I thought in Islam a women cant marry without the consent of her parents.

so did i but in the hanafi madhab its permissible, the sceret nikkah and all that.

Noor wrote:

so did i but in the hanafi madhab its permissible, the sceret nikkah and all that.

The only reason i asked is coz i know someone that did try to get married without her parents consent and the molvi said they could do the nikkah but if she didnt get her parents permission within (cant remember the number of months) the nikkah would become void.

How many "molvis" do you know who are real scholars?

As a white convert, I find the racism within the Pakistani community horrible.

Don't come to a multiculturual country in the first place unless you can deal with multiculturalism.

I general it seems ok for white people or arabs, but for black people I think there is a lot of racism and I have only really noticed it in Asian families.

anonymous wrote:

I don't think it's fair to generalise the whole of the Pakistani community because of some. The majority may even be like that, but still have to consider the minority. You get the good and bad in every race and ethnicity not just Asian.

I wasn't suggesting that all, or even most, Pakistanis are racist, but this IS most definitely a problem within the Asian community.

My Bengali friend was saying that their sister was going through interviews for prospective husbands with her parents, and she found someone who she really liked and seemed 'compatible' with, but her parents didn't allow it because, even thought the guy was Bengali, he was from the 'wrong' caste. [b]Caste[/b]?? That doesn't even exist in Islam! It's from the Hindu tradition.

I know you get good and bad in every ethnicity and race, and of course there are many racist whites too. But this seems to be mainly in closed communities in which there is little or no diversity, for example in small towns. Whereas with Asians this happens in big cities too. It's nowhere near such a big issue in other racial groups.

For someone to favour someone less practising in Islam because they are not the right colour is simply unacceptable. A Muslim should hold their brothers and sisters in Faith closer than they hold their own blood-relations.

The Sahaba went to war against their own families for the sake of Allah (swt), and had to fight them in one-on-one combat.

And I think that 'horrible' is exactly the right word to use for racism. I'm sorry if it causes offence.

spot on bro. the other day one of my uncles were talking about this and he was saying how it is better to get married within the family and in the caste. us kids are young and we don’t understand why our parents do this.

so i said to him, mamu, if a hafiz, someone who has studied fiqh, aqeedah, tasawuff and is a very pious person and he's black comes and asks for your daughters hand in marriage would you say no? my uncle remained silent.

our parents no that this mentality doesn't exist within us and islamically they don't have a leg to stand on. inshaa'Allah this wont be a problem in the next generation.

Noor wrote:

inshaa'Allah this wont be a problem in the next generation.

Assalaamualakum sister,
im a new member and I recently read ur dilema. my opinion is that ur parents are the key to paradise, dont get married to some one who u don't think is right, u have a right to say no [b]but [/b]don't hurt them. they wont pray bad for u but if they feel hurt that may affect you later on...

Ya'qub wrote:

As a white convert, I find the racism within the Pakistani community horrible.

Don't come to a multiculturual country in the first place unless you can deal with multiculturalism.

I general it seems ok for white people or arabs, but for black people I think there is a lot of racism and I have only really noticed it in Asian families.

There's still a hint of racism in the modern youth you know. Even against themselves! I hate it when blacks call themselves, you know.

love to live but living to die wrote:

i dont kno but i (for some bloody reason) have this idea that racism will nvr lift off this earth! as much as i wud like to bring abt change... it just seems impossible even if it is possible! ... in order to eliminate it i think u have to eliminate the underlying cause which is the existance of different skin colours... and obviously that is uterly disgraceful act! ... human tendancy to be human its hard to live!

According to the BNP, racism is natural so we should put up with it and legalise it. Yeah, it's always gonna be there, just like fitna, but is that a reason to shut up and put up with it? Or should we do our best?

love to live but living to die wrote:

in order to eliminate it i think u have to eliminate the underlying cause which is the existance of different skin colours...

That is NOT the cause of Racism!

Fear of the 'unknown' is the cause of Racism (also the cause of much intolerance about many things).

