My life story... Ish
Well i did warn you...
Alright, it's not actually my life story, more like a vent my feelings, get your advice kinda thing...
If , at any point, you get too bored to carry on- by all means leave
This is my time to whinge, not yours XD
Well basically, my big problem right now, that seems to be eating up my whole life is this.
The fact that i feel i have two identities
The way i feel that i'm only HALF a Muslim
and i know that probably makes no sense
but you see, the thing is right- that i feel like there are two separate Mes- two halves of the same person- if that makes sense...
I don't know if you read my other blogs about Eid and Hugging, but i guess in a way it's kinda similar...
I mean, there's the Ash half of me
the extrovert part of me with the Black and purple hair
Designer clothes, permanent smile and brimming with confidence
Then there's the part of me that only seems to exist internally, the part of me that at night regrets things i did, and feels bad about being ashamed and i don't know how many times i've promised myself that right, TOMORROW- i'll start, even if it's only baby steps
but then i never do and my reasoning that works with myself when i'm "out" doesn't work
The clutching-at-straws reasons
like I'm only young, i'll still have time
it's not my fault, it's my parents for bringing me up undisciplined
those reasons seem pathetic NOW but not at the time
In fact at the time, the fact that i'm "a muslim" doesn't even Occur to me
I don't know tbh, if i even deserve the title
i mean, isn't a Muslim someone who does all the things it's compulsory for a muslim TO DO ?
I believe in God, yes but it's not ENOUGH is it
It's strange, but i've never even CONSIDERED the fact that if i AM a Muslim, i'm a bad one- i guess because i've always been around people that are worse i just thought i was borderline OK but the fact that other people are BAD doesn't mean I'm Good.
Does that make sense?
Congratulations if you made it this far
you have my undying love 
But i have a little more to say
*deep breath*
So yeahh well basically i mean i wish i could just take that big leap and make a first move
but i can't even CONSIDER just walking into college with a hijab on because to me it sounds absurd but i think, for me to ever advance spiritually, i'd have to do that
because it would mean that i wasn't ashamed
I mean i'm NOT ashamed, but it's easy to say that NOW
And if someone asked me i'd answer but if i think of it like
If someone approached me and asked me about myself, i wouldn't.... i DON'T mention that i'm a Muslim
i guess it's because of the way people stereotype Muslims and i wouldn't want them to prejudge me...partly, i suppose
i mean, i wouldn't deny it if i was asked
but i wouldn't willingly say it without being prompted
I'm sorry if this blog makes you think badly of me
but it's something i feel i have to say
I don't believe for a second you've read this all from start to finish, but thank you anyway XD
Any thoughts/comments/opinions/advice?
Because that would be great if you're offering
Please and thank you
Comments
The only think you're guilty of is being human. I have very rarely met Muslims who do everything straight down the line.
This mate of mine may not wear a hijaab, but she reads all her prayers. Inshallah one day when she's ready she'll wear it.
This guy i know is really religious but he doesnt have a beard or is that regular in his prayers.
What im saying is its alright if you're not perfect in your practice at the moment. Its a process. We start off with the littest things. Try starting off with learning how to read prayers. Im not saying start off with the full 5. Start by reading as many as you can. 2/3 even. Or start by reading a few lines of the quran. Doesnt have to be a whole chapter just a few lines, then work up to a page etc. Which ever works.
Its a process remember that.
And yes, i did read thru the whole thing
When life offers you a dream so far beyond any of your expectations, it is not reasonable to grieve when it comes to an end.
Asalamu alaykum,
Before you change yourself, you have to analyse yourself...so you've taken the first step
Some people don't even bother to think, so masha'allah it's good that you have done. Insha'allah I'll help you and advise you..leave me a pm with your email addy if you want. Take care,
Wasalam
Oh, yes I HAVE read from start to finish. Yeah it's quite interesting. Let me tell you, that there's NO Muslim who doesn't commit even one sin. We all do it, but it's about trying to evaluate and reflect on yourself. There's this Hadith, sorry can't give you the reference now.
A man was sat in the Prophet's mosque. he was told by the Prophet that a very righteous man was about to enter. Righteous did, so the man tried to find out what was good about him, so he stayed as a guest at his house. This didn't pray Tahajud for a few days, but only got up for Fajr. So he was asked why the Prophet (pbuh) had called him Righteous? He just said, "every day I reflect on my self and think how I can be a better person and how I can put that into practice."
