Ya'qub's blog

The Story of the Man, the Fish and the Ring.

One of my students told this true story to the class today, it's quite amazing, I think you'll agree:

A few years ago he was out fishing, and he dropped his ring into the lake and it started to sink and was swallowed by a large fish. He thought that it was lost forever.

Two years later he went out fishing on the same lake, and caught a huge fish. He took it home to grill it for dinner. He cut open the belly of the fish to fillet it, and when he opened it up, you can guess what he found inside...

Nothing. Either the fish had sold the ring for a profit, or it was a different fish.

That is just SOOO inspiring and amazing! I don't know if it's true or not.


I didn't write this... but I really like it for some unknowable reason.

He enters the room.
It is white.
It smells empty.
There are no windows.

At the far end
two buttons, large red buttons, are mounted on the wall.
One is marked: Regular.
The other is marked: Premium.

He crosses.
No further instructions.

He thinks for a moment
reaches out his hand
and presses “Premium.”

A buzzing sounds,
as from the ceiling
a massive cloud of bees is released.

They converge upon him.
Stinging. Stinging. Stinging.

He flees,
yet strangely satisfied.

What to do in a lift

1. When there's only one other person in the lift, tap them on the shoulder and then pretend it wasn't you.
2. Push the buttons and pretend they give you a shock. Smile, and go back for more.
3. Ask if you can push the button for other people, but push the wrong ones.
4. Call the Psychic Hotline from your cell phone and ask if they know what floor you're on.
5. Hold the doors open and say you're waiting for your friend. After a while, let the doors close and say, "Hi Greg. How's your day been?"
6. Drop a pen and wait until someone reaches to help pick it up, then scream, "That's mine!"
7. Bring a camera and take pictures of everyone in the lift.
8. Move your desk in to the lift and whenever someone gets on, ask if they have an appointment.

Lessons From teh Animals

I think we humans can be too materialistic, we should learn from animals.

Take the alligator, for example. It has a very big, silly-looking nose. That is undeniable. But if I was an alligator, I wouldn't want to have an operation or cosmetic surgery; it would make catching my prey more difficult for a start.

And how about kangaroos? They look really stupid, hopping around. All it is is 'hoppity hoppity hoppity' all day long. But how does the kangaroo feel about it? I'm sure he/she probably thinks something like, "Yeah, all this hopping can get quite boring, but on the plus side, I'm in the Guinness Book of Records."

Spell Cheque

A nice poem eye found. Eye didn't right it, but it's good.

eye halve a spelling chequer
it came with my pea sea
it plainly marques four my revue
miss steaks eye kin knot sea
eye strike a key and type a word
and weight four it two say
weather eye am wrong oar write
it shows me strait a weigh.
as soon as a mist ache is maid
it nose bee fore two long
and eye can put the error rite
its rare lea ever wrong.
eye have run this poem threw it
i am shore your pleased two no
its letter perfect awl the weigh
my chequer tolled me sew.

Anchorman Comes True

'Anchorman', possibly the funniest film about a San Diego newscaster EVER, has now (sort of) come true:

US news anchor Larry Mendte: a real-life Ron Burgundy?

...while Burgundy ended up wrestling bears in San Diego zoo, real-life US TV news anchor Larry Mendte has been sentenced to six months' house arrest after a long-running feud with his younger female colleague, Alycia Lane.

Mendte was said to be jealous that Lane's $780,000 salary was rather more than his. She allegedly told him during an on-set row that she was the "rising star" and he was on the way out.

We're All Going on a Summer Halaliday


Many Muslims go on holiday around Europe or other parts of the non-Muslim world... and they all suffer the same dilemmas:

-Where can I pray?
-Is there any halal food here?
-All the other problems anyone else going on holiday ever faces.

So, what I'm proposing, no, what I'm DEMANDING, is a central hub or source for Muslim holiday makers.

It can start as a website, similar to lonely planet, where anyone can post their tips/info for each country/city - especially places where there aren't big Muslim populations, so finding halal may be difficult.

Once it becomes an international internet phenomenum, it can be released as a handy guide book, updated every year.

Writing a Story

While sitting on the microbus (only 10p to ride, but no oyster card system; I'm not sure if this means its better than London or not...) I started thinking about a far-off, fantasy world (as I often do)...but suddenly, it came more and more 'alive' inside my mind:

Characters, islands, history, all part of this 'made up universe'

Specific scenes developed, and slowly an overall plot formed.

Later on in the day, I was walking around town (lost), and I was thinking more and more about this...In my opinion it has the potential for a 'proper' story, like a novel.

So should I start to write it? Or is this a big waste of time, which I will give up on in a few weeks and then find the file on my computer and be hopelessly embarrassed of?