Issue 6: Ali Wannabe & Jamal!

By Irfan Khan and Sajid Iqbal

Ali: Easy Yo

Jamal: Easy to you as well!

Ali: Na na Bro u got it all wrong its easy 'Yo' not You

Jamal: I prefer Asalamalaikum

Ali: Yeah… just too many words for me. Bro you been seeing what go on in Labnaan? Them getting proper messed up man.

Jamal: Yes brother it's terrible what is happening in LEBANON, just make dua for all those innocent people affected.

Ali: Just Dua? Bro dua ain't gonna stop a bomb killing you, somat gots to be done, know wat I mean?

Jamal: Your right Ali we should be writing to our MPs, speaking against the massacres, holding peaceful demonstrations opposed to the barbaric killing of all the innocent people.

Ali: That ain't gonna do jack, it didn't stop them from doing Iraq over did it. How can the world just sit there and do nothing? I thought the UK would do sometin' but that Blair he's a 2 face toe rag, says he wants to help Middle East and then he goes against da ceasefi re and kisses da Israeli's backside and that. Me is well vexed!

Jamal: People are doing something Ali, people are protesting....the world knows that the Lebanese people are suffering.

Ali: Muslims are suffering big time not just in Labnaan but in Iraq, Afghanistan, Chechnya, Palestine... we is getting our butt kicked.

Jamal: Brother patience is what we need, the prophet(pbuh) and his followers were made to suffer a great deal. Many attempts were made to kill the Prophet. He had animal excrement thrown on him whilst in prayer. He was stoned by children in Mecca and was badly injured. His followers and supporters were tortured and killed. He and his supporters had sanctions put on them and were boycotted by the rest of Mecca. He went through many periods of bitter starvation. He had to leave his homeland and migrate to Medina to escape the persecutions in Mecca. Yet he carried on with his message and we need to do the same bro.

Ali: Me is gonna go down and kick some ass! I've seen plenty of Bruce Lee fi lms Jam. it's time for some jihad... Ali style!

Jamal: Bro... it's not time to get emotional but time to be active so we can do something positive. Before you talk about Jihad, you should at least know what it is.

Ali: You think me don't know what jihad is man. Its to mash up the kuffar innit. They kill our brothers and sisters, so we must go there and sort em out innit Jam?

Jamal: No you got it all wrong; you are using the Western Media interpreted meaning of Jihad. You see the word “Jihad” means struggle, or to be specifi c, striving in the cause of God. Any struggle done in day-to-day life to please God can be considered Jihad. One of the highest levels of Jihad is to stand up to a tyrant and speak a word of truth. Control of the self from wrong doings is also a great Jihad.

Ali: Nah man, me brotha Ladin tells us to fi ght the kuffar is jihad, not the other jihads you is chattin' about.

Jamal: One of the forms of Jihad is to take up arms in defence of Islam or a Muslim country when Islam is attacked. This kind of Jihad has to be declared by the religious leadership or by a Muslim head of state that is following the Quran and Sunnah- we ain't got no leadership.

Ali: But I wanna kick some butt.

Jamal: I'll kick your butt if you don't start talking sense. Bro your jihad is to sort yourself out fi rst and practise Islam. Then if you really want to do some Jihad then fi ght your desires...

Ali: Easy now I'm gonna tell the boyz that brother Jamal says we can fi ght with J Lo....Aiiii. Now that would be...sick!

Jamal: You need to start to control your desires so you don't look at other women, don't chat them up or sleep around with them. Quit the weed and booze. Start reading your prayers. That's your jihad here bro. Before you want to sort the world out Ali, you need to sort yourself out.

Ali: Raas! That is a mission bro....So shall I put the Bruce Lee movies away for a bit then....but Brotha Ladin is blowing the crap out of these kuffar telling me that ain't jihad.

Jamal: No! That is nothing but terrorism. What Bin Ladin is doing is totally against the teachings of Islam.

Ali: Nah, nah you is wrong; brotha Ladin is a soldier, eye for an eye that how we do tings on da street.

Jamal: When is killing innocent civilians justifi ed? Even in times of war Islam tells us 'No women, No kids, No elders, even no animals or land and buildings are to be destroyed. We have rules.

Ali: Damn the rules Bro; they don't play by the rules, why should we?

