslim—don’t abandon them to sin, support them to make better choices)

When a clean break is necessary:

• The friend is pressuring toward serious haram
• Your teen feels unsafe saying no
• Every contact pulls them back in

When gradual distancing is better:

• There’s history worth honoring
• The friendship has potential to improve
• A sudden exit would be dramatic or unsafe

Help your teen think through which approach fits their specific situation.

Discussion Questions for Families

For Teens:

1. Is there a friendship in your life right now that you know is pulling you away from Allah? What’s stopping you from creating distance?
2. If you walked away from this friendship, what would you actually lose? And what might you gain?
3. Where could you find Muslim peers who share your values?

For Parents:

1. Do you know your teen’s friends? Have you met them?
2. Have you noticed any of the warning signs listed above? What’s your next step?
3. Are you helping your teen build Muslim friendships, or just criticizing their current ones?

For Discussion Together:

1. The Companions of the Cave walked away from everything to protect their faith. What would that kind of courage look like for our family?
2. How can we create opportunities to connect with other Muslim families and teens?
3. What would it look like for our home to be a place where good friendships are built and sustained?

The Challenge

For Parents: This week, make one concrete effort to connect your teen with practicing Muslim peers. Invite a practicing Muslim family over. Take your teen to a youth program. Make the introduction you’ve been meaning to make.

For Teens: Identify one friendship that you know is pulling you away from Allah. You don’t have to end it today. But be honest with yourself about what it’s costing you—and start thinking about what a healthier alternative could look like.

Remember: The Companions of the Cave didn’t just run away from something. They ran toward Allah.

That’s the model.

Continue the Journey

This is Night 9 of Dr. Ali’s 30-part Ramadan series, “30 Nights with the Quran: Stories for the Seeking Soul.”

Tomorrow, insha Allah: Night 10 – “Crushes, Attraction & Halal Feelings” (the topic nobody talks about, but everyone is thinking about)

For daily extended reflections with journaling prompts, personal stories, and deeper resources, join Dr. Ali’s email community: https://30nightswithquran.beehiiv.com

Related:

What Islam Actually Says About NonMuslim Friends | Night 8 with the Qur’an

30 Nights with the Qur’an: A Ramadan Series for Muslim Teens

The post When to Walk Away from Toxic Friends | Night 9 with the Qur’an appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

I embraced Islam at the end of August 2000, over twenty-five years ago. Ramadan arrived just three months later, beginning in late November and stretching into late December. It was the year Ramadan coincided with the heart of the American holiday season. Thanksgiving had just passed, and Christmas was around the corner. My mother had decorated the house with a Christmas tree and string lights; familiar carols were playing in grocery stores; families were out shopping for gifts, and it seemed that everyone was anticipating the holidays except me. 

I was a brand-new Muslim.

Although I had been studying Islam quietly for several years before taking my shahada, I had never fasted before. Coming from a Catholic tradition and a Puerto Rican background meant that Lent was the only type of fast I knew. For us, it meant not eating meat on Fridays and giving up vices for forty days. The Ramadan fast was something completely different. I understood the basic rulings like no food or drink from just before dawn to sunset, but that was the extent of my knowledge. I did not know the finer details of fasting or its legal rulings. I did not know what would invalidate the fast, what was disliked, or how to structure my days around it. What I did know was that I would be doing this largely alone. Yet even in that season of uncertainty, there were a few individuals whose quiet acts of kindness would shape my first Ramadan in lasting ways.

At the time, I was living in Augusta, Georgia, and I did not know of a Muslim community nearby. The world was different back then. We had landline cordless telephones mounted to kitchen walls, analog cell phones with limited minutes, and VHS tapes stacked beside television sets. There were a fortunate few like me who had access to a desktop computer, where the internet was accessed through the unmistakable mechanical screech of dial-up. Unlike now, there was no social media, no unlimited texting, and no smartphone alarms or adhan clocks to remind you to wake up for suhoor. 

If a new Muslim had a question, they either found someone to call or they waited. Unless they had an established support system, it was a lonely time to be a convert. My closest Muslim friends lived in Maryland, but since I had moved to Georgia, they did not even know I was considering converting. Much of my journey unfolded internally, between myself and Allah .

