today i met up with friends from college, we hadnt seen each other in a while and it was nice.
then came lunchtime and choosing a place to eat. I didnt want to eat anywhere where they sold alcohol or pork and i let the others know in a one-sentencer.
then we found this pizza place, one of the friends had eaten there and loved it and so we decide to eat there, we're queuing and im looking at the menu and i see they sell pork/unhalaal food, so i tell them that I won't eat there but they can go ahead and order, i'll just pop somewhere else adn get something else. I explained why and just looked apologetic and felt bad in the back of my mind.
(why did i feel bad/apologetic?)
so then friends decide NOT to eat there and to just go for subway. (subway aka a boring alternative unworthy of our meeting up).
so we had subway and everyone lived happily ever after.
those are the fact. now. why did they decide not to order pizza at that place? did they think I was just saying the whole thing about "oh im fine, i'll just get a sub and we eat together". i dont just say things. I wouldnt say them if i didnt mean them. it means nothing to me whether they eat pizza or subway or whatever else and it means nothing to me if i eat something different. but it seems for my friends it did mean something. something big enough to change the pizza plans and go for good ol' subway.
as we were leaving the pizza place, one of my friend said "dont worry, we're doing this because we looove you" and for some reason im feeling pretty shitty so far (and no, that above sentence didnt help much). why im feeling shitty? coz im just annoyed that they wouldnt get the pizza. JUST GET THE PIZZA. i thought they were compromising their plans because of me and that's just lame. I dont mind them getting pizza.
but then someone (external to those college friend), while talking to her about this, said it was because they rspected me that they decided not to eat there. im still confused at that concept, never looked at it from that perspective before. im still thinkign abotu it. i have to admit im not totally sure. I've had situations like the above in the past. group of friends and me being the only one with a different idea. and going along with that idea not caring if anyone's following. (no, im not upset. i just want to go this way, you guys go that way. its ooooooookay. i wont be upset. i am currently not upset. but it seems girls cnt accept that)
anyway, do you think i was a selfish douchebag?
why do you think they decided to not have pizza and just have subway? do you think that maybe because they also believed my argument, but i stuck to my gun and in the end they thought it was a good argument and decided to go with it? but then why didnt they say that. maybe they're not yet ready to voice that? already they decided to change their mind. thats a "big" step? here i sound like i was "right" and they were "wrong" urgh...
do you think it was respect? respecting me and my morals? for some reason i cant believe that. in the past, when we were in college, they'd just go along with me to avoid conflict. im pretty sure im not reading into things that werent there. avoiding conflict was often the reason why they went along with me.
which totally makes me sound like a jerk. a selfish, stubborn donkey.
but i never forced my opinion(s) on anyone, they forced it onto themselves. i dont know why. does anyone know why they are doing this?
I'm willing to listen, but most of my friends arent willing to speak. most people are either "i'll go either way, dont mind either" or they are pacifiers, they'll go with whatever will cause less conflict. for the reason that it will cause less conflict. that angers me. why run away from something because of somethign that doesnt yet exist and arent sure it will ever exists.
having a conversation with someone who believe in their cause as strongly as you believe in yours and putting your arguments across and bouncing idea off of each other and challenging each other's way of seeing the world/thinking, is that really THAT scary? i miss having conversations like that. i want conversation like that. most of the people im around dont have an opinion abt anything.
(thats a reason why i hate likes on facebook. people dont comment, they "like" your status and thats it).
just thought of that while rereading the above: in a room where some people are whispering and most are just quiet. speaking at a normal level will sound like you're screaming.
i guess that statement above is how i feel right now. because ive thought through some things and took clear stances on everyday things (and most people around havent yet) i come across as ....strong minded? willful? stubborn? (whatever) when all im doing is just stating what i believe in.
am i saying that my friends dont think abt things and take strong stances on things? am i? i dont know... would that be bad? I need to lie down and think about the fact that maybe they've taken stances on OTHER things that arent as improtant to me so i havent noticed. I'll try and explore that and see where it takes me.
