Would that apply equally to guys too?
Many parents see it as their responsibility that their offspring are married off and hopefully prosperous too.
At the same time, some may consider girls an extra burder because for women there is sometimes extra protection etc - guys are girls are not judged equally by society.
Historically, girls were also less likely to earn so there would be a financial price for bringing up a girl only to the "give her away" to her husband, so there may be some sense of burden, but this would not be for "unmarried girls" but girls in general.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
i dont think they are because the parents should know that the prophet (peace be upon him) said “Whoever takes care of two girls until they reach adulthood - he and I will come (together) on the Day of Resurrection - and he interlaced his fingers (meaning in Paradise).” (Reported by Muslim)
and how can your own daughter be a burden?
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Sawsan I agree
not all parents think like u
how can ur own child be a burden
in our culture, we're taught from a young age that our parents home is not our "real home", our husbands home will be our true home
and yet ur treated like an outsideer still when ur married
its absolutely ridiculous
I cant believe ppl still abort a foetus if its a girl
they claim women are a burden yet we're the ones that look after them
the cooking, cleaning, gneral welfare
we do it
financially yes the men take care of that
but women take care of their families
and its such a shame that we're seen as a burden
no they are not.
Suhail wrote: no they are not.
from my own experiences parents love their daughters very much and take great care of them obviously.....so how can it be that a parent can consider their own daughter a burden if they are not getting married....i say let her be she can get married in her own time when she feels its the right time to do so,...... culture plays a part where typical view is that people start to talk if your daughter doesn't get married at a certain age..... but then is it right to give into such pressures.....for parents who think in this way, they should be thankful to Allah SWT for blessing them with a child....many couples out there cant even have a family so again we should all be greatful for what we have.
Suhail wrote: from my own experiences parents love their daughters very much and take great care of them obviously.....so how can it be that a parent can consider their own daughter a burden if they are not getting married....i say let her be she can get married in her own time when she feels its the right time to do so,...... culture plays a part where typical view is that people start to talk if your daughter doesn't get married at a certain age..... but then is it right to give into such pressures.....for parents who think in this way, they should be thankful to Allah SWT for blessing them with a child....many couples out there cant even have a family so again we should all be greatful for what we have.
1) You will rarely get parents who do not love their children. Love and burden are two different things. I think.
2) You have a modern view on things - no?
3) You will find a very different explanation coming from someone who is married and who would have considered not being married as a burden on parents. But it doesn't mean their explanation is wrong either.
i agree with 14rm and sohail on this one. daughters are no more a burden than boys. not all the boys marry and remain with parents, it's usually one of the boys who remains. As for the others theyre shipped out like the daughter.
i can't see differences in expense either, a sons wedding these days is just as lavish as a daughters. ok so the daughter gets a gold set, but doesnt the boy have to buy his wife to be gold set too?
In west girls tend to work as much as boys do, so they too contribute towards costs of wedding, some even manage to pay entire cost alone.
it is culturally embedded in older generation and sadly if kids are raised with same mentality even though they may be modern western muslims they will still apply the same backward ideas.
Also boys who stay home with their wives to apparently "care" for elderly parents dont always do that. in fact their wives tend to do it. The boys are usually tended to hand and foot by their mother and wife so much so anyone would think the boy needs care and not vice versa. sick molly cuddling of grown men who are 30 odd or more.
“O my people! Truly, this life of the world is nothing but a (quick passing) enjoyment, and verily, the hereafter that is the home that will remain forever.” [Ghafir : 39]
thanks for agreeing with me
and in my experience guys and girls are pretty equal, maybe guys take a bit longer as they get married later coz they need to be able to support their wife by themselves and therefore need to have some cash and maybe a place to live by themselves, whereas for the girls they go with the husband so can get married earlier, thats what happen in MY culture, im not being stereotypical so please dont attack me.
we're the next generation we need to open our parents'eyes and we need to keep our eyes open for when WE have kids.
