Jamal comes out of the mosque after reading the Jummah prayer. A brother shoves an Islamic leaflet in his hand, as Jamal is about to thank the brother in the Jubbah (long thorbe) he almost dies of a heart attack...
Jamal: Sal... Sal… Salaam Bro. Is that… is that you Ali?!
Ali: You spotted me Jam. How are you bro?
Jamal: I’m fine brother. Are you... sure that’s you Ali…
Ali: The one and only. You look like you gonna pass out Jam… I think you better sit down.
Jamal: I’m just a bit shocked… You look so different… what happened?!
Ali: What can I say Jam... I found God.
Jamal: Where?! I didn’t realise God was lost?
Ali: You're a funny shaykh aren't ya!
Jamal: Better than being an ugly one I suppose
Ali: Hahahaha... Jam your little chats got me thinking and contem...tem...temmm... you know...
Ali: Exactly! I got sick of da bling, gals and spliffs and me met a couple of good bros who sorted me out innit.
Jamal: What... you got better gear? I don't understand.
Ali: Astagfaar! You silly muppet. Da bros told me it's bad what me is doing and there's more to life than dat.
Jamal: I been telling you that for years Ali... so what was different here?
Ali: Da bros spent a lot of time with me, they would always come look for me and made me realise that by living in kufr lands we need to stay away from the kufaar otherwise we end up like them... we need Islam here to sort everything out innit.
Jamal: “Kufr lands!” “Kufaar!” Now who exactly are these bros you met?
Ali: They safe Jam. Me goes to their house every week to study. We learning how we need to invent Islam today...
Jamal: You mean implement?
Ali: Innit. No following kufaar laws or voting kufaar. We need Islam in the UK... and we watch videos on what these kufaar pigs are doing to our Muslim bros and sis in Palestine, Afghanistan, Iraq and that...
Jamal: Listen Ali! It's good you are trying to become a better Muslim but this is not the way.
Ali: What? Nah bro this has got to be the way look I is changed. I even start to dress like a mad mullah in my Jubbah.
Jamal: Your dress don’t make you a good Muslim and these new found friends of yours seem like fools to me.
Ali: Don't diss my Muslim brothers OK! Da Bros have told me we need to defend our Muslim bros and sis against these kufaar, not just talk like most of da mullahs do today!
Jamal: That's the biggest load of absolute garbage I have heard for ages!
Ali: You trying to say me is chattin’ crap, huh?
(Jamal takes Ali by the arm to a quiet spot...)
Jamal: You need to listen loud and clear Ali. You turn from gangster to non-Muslim hater overnight by speaking to a couple of crackpots who you take as Shaykhs! What's the matter with you bro?! You need to wake up and smell the coffee!
Ali: Whoah, ease up Jam, why you so upset... I thought you would be happy man, me becoming Islamic and that?
Jamal: This is not Islam Ali! Hating non-Muslims who you live with is not Islam! Not following the law of the land is not Islam! Saying that voting and being politically active here is Haram is not Islam! Wanting to implement Shariah Law in non-Muslim lands is not Islam! Don't you get it bro?!
Ali: Da brothers know a lot about Islam Jam. They say things that make sense, then I see all the killings in Iraq, Afghanistan, Palestine on the TV and so I know what they is saying is true.
Jamal: Look Ali my heart also bleeds for our brothers and sisters in those countries who are suffering from the injustices, but there is a way and a method of protesting and the way of your new friends just ain't right!
Ali: Why not?! We get our message across and we be doin' marches and demo's to get our voice heard. Me has found a hidden talent... I make some wicked effigies. I knew I had a natural talent for burnin'... Aiiiii!
Jamal: No Ali, your friends are causing trouble for other Muslims. Because of these marches and demonstrations – like the ones in Luton - there is a lot of animosity towards Muslims. We now have the English Defence League as well as the BNP to contend with. The EDF are standing up and saying bad things against Islam, so you tell me how these marches and demonstrations you have done have helped Islam and Muslims here in the UK?
Ali: Well...I... I... but they is mad mullahs like you I thought they would be OK...
Jamal: Brother, you need to be careful who you learn your Islam from, not from any Chaudhary, Bakri or Hamza! It has to be the teachings from the Quran and Sunnah which have been understood by the majority of the great scholars over the last 1000 years! No mainstream scholar or person of authority today will tell you the stuff your so called 'brothers' have told you.
Ali: Raas man! I just can’t do nowt right... me might as well get to burnin' n rollin' again, at least I could do that right.
Jamal: No, no Ali. This is not your fault. Look these guys prey on vulnerable people like you, they brainwash them with their views. You’re not the first and certainly will not be the last, it is our job as good practising Muslims to make all non-Muslims and Muslims aware that the views of this extreme minority are twisted and extreme and the proper Islam is as it says on the box: a PEACEFUL religion.
Ali: Well I guess you’re right, me Julie’s will be pleased, Ali is back rollin' again, woo hoo!
Jamal: No, no Ali that don’t mean you should go back to your old ways... you just need to LEARN Islam properly. So let me just explain firstly what Islam says about dealing with non-Muslims - do you know how the Prophet (pbuh) dealt with them?
Ali: Did he kill ‘em all with his sword like that gal in Kill Bill... that was sick man!
Jamal: No Ali, let me give you a few examples of how the Prophet (pbuh) dealt with non-Muslims: Once the Prophet (pbuh) had his tooth broken and his face cut on the day of the Battle of Uhud, it was practically unbearable for his companions. They said “if only you would invoke a curse against them.” He replied “I was not sent to curse, but I was sent as a mercy. Oh Allah, guide my people for they do not know.” [As Shifa, Qadi Ayad]
Ali: You sure bro? You sure you're not talking about Ghandi or summat?
