Kids need boundaries and to know where the line is.

Teaching them right from wrong(in a non-strict manner)is probably gonna be the hardest part. But not impossible.

Some interesting comments, but I bet u none of u guys r going 2 do what u said coz it neva works like that and these kinds of things r easier said than done.
Im s*** scared of having kids coz theres so much involved in haveing them I dont think I could cope, and like some of u have said our own upbringing places a huge part in the way we bring up our kids and my ipbringing wasnt all that good and I fear that I may give my kids a similar upbringing that I had and that is my biggest fear.

LR wrote:

Some interesting comments, but I bet u none of u guys r going 2 do what u said coz it neva works like that and these kinds of things r easier said than done.
Im s*** scared of having kids coz theres so much involved in haveing them I dont think I could cope, and like some of u have said our own upbringing places a huge part in the way we bring up our kids and my ipbringing wasnt all that good and I fear that I may give my kids a similar upbringing that I had and that is my biggest fear.

I'm scared that I might go wrong too, but I can do my best, keep cool and try and learn from the past.

Im looking forward to being a parent, Insha-Allah I would like to bring my kids up in a Islamic manner but I do not want to resrtict them too much from going out and that

I understand the need to 'Chill out' with a few mates and therefore I will allow my kids to have that freedom long as they do not abuse it.

I wouldn't mind if they didn't want to go to Uni, its their choice and I wouldn't get them hooked to their cousins no matter how much pressure I get. I dont want my kids to misunderstand their religion neither be driven away from their cultural roots, I'd try my bset to give them a balanced life, Insha-Allah

LMAO I'm speaking like im already married and got kids (SCARY)

Do you know any British Muslim around your age that actually WOULDN'T raise them like that? You know the too lax or too strict type? You don't need to say any names.

Seraphim wrote:

Kids need boundaries and to know where the line is.

Teaching them right from wrong(in a non-strict manner)is probably gonna be the hardest part. But not impossible.

Its very hard to raise kids. I have 2 boys and raising them on your own is even harder, and thats what im doing. Sometimes you have to teach them the hard way if they dont listen, like grounding them if theyve done wrong.
My mum says your not a "gori" they do that! But i just tell her insted beating the crap out of them take away thir fav toy or put em to bed early then they will realise theyve done wrong.
If you beat them it will become a habit.
As for the swearing bit.
My youngest is 3 and the other day he stuck his middle finger at his bro and sais "you stupid, idiot mother f***** !
I was shocked and told him off. God knows where he learnt that from!
My eldest told me that when they went to their dads for the weekend his cousin said it to him and he is also 3 years old
SHOCKING!

Shaz wrote:

Seraphim wrote:

Kids need boundaries and to know where the line is.

Teaching them right from wrong(in a non-strict manner)is probably gonna be the hardest part. But not impossible.

Its very hard to raise kids. I have 2 boys and raising them on your own is even harder, and thats what im doing. Sometimes you have to teach them the hard way if they dont listen, like grounding them if theyve done wrong.
My mum says your not a "gori" they do that! But i just tell her insted beating the crap out of them take away thir fav toy or put em to bed early then they will realise theyve done wrong.
If you beat them it will become a habit.
As for the swearing bit.
My youngest is 3 and the other day he stuck his middle finger at his bro and sais "you stupid, idiot mother f***** !
I was shocked and told him off. God knows where he learnt that from!
My eldest told me that when they went to their dads for the weekend his cousin said it to him and he is also 3 years old
SHOCKING!

Yeah you're approach seems to be fairly good. As for swearing I think it's best to make them see what sort of a person swearing makes you seem and they gotta know it's not clever.

I did tell him that infact ive thought im gna make a swear box and everytime anyone swears they will have to sacrifice one of their fav things for a few days cuz the lilone loves his toys that should teach him!

Just out of interest Shaz, how much swearing would make you uncomfortable?

I dont see the harm in giving a child a real telling off when they swear. When I was in primary school, two boys from another class swore. Their teacher marched them to the toilets and LITERALLY washed their mouths out with soap. Our whole school was shocked - but I think MORE from hearing the swear then the punishment that was later invoked :oops: Perhaps its wrong for me to advocate, but I know taking that same action WOULD cross my mind.

If you are a good parent you will try all your life to bring up your child in the deen,
but what you must always remember is that they will probably be living in a world that
is several notches tougher than the world that you have been brought up in and therefore, are more likely to be deceived by this world. Above all you must learn tolerance, compassion, mercy and understanding, try to be a better Muslim than many of those in your parents' generation. Understand your child is from Allah, even if they enact your worst nightmare you can bring them
back to Allah's straight path, with Allah's help and a true understanding of Islam. Don't destroy your child, as many self righteous hypocrites in my generation have done. Remember perfection is for Allah alone, we weak humans can only try our best to work towards it with Allah's help and it is a constant jihad (of the inner self) even for the best among us.

Courage wrote:

Do you know any British Muslim around your age that actually WOULDN'T raise them like that? You know the too lax or too strict type? You don't need to say any names.

Yea I know a few that said that they wouldn't give their kids any boundaries or any lines, they would rely on their kids to choose the right one without their guidance and I know a lot that said they they wouldn't let their kids have any mates from the opposite sex not even in little school and also that they would even write up s schedule for the kids daily routine :@ I was like WOW aint you abit too tight there, they was like na that way I know they won't do anything wrong...HMMM

Shaz wrote:

Its very hard to raise kids. I have 2 boys and raising them on your own is even harder, and thats what im doing. Sometimes you have to teach them the hard way if they dont listen, like grounding them if theyve done wrong.

Boys are much harder to raise then girls.

Shaz wrote:

My mum says your not a "gori" they do that! But i just tell her insted beating the crap out of them take away thir fav toy or put em to bed early then they will realise theyve done wrong.
If you beat them it will become a habit.

Aye i agree beating doesnt work for everyone some become immune to it.

Shaz wrote:

My youngest is 3 and the other day he stuck his middle finger at his bro and sais "you stupid, idiot mother f***** !
I was shocked and told him off. God knows where he learnt that from!
My eldest told me that when they went to their dads for the weekend his cousin said it to him and he is also 3 years old
SHOCKING!

:shock: :shock: :shock:

You sound like a really cool mum who knows hows to handle her kids. Keep it up

Thanks Naz im trying my best

i'm not sure if im looking forward to it but i guess im gonna be a fun parent
and a controling one too

Bit of a paradox, don't you think?