The Muslim origins of Valentine’s Day

There once was a village in Muslimistan, where a young boy called Wali Nuteen lived. He was a kind, fun-loving adventurous boy, who was Sunni, practicing, tall, with a fair complexion, steady job and a healthy respect for Shia people, without appearing dogmatic. In fact, just the kind of description any Muslim lady scouring adverts on Muslim matrimonial sites would be happy with.

One day, Wali was walking along the main street of his village when he spied a beautiful lady. In an instant, he fell in love. The girl was called Begum; she was from a rival tribe. She was 23 years his senior, and already married. But he still, Walis love for Begum knew no bounds.

ISLAM4UK Changes Name To Brian Thompson

Police will begin arresting Brian Thompsons
like this one later today

THE government has banned the extremist group Islam4Uk, forcing it to change its name to Brian Thompson.

Following a high-level inquiry by the Daily Mail, home secretary Alan Johnson said he had proscribed the organisation under a series of names it goes by including Al Muhajiroun, Beard Force and Anjem and the Hurricanes.

Mr Johnson said: "We can only keep Britain safe from terror by continually restricting the number of names these organisations have access to.

The *all new* jokes topic

I am sure we had one (or more) before...

There is only one rule: make them funny.

Ok, first one:

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen. Ugh!” The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.”

Sephys 77 Ways To Order A Pizza

1. Belch directly into the mouthpiece; then tell your dog it should be ashamed.

2. Make up a charge-card name. Ask if they accept it.

3. When they repeat your order, say "Again, with a little more OOMPH this time."

4. Order a Big Mac Extra Value Meal.

5. Terminate the call with, "Remember, we never had this conversation."

6. Tell the order taker a rival pizza place is on the other line and you're going with the lowest bidder.

7. When they ask for your phone # give them theirs and see if they notice.

8. Answer their questions with questions.

9. Tell them to put the crust on top this time.

10. Sing the order to the tune of your favorite song from Metallica's "Master of Puppets" CD.

11. Do not name the toppings you want. Rather, spell them out.

Why can't black people swim?

What does Google Suggest suggest about the state of humanity?

Why would a little girl in Yorkshire think Jesus was born in an egg?

It's a question we must all ask ourselves. And apparently it's a popular question on Google. The search engine offers a feature called Google Suggest, which, as you begin to type in a search query, offers popular searches that begin with what you've typed.

It highlights some worrying concerns that humanity struggles to deal with. For example, We typed 'why would a...', to which Google suggested the above query. Fear gripped our hearts -- fear for the future of the species.