most of my guy cousins are all younger then me-so I see them as stupid little boys :roll:
my girl cousins are SO close to me-we sorta like sisters
how do YOU percieve ur cousins?
like ur mate? like family? or sumin a bit extra 
and how comes rules of hijaab etc become lax when it comes to cousins?
aint it advisible to keep distance between girl n boy cousins for obvious reasons?
and list the pro's n cons of cousin marriages
and btw count ur cousins-how many do u have? :shock:
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[b][color=DeepPink]O you who believe, If you help (in the cause of) Allah, He will help you, and make your foothold firm[/color][color=DeepSkyBlue] {Surah Muhammad7}[/color][/b]
I have loads of first cousins, 17 from my Dad side and I lost count at 35 on my mum side, it well over 50 anyway. But also in my family we have some more distant cousins who are as close as first cousins.
The pro and con of having cousins in the pakistani community is really depending on the situation. Like a pro may be they always there for you, but at time you wish they were not there and so you left to ur own decision. But overall you can not really complain, i grateful for having my cousins and get on with all of them reasonable well.
Cons of cousins marriage, well ther alot of back slapping and back biting involve and there the problem of never making all people involve in the situation happy, plus alot of family politics and agrument are cause over the situation.
Pro, being making family (parent) happy, eaisest way of finding someone, as character of person is already know and less element of a risk as well. Family become closer i guess, but i never agree with that point as kinship should be unconditional as stress in Islam.
To be honest it all dependent on the situation i guess, neither is right or wrong, as long as the couple involve personality and character matches and they be happy with each other, doesn't matter who you marry in islam.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
how weird must it be to grow up with someone ur age-
he/she see's u when ur ill/throwing a tantrum or getting told off by ur elders etc
and then all of a sudden u have to start covering in front of them when u become older
I only have 2 cousin-sisters that are similar age to me. We grew up together but I think naturally even when kids grow they tend to focus more on their own gender - by the time we went to secondary school hardly ever spoke to each other. We just had different circles.
Some families are very lax and dont maintain any barriers between cousins and some are better on this. It varies.
Then marrying them - it's weird
agreed.
all the guy cousins in my family are my brother's age-
a silly bunch of 16-17 year olds :roll:
so no chance of cousin marraige in my family
I don't understand how somebody could be attracted to their cousin... it's frightening :shock:
I do notthink anyone can marry a cousin they are close to almost as siblings.
They would have to be those who are infrequently contacted I think. almost strangers.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Even there I would be weirded out enough to kill any kind of attraction..
They're you're cousin... you're related to them
...directly
it's scary
All humans are related in some way.
Islamically the limits are in such a place that you can marry a cousin. You do not have to.
I think someone produced a hadith before which hinted at problems with doing so though...
what you have to realise that historically everyone married relatives. apart from America possily, as it had a non-natural make-up of the population.
If you lived in a village or a small town, as the majority of people did, due to previous generations of marriage, most of the community wopuld be linked.
They nenver had jeeps in the past. the movement between paces would be limited. You would hardly meet total strangers.
In america it was diferent due to the fact that the population was formed mostly from the decendants of migrants. from diferent places.
Niow in the fast-moving world everyone has more contact with the outside world. There are more possibilities.
[edit]
I have not readd the above, but that is what my thinking suggests.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
I know this 1 lady personally who got married to her cousin in pakistan, they were like brother and sister ....she used to call him bhai jaan and now married to him calls him bhai.
I have got approx 26 first cousin sisters and 19 cousin brothers...
Im only proper proper close to 1 of my cousin sisters cos shes same age as me and we tell each other everything, i try to see her less now as in her company i get influenced big time..I was quite close to a few of my cousin bros before but i try to avoid them as much as possible now. My cousins dont understand jack - they're all outta order.
I got loads of 2nd cousins that im more close too..... quite some are my age too, and they more better to be wiv in company.
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[b][color=DeepPink]O you who believe, If you help (in the cause of) Allah, He will help you, and make your foothold firm[/color][color=DeepSkyBlue] {Surah Muhammad7}[/color][/b]
18 actually :roll: (im still your cousin you know)
I have 17 cousins from my dads side and none from my mums side so 17 first cousins in total, but i have many second cousins too who i am very close too!
good topic lilsis!
i have 20 first-cousins altogether (from mom and dads' side). we are spread out all over the world, most of em are in the US... but we're still pretty close, i guess we miss eachother a lot and this brings us closer together... there were many more boys than girls in my generation of kids, and i was pretty much a tomboy anyway so used to mess about with my cousin bros wenever we visited eachother, till around the age of 11. i found it awkward at first, used to feel left out coz i'd be the only girl and have to sit with the aunties and my mom... :roll: lol. now we still chat and stuff but obviously dont chill like we used to.