Comments
Maybe they just wanted everyone to eat together and it didnt really matter where they ate. I imagine it annoyed them that you suggested that place and then didnt want to eat there. But for the sake of the former and to spare your feelings (of being awkward or the loner) they agreed to go subways.
I think their decision was based on more of a social thing rather than a moral decision. People will often accomodate their friends in unexpected ways simply to be nice (and to seek some sort of approval i guess). Only the other day a work mate was telling me how one of his non-muslim friends would use the otherside of his kitchen when preparing food for his muslim friends and completely different utensils etc just so he doesnt cross contaminate. Doesnt mean hes now willing to convert but that he was just conscious of his guests and wished to make them feel more comfortable.
So your saying they often went along with what you were saying just to avoid conflict? Are you a violent person? Do you suddenly become irrate and start shouting at people? Getting angry? lol I wouldnt worry too much about it.
Ive been called quite argumentative at work as i will kick off with my opponents over alot of things. But around friends and family im accomodating and somewhat passive. Simply to keep the peace. Conflict is boring and pointless over little things like where should we eat.
Its like when i go out with my friends and I ask them where they want to go to eat. They're response is 'where you want to go is fine'. Which does sometime annoy me, its like why would i ask you if i was just going to decide for you?
it shows that they care and respect my beliefs enough to do that.
Its like when i go out with non-muslim friends they will automatically choose somewhere that does halal food simply to accomodate me. But i dont feel awkward about it, infact it makes me
I cant think of what else to say here so im just gonna end it by saying i lol'ed at you calling yourself a donkey. Made me
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Reading this, reminds me of a day, a long while back. There were about 8 of us, i'd say 2 knew the area well, and the rest, like me, had no idea where we were and we were just walking, going ahead and trying to make ourselves aware of what's going on around us in a majority white area.
Before lunch time, we had split up anyway and we were on opposite ends of the high street, so we decided we'll eat and then meet up later on. Now with the girls i was with, 2 were non-Muslims and one was a Muslim, but having known them for such a short period of time, i realised how accomodating they were of my beliefs.
When it comes to food, i think i am pretty strict. Even if i have an inch of doubt, i'll be miles away from it. There was this time when i was told "Why are you being so fussy for? They're telling you it's Halal, so it's Halal ain't it?" Now if that was coming from a non-Muslim i would've understood and been fine with it, but i guess when it's a Muslim saying it, it's a different case, but it's not like i was going to listen anyway.
But with these groups of girls, they'd already known i wasn't going to eat in the same place as them, so i went into another shop, bought veggie food, no meat, and then took my food into the shop that they were going to buy theirs from. They didn't say a word when the queue was SO long nor when the server was taking his time to prepare the food. They seemed okay and their smiles seemed genuine, not fake?
They seemed totally okay with it. I even told them "Look, you guys can carry on and i'll meet you there myself" but they just insisted that they were going to wait for me. I never really bothered thinking about this so much and thinking why they were being so kind but i did feel a little uneasy when i had different food, from a different shop, compared to everyone else, and not just them, the rest of the customers too.
LtS and you feeling crap. You probably felt like that because a whole group of girls have followed your decision and not what they had initially thought of. I don't see why you would want to feel crap, so don't. No point feeling crap over something like - My friends have changed their mind and don't wonna buy a pizza anymore because of a few words i said -.
Why do you feel guilty so quickly even when you've done wrong? Tell me! All you did was share your view. You weren't expecting them to do the same as you, you were just telling them, but they did end up doing that. And no, you are not being selfish so stop labelling yourself with such words.
clarification: i didnt suggest that place. i never ate there (obviously)
i called myself a donkey because of that thought process.
"stubborn ass" expression --> dnot wanna use "ass" --> ass=donkey --> "stubborn donkey"
in my youthfull-er days I will have to admit i did tend towards that kinda responses. i do suddenly become irritate but not shouting at people. i never force my opinions on others. or maybe i do. maybe i make them feel guilty if they dont do what i say?
IM A MONSTER.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Yes... yes you are. So embrace your inner monster and let it RAWWR!
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