The Phone Call that Started it All

I relied heavily on America Online (AOL) chat rooms, searching for Muslim screen names or anyone who might live somewhere near Georgia. I would enter digital spaces filled with strangers, hoping to strike up a conversation or to find someone who would answer a question about Islam. That is how I had met the brother who helped me declare my shahada – a youth coordinator from a mosque in Atlanta. When I first reached out to him in a chatroom, he seemed apprehensive, but when I explained my interest in Islam, he offered to call me. That lone phone call changed the course of my life. After asking me some questions, he helped me recite the declaration of faith over the phone. Then he drove nearly three hours to introduce me to his cousins, who lived near me, bringing a prayer rug, a hijab, and a few introductory books. Little by little, my support system started to take shape.   

But Ramadan was approaching, and not only would it be my first fast, but it would also be the first time I would quietly step back from the holidays my family still cherished. I was still living under my parents’ roof, so I understood this transition would require patience and care. I learned to move thoughtfully, navigating the quiet tension between the faith that I had embraced and the home in which I had been raised. As the reality of the fast dawned on me, I began to realize that the thirst I would experience would extend beyond drink. I would be thirsty for guidance, for companionship, and for a sense of community. 

The Convert who Gave me a Book

As Ramadan drew closer, I started to feel a sense of panic. I knew that fasting was obligatory. I knew that I was expected to abstain from food and drink from dawn until sunset. What I did not know was how I would manage it in a household that was not fasting, or whether I would be able to endure it physically and emotionally. The thought of it intimidated me. I wondered how I was supposed to enter such a significant month of worship without guidance.

Around that time, I connected online with another convert who was living on the military base near us. My father worked on that same base, so in a way our worlds overlapped, even if only slightly. His name was Idris. When I confided in him about my anxiety over my first Ramadan, he listened with understanding that only another convert could fully offer. He told me he had a small book that might help answer some of my questions and brought it to me in person. 

The book was called The Essentials of Ramadan. It was modest in size, but to me it felt comprehensive. It explained the structure of the fast, the suhoor meal before dawn, what would invalidate the fast, and what would not. It clarified matters I had not even thought to ask about, including the small details that can cause uncertainty for someone new. Having that information gave me confidence. It transformed Ramadan from overwhelming to structured and attainable. 

Decades later, I remain genuinely grateful to Idris for that act of kindness. After he gave me the book and we spoke about Ramadan, our paths diverged, and I never heard from him again. Over the years, I have sometimes reflected on how brief yet meaningful that chance encounter was. Allah knows best the wisdom behind such moments, but I do know that his willingness to share a simple resource changed my experience of that first Ramadan in ways he likely never imagined.

Looking back now, I see how small acts of support can leave a lasting imprint. A book. A phone call. A message that says, “Here is what you need to know.” For someone entering Ramadan without family support or community, that guidance can be the difference between fear and confidence. Even if our time is limited, even if our role in someone’s life is brief, we can help steady their steps. More than twenty-five years later, I still remember the brother who handed me a small book and made me feel less alone.

The Supportive Sister

Idris was not the only person who helped me during that first Ramadan. Surprisingly, once the month began, I found the fast manageable. I was attending school and working at the same time, so my days were busy enough to keep my mind occupied. I worked in the customer service department of a local newspaper, so I was constantly speaking with people. The structure of my schedule helped the hours pass quickly, so the hunger and thirst did not overwhelm me. What unsettled me most was something far more trivial. I felt self-conscious about my breath while fasting!

Because I worked closely with customers and colleagues, I worried that fasting made my breath unpleasant. Before Islam, chewing gum throughout the day had been routine for me, and suddenly that small habit was no longer available. I remember wondering whether the people I spoke to could notice, and whether they would judge me. For a new Muslim already navigating an internal transformation, even something as minor as this felt magnified.

During Ramadan, a sister who was related to the youth director who had helped me take my shahada came to visit me at work. She had recently returned from a trip and brought me dates and a few small gifts. More importantly, she came simply to check on me and ask how I was managing my first Ramadan. When I confessed to her that it was not the fast itself that was the difficulty, but the embarrassment about my breath, she responded with gentle reassurance. She shared with me the words of Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, who said: 

“By the One in whose hand is my soul, the odor coming from the mouth of a fasting person is more pleasant to Allah Almighty than the scent of musk. Allah said: He leaves his food, his drink, and his passions for My sake. The fast is for Me and I will reward him for it with a good deed ten times like it.” [Sahih Bukhari 1894]

“For a new Muslim, that kind of understanding carries immense weight. It communicates that someone sees you, understands your sensitivities, and wants you to succeed.”

