Issue 11: Ali and Jamal

By Sajid Iqbal & Dawud Qadri

Jamal spots Ali at an Islamic conference. Ali tells Jamal that he has given up his bad habits and is trying to be good Muslim. But Ali still has one issue he needs Jamal's help with. As the conversation turns to girls, Jamal tells Ali about the evils of zina and importance of marriage...

Jamal: Asalaamu Alaikum brother...Ali? Is that you? What you doing here, did you get lost in this area and come inside to get directions?

Ali: Wasalaam Jam. I'm flexin' man. How are ya Boss? Me mate told me to check the conference out, he said I could get a 'spiritual' high!

Jamal: Hahaha that's a good one.

Ali: Yeah I laughed too... but I ain't laughing now though!...Look around there's no hot chicks here! Too many fat and ugly ones.

Jamal: You've not changed much have u bro! I thought prison might have wised you up.

Ali: Nah man, me is a changed man... but we all have a weakness or two... or three or...

Jamal: So Ali how EXACTLY have you changed?

Ali: Me was a G, a hustler, a soulja. Prison did change me Jam. Now me is trying to be a good Muslim but raas man, it's solid Jam. Those two rules you told me about; stick to the Halal and leave the Haram...its hardcore!

Jamal: So you're ACTUALLY trying to be a practising Muslim. Mashallah that's the best news I've heard for ages. Of course it's gonna be hard bro to start o with but the thing about being a 'practising' Muslim is that...practise makes perfect! Hahaha d'you get it?

Ali: Hilarious bro, anyway you see da weed, da booze, da dealings and all dat i give up no probs. But da gals me can't give up.

Jamal: Flirting or sleeping around with the opposite sex outside marriage is a problem that existed at the time of the Prophet (pbuh) too. But do you know what the Prophet (pbuh) advised such people?

Ali: Did he say kill ‘em or dat they is gonna go to Hell? Coz man if you is gonna give the Hell speech I already heard it; having to eat the stinking, rotting, filthy meat and then the burning-hot fire. It ain't pretty but I'm too young to worry about death and all dat hereafter stuff, tell me something about the here and now.

Jamal: No problem, so as I was saying next time you're thinking of checking out a gal...

Ali: So I've got a weakness, what's wrong with dat? Can’t I have a bit of fun dude?

Jamal: Let me tell you about your so-called ‘fun’! On one occasion a young man came to the Prophet (pbuh) and said, "O Messenger of Allah! Give me permission to commit Zina (unlawful sex)." The people surrounded him and wanted to sort him out but the Prophet (pbuh) said to the young man, "Come close." The young man came to him, and the Prophet (pbuh) said, "Sit down," so he sat down. The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Would you like to have unlawful sex (Zina) with your mother?"


Jamal: Bro! These are the words of the Prophet (pbuh) so listen to them with respect. As I was saying, the young man said of course not, how can anyone have sex with their mother?!? The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Neither do the people want anyone to have unlawful sex with their mothers." The Prophet (pbuh) then asked him, "Would you like to have unlawful sex (Zina) with your daughter?" The young man said of course not, how can anyone have sex with their daughter!" The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Neither do the people want anyone to have unlawful sex with their daughters." The Prophet (pbuh) then asked him, "Would you like to have unlawful sex (Zina) with your sister?" He said how can anyone have sex with their sister! The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Neither do the people want anyone to have unlawful sex with their sisters."

Ali: This is sick Jam! What you trying to say?!? I don't sleep around with I can't even say it!!!

Jamal: I haven't finished yet, Ali. It'll all make sense if you let me finish. The Prophet (pbuh) then asked the young man, "Would you like to have unlawful sex (Zina) with your paternal or maternal aunt?" He said, "No, how can anyone have sex with their paternal or maternal aunt! The Prophet (pbuh) said, "Neither do the people want anyone to have unlawful sex with their paternal or maternal aunts." Then the Prophet (pbuh) put his hand on him and said, "O Allah, forgive his sin, purify his heart, and guard his chastity." After that the young man never had unlawful sex (Zina) with anyone for the rest of his life.

