Agony Aunt - Making a go of Marriage

This issue we take a break from our usual Q & A with Shaykh Salim Ghisa and instead we bring to you 'The Revival Agony Aunt' section with sister Ruqayyah Waris Maqsood.

Asalamu Alaykum sister. I just got married, and me and my husband are not in good times but the problem is his mother is a controlling person and I am just falling away from him. As things were this bad... someone from my past comes in and I end up loving them.

I try to act in an Islamic way but the thing right now in my mind is that I just feel like divorcing. I know Islamically it is not a good thing but that’s how I feel. I am scared about the way it would hurt my family event though i know they would support me... but I don’t know if it is the right thing... please help me.

Dear Sister, asalaam aleikum wa rahmatullah. It sounds as if you have not been married very long, but even so it has turned out disappointing and stressful for you. If you loved your husband, you would not be attracted by anyone else. Maybe it was a big shock for you to discover how close your husband was to his mother, and how much she would be part of your life.

It is only natural that you’d be attracted to someone from your past, because you’re feeling vulnerable and unhappy with your husband but it would be totally haraam for you to even consider acting on your feelings whilst you are married to your husband. Have you even voiced your concerns to your husband?

Maybe he doesn’t even know how you’re feeling? It is a great shame when marriages end up in divorce, but we must remember that we have a duty to get to the bottom of the issue with professional counselling first; and then, if it is still not working, Allah does not expect people to be stuck together in sadness and stress.

This is why Surah Talaq(Surah 65) set out the procedure for divorce.

Unfortunately Muslims in some cultures, notably Pakistani and Indian, find divorce very difficult to cope with.

The Prophet always allowed divorce to people who were unhappy together, and the community helped them to find new partners with whom they might have better luck. He set the sunnah by marrying several divorced women himself, as if to prove there was nothing to be ashamed of in divorce.

Marriage is a contract, and if broken divorce is accepted. Please do confide in your mother as you will need her support, I’m sure. God bless you.

Wasalaam, Ruqaiyyah.

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