There’s always been a massive stigma attached to marriages from “back home”.
I’m speaking from a girl’s point of view (guys may feel free to differ). I have a massive stigma attached to this type of marriage too…this is cos of personal experience.
My mum was brought up in this country and my dad was from “back home”. Their marriage isn’t exactly what I’d describe a “happy marriage”. I feel that the only reason why they have remained married for 22 years is cos mum is extremely tolerant by nature…she can take a LOT of crap.
In my opinion there are cultural elements that exist which can make people very incompatible. I feel this is truer for women who marry men from back home….I’ve also personally witnessed many nightmare marriages in my community usually cos the husband from back home exerts culturally embedded authority over his wife….domestic violence is also very common.
So maybe I’m generalising and tarring all guys from back home with the same brush, I KNOW you get good and bad people here, there and everywhere but this is just my personal opinion based on what I’ve seen…
The way I look at it……I’ am “home” so “back home” wouldn’t be MY home….
Interestingly though, when guys marry girls from “back home” such marriages are more likely to succeed. All my uncles have married girls from “back home” and they’re very happy.
But what’s wrong is parents pressuring their kids to get married to someone from “back home” so that ties would be made stronger....some parents feel a “financial obligation” towards their family from back home…..a cousin of mine and an uncle (who are extremely westernised) are being pressurised at the moment…..why do parents over look compatibility?
My friend just recently got out of a nightmare marriage to a guy from “back home” AFTER her older brother ended his marriage to a girl from “back home”….parents don’t even learn from the mistake from one child, and continue making the same mistake over again with the rest of their children.
In my town this is a massive issue…parents are forcing their kids to get married back home….these kids have a stigma attached to this type of marriage….kids have been through school making fun out of “freshies” and when they can not take marriage pressure any more they run away….
When David Blunkett advised all Asians to avoid getting their kids married back home, this caused uproar….but at the same time this was seen as relief to those kids who have parents who have “promised” them to people in some village as soon as they were born….
SO, can marriages from back home work? And why do more girls have issue with this kind of marriage then boys do?
Is cultural compatibility a problem, or should Islamic compatibility be prioritised? DO parents have a financial obligation towards their family “back home”?
And why do many people make fun out of “freshies”?
Are we so westernised that we have lost our connection with our roots? Would more marriages from “back home” solve this problem?
My thoughts on all of the above is not back and white. But please share your thoughts.