Its easier for them to blame the man than to address the source of the problem.

my husband was looking after his mother alone in his own house before i married him, that made me think wow that's one amazing man. How many men would even run a bath for their mother, put her shoes on, hold her hand outside, cook for her, do her laundry. My hubby was doing all that and more in her old age she became totally dependent on him. He could have forfeited his position and made a female member of the family do it but he never.

On the flipside some of my brothers are dependent on my mother, but to tell the truth i think it's her own doing. It's the asian mentality smothering the boys even after they;re married. A woman's duty something she tried to force down my throat to no avail. My brothers are more than capable in fact they get irritated and have a go at her for running around after them with food, their laundry etc etc. But my mother insists she needs to do it otherwise nothing will get done. That's a lie of course i believe she feels made redundant of her job. All her sons have grown up some are married some aren't, what's she supposed to do now? All her life she's given birth, and raised the children it's all she knows how to do, that's why she does it.

I don't think my brothers take advantage of her they're keeping her happy like that. There is one brother who has become dependent on her though, and it's like he's incapable of doing anything. This isn't a disability fanzo it's called being lazy coz ur in a comfort zone and yes it exists like lilsis pointed out.

You can however blame the men aswell. They reach a certain age they're mature enough to "alter" their lifestyle, you can't blame mummy forever boys go on let go of your rattles that time has gone!. But i think many use it to their advantage who wouldn't when u can get the mundane chores done by someone who is oh so willing?

To be fair amongst the new generation of asian girls i've noticed a similar trend they're becoming equally as lazy and their parents are just nurturing their behaviour rather than correcting it. I know girls who are lik 17 and they can't make their own breakfast or even know how to make a simple lunch/dinner for themselves. Won't do their laundry, just want to shop all day and sit pretty watching soaps. Girlies don't hide ur faults behind the lipstick ur just as bad as the boys these days

"Seraphim" wrote:

Im not argueing against a mothers love... that would be stupid. But perhaps her parenting skills is whats under scrutiny here. Parents must not only love their children but also discipline them as well as nurture them. .

I said in my previous post:

"Amal" wrote:

The asian female population should aim to change this culture of doing their son's each and every bidding.

You cant teach an old dog new tricks as they say, and (respectfully!), it doesnt seem likely that we will be able to change the attitudes that many of our parents hold in relation to mothering their sons, we would just end up beating a dead horse on that one, hence my above comment

"Seraphim" wrote:

A childs first teacher is his mother. So if a mother instills a pattern of dependancy into their sons (for reasons we're not gonna go into) for everything then its very likely that they may carry it into their own adult relationships to the extent where they expect similar treatment from their wives. A mother is a very powerful influence in a childs development. And this lovey-dovy dependancy approach simply socialises the child into a pattern where there a greater chance that he develop a dependancy on his mother for everything even later on in his life.

Which is why i said in my previous post:

"Amal" wrote:

Once a child grows up (and becomes a man), they are responsible for their own actions.. if they have unfavourable characteristics and/or personality traits, they should correct them.. Always strive to better yourself.. its a sign of a mature person. If you are forever dependent on your mother for the most simplest of tasks, then perhaps you need to reevaluate yourself as a person. Along with that, learn to discipline yourself/become more frugal, and reform your behaviour. Muhassaba (self criticism and/or reformation) is part of the deen..

"Seraphim" wrote:

A person can do his best to improve himself always, but change is very difficult especially if its something like their emotional connection to their mothers which have been instilled in them since childhood.

I said in my previous post:

"Amal" wrote:

Always strive to better yourself.. its a sign of a mature person.

Change is difficult, but achievable

If our circumstances/surroundings have instilled in us unfavourable characteristics and/or personality traits (ie high mother-child dependancy ratios), we should correct them. Ihsan is about achieving excellence and perfecting ourselves in everything - in our deen, our work, our character, etc - and theres always room for improvement.. Muhammad saw said that he was sent to perfect good character.. he also said that the best of you are the those who are best in character..

