salam,
I have a friend who converted to Islam but has, simply, found it too difficult to adhere to the obligations put upon us. He still believes, but he can't stick to the routine. He sent me this email, can anyone help?
I’ve got another question about Islam, if that’s OK.I think that the intellectual acceptance of Islam was something I could manage under my own steam and embrace without too much trouble. The difficulty I didn't anticipate though was the change in lifestyle – I found that much more problematic: getting up at 3 am every day to pray; fasting for a whole month; only eating Halal food (it doesn't exist in my region of France).
Obviously if one lived in an Islamic society where the adan wakes everyone up; where the whole community is fasting together; where even McDonalds' is halal then it would be so much easier.
I think changing ones lifestyle when older is much more difficult. But it is not impossible. I was reflecting yesterday just how many things in my daily life I discipline myself to do: I disciple myself to get up everyday, however I feel, to go to work; I discipline myself to sit here at work from 9-5 even though I don't like it; and so on. So it would be no complete novelty to disciple myself to pray 5 times a day.
So my question is this: is there any room in Islam for a gradualist approach to praying? I know Salat is obligatory, but is it an absolute requirement that one starts praying 5 times a day or is there room for a step by step approach as small kids start with baby steps then pray with family at maghrib or isha... then slowly pray asr then zuhr then fajr?!
What i find that helps with getting up at 3am is as follows:
1. Go to bed early... obvious i know. I used to go to bed at around 1am and could barely get up for Fajhr, but I then i changed it to going to bed at 11pm and i was easily able to get up for fajhr time. I used to put the alarm clock on the other side of the room JUST so i would have to get up, get out of bed and walk across the room to turn it off. By which time im already out of bed so i may aswell pray. Ive just gotten so used to it, that now i wake up at the right time without even having to set an alarm.
2.Eating halal food is not really an issue since ive always had it but i can understand how the change in lifestyle would be for someone who hasnt. He just needs to be careful when it comes to meat & alcohol I think are the two majors. If he's not sure about meat, then he can always go for seafood as thats halal (mostly). With alcohol thats more of a will power thing. But having never had alcohol it doesnt bother me.
On the issue of Salat, im not a scholar or some ulema or whatever. But think of it this way: what you know today, right here, right now. Chances are you may not have known that yesterday or the day before. Its a learning curve. In the same way i dont think anyones expecting you to know Islam 100% inside out from starting to end from day 1. Its something you learn as you go and hopefully put into practice. Prayer 5 times a day is obligatory yes and at the beginning you will make mistakes, you will stumble and fall but in the end you will get back up again and keep trying until it becomes second nature to you.
Hope that helps.
Back in BLACK
its always going to be difficult at first. once you've got a routine going inshaa'Allaah it will become a norm. the scholars say if you do something for 40 days it becomes a habit.
I was born a Muslim and i struggle. I can imagine your going to find it more difficult, but dont despair coz Naz is here lol.
I think the key is to take it one step at a time. If you do everything at once theres a very good chance your going to relapse and go back to your old habits.
With the prayers maybe start by reading one or two a day and then gradually build up over time. Dont start with the fajir prayer first unless you find it really easy to get up in the morning. Also make dua to Allah (swt). Try to find a prayer buddy maybe someone who lives with you in your house/flat, this is likely to motivate you. Try to pray in a mosque if you can, preferably in jamaat. The togetherness of so many Muslims can also encourage and motivate you. Maybe invest in one of those salaat speaker things (dont know if you can get them in France) that you can just plug into your house/flat and the azaan comes through it from your local mosque. Maybe the call for prayer might motivate you.
Ramzaan is hard, not so much the going without food but the lack of sleep. With fasting try to practice throughout the year so when eventually it comes to the real thing you will find it bit easier. If your really struggling to fast, maybe try fasting like 10 fasts during Ramzaan or do half fasts (opening your fast at midday). When I was little mum would never let me do the full 30. I started with half fasts then did 10 and as I got older I started to do all of them. I think it helped that I had previously had some practice.
Having no halal meat in your region well could pose a problem. Have you thought about going veggie? lol. If by region you mean there is no halal meat in your town try your neighbouring town. I think one of the hardest things a revert finds is giving up alcohol (don’t know why it looks and smells like cat piss and its got a lot of calories). Try to stay away from pubs and restaurants that serve alcohol as you might be tempted. Ask your non Muslim friends to refrain from talking/drinking alcohol in your face.
I personally don’t think there is anything wrong with a gradualist approach, ive done it myself and I think it really helps. As long as you try really hard and are sincere Allah(swt) will acknowledge that and take it into account.
May Allah (swt) give you the taqat (strength) to become mazboot (strong) in your deen. Ameen
@ Seraph - i can understand Ya'qub's mate getting up at 3 coz fajir might be at 3 in France but why do you get up at 3? Ours is at 3:50.
No not the gum drop buttons! – Gingy
lol, I was speaking generally. I meant 'this is what i do to get up for Fajhr'... no matter what time its at.
But yeah; nothing wrong with the gradual approach.
Back in BLACK
Thanks for all the advice fellas, I have forwarded them on to him. Keep it coming!
Don't just do something! Stand there.
get ur friend to join the revival.
my calender says 2.58 or something.
On no soul does Allah place a burden greater than it can bear. (Al-Baqarah, 286)
Some good advice has been mentioned but I may repeat some of them. He can do a few things to make it easier for him InshaAllah.
Praying Fajr - either go to bed early or if Fajr is early, stay up and pray Fajr, and then go to bed. He may even get someone to wake him up, physically or over the phone. Tell him about the enormous blessings which are gained. Some have even said that one should not sleep on a soft bed as it makes one lazy. Tell him to seek protection from the accursed Satan and also read Ayat-ul-Kursi before going to bed. These are just a few things he can do.
