How to be a Millionaire.

How to be a Millionaire?

I was thinking I bought my first pint of beer too many years to remember. I paid 1/11d in old money, about 10p into days money. Today in my local I paid £3.20 a pint.

This represents a 3200% increase.

I bought my first house for £6000, since moved on. But I noticed the house that I once owned was on the market for £200k.

This represents a 3333% increase

I bought my first new car for the princely sum of £800. A similar car with a much higher specification and economy [30mpg to 55mpg] I can now buy this car for £9500

This represents a 1187% increase

So with a combination of interest, inflation and time we can all become millionaires.

“You’re a stay-at-home mom? What do you DO all day?”

It’s happened twice in a week, and they were both women. Anyone ought to have more class than this, but women — especially women — should damn well know better.

Last week, I was at the pharmacy and a friendly lady approached me.

“Matt! How are those little ones doing?”

“Great! They’re doing very well, thanks for asking.”

“Good to hear. How ’bout your wife? Is she back at work yet?”

“Well she’s working hard at home, taking care of the kids. But she’s not going back into the workforce, if that’s what you mean.”

“Oh fun! That must be nice!”

“Fun? It’s a lot of hard work. Rewarding, yes. Fun? Not always.”

This one wasn’t in-your-face. It was only quietly presumptuous and subversively condescending.


Tick Tock, Tick Tock, Tick Tock, I am currently living in my grandma’s room as my room is completely frozen over. I don’t have a clock in my room as I have my mobile and that is enough for me.

My grandma is in Pakistan and so I have migrated into her room here in England.

I can’t go to sleep, because her bed is as soft as a teddy bear and her clock is too noisy.

But as I stop feeling annoyed at can’t getting any sleep and I listen to the quiet and the tick tock of the clock I realise that every second that the clock ticks and tocks, it leads to a minute, which leads to an hour and every hour leads to a day and every day leads to a week and every week leads to a month and every month leads to a year.

Looking Back

Almost everyday i search through my memories of school/6th form (or college if you prefer) and i wish that i was back there! It's kind of annoying actually not being able to live in the present and instead living in the past. Sometimes i find myself trying to relive those times through my younger cousins - seriously! Gosh i must be so annoying to them, i never stop telling them that school is the best time of a persons life and how they should make the most of it and be who they want to be and just really live it (obviously ignoring the fact - or fatal flaw? that i've just started my twenties and don't really have much 'experience' of life!)

A Thinking Extract

When I was an undergraduate I tutored a blind student in statistics; once a week he would make his way, with his guide dog, to my small office in the basement of the psychology building. I was very affected by working with him, seeing how difficult it was for him to do the things I so much took for granted and by watching the extraordinary close relationship he had with his collie, who having accompanied him to the office would immediately curl up and fall asleep at his feet. As the term went on I felt increasingly comfortable in asking him about what it was like to be blind; what it was be blind, young and an undergraduate at the University of California; and what it was like to have to be so dependent upon others to learn and survive.

The Great Journey


Ticket: one-way (return ticket not available.)

Cost: absolutely free.

Reservation: confirmed.

Eligibility: Son or Daughter of Adam.

Details of journey: Departure point: anywhere on earth.

Destination: out of this world

Accommodation: to be temporarily rested in two meters of space.

Duration: eternity

Time of departure: time of death.