Salaam
I was in a study circle the other day and I asked some aunty to conclude the circle with a dua….after five minutes of “You do it-no YOU do it” she led the dua.
When I heard her dua, I wished I never asked her.
Her entire dua consisted of begging Allah (swt) to “Save us from the Kafir” and to “save us from the conspiracies of the Kafir” “Save us from the enemy” etc etc…. that’s ALL she focused on.
I have never perceived the “kafir” as the enemy. Our biggest enemy is the one that lies within us (Nafs).
I read an interesting article in the Independent once that said the first objective of the BNP propaganda was to instil a sense of victimhood in whites; they are hard-done-by, discriminated against, refused jobs and housing and are themselves the real victims of racial attacks.
The article ended with “The true victims are children blown up by atheists, exploded by God-fearing Muslims, bombed by bible-reading boys, or left orphaned by avoidable famines. If there is a war on anyone, it is the war inflicted by the stupid on the helpless”
Even if some people adamantly believe that they ARE victims and have all the “proof” to prove it…what good will come out of playing the victim? Does anything productive ever come out of self-pity?
I dislike the victim mentality. It makes one bitter, angry and depressed and unable to do anything productive with their lives…..
Tariq Ramadan once said
"The victim mentality is deep in the Muslim mind. They think people don't like Islam and blame society. We have to get rid of conspiracy theories and build a critical mind and first it has to be self-critical," he said.
"They should get rid of this defensive attitude, that they have to justify themselves and think of themselves as a minority. When you're a citizen you're not a minority, you're a citizen."
(And he was once refused a visa to the United States last year because of suspected links with radical Islamic groups….)
So, yeah…I would like to know if there’s anyone here who holds the view that the “Kafir are out to get us”…Or knows of people/preachers who play the blame game.
Wasalaam
Imran khans speech in the global peace and unity event....
now that was impressive and pursuasive....
....and Yvonne Ridley complaining about 2 mins silence for 7/7, 9/11, etc. but non 4 muslim countries where atrocities happen every single day.... Dave sed Yvonne gave him the creeps, y dave? i wud b interested in ur view?
What you put in the hearts of others; is what goes back into your own heart…
I think everyone use the victim mentality. America and Britian have used it in the War of Terror, to gain support from the public. It something that has always been around. Some people may even say, look how successful the jews have been in using it?
I agree with Muslim Sis that we all should definitely be worry about the biggest kufr that lies within each of us, also the defensive and everyone is out to get us mentality isn't a good method to have, even if it is the case that we are under siege. Because it restrict us. We all should be more worry about ourselves and in time everything will naturally fall into place. We ain't facing nothing to different that the muslims in the past have been, we haven't had any special punishment. This mentality IMO just so how weak the present set of muslims are.
The biggest thing i think that is getting attack, is the muslim mind. The muslims are relying on the research the west is doing, so they are in essence at the will of them. In too many people minds, the solution to the muslims problem is coming outside islam and this is a major problem. That why you are seeing more and more desperate act from muslims all over the world. That why too many muslims country are following the western model and failing really badly. It shouldn't be that we reject everything the west has too offer, but in need to be in place in a islamic structure IMO.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
yeh its like blame anyone but yourself, i agree with you our worse enemy is within ourselves. Its easy to blame the non-believers for everythin and rather foolish, i dont see this being a valid excuse in the court of Allah (swt).
We should worry about becoming better muslims rather than sittin round doin nothin and blamin others for our downfall.
i think many muslims like sis are naive
just because allah has blessed us with good lives , good education , money, and safety for our families
Islam teaches us all muslims are brothers and sisters , our biggest weakness is that we dont put this into action.
in Kasmir, Palestine , Chechnya , Iraq etc
muslims are routinely murdered, raped, humiliated , turtoured and abused.
if your brother was murdered and your sister raped wouldnt you do something?