So it's excellent that you are reflecting, mate, don't out yourself down. But at the same time don;t get too complacent either.
Maybe, try talking to good Muslims you know maybe they can help you. About the stereotypes about Muslims and Hijab, maybe you can play a role in eradicating that. Remind yourself that you're wearing Hijab because Allah (swt) knows that wearing it will force people to look at your personality and character rather than your attractiveness and that's why He tells you to wear it. Also, remember to listen to scholars/Imams who are not only knowledgable about Islam, but also the 21st Century. They'll give you the best advice, that way you won't have to shy away from telling people you're a Muslim.
On the other hand, don't turn into a religious fanatic or a fatwa machine, nobody likes them, and I don;t see why you have to tell people you're a Muslim. They should work it out, by your character, or at least have the thoughtt to ask you.
Hope that helps, mate. Let us know how you get on, will you?
“Before death takes away what you are given, give away whatever there is to give.”
Mawlana Jalal ud Din Rumi
TBH I'm not sure that the BEST thing to do is to wear deal with the external parts of being a good Muslim before you deal with the inner parts.
Surely prayers are WAY more important than wearing hijab, no? The FIRST thing that Allah (swt) will ask us about on the Day of Judgement is our prayers; if they're good, then everything else will be good. If they're not-so-good, then everything else will be not-so-good.
If you are self-conscious about wearing hijab or anything else, then deal with the things that you're NOT self conscious about. Once you get them strait, then you can move on to the external things.
That's what I think, anyway.
When I first accepted that Islam is the Truth, I didn't convert for over 6 months after that. Do you know why? Because I was scared what people might 'say' or 'think' about me. Eventually I realised that is was Shaitan who was the one whispering all these doubts in my mind. Eventually I started to pray, and then went to the mosque. I still hadn't talked about it to my parents, again because I was worried that they might not take it seriously, or think that I was gonna be an 'extremist', or that if I did anything wrong/bad to them, then they would think that ISLAM made me do it!
When I got myself better (still not perfected myself yet), THEN I started to discuss it with my fam and friends. And you know what? NOBODY reacted in the way I'd expected. No1 started treating me like I was a different person; all the doubts and suspicions I'd had about how they'd react were just from Shaitan.
If you start to practice Islam more, and tell people about it, then you'll be surprised about how much people don't actually really CARE, tand won't treat you any differently.
I like this quote from Dave Chappell (American stand up comedian and actor):
“I don’t normally talk about my religion publicly because I don’t want people to associate me and my flaws with this beautiful thing. And I believe it is beautiful if you learn it the right way.”[
Don't just do something! Stand there.
First off, thank you for your thoughts and advice
I really appreciate it
Well you're right that Salah is probably more important
but it's just that recently i haven't been able to get a certain quote i heard (from a friend, e-mail, text or RS lesson or something, may well be incorrect) out of my head
and that was that in the Qur'an God says:
"if you are ashamed of me, i will be ashamed of you"
and to me it feels like, the fact that i don't do the basic things that is so easy for other people (wearing a hijab...plenty of people don't pray, not condoning it, but it's true-as far as i know) makes me think that i haven't even set the foundations and not wearing it- well i mean, if i'm ASHAMED of being a Muslim, will my prayers mean anything? Do i even Deserve to have a spiritual relationship with God?
I like what you said though, i guess i never thought of it like that
if i do what i can... everything will fall into place
I just feel like such an ingrate sometimes
it's not HARD...i mean, i wear accessories easily enough
So are you saying.... that the way that i think people will react- is what the devil's telling me is the way they will just to put me off?
I'm scared though- and i don't want to admit it
but i mean, because of situations that have happened before
i can assume what would happen, or what MIGHT happen- and the thought scares me
because... i don't want it to
and i think i'd just be paranoid, all the time that what people weren't saying or thinking to my face, they would be behind my back
and i wouldn't be able to clear up their misunderstandings, because they wouldn't be saying it to my face!
Yeah, that's a very inspirational quote
I've never heard of him but i'm sure he's great
Take it you're a fan?
