Issue 4: Ali Wannabe & Jamal!

Jamal spots Ali in the street...

Jamal: Assallamu Allaikum Ali, How are you bro? Last time I saw you it was before Eid. Eid Mubarak Ali

Ali: Eid Mubarak to you as well Jam. Eid was phat. Me got me new clothes, had a sick was buzzin’. But I remembered what you said and spent time at home as well. All 10 minutes of it....hahaha

Jamal: My Eid wasn’t the same because of the Earthquake in Kashmir. That was terrible and sad news...

Ali: Yeah, bad buzz.

Jamal: I hope you sent some money for the Earthquake Appeal... to help out.

Ali: Yeah...I gave a tenner. Big sacrifice Jam...that’s one less tenner bag to smoke.

Jamal: Bro, that’s good that you gave money but don’t think that’s job over. We need to do more...

Ali: Why? I gave ma dollar. I done my bit. Anyway what’s in it for me?

Jamal: Come on Ali, they are your fellow Muslims. Its our duty to help them in any way we can. The Prophet (pbuh) said: ‘The Ummah is like a body. When one part of the body hurts, the rest of the body feels the pain.’

Ali: What’s Ummah? Who’s she? And what’s this about her body you sly dog. I didn’t think you were like that?

Jamal: Ummah means “community” or nation. It is the Muslims and therefore the whole Islamic world. All Muslims are our brothers and sisters...and together we are the Ummah of the Prophet (pbuh).

Ali: Woah.... how is a white guy or a black guy my brother... we’re Pakis innit!

Jamal: Do I smell racism there ali...tut tut!!!! The Prophet (pbuh) said in his last sermon: ‘a white has no superiority over a black, nor a black has any superiority over a white- except by piety and good action. Learn that every Muslim is a brother to every Muslim and that the Muslims make up one brotherhood.’

Ali: What ya mean he’s better if he’s pious (religious). I thought the more money you had, the better you are; like Scarface says: ‘first you get the money, then you get the power and then you get the respect.’ Bare respect for Scarface, he’s the Don.

Jamal: You don’t get respect just by having plenty of money. It depends on how you got it, how you earned it and how you live your life.

Ali: Jam, you chatting bare crap now....listen, if me had bare dollars, me would chill with da boyz, plenty of Bentleys, wearing my Bling Bling...and they would give me ‘nuff respec’.

Jamal: Do you know who has ‘nuff respec’ in the sight of God and his prophet? Do you wanna know who is biggest, baddest, most phat, sick and buzzin’ person in the sight of God and his prophet? If you want respect in this world and in the hereafter then listen carefully to the words of the Prophet (pbuh): ‘ The best among you is the one who is best in character, taqwa and piety’. No mention of dosh, bling bling, phat cribs i’m afraid.

Ali: So why is da dosh that me and da boyz get from dealing and scams different to everyone elses? It’s got da queens head on it and it ain’t no makes sure of that, innit.

Jamal: errmm...let me think now...its because it’s haram blondie... how many times do i have to say this to you. If you smoked less of that junk..then maybe some of this will be sinking in by now. The prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said: “The son of Adam will By Irfan Khan and Sajid Iqbal not pass away from Allah until he is asked about five things: how he lived his life, and how he utilized his youth, with what means did he earn his wealth, how did he spend his wealth, and what did he do with his knowledge.” (Tirmidhi)

Ali: Right, Right……….whats utilized? And what do you mean by means? I thought my English was bad, that don’t make sense.....

Jamal: Just think of it like this Ali. If your mum died you wouldn’t even be able to pay for her funeral because of your haram wouldn’t even be able to attend the funeral cos you would be so stoned...where’s the respect now?

Ali: What? You serious?

Jamal: You bet I am....All the money, pimped out rides, bling bling will stay here..and you’re gonna go 6 feet under in a box and you ain’t gonna take none of that with you are you?

Ali: Maybe me can make me a pyramid like that Tootookaman geeza and pickle me bits for laters.

Jamal: Bro...try to be serious for once. Don’t be fooled by this’s very fake , short and materialistic. Don’t chase the world Ali, chase the deen.

Ali: But..the world is gooood. Money, weed, gals, da bling, da boyz, da the McD ad...I’m lovin’ it!