Hearing that hadith changed my perspective immediately. What I had viewed as a source of shame was, in reality, an act beloved by Allah . I felt a rush of confidence and relief, along with a deeper love and awe for my Creator. She also offered practical advice, reminding me that I could rinse my mouth carefully without swallowing water and brush my teeth during the day as long as I was cautious. That combination of comfort and practical guidance brought me so much ease during a vulnerable moment.

In retrospect, I realize how significant that visit was. The sister addressed my concerns without delivering a lecture or overwhelming me with legal rulings.  She simply took the time to show up, ask how I was doing, and share a hadith that reframed my experience. For a new Muslim, that kind of understanding carries immense weight. It communicates that someone sees you, understands your sensitivities, and wants you to succeed. More than twenty-five years later, I still remember that conversation, especially whenever I come across this hadith:

“Whoever relieves the hardship of a believer in this world, Allah will relieve his hardship on the Day of Resurrection. Whoever helps ease one in difficulty, Allah will make it easy for him in this world and the Hereafter…” [Sahih Muslim 2699]

I pray that Allah rewards every single individual who supported me before and during my first Ramadan, those who answered questions, shared resources, visited me at work, or simply took the time to check in. Their gestures may have seemed small to them, but they carried tremendous weight in my life. With their encouragement, I found the confidence to continue stepping forward.

The Continuous Search for Belonging

Part of that journey included attending taraweeh prayers. I did not attend many during that first Ramadan because of my work and school schedule, but when I did go, the experience was unforgettable. The mosque community at the time was warm and welcoming. I was introduced to the imam, and when I told him I was a convert, he made a point of making me feel comfortable. He offered his contact information and encouraged me to reach out if I needed guidance. 

I also traveled to Maryland to visit my Muslim friends and participated in community gatherings and tarawih there. Moving between communities allowed me to see the broader fabric of the ummah, and it reminded me that even if I lived in isolation, I was part of something much greater. There was a tangible sense of unity in the masjid. I knew that everyone was fasting and striving, and that awareness gave me strength. Even when I returned home to a household not observing Ramadan, I knew that across the city and around the world, others were fasting alongside me.

Experiencing that communal spirit was important, especially as someone who had entered Islam with limited local support. At the same time, I came to understand that not every convert encounters the same welcome. Some enter mosques and feel invisible. Others lack family stability or community connection. For new Muslims, Ramadan can magnify both belonging and isolation. That is why our Islamic centers must be intentional in cultivating spaces of care, guidance, and understanding. A convert navigating their first Ramadan carries questions, vulnerabilities, and often complicated family dynamics. My hope is that in this Ramadan and in many Ramadans to come, new Muslims experience the same welcome and reassurance that carried me through my first fast. 

 

Related:

– [Podcast] Navigating Christmas: Advice to Converts, from Converts | Hazel Gomez & Eman Manigat

– I’ve Converted, And It’s Christmas…

 

The post My First Ramadan As A Convert: The Lengths Small Acts of Kindness Can Go appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

The sounds of Afghan history are being erased to prevent music’s ‘moral corruption’ of the Afghan people. We can help keep Afghanistan’s music alive. Plus, Eliane Radigue’s deep listening, and the brilliance of Sinners’s score

The horrors of the Taliban’s rule in Afghanistan are all-encompassing. New laws that effectively legalise domestic abuse means that every woman in the country now lives with the threat of state-sanctioned violence. In the context of the twin tragedies of the Taliban’s fundamentalist zealotry, and the rest of the world’s silence in the face of their atrocities, the fate of Afghanistan’s cultural life might seem a smaller catastrophe. Yet it’s equivalently devastating.

The recent burning of hundreds of musical instruments and equipment – reported last week on Afghan National Television – is the latest stage of the Taliban morality police’s ongoing mission to destroy all these artefacts. Last week’s pyre included tablas and harmoniums, instruments that are the bedrocks of Afghanistan’s unique tradition of classical music, as well as keyboards and amplifiers.

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Brussels officials take umbrage at factual reporting on how they weaponize anti-Semitism.

This series is a collaboration between Dr. Ali and MuslimMatters, bringing Quranic wisdom to the questions Muslim families are navigating.

The Question That Divides Families

“Can I be friends with non-Muslims?”

This question causes more conflict in Muslim households than almost any other.