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
Dont be too hard on yourself. Like every1 said its a process. Takes time. We didnt all jump up one day and started praying 5 times and started covering up. It happens over time, usually through a series of realisations... similar to what your going through.
Take it in small steps. Start by doing the littlest of things. Like greeting all your Muslim friends with a Salaam. How does that saying go: Take one step towards Allah (swt) and he will take leaps towards you? Remember HIM in a small gathering and HE will remember you in a much GREATER gathering.
So if you read 2/3 prayers today tomorrow you could read 4/5. If you dont cover your head today tomorrow you might. If today you're not confident in your knowledge of Islam then by constantly trying tomorrow you will.
Allah (swt) loves all his people, even those who have the littelest of faith. So just coz your not practicing today doesnt mean your not on the right track.
Back in BLACK
I couldn't aree more with you Yaqub
I get a lot of ppl judging me for notwearing a headscarf and thinking that because of that, I have no right to talk about Islamic stuff or whatever
which is not very nice I must say
Only Allah knows what is in our hearts, n if what is in there is pure
But to me, that's the way it feels
When i read accounts of Muslim reverts and Muslims on the interenet and stuff, they're so Secure in their faith
and they just seem to "naturally" know so much
even you guys, on TheRevival, seem like you've been BORN religious
and i can't help but be jealous of people on here because you ALL seem so secure!
i don't have many muslim friends but i'm sort of...casual acquaintances with some muslim people
but i'd be self conscious about greeting them the arabic way
because i'd be worried about saying it wrong- i have quite a "British" accent, and it might sound like i'm making fun of it- which is the last thing i want tbh
I know... but i'm worried that i won't GET on the right track
I let the bad part of me walk all over the good part
the good part only seems to come into being when no one's around to watch
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
Its about putting your best foot forward.
If you ever met any of us, let me assure you that the chances of you being disappointed are high.
The internet hides out flaws, shows the side of us that we want to present rather than the whole unfiltered truth.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Oh
I see
So am i wrong in putting the whole of me out to the internet
as opposed to the best of me?
especially on an islamic site.
Eep
I didn't think of that
but i think people have a right to know who they're talking to
I'm kinda naive in the sense that i take things as they seem when i have no reason to believe otherwise
Why do you think that i would be disappointed?
i don't think that you go around preaching you know XD
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
Not wrong, but not everyone does that.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
So i take it you don't?
but you can't be very much worse than you are on the internet
you probably just miss out the irrelevant bits
it doesn't mean you don't have strong faith
or you don't do the basics (that it seems like everyone on here does)
because then you probably wouldn't even be here as long as you have been
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
change takes time. just start of with what you already know and take it from there. dont rush into anything.
First, congratulations on having the guts to say how you really feel!
I can't give you any advice because I don't know enough about you. I can say, though, that I understand some of what you're saying and I can truthfully say, its not so bad. You know you have faults but you have a negative attitude and beat up on yourself alot.
You've said you feel like two people. Good half and cool half and what really gets you down is that when you're on your 'cool girl' streak its cool all the way even if you do bad things. I'm making alot of guesses here but I think another problem is that you want to give up being 'naughty' but you don't want to give up being 'cool'. That's fine, honestly.
You can have your purple hair and white heart, the thing is you have to draw the line somewhere. That line might change from day to day, we're human after all. But you have to draw the line somewhere. Maybe the line is, "I won't say snide things to the unpopular people", or "I won't say the F-word" or whatever. As long as its something small that you know you can do easily.
I think if you can be comfortable doing 'small deeds' whilst you're in your 'cool' streak you will feel confident about doing bigger thhings InshaAllah. BarakAllahu Feekum.
@Ya'qub:
Yeah, someone I know recently told an old friend of his that he'd converted to Islam recently. Suprisingly, the old friend wasn't all that phased.
Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.
Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes
LOL
are you kidding me?!
not everyone that works for this mag is super religious
believe me!
As 'You' said, the internet hides flaws
obviously we're here to write a magazine to guide the misguided youth
ironically some of us ARE the misguided ones!
so Don't worry
noone's judgine you here
at least I hope not
Well, unless you try now, you always feel like your worthless. You're not! So, remember there is ligt at the end of the tunnel, maybe even in this life!
