may sound harsh, but you shouldnt have got so close in the 1st place

if ya dont tell him straight, hes gona carry on living in false hopes and wont leave you be.

you could ask the agony aunt Sister Ruqayah as well if ya want...

Welcome ruby, there is no such thing as being mates with guys, just be straight up and like hayder said you shouldnt have gotten so close in the 1st place (but whats hapend has hapend) just tell him what you think of him and its best if you keep your distance from him.....

"f020855" wrote:

I DIDN'T GET TOO CLOSE! It al began wen i came 2 dis country afta my mum died n he was da 1 who helped me thru anyways iv told da guy dat we're gud mates but he dont take it he expects more man :?

sorry my mistake, but the best thing to do is to be honest, it may be hard but its got to be done, just tel him the way it is.

sorry to hear bout your mum, may Allah grant her peace in heaven.

Salaam

I agree with Hayder…it wouldn’t have come to this if one didn’t let their guard down in the first place.

This issue is very common these days….lots of friends of mine have been in this dilemma.

The problem with so called “platonic friendships” between the sexes is that one never knows whether the other one secretly holds a torch for him/her.

Its best not to let things gets that far in the first place….association with the opposite sex should only be due to work/study purposes and even then its strongly recommended that one should not to get too free/intimate nor should they disclose personal/private problems…

And Sister, you can never be "just mates" with a guy who has feelings for you.

Wasalaam

"f020855" wrote:

but wanea say NO IN A NICE WAY. SO HOW DO I DO IT ANY ADVICE PLEASE? :?

its impossible to say NO in a nice way

whether u say "What part of NO dont u understand u stupid romeo"

OR

"NO I'm not intrested"

will make no diff

rejection is rejection

Oor

What you can do is call him brother instead.

No guy alive will marry some1 whose called them brother.

salaam

yeh ryte guys wont marry if u call them brother dont belive that one.

n yes i totally agree a guy and a girl cannot be just mates. sorry if it sounds harsh but u have to put ur foot down.

wa/salaam

Salam

"f020855" wrote:

HOW DO U LET A GUY KNOW DAT U JUS WANA B MATES?
SO HOW DO I DO IT ANY ADVICE PLEASE?

Obtain a promise from him.

After undertanding your unique dilemma, I suggest the following.

He will definately agree if you just say this to him:

" Hey, can I ask you to do me a big favor ?

Please. Always see me as you would your real sister.

Because I see you as my real brother. "

That should do it.

Omrow

hi Ruby if u are that clos to him and that much mates then Marry him! i cant think of a better reason to get married

I think it is possible for a guy to be freinds with a girl as long as their is respect and understanding . Therefore i advise you to make him understand you only want him as a freind (as soon as possible) and that he respects your decision . If you still think he feels something for you it is best for you to stay away, it may sound harsh but its for the best.

once a geezer is after ya, the longer u stay 'best mates' the worse it is

its clear he wants you, if ya stay close, despite what he may say - hes still gona hold onto that little bit of hope and may act all funny

Ruby, try this - stay away from him for, say, 3-4 days? (or more depending on how regular you see/talk 2 him)....dont talk, answer fone, txt etc

watch his reaction - that should tell you how much he wants you

if it proves to be a LOT....u gotta break it to the fella.....hes bounda run in a few fields, sing a few songs, cut his wrists (?)....but in the end, theres plenty Rani's in the see

salaam hayder, whats up, you should come back to birmingham ill give you a proper tour next time.

bro, ur turn to come Oldham

and drag that Grandpa with you :twisted:

safe bro , i might come and visit that ghetto you call oldham i see what irfan says

Salaam.

I'd suggest seriously taking some time to weigh up if maybe you do think marriage might be okay, explore the option from a hypothetical point of view and pretend you are getting married in your head to properly give it consideraation. then if its still a no go tell him straight.

firstly no1 has the right to make you feel like a bad woman.

Secondly, can I ask y u dnt want to marry him. He obviously is a good person in that he helped you and cares for you. You say he is a good friend, I cant understand why u dont just give the brother a break and marry him. I think he would look after you.

"f020855" wrote:

Thanx Dawud n all the others but some of you guys r jus makin me feel like im some kind of slut or somethin i mean we were jus mates but i guess now il av to finish my friendship ey n see wat happens next and the rest is up to ALLAH. THANKS EVERYONE.

no one is saying that ur a bad women

all that has been said that its impossibleto me just mates with a guy who fancies u

dont lead him on

and if u like him too-marry him

my reply to that is be selfish if you can. I have come to realise that in life people who be selfless all the time, dont get what they want. If the guy is good then dont try setting him up with your cousin, marry him urself.

Yeh, ur relatives might be a bit peeved off, but they will get over it. Dont go putting ur own happiness off for others. I wish I could do that but I cant, if u can, put urself first.

LOL, yea call him brother

"f020855" wrote:

MED its not that easy im still studying n on top of that thres a new twist to this mad story. n the twist is that my aunt n uncle have asked me to ask my mates parents if they would get him married to my lil cousn so im in the middle basically coz if i marry him then i let my family down n if i reject him then i hurt him i jus wana do somethin so stupid n get out of all this forever

do u like this geezer?

would u be ok with him marying ur cousin

btw only marry someone if YOU like them

it aint enough if they like u

You are going to have to tell him sooner or later, You have to be straight forawrd with him, he should appreaciate that InshaAllah :?

if someone really loves you, they would sacrifice their own interests for yours....so if the guy likes you, but u dont wanna go down that route.....for your sake at least - he'll agree

but if he cant come to terms with it - hes actin out of his own interests solely

(im only sayin this if ur 100% sure u dont wanna marry him. but of course if u do - im not discouraging it all)

Allah SWT knows best

"Darth V-Hayder" wrote:

if someone really loves you, they would sacrifice their own interests for yours....so if the guy likes you, but u dont wanna go down that route.....for your sake at least - he'll agree

but if he cant come to terms with it - hes actin out of his own interests solely

hayder bro i agree that if he really loves her he will sacrifice his own interests for her but that doesnt mean he will come to terms with it. He can at the same time sacrifice his happiness for her, and also not be able to come to terms with it.

It may be that being happy for her, not being with her, breaks him completely, maybe even for life. So I dont agree that just cos he has great difficulty coming to terms with it, that it means he is being selfish. No he cud be entirely selfless but also suffer greatly, infact it is because he is being selfless that he will have so much trouble coming to terms with it.

true, he may

but time is the best of healers, and u gotta think - it jus wasnt meant to be

but ur ryt - some people never come to terms with it (some bollywood style!!), whilst others can

"Darth V-Hayder" wrote:

true, he may

but time is the best of healers, and u gotta think - it jus wasnt meant to be

but ur ryt - some people never come to terms with it (some bollywood style!!), whilst others can

lol, yes they say time is the best healer. But is it really?

I doubt a person who really loves someone so much his heart hurts would ever get over the object of his love. Bollywood style is going far, ppl dont sit and make songs, but ppl do spend their whole lives in the hope that they will attain their love. Thats called sacrifice.

"Darth V-Hayder" wrote:

but ur ryt - some people never come to terms with it (some bollywood style!!), whilst others can

lol

the Romeo's-I have no sympthy for them whatsoever