a lot of my friends treat their cousin bros like siblings, as u mentioned lilsis, some ppl relax the rules of hijab with their cousins too... i guess its down to the parents to implement this in their kids from a young age, otherwise its awkward when u have to stop chilling with them all of a sudden.
in our culture cousin marriages are just not the done thing, we could never imagine it happening in our family... but ofcourse the rules of hijab and khalwa still apply to cousins so we abide by them.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
you do not wanna know how many cousins I have!
way way way way way too many.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
IMO cousin marriages are only an issue if ur brought up like brothers n sisters
I have two uncles in B'ham-both have about 4 kids each under the age of 12
and all the kids are brought up together like brothers n sisters
obvioulsy if marraige was suggested between any of the kids it be way weird
me n sis have always been closer to our uncles than our cousins-and they our mahrams anyway
I don't know how many cousins I have, but i'm sure it's like a tribe judging by how many children asian folks have. The only ones I have contact with are my aunts kids from my mothers side.
We grew up in the same house for a while, so i consider them very much like siblings, although we aren't as close as we used to be.
I get on the best with my cousin brother but I keep my distance now coz I know he's not my mahram. It does upset me a little sometimes, coz i used to be there with all my brothers and him discussing the footy or tennis, now i can;t do that.
I couldn't imagine marrying one of them, or any cousin. I know it's permitted but the way I view it is there are plenty of non related ppl out there for marriage, why marry a close cousin if you don't have to.
My parents have always discouraged marriage with cousins because it can often cause friction between families, especially if they are close relations, and they're also afraid of certain genetic diseases which are increased on marrying in such proximity, i/e blood problems.
My husband has told me it's not encouraged for two brothers to get married to two sisters from their cousins side or another family. Apparently this is because if there is some trouble with Sister A's husband, she will naturally tell her sister, sister B. Sister B's husband is the brother of the former sister's husband. He will naturally want to defend his brother. It can lead to marriage break ups.
The same sort of scenario is played out with close cousins who don't marry in this way. In fact all the couples i know, who have married cousins seem to have a family feud every other week, and the poor wife is usually takes the brunt of it all. Not my idea of marital bliss.
I don't know how it is amongst Pakistani folks. But personally most of the Bengalis i know are now marrying out of the family, and parents are leading the way for them. They no longer want to marry cousins. They may still be up for going back home to get married, but they're very much against marrying cousins, coz of all the aggro, and expectations that goes with it.
Salaam
My male cousins are my brother’s age –a bunch of 16-17 immature teenagers.
I’ve perceive them the way I perceive my younger brother…just annoying.
I know I should be stricter with my Hijaab around them…whilst I do cover my head and am never alone with them; I feel I should do more.
It’s wrong when cousins are brought up in the same house or next door to one another, how difficult must it be to cover in front of people who you perceive as your brothers, cos you’ve seen them grow up.
I’ve always been closer to my uncles, who are in their 30’s..they taught me how to drive and took me everywhere as a child, and I speak to them all reg...thank God they're my mehrams.
Wasalaam
I was unaware that it is not good for two brothers from one house to marry two sisters from another house. We always took that as a good thing because even if one has problems then the other marriage can remain ok-ish.
However theres a thing caled watta satta where a brother and sister from one house marry a sister and brother from another house. This is problematic sometimes.
amongst Paki's cousin marraiges is still pretty big
whether this is a good thing or bad thing is debatable
I have a number of cousins brothers and sisters... infact i loose count as to who im related to and how many kids they have as half are back in the motherland and the other half are here. Myself and my siblings were brought up with our cousins till we were of age after which we rarely went over to theirs and they rarely came over. So in essence we've almost become strangers, altho we do meet on occations e.g. Eid, weddings, functions.
I believe alot of the time people are brought up with regular contact with their cousins since they were kids, but ofcourse when you get to that age, such regular contact isnt wise. I suppose that may have been the reasoning behind it... in which case good on you mom and dad.
I suppose one of the positives of marrying in the family is you already know everything about them and who to ask if you didnt know. This usually facilitates the lengthy engagement to marriage in mere months rather than year(s). Ofcourse any family wealth also stays within the family (however these days this is less of an issue... or so im led to believe). Plus you also know (or your parents should i say know) your partner is from the same caste and all that BS, which will keep them happy. And for some reason these arrangements seem to please the grandma's... even tho its your marriage and your life decision they're playing with.
Then again the bad things are if you fall out with the other family your wife/husband will feel a little weird towards you bcoz of it which can cause major problems. Plus the fact that you'll always be under the microscope by the rest of the family... which wont be pleasant.
Back in BLACK
I have millions of cousins. And when I'm at home I'm always seeing them, because two families live on one road and another family only lives a few roads away and we're always eating dinner together.
I get on well with my boy cousins but I would never consider marrying them. Their parents made the mistake of given them too much freedom in their youth and thats why they've done nothing with their life except get into trouble. :roll: My girl cousins are stuck up.