in Bosnia muslims were victims of mass genocide, where muslim boys were rounded up in their thousands and made to dig their own graves then killed systematically , women were left defenceless and raped in front of their children, sadly no muslim countrys came to the rescue it up to the un and america to help and add on their hidden agendas
this is going on right now in the present in palestine, kashmir, chechnya only its not portrayed in the media and unknown to the vast majority
personally i cannot bear to here or watch this news as i get too emotionally angry or upset and their are certain people who manipulate these feelings of anger and brainwash youth to kill innocent civillians which is blatantly unislamic and widely condemned, you should channel your anger to those deserving of it and conduct jihad according to the rules of islam.
we could do other thing like make people aware of these crimes and sign petitions ect
but to all those victims the enemy is clear
i also pray the same dua as your aunty sis ,
wa salaam
I totally agree with you.
The victim mentality is totally unnecessary, futile, unproductive and gets one no where.
It prevents one from making a difference and leaves one feeling totally bitter and hateful.
And like it has been pointed out, even if we ARE the victims, what good can come out of self-pity?
Those who may have some interest in psychology may know more about the effects of this “victim mentality”.
victim mentality breeds victims and after the sympathy is stretched beyond tolerance then the disgust of all around
some ple esp women especially have the victim mentality in marriage and they can use this as emotional blackmail and this enables them to control everyone but eventually those around do begin to despair of it
in the wider context muslims seeing themselves as victims will only meet the contempt of others
You should check out Tariq Ramadan's speech where he urged the Muslims to drop the victim mentality. He raised such intresting points even after he was refused a visa to the United States because of suspected links with radical Islamic groups.
Its worth checking out.
thats intresting seems
care to eloborate?
as a psychology student i have never come across the term 'victim mentality', but i get what you mean sis
people who feel they are victimised may be prone to negative attitudes and possess very high unprovoked level of aggression
the excitation-transfer theory by Zillman 1979
states that if a person has already some feelings of pre-existing aggression e.g. feelings of being victimised, then the person is angered by another event e.g. getting a fine, the person is much more likely to feel angry and show high levels of aggression.
Also in the case of the bnp instilling a sense of victim hood sis was stating
Relative deprivation theory suggests that aggression can be caused by feelings you have less than what you are entitled to therefore aggression can then be directed to people you feel are getting more at your expense
I agree with you sis , this victimisation mentality is no good to anyone and yes it does make you bitter and angry, This problem is widely attributed to afro-americans who always complain about 'rascists keeping them down', the 'system keeping them down' , it is also being seen widely in the pakistani and bangladeshi comunity who think 'theres no point there all agaisnt us' , 'police are against', 'education all lies no point learning it'
ive heard it all before
But having this mentality is no help to anyone, everytime i have felt discrimination and rascism it only spurs me on to work harder and better
btw where is this speech you speak so highly of sis, got a link
one that is legal ) , i dont wanna end up in gauntanamo bay shock
yes it was mainly when Musk was going on and on about those 'poor' women who get battered by the husband and still stay with him, well there's got to be something of the victim mentality in them that they allow such atrocity and still stay.
we all know some of these women and we all feel sorry for them and their children suffer and end up hating the father instead of becoming these martyrs they should just split
and i know of some women who act the victim and govern husbands and children by emotional blackmail
before i dig the hole deeper for myself i'll stop and just say as some men are controlling by obvious means so are some women by less obvious means
That was very insightful Seema. I'll add to that by saying this victim mentality is like a cycle. My mum went through such abuse from my dad and thats why she is adament in passing on such ignorant thinking to her children.
My sister also takes shit from her husband because mum did. Mum always defending dads right to do with her as he pleased. My older sister picked up on this. I will never follow in their footsteps.
Its important to break the victim cycle because it is like a contagious sickness.
Salaam
Does anyone else perceive the non Muslim as the “enemy”?
I was in a study circle a while ago and the scholar was explaining to us that man has three enemies…
1-Dunia (the world and its distractions).
2-The Devil and his whisperings
3-Our Nafs (self that is ever inclined towards evil)
He did not mention the “Kufaar” as one of our enemies.
In the Hindu religion there’s this caste called “the untouchable”….most Hindu’s do not sit, eat, converse or marry into this caste.
