Salam Muslims
Peace Non-Muslims

Ramz,

To forget the past is to forget something part of you. Surely he can’t force himself to forget the past but he can change his view regarding it. Let’s go further...

Most important aspects of an individual are his thoughts hence most importantly, in this predicament of yours; it depends on how HE views the past. If his fundamental thought about life and meaning conforms to the Islamic viewpoint then surely he has changed.

Subsequently he will view his past as things he did due to incorrect (non-Islamic) thoughts and not let it have an impact upon his current thoughts.

To give you a reality to this concept ‘In general change of principle thoughts changes behaviour’ for instance read at how the eminent sahabi Umar al Khattab (ra) was before Islam and how he radically changed from attempting to kill the Prophet (saws) to becoming on of the greatest defenders of the deen of Islam.

Now to gauge him you need to see his response or ask him questions regarding certain matters that require an opinion. And if his opinions or response are based on Islam, and he is consistent upon this on several occasions than that is sufficient to say that a change has taken place.

For example. Does he pray five times a day or if he doesn’t how does he feel about missing them. Does he refer all actions to haram wa halal. How does he feel regarding the spilling of Muslim blood in Iraq, Palestine, Chechnya etc.

If his responses or opinions on any matter is based on Islam and they are consistent I say that is sufficient to say he has changed and conformed with Islam.

Also I would refrain from using the title ‘boyfriend’ as its customary meaning contradicts Islam.

At the end I ask Allah azza wa jalla to make it easy for you. Truly Allah is Oft-Forgiving, The Most Merciful.

w/s Muslims
Peace Non Muslims

"yuit" wrote:

The best thing in this situation is maybe to take a step back and see what the reaction maybe, from you and also him.

If i was in ur situation i wouldn't be trying to rush everything and have patience and in due time you will find out if you were really meant to be for each other. Plus if you are having doubt already, you need to realise the situation is going to get much more heavy in the future, because in a course of a year there are so many ups and downs. In this situation you should be asking more question about yourself then your boyfriend, will you be able to cope with the situation if he goes back to his old ways and for you to be able to answer that question you need to have abit of space and make your own judgement using your head and not your heart.

i agree with you on this yuit, RAmz i think u should take a step back and have a look at the situation with a fresh pair of eyes

cool things of with him for a while, see how u feel..how ur life is without him, how u can carry on with normal day to day things without him....just examine how u feel and take it from there

i also think it will be intresting to see how he takes the 'breakup', will he automatically run to other girls? or will he continue to stay 'good' foryour sake and prove to you that he has changed?

p.s i also think that its discouraging to say that u shouldnt forgive or forget the past coz sum people do reform themselves but if they are gona continually get judged on what they have done previously then why would these people bother changing themselves?

i know plenty of reformed bad boys and girls, they realised they were in the wrong and MASHALLAH are on the right path now....hide other people's sins and im sure Allah (SWT) will hide yours on the Day of Judgement. People need to learn how to forgive and forget........however thats only if the person in question has really reformed themselves

"EazyD" wrote:

Salam Muslims
Peace Non-Muslims

Ramz,

To forget the past is to forget something part of you. Surely he can’t force himself to forget the past but he can change his view regarding it. Let’s go further...

Most important aspects of an individual are his thoughts hence most importantly, in this predicament of yours; it depends on how HE views the past. If his fundamental thought about life and meaning conforms to the Islamic viewpoint then surely he has changed.

Subsequently he will view his past as things he did due to incorrect (non-Islamic) thoughts and not let it have an impact upon his current thoughts.

To give you a reality to this concept ‘In general change of principle thoughts changes behaviour’ for instance read at how the eminent sahabi Umar al Khattab (ra) was before Islam and how he radically changed from attempting to kill the Prophet (saws) to becoming on of the greatest defenders of the deen of Islam.

Now to gauge him you need to see his response or ask him questions regarding certain matters that require an opinion. And if his opinions or response are based on Islam, and he is consistent upon this on several occasions than that is sufficient to say that a change has taken place.

For example. Does he pray five times a day or if he doesn’t how does he feel about missing them. Does he refer all actions to haram wa halal. How does he feel regarding the spilling of Muslim blood in Iraq, Palestine, Chechnya etc.