I look pretty white especially for an asian and i get racially abused by white people, so i think colour has little to do with it although it contributes.

hiya iv been reading your dilema for the last few days and just felt i had to comment, this guy cant leave you alone because to me it feels like he's in love with you. personally i dont think its a awful thing either. i aint a muslim but do understand your religion a bit and respect the values but cant understand why people shouldnt be allowed to marry who they love or even love. you have to spend the rest of your life with a total stranger.you get hurt kids are bought into the world. im divorced and i had a arranged marriage it werent bad at first cause i didnt know any different, two kids came along then it all changed. that man ruined my life tore my kids life apart too. im in a rlationship at the moment and he's a revert muslim. i would anything to spend the rest of my life with him and thats even becoming a muslim. when i met this person i wsant looking for a relationship it just happened. go with your heart, tell your parents about him, let them meet him.

anyway all the best. X

please could someone explain to me what is ISHTIKARA?

Anonymous sis wrote:

please could someone explain to me what is ISHTIKARA?

Ed posted this (so don't blame me for any innaccuracies and/or heresy):

Istikhara or prayer of guidance
Concerning the ritual prayer for guidance in choosing the best option [Salat al-Istikhara],and the prayer of supplication [dua] appropriate to it

According to a traditional report transmitted on the authority of Muhammad ibn al-Munkadir, it was Jabir ibn 'Abdi'llah (may Allah be well pleased with him and with his father) who said:

"Allah's Messenger (Allah bless him and give him peace) used to teach us how to seek guidance in choosing the best option available in a practical enterprise [al-istikhara fi 'l-amr], just as he would sometimes teach us a Chapter [Sura] from the Qur'an. :

"'If one of you is concerned about some practical undertaking, or about making plans for a journey, he should perform two cycles of ritual prayer [rak'atain], not as an obligatory observance [farida], but voluntarily. Then he should say:

'"O Allah, I ask You to show me what is best, through Your knowledge, and I ask You to empower me, through Your power, and I beg You to grant me Your tremendous favor, for You have power, while I am without power, and You have knowledge, while I am without knowledge, and You are the One who knows all things invisible.

Allahumma inni astakhiru-ka bi-'ilmi-ka wa astaqdiru-ka bi-qudrati-ka wa as'alu-ka min fadli-ka 'l-'azim fa-inna-ka taqdiru wa la aqdiru wa ta'lamu wa la a'lamu wa Anta 'Allamu 'l-ghuyub

O Allah, if You know that this undertaking is in the best interests of my religion, my life in this world, and my life in the Hereafter, and can yield successful results in both the short term and the long term, then make it possible for me and make it easy for me, and then bless me in it.

Allahumma in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha 'l-amra khairun li fi dini wa dunyaya wa akhirati wa 'aqibati amri wa 'ajili-hi wa ajili-h :fa-'qdir-hu li wa yassir-hu li thumma barik li fi-h

If not, then turn it away from me, and make it easy for me to do well, wherever I may happen to be, and make me content with Your verdict, O Most Merciful of the merciful.'"

wa illa fa-'srif-hu 'an-ni wa yassir liya 'l-khaira haithu kana ma kuntu wa raddi-ni bi-qada'i-ka ya Arhama 'r-rahimin

More questions on how to perform isthikhara

Question: I have prayed isthikhara numerous times and never get clear dreams or feelings. I sometimes get a good or bad feeling, but they are not usually consistent. Several people I know are confused on the topic of salatul-Istikhara. Is it meant to be prayed several days in a row until a decision is made, or only once? Is it meant to be prayed after one has pretty much made up their mind, or when someone hasn't really figured out what to do? Are their various valid opinions?

Answer:

When one is not clear about the result of the istikhara, the fuqaha mention that it is recommend to repeat it, upto seven times if necessary (usually done on separate occassions). [cf: Radd al-Muhtar]

It is not necessary that you get a dream or even a "feeling." Rather, the istikhara is a prayer that Allah guide you towards that which is best (khayr) for you. If you do the prayer of guidance (istikhara) with the proper manners, the most important of which is to truly consign the matter to Allah and suspend your own inclinations, then Allah will make events unfold in the direction that is the best for your worldly and next-worldly affairs.