Allah swt has given us a brain that has 100 billion cells and which can do a 100 trillion calculations per second.. We are amazing people. Some of us have been deceived into doubting our potential. Whilst some of us may happily go along in life, allowing our past experiences to rule us, others will use the experience that Allah swt has tested us with, however good/bad, to focus our attention on ameliorative actions; bettering ourselves and our characteristics, and ultimately rising to the challenge to display the brilliance of Allah swt's creation to the level that it deserves ..

We need to rid ourselves of negative and defeatist attitudes towards good change and development, and strive to be proactive.. We need to cultivate ourselves to the highest possible levels of human excellence..

Also, we are only accountable of ourselves - on yowm al-Qiyamah, we will have to answer to Allah swt for our actions - what we did with the tests that Allah swt put in front of us..

ps. The inner jihad (struggle) to improve your character is the greater jihad!!

personal experience but thats al the mtohers fault surely not the man

Mothers always tell the daughters that they should ask their brother if they want any food and if yes make it for them!!!! cause they always say to te daughters if you do not ask then how are you going to ask when after you get married!!! :roll:

They also give example that when they were our age in Pakistan they always ran around their brothers asking if they want any food!! :roll:

Cartman in South Park:

Quote:

My mummy says I'm cool

I think with these 'mother's boys' the fault is with their mums, not with the guy himself. Whenever you see an annoying little brat in the supermarket, its always the parents' fault for spoiling them..

i was under the silly impression that it takes two to produce kids and where there are both parents present a father too. So why is all the onus of parenting left to mothers, why all the blame on mothers ,if so fathers don't reproduce ud be better vegetating like the oafs u are.

When the mothers are spoiling their kids why can't the fathers speak up. Speak to ur wife make her see her errors in disciplining, rather than remaining silent till its too late. Why can't you as a father reprimand the children when they do wrong, when they're lazy etc etc??????? I don;t think it;s fair to blame the mother entirely.

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

if mummy told him to jump of the cliff wud he jump of the cliff?

Maybe he would, if there was a sea/river below or if he had a parachute. Everyone assumes there will be pointy rocks at the bottom of the cliff, don't assume!

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

i was made to fill out his stupid ucas form the other day

Why did you do that for.....he's not a child anymore, and you're spoiling him even more [size=9](notice the rhyme)[/size]. "Be a 'woman' and put your foot down", where have I heard that before :twisted:.

In my family I fill out the forms coz dad says I've got lovely handwriting, especially when I'm writing in capitals.....or so he says.

If there is a river below, the parachute could kill you.

"Admin" wrote:

If there is a river below, the parachute could kill you.

By drowning?

If there is land below then use a parachute, if there is a river/sea then just jump in. Simple!

I think mum's are more to blame than the child. I think that maybe sometimes it is quite a deliberate and selfish act on the part of the mother. I think a lot of it is about her need for assurance and security that results in her creating a child so dependent on her.

Freud had ALOT to say about parent child relationships. He said that it is essential that a child has a good relationship with their parents otherwise there will be consequences in later life.

He also said that the child develops an attraction to the opposite sex parent, might explain mummy's boys.

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

but-i fail to understand why the hell a grown man cant take responsility for his OWN actions :roll:

I agree with lilsis, no matter how much a mother has feed the child etc. When a "man" grows up he should know that he should stop expecting to be spoon-fed.

I only like doing things for my dad coz I know how tired he is and my dad doesnt even expect us to put it but I always do it. My other 2 bro's are used to me now so they never ask me to do anything coz I always point out to them, you have hands and legs, WALK and put the food in yourself!

It's just asian boys!

It is not a matter of being able to, but about your comfort zones.

If you are sued to others doing things for you, it may never cross your mind that you should do them yourself.

Even if it does, you have to leave your comfort zones to get them done.

"Admin" wrote:

It is not a matter of being able to, but about your comfort zones.

If you are sued to others doing things for you, it may never cross your mind that you should do them yourself.