The teen’s perspective: “My best friend isn’t Muslim, but she’s the only one who showed up when I was struggling. She respects my faith. She even fasted with me during Ramadan. But the masjid says this is haram. Am I supposed to cut her off?”

The parent’s fear: “My child’s entire friend group is non-Muslim. They’re nice kids, but I’m terrified my child will drift away from Islam. Should I force them to only hang out with Muslims?”

Both are asking the wrong question.

What the Quran Actually Says (And Doesn’t Say)

The ayah everyone quotes:

Surat al-Ma’idah [5:51]:

“O believers! Do not take Jews and Christians as awliya…”

People hear this and conclude: “See? No non-Muslim friends.”

But here’s the problem: “Awliya” doesn’t mean “friends.”

Awliya (singular: wali) means:

• Guardians
• Protectors
• Those you turn to for ultimate allegiance and moral authority
• Those you prioritize over Allah’s guidance

This ayah is NOT saying: “Don’t have lunch with your non-Muslim classmate.”

This ayah IS saying: “Don’t give your ultimate loyalty, spiritual allegiance, or moral compass to those who oppose Islam.”

Context matters: This was revealed when some Muslims were abandoning the Prophet ﷺ and siding with enemies actively fighting Islam.

That’s not the same as having a supportive, respectful friend who happens to be a Christian, for example.

The Ayah That Changes Everything

Surat al-Mumtahanah [60:8]:

“Allah does not forbid you from dealing lovingly and fairly with those who have neither fought nor driven you out of your homes. Certainly, Allah loves those who are fair.”

“Dealing lovingly”—birr—is the same word used for how you treat your parents (birr al-walidayn).

Read that again.

Allah is using the SAME language for non-Muslims who are peaceful as He uses for your own parents.

That’s not just tolerance. That’s genuine care, kindness, and relationship.

The Prophetic Model: Friendships Across Faith Lines

Here’s what most Muslims don’t know:

The Prophet Muhammad ﷺ had close, loyal relationships with non-Muslims throughout his life.

Examples:

1. An-Najashi (the Christian King of Abyssinia)

• Protected Muslims when they were persecuted
• When he died, the Prophet ﷺ mourned him deeply
• The Prophet ﷺ prayed janazah for him in absentia

2. Non-Muslim allies during the boycott

• When Muslims were starving during the boycott of Banu Hashim
• Non-Muslim relatives and allies smuggled food to them
• The Prophet ﷺ maintained these relationships

This wasn’t “tolerance.” This was genuine relationship built on mutual respect.

The Framework: Permission + Wisdom

Here’s what Islam actually teaches:

Permission:

You CAN have non-Muslim friends

You CAN care for them, support them, work with them

You CAN learn from them, laugh with them, be there for them

You CAN defend them when they’re wronged

Wisdom-Based Boundaries:

Your CLOSEST friends—your inner circle—should be people who push you toward Allah

A non-Muslim friend can only elevate you so far spiritually

Don’t compromise Islamic values to maintain the friendship

Don’t make them your ultimate moral authority over Allah’s guidance

It’s not haram vs. halal as much as it’s permission vs. wisdom.

What Parents Need to Understand

Your teen’s non-Muslim friends aren’t automatically a threat.

Ask better questions:

Not: “Are they Muslim?” But: “Do they respect your faith?”

Not: “Do they pray?” But: “Do they support and respect you when you pray?”

Not: “Will they take you to Jannah?” But: “Do they make it easier or harder for you to practice Islam?”

The Reality Check (from 20+ Years of Experience)

Here’s the uncomfortable truth from working with Muslim youth for over two decades:

When Muslims have deep friendships with non-Muslims as their PRIMARY social circle, 95% end up in one of two paths:

Path 1 (uncommon, but beautiful): The non-Muslim friend accepts Islam. The friendship goes to the highest level. Everyone wins.

Path 2 (far more common): The Muslim slowly drifts from Islam until they’re either:

• “Muslim by name only” (barely practicing)
• No longer identifying as Muslim at all

Why does this happen?

Not because the non-Muslim friend is malicious.

But because:

• Good intentions don’t prevent drift
• Even supportive friends can’t push you to Islamic heights
• The influence flows from majority to minority
• Subtle pressures compound over time

The consequences of Path 2:

• Broken families
• Broken hearts
• Long-term regret
• Spiritual emptiness

This isn’t fear-mongering. This is pattern recognition from hundreds of cases.