Halal food - for an experiment I stayed away from meat for nearly a week and only ate fish as an alternative to chicken. It was so easy, I only gave up coz my parents kept insisting. Ofcourse, for one who doesn't like fish it is a problem. There are many food one can eat. It might just take more time with him. If he's addicted to chicken or something, tell him to buy a live chicken and slaughter it himself. Or tell him to have packed lunch, doesn't have to be anything fancy.
As the brother has said, changing lifestyles is hard but not impossible. For every problem is a solution. The actions can also be general, like staying with good company, so they encourage him. I'm sure he already does this but tell him to make du'a to Allah (swt) to make it easier for him.
A Muslim who is imprisoned for example, praying for him will be hard. If he's denied water to make wudhu, he makes tayammum instead. If he doesn't know the direction of the qibla, he uses his judgement. If he doesn't know the time, he uses his judgement. If he hasn't got proper clothes he may pray with whatever he has on, even if he is naked. Allah (swt) has made things easier for him even though he is in a difficult situation. Tell the brother to take advantage of the things he can do to make the lifestyle changes easier for him.
oh right. I were thinking then your a bit keen getting up well before fajir lol.
No not the gum drop buttons! – Gingy
You should get up before fajr to pray tahajjuad and witr in the last third of the night! I have some friends who do this almost every night.
Mash'Allah!
Don't just do something! Stand there.
I double that MashAllah. Its not compulsory though is it? I thought it were something extra you can do.
As seen as were on the topic of prayer does anyone know if you can pray a namaaz before the azaan has gone?
No not the gum drop buttons! – Gingy
Tahajjud is optional but there's enormous rewards, and Witr is wajib... according to the hanafi madhab.
Huh?... please elaborate.
yeah. you can start praying as soon as the start time begins.
No ppl you have misunderstood what i was saying. Let me see how do i go about explaining......
Say for example your going on a really long journey and there is a chance that you will not be able to read Maghrib before Isha but the molvi hasnt given the azaan for Maghrib can you still read it before the azaan but obviously after Asr?
Hope that makes sense.
No not the gum drop buttons! – Gingy
you can only pray asr salah at asr time because the sun is setting and its forbidden to pray anything extra. regarding the combining of prayers different madhabs have different opinions, the hanafi fiqh states you are not allowed to combine salah apart from in arafat and muzadilfa but the other 3 madhab allows you to do so.
dhur and asr and magrib and isha < thats how u pray them.
You shouldn't mix n match different madhabs. If you follow the hanafi madhab, then you should try and stick to it. You don't just follow a different madhab just bcoz something is easier.
@Naz - if you're a traveller then you are required to shorten the 4-rakat prayer (so Zuhr, Asr and Isha) to 2-rakat. Coz you said that you will be travelling. There are however conditions inorder for someone to be classed as a traveller.
The 'molvi' doesn't give the adhan, the muezzin does it.
No you shouldn't pick and choose, just like that. But you shouldn't blindly follow either, they all said that; "If a Surah or authentic Hadith clearly contradicts what I say, then follow that and not me."
But that's totally different from randomly picking and choosing.
Chin up, mate! Life's too short.
So what's the contradiction here?
What makes you think there is?
I'm not saying 2+2=5 and not 4. I'm saying 2+2=4 except when another 1 is added.
Chin up, mate! Life's too short.
some scholars say that if you are on a journey and you DON'T shorten you're prayers, then it is very disrespectful to the Prophet (saw). Because it is as if you think you are 'better' than him or something. If he shortened his prayer, even when he was only travelling a few miles, then we should too.
I don't know what the hanafi ruling is, however I think it's odd that it would only apply to certain areas in Arabia - that kind of goes against the universal message of Islam, doesn't it?
Don't just do something! Stand there.
isn't that the view of all scholars? it becomes obligatory to pray 2 rakah instead of 4 when you pass a certain distance.
I dunno if it's actually obligitory (i.e. its a SIN if you don't combine prayers) or just HIGHLY recommended.
But I know there are differences in opinion as to how long you shorten prayers for if you're going somewhere (e.g If I go on holiday for two weeks, some would say that I shorten my prayers for the whole time there, because I still count as a 'traveller', whereas according to others I would stop shortening them after 3 days).
Don't just do something! Stand there.
You you first mentioned contradicting the Qur'an or Sunnah, that's why I asked you.
According to the hanafi school you count as a traveller unless you intend to stay at a place for 15 days or more.
http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=3079&CATE=165
http://www.albalagh.net/qa/0082.shtml
Oh, right! I thought you were talking about yourself. I'm not saying that there definately is, so I'm not going to point at any opinion, but they all said "If"
So maybe there is, maybe there isn't.
Chin up, mate! Life's too short.
JazakAllah
hmmm interesting. I thought you could shorten your prayer if on a journey but didnt realise it was compulsory.
But then how would you go about determining what is counted as a journey? How long does the distance have to be? Going abroad now thats easy but what if its somewhere in the UK?
No not the gum drop buttons! – Gingy
wa iyakki ukhti.
yup you must shorten it. if you're more than 55miles/77km away from your home then you'll be classed as a musafir and will have to shorten the salah and if you're staying in another place/country for more than 15 days then you'll have to pray the full salah and if not then qasr salah.
Very good answer -> [url=http://qa.sunnipath.com/issue_view.asp?HD=1&ID=3021&CATE=165]Link[/url].
EDIT: Dam! Noor beat me to it.
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