I heard of Muslims who serve food to the non Muslims in separate plates. Even though the Holy Prophet
did not have an issue with eating with the non Muslims.
The Holy Prophet
was sent as RAHMATUL ALAMEEN. This means that He was not only a mercy to the believers but a mercy to ALL of mankind. Since when did He preach that that we should perceive or treat the average non Muslim of the street as the “enemy”?
A scholar also mentioned that, we should hold a positive opinion about the non Muslims, as we do not know whether towards the end of their life they may die as believers, whereas we may die as unbelievers….obedience/guidance etc is a gift from God, which He gives to whom He wills and can take away from whom He wills.
Wasalaam
read this please: http://muslim-canada.org/democracy.html
i thought were not allowed to use the word Kafir against any 1 because only Allah can judge that, so how can we have enemies who are 'kafir' ? :?
www.piczo.com/zikr
that includes [b]any [/b]kind of harm. i know it would be hard to keep patient if someone did that to your family but we have just got to try our best
www.piczo.com/zikr
Agreed.
The Holy Prophet
acted with mercy and compassion even to those who came to attack him.
Once the Holy Prophet
borrowed some money from a Jew. After a few days the Jew came to demand payment of his debt.
The Holy Prophet
told him that at that moment he had nothing to pay him with.
But The Jew said that he wouldn’t let him go until he had paid him back. And so the Jew stayed there, from morning till night, holding the Holy Prophet
captive. At that time the Holy Prophet 
was the established ruler of Madina and could have easily taken action against him.
His Companions naturally wanted to take revenge. But the Holy Prophet
forbade this, saying, “Allah (swt) has forbidden us to wrong anyone.” The Jew continued to hold the Holy Prophet 
captive until the following morning.
By morning the Jew was so moved by the Holy Prophet’s
tolerance, that he embraced Islam.
In spite of being a rich man, he had detained the Holy Prophet
the day before on account of a few pence. But now the Holy Prophet’s 
noble conduct had had such an impact on him that he was willing to give all his wealth to the Holy Prophet 
saying, “Spend it as you please.”
In another well known incident the Holy Prophet
went to Taif to preach Islam, however instead of welcoming him, the non Muslims attacked Him. And despite being physically attacked and emotionally abused, instead of cursing the people who had hurt him, he raised his hands and made dua for them and prayed that they become Muslims.
And we all know about the story of the old lady who wanted helped with her bags and the old lady who used to throw rubbish at the Holy Prophet
on a daily basis…because of His 
tolerance and patience they accepted.
In fact He
even forgave the Jewish lady who tried kill Him with poisened meat..
Wasalaam
In all your definitions of victim mentality there's one thing you're misconstruing. There's a fine difference between a victim of a crime and the term victim mentality. Someone for example who is physically abused or raped is indeed a victim of a crime. They aren't looking for sympathy. They have every right to feel despair, anger, depression or even the urge for revenge. These are quite normal reactions to traumas. It's when the abused person continues to wallow in his/her own self pity for years on end, and does nothing constructive to change their life that "victim mentality" comes into play i.e When an abused woman blames her partner everytime something goes wrong, even though he is no longer the real cause of her problems. Or feels like everyone is to blame for all the negatives in her own life.
Brother Wass it would be great if we all had the fortitude of faith and mind to have patience when something as horrific as rape occured, but in reality very few of us do. I certainly couldn't exercise patience if a sister of mine were raped, or a brother was murdered. I know the ultimate justice will be dealt out in the next life, but that doesn't mean i'll forgo any chance of man made justice. If i can drag those scums through the courts i would do my best to see them pay. That would give me some sort of closure, and help me get on with my life again.
I can totally relate to what Ramz said. May Allah grant you a better life.
victim mentality is lame.
yes bad things happen in life.but ppl need to get over it
people with bitter, angry, depressive victim mentalities rarely succeed in life
ppl close to me have been hurt in life-yet neither them or me have percieved revenge as the answer to the pain