The Classical Wisdom

From the Hadith:

Abu Huraira reported: The Prophet ﷺ said, “A man is upon the religion of his best friend, so let one of you look at whom he befriends.” (Tirmidhī)

From the Companions:

Abdullah ibn Mas’ud, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “Remember Allah Almighty often. Do not accompany anyone unless they help you remember Allah (‘Azza wa Jal).” (Shu’ab al-Imān)

Abu Darda, may Allah be pleased with him, said, “A righteous companion is better than loneliness, and loneliness is better than an evil companion….” (Rawḍat al-‘Uqalā’)

From Imam Ash-Shafi’i:

“Three things will increase your intellect: sitting with the scholars, sitting with righteous people, and leaving off speech that doesn’t concern you.”

From Sufyan Al-Thawri:

“There is nothing that corrupts a person or helps them be better more than their close friend.”

Your teen’s closest circle will shape their deen more than almost any other factor.

The Both/And Approach for Families

For Teens:

Yes:

• You can have non-Muslim friends
• You can care about them deeply
• You can learn from them
• You can be there for them

But:

• Make sure your closest friends are pushing you toward Allah
• Don’t surround yourself primarily with non-Muslims
• Invite your non-Muslim friends to Islam (through character first, then words)
• If they pressure you to compromise, that’s a red flag

For Parents:

Don’t:

• Force your teen to cut off all non-Muslim friends
• Treat every non-Muslim as a spiritual threat
• Make Islam feel like isolation

Do:

• Help them build strong Muslim friendships alongside non-Muslim ones
• Ask about the QUALITY of friendships, not just the religion
• Model healthy non-Muslim relationships yourself
• Create opportunities for them to connect with practicing Muslim peers

The Da’wah Question

Here’s what the video addresses, but it deserves expansion:

“Why haven’t you invited your close friend to Islam?”

This reframes everything.

If you truly believe Islam is the truth, and you genuinely care about this friend—why wouldn’t you want them to have what you have? Why wouldn’t you want them to succeed in the Hereafter?

Not through pushy lectures. But through:

• Living Islam so beautifully they ask questions
• Being so consistent in character they notice
• Answering their questions honestly when they arise
• Sharing your faith naturally, not by forcibly

Many of the greatest Muslims—both today and historically—came to Islam through friends.

The question is: Are you influencing them, or are they influencing you?

Discussion Questions for Families

For Teens:

1. List your 5 closest friends. Are you a better Muslim around them, or worse?
2. Have you ever invited your non-Muslim friends to learn about Islam? Why or why not?
3. If you had to choose between a friendship and your deen, which would you choose? (Be honest—your answer reveals where you are.)

For Parents:

1. Do you have any close non-Muslim friends? How do you maintain that relationship with boundaries?
2. Have you helped your teen build strong Muslim friendships, or just criticized their non-Muslim ones?
3. What does “righteous companionship” look like practically for your teen’s age and context?

For Discussion Together:

1. What’s the difference between a friend who “tolerates” your Islam and a friend who “supports” it?
2. How can we judge friendships by their fruit (impact) rather than by labels (religion)?

What would it look like for our family to practice “birr” (kindness) toward our non-Muslim neighbors and friends?

The Bottom Line

Can your teen have non-Muslim friends?

Yes—but with wisdom.

Should their entire social circle be non-Muslim?

No—that’s spiritually dangerous.

What’s the ideal?

A mix: Non-Muslim friends who respect their faith + Muslim friends who elevate their deen + a clear understanding that the closest circle should be those who push them toward Allah.

It’s not about isolation. It’s about being intentional.

Continue the Journey

This is Night 8 of Dr. Ali’s 30-part Ramadan series, “30 Nights with the Quran: Stories for the Seeking Soul.”

Tomorrow, insha Allah: Night 9 – “When Friends Pull You Away” (The Companions of the Cave and recognizing when a friendship has become toxic)

For daily extended reflections with journaling prompts, personal stories, and deeper resources, join Dr. Ali’s email community: https://30nightswithquran.beehiiv.com/

Related:

30 Nights with the Qur’an: A Ramadan Series for Muslim Teens

Week 1 in Review: Is Your Teen Actually Changing? | Night 7 with the Qur’an

The post What Islam Actually Says About NonMuslim Friends | Night 8 with the Qur’an appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

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