If his responses or opinions on any matter is based on Islam and they are consistent I say that is sufficient to say he has changed and conformed with Islam.

Also I would refrain from using the title ‘boyfriend’ as its customary meaning contradicts Islam.

At the end I ask Allah azza wa jalla to make it easy for you. Truly Allah is Oft-Forgiving, The Most Merciful.

w/s Muslims
Peace Non Muslims

Fantastic point.

His perception of the past and his current behaviour should determine whether or not the past matters.

However, the fact that he's still in contact with the girl's he used to mess about with worries me...? I don't believe that girls and boys can be friends...and I esp don't believe that one can be friends with their ex.

GUYS-ITS NOT THE PAST THOUGH!!!!

she's admitted that he keeps in touch with the girls he used to mess about with!!!!

and says that they're "just mates" :roll:

thats not the actions of a changed and refrmed man

Salam

A leopard cannot change its spots.

Omrow

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

GUYS-ITS NOT THE PAST THOUGH!!!!

she's admitted that he keeps in touch with the girls he used to mess about with!!!!

and says that they're "just mates" :roll:

thats not the actions of a changed and refrmed man

exactly - Ramz u shud b worried gal. how can u tolerate him chatting to his ex-s?? (u also mentioned he doesnt hav a job!) seems fishy to me, and with matters of marriage u should take such things into consideration.

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

"paki_gal" wrote:

Hiya.....
i wnt marry a guy with his dodgy past.....cuz its my own experience....i knew a guy really close and his past was exactly same as ur boyfriend.....but.....only difference was tat he use to rent gals out for each nights......what had happened he sed tat he wants to marry me and he begged me to forget his past and forgive him.....my parents had found out about his past as well....so it wasn't only me......i forgave him, in which case i was completely wrong after having a huge arguement with him he had stored my all the love emails in his email address and black-mailed me tat he would show them everywhere so i dnt get married to anyone and wuld beg him to marry him......i got sum1 to hack his email address for me(i kno tat was sumthing really bad but i had no choice).....can u believeeeeeee??? i found 41 gals in his email address and ***** 10 love emails to all different gals.........saved in his draft side and sent emails and also under different named folders.......

well i wnt say tat all guys are the same but tat was my opioin......tat i wnt marry a guy with a bad past.....

girls how can u fall for such dogs? :shock:

u really should set ur standards a LOT higher

and to answer the Q of this thread-the past DOES matter

and ESP in ur case Ramz-if he's still in touch with the girls he used to mess about with

dump the loser

No one kno anyone from inside out or can read any1's heart or know their feelings.........if anyone knew a guy is like tat then why do they ever wanna go out with them or keep relationship.........about me......the guy who i knew he was a bad person and kept playing with my feeling dnt know wats inside him STILL......tats y i tell my sis to keep away from LOVE system so she doesnt get in this...........it is really hard to forget the past even if its good or even if its bad........a mate of mine jus bought a topic about ur guy is still in touch with his ex......but he keep saying to her tat he doesn't like her and still talks to his ex for hours and hours.........no one can do anything:(

"paki_gal" wrote:

.........no one can do anything:(

Wrong you can do somethin, dump the loser!

I dont know why people get themselves into these situations, its a real heartache.

Ramz, Whatever the issue is just talk it through, and be prepared to opt out of loving him, and be prepared to make requests of him. Check he's committed to making this the beautiful relationship you want it to be and set your BS detector on high sensitivity. If the relationship is contingent on his reaction to your requests make that known. Ignore what Omrow said, it is a dopey idiom. Stop getting confused or you won't do anything. You don't want to do anything is why you're getting confused, but you would enjoy it, doing something, it is the stuff of life. And don't feel obliged to get married anytime soon either, I'm sure this whole thing is clouding your objectives. Probably that's because you feel the objectives aren't of your making and you're looking for loopholes like relationship issues. So the point of getting stuff straightened out with your boyfriend is to consider, and not avoid considering, what your lifelong objectives are going to be, and who you are going to be, instead of seeking advice from assorted argumentative internet people. You might have to read this a few times if you want it to sink in. Chill m'dear.