I think most people have a "British" accent (though there's no such thing). I'm told I have a reigonal accent when I speak to my Arab friends in Arabic.
Have faith in Allah, mate, and have faith in yourself, Ishallah you'll do fine.
“Before death takes away what you are given, give away whatever there is to give.”
Mawlana Jalal ud Din Rumi
So say we all.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Your 16, right? That is one of the most awkward ages (not wuite as bad as 14 or 15)... you think that the opinions of people in school is the MOST important thing in the whole world... but in a year or so you'll be surprised how few of the people in your school that you still see... the only ones who you'll see regularly are your REAL friens.
The thing that Islam gave me, more than ANYTHING else, was freedom. Freedom from what people thought or whether they judged me or whatever. I realised that the only opinion that matters is Allah's (swt) opinion. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I learned that friends either accept you as you are or don't. But either way it doesn't effect ME in any way.
But that will come with age. College, uni and work make you 'get-over' youself.
Don't just do something! Stand there.
/sighs
English teachers these days... what is the world coming to?
affect.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
:oops:
Don't just do something! Stand there.
@make me rawr
just a question hope you dont mind what made you choose that name?
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...
Maybe it's something you adapt to?
some things i can't say very well, because i'm not used to the sounds- but if you start at the root, you might be able to
does that make sense?
When i say "british" i guess i mean..."posh"?
a lot of people tell me i sound posh
but it's probably only because i say please and thnk you
and apologise a lot, but i can't help it- i write the way i speak
And speak the way i've been taught to
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
So say all of us
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
Erm... i'm not sure what made me choose the name
i remember struggling to think of something
then i got irritated and thought Grr...Rawr...
and it somehow turned into Make me rawr
Does it make you feel uncomfortable?
And i don't mind you asking at all
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
Yes...i'm 16, but why do you think 14/15 were worse? i don't remember ever worrying about religion until recently- but i can tell you, i'm finding 16 a pretty bad age
and parents don't make it much easier
i mean the whole "be responsible, you're almost an adult" and then "you're only a child, you'll do as i say"
And most frustratingly, parents and their do-as-i-say-not-as-i-do routines
Do you really think so?
but what if i'm beyond help?
I know that God's opinion is the only one that matters, but it's easy to say that NOW
at a computer
replying to a blog message on an islamic website
but tomorrow in college, it won't even cross my mind
and that makes me feel rubbish.
and selfish
and ungrateful
and stupid because i know full well i'm going to do nothing about it.
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
thank you for commenting, it means a lot to me
I don't generally have a negative attitude, it's just that lately i feel so out of my own control, but the thing is- i don't think mostly i even WANT to be in my own control...does that make sense?
your guesses are pretty accurate
and i suppose "cool" is a big part of me
i'm used to being popular and noticed, but not because i make it that way- i don't go all out to get attention, but i strike up conversations easily and i try to be friendly
but that's the thing- i very rarely swear, and it's never AT people
and i treat everyone equally, or well how i would like to be treated
i've been trying to make myself more patient, but i find it difficult
i can't stand it when people ACT stupid and ignorant, it frustrates me
but i've been trying-insh'allah one day i'll be able to deal with it the "right" way (i hope Insh'allah was the right word, i get confused)
i hope so tbh- it's comforting to know people are saying it's ok not to throw yourself into islam head first, because i always thought you have to do the main things, and then the small things just come to you?
I guess i'm more naive then i thought, no?
#Before you look at the thorns of the rose , look at it's beauty. Before you complain about the heat of the sun , enjoy it's light. Before you complain about the blackness of the night, think of it's peace and quiet... #
Islam was revealed over 23 years.
What matters is that you're trying.
and being kind of heart does not make you naive. (or it does...)
if you become more practising, your "cool side" of being easy going, easy to talk to will not (rather, should not) suffer.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Well, I say please and thank you. Noone says I sound posh. I'm sure even if you are posh it shouldn't be that much of a problem. You nomrally can't pick up accents on the internet. Unless it's Scottish! I'll let Yaqub do his "Web Scot Accent"
“Before death takes away what you are given, give away whatever there is to give.”
Mawlana Jalal ud Din Rumi
No not at all, almost nothing makes me feel uncomfortable.
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...
Fit your foutering aboot, loon?
Don't just do something! Stand there.
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