In general, when it is not possible to perform the istikhara prayer itself (such as when one is out on the road, or in one's menstrual period), it is recommended to simply read the dua itself. [Radd al-Muhtar]

The istikhara prayer may be made for a specific matter or be made for a general seeking of all that is best. Some scholars, including Imam Abd al-Wahhab al-Sha`rani and Ibn `Arafah before him saw this kind of istikhara prayer as being superior. Others, including Shaykh Ibn al-Arabi, recommended performing a general istikhara prayer for all that is good every day, ideally at the time of the Duha prayer (after sunrise).

Imam al-Nawawi mentioned that before the istikhara prayer, one should seek advice (istishara) from those whose knowledge, wisdom, and concern one is confident. Ibn Hajar al-Haytami and others mentioned that one of the benefits of this is to further distance oneself from the desires of one's own egotistic inclinations.

It is recommended to open the dua of istikhara [below], with praise of Allah and sending blessings on the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace), and to close it in this manner, too.

Like other duas, it is recommended that one face the qibla.

It is disliked to 'hasten' in seeking the answer to one's istikhara, like other duas, because the Prophet (Allah bless him & give him peace) said, "Your prayers are answered, unless you hasten, saying, 'I prayed, but no answer came.'"

One should be pleased with what Allah chooses for one, and not seek to follow one's whims after the answer to one's supplication becomes clear.

Answered by Sidi Faraz Rabbani of the Hanafi fiqh list.

Someone else wants to do istikhara for me

Question: There is a pious lady in our community who has offered to pray istikhara for me to help me make a decision for marriage...[..] my question to you is if you know if this idea of relying on someone else's istikhara is a good idea and compatible with the teachings of Islam on how to make dua and decisions. Should I follow her advice (according to her dreams and feelings) to me on this issue or not?

Answer:

This is one means you can take: to seek the istikhara of a pious person. The permissibility of this was mentioned explicitly by the Malikis and Shafi`is. The Hanafis do not appear to have discussed this issue [al-Mawsu`a al-Fiqhhiyya, Kuwait], but there is nothing in it that would indicate its impermissibility. Rather, it is merely the taking of a means, which is permitted as long as one knows that the one who gives and takes, benefits and harms is Allah alone.

In such cases, though, one should not leave doing the istikhara oneself.

Answered by Sidi Faraz Rabbani of the Hanafi fiqh list.

Follow-up question on istikhara

Question: I received an email regarding istikhara and I had further questions regarding it if you could please clarify. I too have attempted to do istikhara regarding marriage and was unable to get some sort of dream or "feeling" as people commonly say. You had responded that one should do istikhara 7 times. Is this 7 times in a row? Also when is an appropriate time to perform istikhara? Some places I have read after isha, others after fajr. What is advisable? Must one also memorize the duaa or is it ok to read it from a book? It would be very helpful to me if you could perhaps provide elaboration on the correct manner in which to perform istikhara.

Answer:

1. 7 times on separate occasions. When possible, on separate nights (e.g. for big non-urgent issues);

2. Any time, but after isha, before sleep is best.

3. After fajr??? It is not permitted to pray anything after the fard of fajr except makeup prayers until sunrise. And after fajr time comes in, one only prays 2 rakats of the sunna of fajr. All other prayers (including the prayer of greeting the masjid) are disliked, besides the fard of fajr itself, until sunrise.

4. It is best to memorize the dua, and to actually be ASKING Allah with it, not just reading it out or merely SAYING it. Allah's turning to one is commensurate to one's turning to Him.

5. The best way to know how the istikhara prayer works is to pray it regularly, for big and small specific matters and for general guidance. It becomes a knack, the scholars say.

And Allah alone gives success.

Answered by Sidi Faraz Rabbani of the Hanafi fiqh list.

The first time i heard about Ishtikara was one when my aunty mentioned it. She read it before she married my uncle. I thought it was some hocus pocus witch craft stuff. My aunty didnt expalin it very well hence why i thought that. But then a girl at uni mentioned it in more detail and thats when i realised it werent some hocus pocus crap but something thats exists in Islam.

