Salam Alaykum, guys. It's time for another rap. I'd really like you to take the time to read this rap. it's called Found Peace.
When I sank right to my knees
Ordered to submit defeat
Held down by my head
Strap restraining my eyes
All I knew was fear
I knew he was gloating
From death I could be near
Yet he didn’t seem to care
I thought that I was worthless
Imprisoned by the world
Rolled right on the floor
That’s when I dared to dare
But then I stared right into your face
You thought I was still in the race
You stretched your hand out to me
Helping me walk across the sea
For the first time I felt I was strong
I had a place where I could belong
I knew I could breathe and I could smile
I felt the wind brush passed me with ease
Turned the page and I'd found peace
I know this is only the start
The real thing’s gotta come from my heart
But now I feel like I am strong
I can do what’s right and avoid the wrong
Or at least I can try, jump back on my feet
It’s not my wealth that makes me elite
It's the person that makes me sound
Thank God I’ve got no regrets
But I still remember when I was down
Then I stared right into your face
You thought I was still in the race
You stretched your hand out to me
Helping me walk across the sea
For the first time I felt I was strong
I had a place where I could belong
I knew I could breathe and I could smile
I felt the wind brush passed me with ease
Turned the page and I'd found peace
My Journey has only just started
But others are heavy or broken hearted
It’s my duty to help others with decency
Let’s all do away with animosity
I stride down the road with ease
It’s time to share the love of peace
Comments
31 March 2008
8 hours 10 min
Wa-alaiykum-u-salaam,
Why do I like it?
(i'll write a detailed account later on)
31 March 2008
8 hours 10 min
As promised,
To Founder of Peace,
ENJOY!
'Gloating' << doesn't suit Divinity .. it's a non-human but animal feature ... you could use one of His names?
Normally, death comes to you, but i like how you phrase it... it's correct and vibrant either way! a smile with a few nods!
What accent do you have? This line, for some reason, sounds out of place, either rephrase, or add something else... of course you may not agree
The chorus: the first three lines... too many human features used such as face and hands etc... altho it don't make no difference since you're after the 'feel' and 'vividness' ... maybe you could write a lil more to go with it? and drop in a few LONG sentences? long sentences in a rap a yummy!
Is it I had or I would ? ... past tense or future? ... looks past, csuse you said 'found' instead of 'find' ... Also... do you wnat to SEAL 'peace' with a strong verse that may relate? doesn't have to be divine words, it could be divinely inspired/metaphorical (something that'll make the audience smile and say Subhan'Allah more often?)
3rd stanza: I like the contrast, but the last line is on-it's own ... add something else to to make it a copule (remembering three's a crowd
)
Ending: LOVE IT! I think the ending is always the best bit ... Could I hear something about what YOU as Courage/The Lamp feel about 'finding peace'... are you proud, satisfied, at rest... blah...
and i'll remind you of the SEAL... make sure it's wax and red ie. Bold and Brash
Overall, I really liked it! ... tis very well written, I know I could NEVER o rhymes (it's an absolute disaster when I try!) BUT BUt But but... you're (masha'Allah) good at it so keep typing!
Question: How do you wirte 'em? paper or pen or go straight to typing?
10 November 2008
18 hours 15 min
OK, thanks for your comments. By the way Allah/God isn't the one gloating.
Maybe I could add a bit to the 3rd stanza.
Well, I wrote Found Peace after hearing the new Hero cover. I can't sing so I rap sometimes.
I normally type them, I try to make a story out of the rap. By the way can you give me an example of a SEAL?
"If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything!"
Motto of Outlandish