I think still there is a huge percentage of people those who think unmarried girls are burden on families. I am 29years of age so called from a good family educated, earnig my livelyhood still my parents consider me as a burden on them. With my increasing age my dad's love has turned into abuses and taunts. My mom comes to me with suggestion to get married to anybody and divorce later if I dont like him and everyday she blames my faith. Most of the time my family forces me to get married to unsuitable match.
Nothing is important for them except my marriage. Being educated and good looking, I am not able to gather courage to leave my family and live by my own and I am pretty much sure if I have not gained my education I would have committed suicide. I really feel the pain of girls those who are not educated enough and not earning how bad they will be feeling about all this.
I really feel pity for those parents who gives more value to society than their own kids..
or you could get married.
Over time there wont be more fish in the sea, but less.
All of it.
The thing is parents will always worry about their kids, especially the unmarried ones.
Part of their DNA
when you becme a parent you get DNA mutation ands tuff like that gets added ROFL.
you need to sit down and thing why you dont wanna get married, then work on each points one at a time.
i recommend reading this bok "the quest for love and mercy" by Muhammad Al jibaly. its abt rules and regulations pertaining to seeking a spouse and it might help you shed some light on this dark scary corner of life.
I dont care if your a guy or a girl.
Aslong as you're holding down a job (or in fulltime education) and can take care of yourself your not a burden.
Everyone else... yes you are. Get a job lazy git.
Back in BLACK
What if you can't find a job :roll:
I think once children (not just girls) get to a certain age, parents do worry more about them not being married. However, probably more about girls, cuz a girl being alone sounds more harder than a guy.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
It's not as simple/easy as you make it sound. - @ the getting a job bit
I don't think all parents feel girls are a burden rather they feel it's their responsibity to get them married. Parents just want to see that their girls will be married to a decent person who can look after her, provide for her and keep her happy.
Marriage should not just be for the sake of that, a girl should be happy with who she is marrying (and vice versa). Generally people think women are vulnerable hence why parents worry more so about daughters than sons but the society we live in, women can live on their own. I for one wouldn't like to and for that reason I am grateful that I am married to someone who can provide for me, cares for me, loves me and keeps me happy alhumdulillah. Plus I am such a wimp to stay on my own lol
s.b.f wrote: Are they? Any experiences? Discuss.
Its a thing of the past.
This topic might seem like a thing of the past, yet i am absolutely sure it happens in some cultures and households.
You would think that parents in the UK, would want their children, both male and female to continue in the edcuation system, enrol on a vocational course or atleast get a job, yet i know a few 'girls' and in their extended family, it is unheard of, for a girl to go into education or gain a job.
You're expected to stay at home, learn to cook and clean, then make your way into somebody elses house and look after them. So the only possible solution is to get married and have children of your own, and perhaps, if you have some common sense, you would go against your culture and allow your children to do their ALevels, or whatever they may wish to do and give them the opportunities that you as a teenager or young adult were deprevied of.
Its the girl they have an issue with. Yet its fine if the guy, whose later going to become the head of the household wants to stay in education or make some money. So now, this child of yours, who is a girl, becomes a burden, as she has nothing to do, and unfortuneatly is confined to four walls.
What other option does she have? She'll get bored, i know i would. If she stays at home, and doesn't make a move, the people of her family will think she's lazy or 'bad' for some reason. They'll look down at her, and people will start asking what she's upto and then word goes round, that she's unmarried. So if she's lucky, she'll get married to a man, who doesn't mind her being unedcuated or gaining poor GCSE results, or they'll most definitely find that lucky man 'backhome' who is dying to get married to someone from England.
Sometimes the parents 'do' want to make something out of their daughter yet their extended family apply pressure and obviously they don't want to move away from culture as they'll be ruining family reputation and honour, which is extremely precious and valued in such cultures.
Its just the way some people think, and it DOES happen!
they are becoming a double burden if they live at home, don't try for work, and the big issue: get pregnant before marriage and keep it unless there is a prior agreement for financial support. they depend on the parents for childcare. if women were paid better and didn't have to depend on men, then they wouldn't be a burden.
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