Ali: Dat’s a phat story Jam, but why you telling me this? I can’t help it if I'm a sex god Jam. Da gals love me so I entertain ‘em yo!

Jamal: You don't get it do you bro? What the Prophet (pbuh) is telling us is that any woman you sleep around with will be SOMEBODY'S mum, or somebody's daughter or somebody's sister. Now how would you like it Ali if some gigolo 'sex god' slept around with YOUR mum, or YOUR sister or YOUR daughter?

Ali: Oi!! Jam I’m warning you, don’t be chatting like that about my family…

Jamal: Well I hope you think a 100 times before you 'entertain' anybody else’s mum, sister or daughter!

Ali: You know Jam, you do talk a lot of crap sometimes, but you've really got me on this one. The thing is though, a few of them are just so hot. One look and I forget I even have a mum or a sister... when I see someone that fine they're all I can think about.

Jamal: Bro, if you stay away from Zina do you know what Allah (swt) promises you?

Ali: Sexy babes in heaven?

Jamal: The Prophet (pbuh) said that there are seven groups of people who are promised the shade of Allah (swt) on the Day of Resurrection, one of them is: “A man who refuses the call of a charming woman of noble birth for illegal sexual intercourse with her, and says: 'I am afraid of Allah'.”

Ali: I used to say ‘No’ to gals when I was younger coz I was scared that if me old man found out he would feed me to the neighbour's rottweiler!

Jamal: Ali!!!!!

Ali: Okay! So what you're saying is if I don't pull any gal and say 'No thanks' to chicks who want my body then God will make sure I get front row in Heaven?

Jamal: Well... more or less Ali.

Ali: But... but... wait a minute; you want me to say 'no thanks, I'm Muslim' for the rest of my handsome life?? Jam I'll do 10 prayers a day if u want but no bow chaka wawa... I dunno man...

Jamal: Ali do you speed when you drive?

Ali: I don't see where this is going, but yeah. Who doesn't?

Jamal: What about when you see a cop car?

Ali: Well obviously I slow down then, I even put my seat belt on!

Jamal: Would you speed if there was a copper in your passenger seat?

Ali: No way, that's just stupid.

Jamal: Are you aware that Allah(swt) is always watching you?

Ali: Yeah, I've heard that... a few thousand times. He's always watching you, you can't hide anything from Him.

Jamal: That's right, you can't hide all the Haram sex you've been having. You might forget about Allah (swt) when you see a 'hot chick' but Allah (swt) doesn't forget about you. You're breaking the law right in front of Him.

Ali: Woah, that's heavy. You just rained on my parade Jam.

Jamal: And I ain't finished, you said you forget you even have a mum, well if she was in the room, would you feel embarrassed about stripping in front of her and 'entertaining' some honey?

Ali: She's my mum, the woman who gave birth to me... I... I couldn't do that.

Jamal: Well Allah (swt) created you Ali. Don't you feel ashamed to be stripping o to commit sin with someone's little girl while the One who created you, Who gives you the breath that you're breathing... is watching you?

Ali: Ok, when you put it like that, I do feel bad about it.

Jamal: I'm putting it like that because that's the way it is. I'm sorry Ali, but it's all straight up. These aren't hard words Ali, it's just the way it is.

Ali: A bit like solitary confinement... for life. This is like being back in prison again.

Jamal: This ain't a life sentence bro. There's a way you can fulfil your desires AND Allah(swt) will reward you for it too.

Ali: Jamal bro don't be playing with me like this!!!

Jamal: Seriously, there is. With a fine honey who's got your back when you need help, and who chills you out when you're stressed.


Jamal: Your wife! The one who’ll give you beauty AND peace of mind. You can check her out all you want, if there's anything on your mind she's there for you. Even making love with your wife will get you reward.

Ali: Wot!!! I get reward for getting jiggy with the missus! Raaas... dats phat man! And all that other stuff too, it's like Romeo and his Julie.

Jamal: Yeah but all this is for real, it can happen if you want it to.

Ali: Hang on, hang on...but dat means I gotta tie the knot!!!! ME!!?? Get married??? What a joke!

Jamal: Maybe it is, but I notice you're not laughing...