Jamal: Our Prophet (pbuh) was a mercy to the whole of mankind. He never taught hatred against the non-Muslims! Let me give you another example: once a group of Christian priests were in Medina. They needed a place to stay so they went to Prophet Muhammad (pbuh). He said you can stay at my house. He cooked them dinner and made them welcome. Soon it was time for the Christians to pray, the Prophet (pbuh) took them to his mosque and said you can do your worship here.
Ali: What?! The Prophet (pbuh) fed the Kafir and took them to his mosque?! I don't believe you Jam... coz the brothers told me...
Jamal: I'm giving you examples of the life of the Prophet (pbuh) Ali. This is true Islam.
Ali: What about the Kufaar killing the Muslims Jam?
Jamal: When Islam or a Muslim land is attacked then the Muslim state defends itself and the Prophet (pbuh) did that. Today what me and you can do to help Muslims suffering under occupation like in Palestine is not to follow crackpots and then become suicide bombers; but to become politically active, lobby our political leaders here and to know the facts about the occupation so we can defeat any false arguments put forward against the illegal occupation.
Ali: We voted for Blair and look what he did in Iraq, Afghanistan... me is not voting Jam.
Jamal: By voting you have a say; it’s a legal way to raise your voice and act against any aggression or injustice. Most of our welfare and interests are run through a polling system. Schooling, social services, police, court, medication, finance, business, sports, recreation, etc are all run by people that are elected to office. You understand me Ali? If you have a vote power, you have the legitimacy to reach and accomplish anything of your needs or goals. Without it, you are a dead battery.
Ali: Woah Jam! You not standing up for councillor this year are ya man? You got your eye on that expenses form innit!
Jamal: Listen Ali, by voting you can also protest against those who go to war in our name. And don't forget Ali, by not voting you're opening the door for the BNP to become stronger and come into power!
Ali: OK Jam, me understands what you're saying but how is that gonna help me bros and sis in Palestine and that?
Jamal: Well if you're hacked off with what's happening in Palestine, Iraq and everywhere else then rather than joining these crackpot 'brothers' of yours, after voting, you need to either join a political party to influence things that way or simply lobby MP's and political parties on these important issues, or even join Muslim lobby groups. This is our duty and it’s the only way to have your say and make a change. Hating non-Muslims and saying 'Kafir law is Haram' and 'voting is Haram' and we need to 'turn Britain into an Islamic State' is not an alternative... it’s utter rubbish and it’s something that you would say Ali when you’re stoned!
Ali: Watch it Jam! Me does me best thinking when I is stoned... I becomes philosophised...
Jamal: Only kiddin’ bro... you're a good guy really.
Ali: So what about following Kafir law then? Me brothas said you can only follow Islamic law.
Jamal: You see Ali, the Quran is crystal clear on this: "O you who believe, obey Allah, and obey the Messenger, and those in authority from among you; then if you quarrel about anything, refer it to Allah and the Messenger" [4:59 ], and the Prophet (pbuh) said: “It is necessary upon a Muslim to listen to and obey the ruler, as long as one is not ordered to carry out a sin. If he is commanded to commit a sin, then there is no adherence and obedience.” [Sahih al-Bukhari, no. 2796 & Sunan Tirmidhi]. So Ali, it is necessary by Shariah to follow the laws of the country one lives in, regardless of the nature of the law, as long as it does not contradict the rules of Islam.
Ali: So me can follow the Kufaar then... Raas... getting bladdered and stoned is Halal then...
Jamal: You're a funny guy Ali. I said following laws in non-Muslim countries is allowed as long as it doesn't go against Islam. I didn’t say following non-Muslims or doing anything Haram living in the West is OK!
Ali: Me was just testing ya Jam... it's been a long time and that...
Ali: So these brothas... do they follow a different Quran or summat Jam... coz they not told me what you've just said.... me is friggin' confused!
Jamal: Like I told you bro... you met a couple of crackpots. The majority of Muslims and especially scholars worldwide don't have this view bro.
Ali: So the Quran doesn't tell us to have Islamic law... you know... what did the bros say... cali...cleo...cleopatra?!
Jamal: You mean Khilafah?
Ali: Yeah... they kept bangin' on about that man!
Jamal: Yes having Islamic law in a Muslim land is fine but not in non-Muslim countries especially where you are a minority Ali. These crackpots asking for Shariah Law in the UK are so minor... they're like Man City fans...
Ali: Hahahaha! That's the first funny joke you've told Jam... hate City man... that Tevez...
Jamal: Anyway... you see the Prophet (pbuh) spent 13 years in Mecca - a majority non-Muslim land - and he didn't call for Shariah law there. But when he went to Madina and people started to embrace Islam and they were a majority only then did he start to implement Shariah law as a political system!
Ali: Raas! I get it now Jam... so me shouldn't hate non-Muslims and that. And it’s OK to following laws in this country as long they don't go against Islam. And asking for Shariah law in UK is a load of crap. And we should get more involved with politics in order to make a change and help our bros and sis in Palestine and that.
Jamal: Wow Ali! I'm impressed! You've actually listened to and understood everything I've told you! Good boy!
Ali: You thinks me is a friggin' kid. You gonna give me a lolly pop or summat... you can do one...
Jamal: I was gonna offer you a kebab...
Ali: Well... since you've mentioned it... I do feel a bit peckish...