Jamal: I think i’m talking to a brick wall! Look the only thing that will help you in the hereafter (after death) is your deeds and your actions bro. Not your weed, money, power or cars. Nothing. TuPac and Biggy had all that...where are they now? In a box!

Ali: What da ya mean that like house deeds?

Jamal: It’s your good actions. Being a practising Muslim. Following the laws of Islam. Doing your prayers. Doing halal and staying away from Haram.

Ali: Jam you need to chill a is only a young lad yet...i’ll do some ‘good’ deeds before I die and the boys will go to Hajj and dat..

Jamal: You need to start thinking about death bro. Do you know when or where you will die Jam? We’re all going...maybe today, maybe tomorrow...don’t waste your youth bro...cos once you’re gone.. its gonna be nasty if you have been a bad boy!

Ali: Jam, how does you know what happens after death? Is you like Dracula or some Mystic Smeg? Can u talk to the other side Wooooooo…

Jamal: You see bro the Quran is the word of God, and the Prophet (pbuh) is the true and final messenger of God. The Quran and the Prophet (pbuh) have clearly and openly stated what will happen when you die, what happens in the grave and so on.

Ali: Raas! So wagwaan afta you dies? Can I meet Biggy and Tu Pac...and ..and...

Jamal: I’ll tell you who you can meet. Well when you die two angels come to your grave, sit you up and ask you 3 questions: Who is your Lord? What is your Deen(religion/faith)? What did you used to say about the Prophet Muhammad(pbuh)?

Ali: Yo, dats don’t even have to phone a friend....I already know da answers. Raas, dis is well easy..

Jamal: Naah Ali...You will only know the answers if you have lived your life according to Islam

Ali: So me gotta grow a beard and look like Bin Ladin to go to heaven?

Jamal: have to live your entire life according to the Quran and Sunnah. If you had strong faith in Islam, did what was compulsory(fardh), lived your life as a practising Muslim and stayed away from sins then you have a chance....

Ali: So what if me gets the question right...what’s the star prize... me heard you get loads of fit gals in Paradise man!...and what happens if I’m wrong?

Jamal: A good Muslim will easily answer the questions...then his grave will be spread wide open and basically he will chill and have a nice long sleep. But if you get the questions wrong..the punishment of the grave will start. The grave will squeeze you so much that your ribs will inter-lock. Just think of the worst possible punishment the grave it will be worse!

Ali: What! No Weed? Easy’re just tellin’ me about a Scary Movie you seen innit...that ain’t gonna it?

Jamal: Bro the only thing you gonna be burnin’ in the grave is YOU, and that’s nowt bro....this will continue to happen till the Day of Judgement.

Ali: But I’m dead innit...what more can you do to me? Come on!

Jamal: You see bro, in the grave you are brought back to life... and you feel all the pain. Once the punishment of the grave is over, you will be raised from your graves on the Day of Judgement. All your sins will be presented in front of Almighty Allah. Now if your bad deeds are more than your good deeds, then you will be sent to hell...but if your good deeds out weigh your bad ones..then you have succeeded..Paradise is yours forever.

Ali: So Biggy was right about life after death? Told you it was a good idea to pickle your bits. I wonder if heaven got a ghetto like Tu Pac says, maybe I can take mine?

Jamal: No bro. No pickling and no taking your ghetto, only your deeds. You need to have a strong belief in the hereafter...may be it will change the way you live your life forever. You shouldn’t live just for this world...but also work for the hereafter as well. The Prophet (pbuh) said: “Be in this world as if you were a stranger or a traveller. If you survive until the evening, do not expect to be alive in the morning, and if you survive until the morning, do not expect to be alive in the evening. Take from your health for your sickness, and take from your life for your death.” (Bukhari)

Ali: Raas! You sounding like Mr. Miyagi. It’s too hard Jam.... death and all dat scares the crap out of me man....but I wanna chill too!

Jamal: You can chill long as you stay away from haram. Enjoy life but do your prayers, do halal, get a halal job, live your life according to Islam bro. It’s not that hard at can do it I have faith in you.

Ali: ...Jus make dua for me innit bro, I need your help.

Jamal: Bro I’m there for you, but you have to help yourself as well.

Ali: I think that’s the problem bro I’ve been helping ma self to too much.

Jamal: Good to hear you thinking that way bro but keep on trying.

Ali: Yeah... safe.