Even if it does, you have to leave your comfort zones to get them done.

Well people like that have no consideration for anyone do they?! Don't care bout comfort zones! Give me every lazy asain on this earth and I would sort them out and kick em out of their comfort zone....lazy people lame excuses.

You are kicking up a fuss, but I bet you got a brother/cousin/someone you know who is in this situation.

It is not always about that person aswell. the pandering is force fed.

Sometimes you have no choice. Sometimes you do not want to be pandered.

Sometimes it's all you know.

If you have never had to iron a shirt in your life, that does not necesarily mean you are lazy. It could be that someone else is always there to jump in. 'You don't need to do thaaaat'.

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:

"MuslimBro" wrote:

Why did you do that for.....he's not a child anymore, and you're spoiling him even more [size=9](notice the rhyme)[/size]. "Be a 'woman' and put your foot down", where have I heard that before :twisted:.

.

my sister was told to do it

she refused

it was passed on to me

i refused giving it 'i never made my older sister fill in my ucas form'

but then dad started to do it for him

i felt sorry for him - cos he's tired frm work

so i filled out the stupid thing

i suppose babies of the family are always considered stupid babies

even if they are ready to start uni :roll:

aaaawwwww does some1 feel jealouse that they're nolonger the baby of the family.... bless.

"Admin" wrote:

You are kicking up a fuss, but I bet you got a brother/cousin/someone you know who is in this situation.

It is not always about that person aswell. the pandering is force fed.

Sometimes you have no choice. Sometimes you do not want to be pandered.

Sometimes it's all you know.

If you have never had to iron a shirt in your life, that does not necesarily mean you are lazy. It could be that someone else is always there to jump in. 'You don't need to do thaaaat'.

I agree with that - that's why I blame the mums.

The guy will always take the easy option anyway. And most guys would be too embarrassed to say, 'yeah, but I want to learn, in case one day I need to help my wife out'. Lol.

My brothers aren't incapable of doing things for themselves, it's just most of the time my mum doesn't give them the chance.

I had a go at my younger brother coz mum wakes him up everyday. He has a phone so he needs to use the alarm and wake up by himself. But my mum beats the alarm everyday.

He'll leave his dishes in all the rooms in the house and forget to take them into the kitchen. He's not even expected to wash them, just take them to the kitchen, but he fails that even. It started off as forgetting, but coz mum has no issues with going through the rooms in the morning picking them up he now isn't bothered. That is my mums fault. And they are disgusting habits he is developing. She wouldn't allow him to leave any other mess, it's just coz it's dishes and she associates it with womens work. :roll:

Best thing is to not feed em, nor iron their clothes, leave em to it...see how they cope.

My bro has moved to Bedford, has been a couple of weeks now, will be intresting to see how he survives...

guys guys guys they just wanted to start something because of me dont worry about it jus an attack against me i can handle it im a man

"F4NZO" wrote:

guys guys guys they just wanted to start something because of me dont worry about it jus an attack against me i can handle it im a man

Erm get over yourself Fanzo, this has nothing to do with you....weirdo

yeah riggghtt :roll: im the weirdo?? am i even a weirdo??...maybe but i know what this is really about

"F4NZO" wrote:

yeah riggghtt :roll: im the weirdo?? am i even a weirdo??...maybe but i know what this is really about

"F4NZO" wrote:

yeah riggghtt :roll: im the weirdo?? am i even a weirdo??...maybe but i know what this is really about

lol... such a masoom bacha.

mm muslimbro what would freud know he's a sicko to the chore. To him everything is centred around sex even for a small child. well im sorry but small children are innocent and have no sense of sexual thghts, for him to even suggest it is absurd, he was obviously too busy psychoanalysing other ppl he forgot to look at his own brain.

To say kids have an "attraction" towards the opposite sex parent is disgusting to say the least. It's unusual isn't it that most his case studies involved middle aged female participants not men, i could say he was a pervert on that basis.