Jamal: Because we're Muslims and it is what Islam tells us to do. We have other rules as well

Ali: no booze, no drugs, no gambling, no killing, follow the rules and you will be successful. Don't follow them and you will fail and that's why Muslims are suffering- we don't follow Islam, we are away from Islam. That's why were in a mess. When we did live by Islam we were the greatest now look at us.

Ali: But I'm telling ya bro this is the West against Islam. Then they tell us that Iraq and Afghanistan and all that ain't got nothin' to do with fi ghting against Islam, they is taking the mick. Muslims aren't thick you know...even I got one GCSE.

Jamal: You may have a point there Ali, but two wrongs don't make a right, we have to be better and stronger. We must show that we are appalled but in the right way.

Ali: They don't do it right, they're all like this in the west Jam, they is against us.

Jamal: Woah...easy right there bro, wait just one minute here. You are saying how all the West is wrong yet look at you, look at the way you live, look and behave. You follow everything westernised, you live, talk, eat and sleep the WEST. You love it and you know you do and so you should know there are many great things about living in the West so much us Muslims can learn.

Ali: Yeah like some of da girls could learn how to do proper make up and dat so they don't look like clowns.

Jamal: No Ali we can learn important things...

Ali: Like how to bomb the crap out of a place and get away scott free? That's all they to us - bomb us and do one!

Jamal: That's not right Ali, look when the earthquake happened in Pakistan, Tsunami in Indonesia. It was the West that raised loads of money and provided aid. People who work and live alongside me and you gave their own hard earned money to help Muslims. They did it through humanity and kindness now those are attributes we as Muslims should be showing and doing the same.

Ali: But bro you tell me how I'm supposed to think that the West ain't against Islam when all I read and hear is how Muslims are getting attacked by USA made bombs and weapons. How the USA and UK can do something about it but ain't doing nothing, like I said I think they is against us. It ain't Is it cos I is black no more its Is it cos I is Muslim.

Jamal: Bro we may disagree with a lot of the western foreign policy but Muslims are not against non-Muslims.

Ali: I hate these 'goray'.... !They bomb us and kill us that's all they about.... deep down bro they cant stand us.

Jamal: Then you are a racist and a disgrace to Islam and the Muslims. Muslims don't hate the West, don't hate non-Muslims or anyone of any colour, race or creed.

Ali: What about da Jews... we gots to hate them? I even know white guys who hate em.

Jamal: Shame on you Ali! Bro you don't understand Islam at all do you? Once the Holy Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings be upon him) was seated in Madinah, along with his Companions. During this time a funeral procession passed by. On seeing this, the Holy Prophet (pbuh) stood up. One of his Companion remarked that the funeral was that of a Jew. The Holy Prophet (pbuh) replied, “Was he not a human being?”

Ali: Whooaah!!! The prophet(pbuh) gave bare respect to da Jews?... me Imam not told me not having a laugh are ya.... cos me fi xed meeting next week to bash some Goras up man...shall I call it off then!

Jamal: Bro, our job here is to be an example to the non Muslims. To speak to them and interact with them so they know that we're not 'crazy-West hating-terrorists' as the media say.

Ali: I speak to bare white gals, they think I is the Don.

Jamal: You see a lot of Muslims haven't bothered totell non Muslims who we are, what we believe and what Islam stands for. We haven't educated them about our way of life. We haven't answered their misconceptions. Our examples and behaviour hasn't been exactly what it should be, now has it?

Ali: Bare brothas are going out with white gals.... they is getting big time education Jam.

Jamal: That's my point bro. It's cos of you and your 'brothas' that a lot of non Muslims are put of Islam and Muslims because all they see is Muslims on weed, mashed out of their heads, trying to pull women, beating up non Muslim... and then talk about Ladin and Jihad.

Ali: what's your point Jam?

Jamal: Are you stoned or what? Earth to Mars do you read me?

Ali: You takin' da mick Jam... I'll...

Jamal: My point Ali is that: When was the last time you tried to explain to a non Muslim about your beliefs and lifestyle? When was the last time you went out of your way to help a non Muslim? When was the last time you gave a non-Muslim an Islamic leaflet, magazine or even the Quran? When was the last time you invited a non Muslim to your mosque or an Islamic event?

Ali: Ahhhh... I gets ya now...

Jamal: Like I always say bro, every Muslim needs to be a walking, talking advert for Islam. We need to understand Islam, practise it then promote it.

Ali: So me is a bad advert then?

Jamal: I'll let you answer that bro.