Naz wrote:

The first time i heard about Ishtikara was one when my aunty mentioned it. She read it before she married my uncle. I thought it was some hocus pocus witch craft stuff. My aunty didnt expalin it very well hence why i thought that. But then a girl at uni mentioned it in more detail and thats when i realised it werent some hocus pocus crap but something thats exists in Islam.

lol!

I think its good that you are cynical, and want evidence without blindly following people.

Alhamdulillah!

salaam

from past experiences...if your parents aren't happy with it, don't do it
if today you go against their wishes and marrying this guy...tommorrow he may leave and then you'll have nothing..

if he's a decent guy...he should respect that you can't go against your parents wishes and marry him. if he asks you to leave your parents and marry him then he aint worth knowing

i no this ma sound harsh...

but all parents are parents...in the end, they will come round..because your stil their child and every parent seeks nothing but their childs hapiness

Ya'qub wrote:

Naz wrote:

The first time i heard about Ishtikara was one when my aunty mentioned it. She read it before she married my uncle. I thought it was some hocus pocus witch craft stuff. My aunty didnt expalin it very well hence why i thought that. But then a girl at uni mentioned it in more detail and thats when i realised it werent some hocus pocus crap but something thats exists in Islam.

lol!

I think its good that you are cynical, and want evidence without blindly following people.

Alhamdulillah!

but what sort of evidence is the real question...it's hard to get a quote from the Quran nowadays without getting twenty different translated verisons...

Just read the starting post. The following hadith springs to mind:

When a man of good character and with satisfactory religious beliefs asks for your daughter's hand , let him marry her ; otherwise , trouble and corruption will spread on the earth.

Seraphim wrote:

How old are you? You've not really said.

If you wanna marry this guy then maybe you should consider if its worth you fighting for him. If it isnt then theres no point. Stop seeing him and give in to your family.

yep just as clear cut as Seraphim says...one way or the other!

choose wisely!

Stranger999 wrote:

Seraphim wrote:

How old are you? You've not really said.

If you wanna marry this guy then maybe you should consider if its worth you fighting for him. If it isnt then theres no point. Stop seeing him and give in to your family.

yep just as clear cut as Seraphim says...one way or the other!

choose wisely!

But what if it's worth fighting for this guy? What if he's a good person, who respects, trusts, cares for and is capable of being a good husband to her; but he's not "good enough" because he's white?
Then maybe you can talk to a local Imam. Not any old Imam, who talks crap and doesn't know what British Muslims are going through, (I hate those types :x ! though it isn't always 100% their fault.)
You need someone who understands you but isn't just there to tell you what you want to hear. Someone who's prepared to fight for you!

Courage wrote:

Someone who's prepared to fight for you!

MuslimBro wrote:

Courage wrote:

Someone who's prepared to fight for you!

Have you been watching Bollywood films again?

Man, I've never seen a Bollywood film in my life!

Courage wrote:

MuslimBro wrote:

Courage wrote:

Someone who's prepared to fight for you!

Have you been watching Bollywood films again?

Man, I've never seen a Bollywood film in my life!

Seriously? You dont know what your missing out on

Naz wrote:

Courage wrote:

MuslimBro wrote:

Courage wrote:

Someone who's prepared to fight for you!

Have you been watching Bollywood films again?

Man, I've never seen a Bollywood film in my life!

Seriously? You dont know what your missing out on

Can't be that bad!

I think if you are going to make your choice take his skin colour out of the equation completely.

Naz wrote:

Courage wrote:

MuslimBro wrote:

Courage wrote:

Someone who's prepared to fight for you!

Have you been watching Bollywood films again?

Man, I've never seen a Bollywood film in my life!

Seriously? You dont know what your missing out on

the 3 hours of...

singing in the fields...

people getting shot and getting straight back up and continuing with life..

the love triangle which always works out happy in the end...

arjun rampal or hrithik roshan ripping their shirt off randomly to show off their bods...

or ashwaria ria or kareena kapoor waltzing round in mini skirts...

or the people bumping into each other...staring at each other for about 5 minutes and falling in love!

indeed you don't know what your missin out on!