It is a toughie.

Muslims need more female doctors too - especially if we want to be self sufficient so even from a communal angle it is not easy.

Why would you have to move abroad right away? Maybe try to get a middle ground where you can be married but still studying?

Salaam follow your heart and do everything the halaal way just make sure you dont regret any choices you made that way you cant be unhappy.

Five years is a VERY long time... in any case...

Try to talk to your parents and keep asking "why?" everytime they say they want you to go med school because if you can becoe a doctor elsewhere then there's no problem. Or can't he stay here with you?

If she was planning to do some other degree (read: business) I would say forget it and get hitched.

But with that degree... start it and then get hitched hoping that his parents at that point know that it cannot be that you will get whisked over immediately?

I do think it is wrong in a way though to put obstacles in front of a couple of people ready and willing to get married - and five years is an awful long time. Who knows if either of you will be the same people then.

You might also consider doing Istikhara.

I don't get it, why couldn't you study locally, or have your fiancee/husband movee with you, or manage a long-distance relationship?

Dawud wrote:

I don't get it, why couldn't you study locally, or have your fiancee/husband movee with you, or manage a long-distance relationship?

yeah, why cant he move to where you are?

You wrote:

You might also consider doing Istikhara.

just reading the link you gave and this

recite Surah al-Kafirun (Chapter 109) and in the second raka' after Fatiha (Allhamd…) recite Surah al-Ikhlas (Chapter 112).

I've never heard that before, same for

It is better to do istakhara seven (7) times.

I was wondering if there were anything to back those two points up?

and that

If in the dream one sees whiteness (means any thing white in color, for example: milk, white paper, white sky, white clothes, white light etc.) or greenness (means any thing green in color, for example: grass, plants, trees, green clothes, green light etc.) then understand that this task is better and if one sees redness (means any thing red in color, for example: blood, red clothing, red fruit, red light etc.) or blackness (means any thing black in color, for example: black water, black light, black clothings, black sky, black wall etc. ) then understand it is bad and avoid it

Does this have any daleel anywhere? i'm not saying it's wrong, i just never heard it before and would just like to make sure...

that is what I've always been taught

narrated by Jabir bin Abdullah about Salat-ul-Istikhara in Sahih Bukhari (volume 2, hadith number 263 and again volume 9, hadith 487):

The Prophet (peace be upon him) used to teach us the way of doing Istikhara (Istikhara means to ask Allah to guide one to the right sort of action concerning any job or a deed), in all matters as he taught us the Suras of the Quran. He said, "If anyone of you thinks of doing any job he should offer a two Rakat prayer other than the compulsory ones and say (after the prayer) (no reference to specific Surahs): 'Allahumma inni astakhiruka bi'ilmika, Wa astaqdiruka bi-qudratika, Wa asaluka min fadlika al-'azim Fa-innaka taqdiru Wala aqdiru, Wa ta'lamu Wala a'lamu, Wa anta 'allamu l-ghuyub. Allahumma, in kunta ta'lam anna hadha-l-amra Khairun li fi dini wa ma'ashi wa'aqibati amri (or 'ajili amri wa'ajilihi) Faqdirhu li wa yas-sirhu li thumma barik li Fihi, Wa in kunta ta'lamu anna hadha-lamra shar-run li fi dini wa ma'ashi wa'aqibati amri (or fi'ajili amri wa ajilihi) Fasrifhu anni was-rifni anhu. Waqdir li al-khaira haithu kana Thumma ardini bihi.'

all the quotes are fromhere Note: i havent watched the Youtube Videos so dont know what they are about.

Well, anyway Sister

Ibn Taimiyyah said, “He who seeks guidance from the Creator and consults the creatures will never regret it.”

Inshallah you make the best decision.

Doing istikhara once is sufficient. If after doing it one is still unsure then one may repeat it for 7 days. The reference for it is Radd al Muktar (only available in Arabic).

@ Lilly, it is not about seeing a specific sign (though some people do report seeing them), but a more general thing where you are asking God to help you while you try your best.

Doing istikhara does not absolve a person of responsibility, but is more a commitment of trying to do the right thing and asking God for help to make sure that what is being done actually is the right thing.

As for the method mentioned in that link, not too sure - it may be from ahadith or it may be the preferred method used by a single person, but either way it is not wrong as it is not adding something new to prayer etc.

Question on istikhara in one of the magazine issues, though it does not over what istikhara prayer entails etc.

Something that has not been concentrated on:

SKM wrote:

... or spend 5 years doing something which i really wouldn't enjoy? ...

Are you not looking forward to the course?

follow whatever your heart desires..it will be an agony if you do something that you really dont love to do. Be very certain about your emotions, be where the light is and know your rights.

You shud go to medical school. Reason being, you might not get this chance in life again. People say you can always study later on in life but its never that easy coz by then you've got all sorts of other headaches (responsibilities). So you should study whilst you've got the opportunity. All things can come and go but education stays with you. You might regret it later on in life.

I can appreciate that you want to get married quickly but Im sure he would be willing to wait for your sake. Alternatively he could always move over here and you can get married and continue studying. Although the best way would be to get your studies out of the way first.

You can do istikhara if you like but i think your clever enough to know what you want and what you need to do.

At least if you go to uni and he's willing to wait five years for you
You know that he loves you.

MakeMeRawr_8TeenF wrote:

At least if you go to uni and he's willing to wait five years for you
You know that he loves you.

The silliest thing I've heard all day and I hear many silly things.

ARMY wrote:

MakeMeRawr_8TeenF wrote:

At least if you go to uni and he's willing to wait five years for you
You know that he loves you.

The silliest thing I've heard all day and I hear many silly things.

It's pretty 'silly' of you to say that and not explain why.

If they were more worthy, they wouldn't have got rejected while she was accepted.

Secondly, if she does drop out, this "more worthy" student would now get a chance to fill the spot...

... not everyone has the same priorities.

If it was any other course other than medschool, I would say drop the course without a second thought because IMO when people are ready to get married, there should be zero obstacles put in their way.

But since it is medschool, the community needs doctors (it is fardh kifayah for the community to provide the tools that it needs, so if not enough Muslim women study to become doctors and the needs of the community are not met, then the whole community is sinful for it). If its possible to balance both, then that would be better, but if not, I would say forget medschool.

@ Rawrrs - I would consider making someone wait for five years a form of cruelty. Like fox hunting, but less fun.

(The OP hasn't logged on in ten weeks, so its probably just an academic dicussion at this point)

Yes, she could very well enjoy medschool. But that would be far more likely if she also felt that she was not having to put her future on hold for it.

There are no simple and straight answers here - the ideal one would be get hitched and stuill go to university, but we have been informed about the existence of things like parents who have their own ideas.

In the long run, there is no clue as to which she would value more.

(on the issue of eventually accepting/wanting the marirage Vs going to medschool, the first has the laws of nature on its side. The Pakistan floods show that nature should never be underestimated.)

Saying that, medschool should also set her up for life, make sure she has enough for herself, her family and her kids and that they have a confortable life. That is beyond the potential satisfaction of helping others.

Ocean wrote:

It's funny that "your future" is nothing else but to get married...

There is a difference between a life and a career.

Ocean wrote:

You wrote:

Ocean wrote:

It's funny that "your future" is nothing else but to get married...

There is a difference between a life and a career.

A career/work/education is PART of life just like all the other things. There's the difference.

A career can become you life. it can be like living to work rather than working to live. :/

Anyway just cuz she may not go into medschool doesn't mean she isn't going to do any other job!

And i don't think it would be good for her to go into medschool thinking she won't enjoy it but hoping that will change. It's nto the same as "falling in love"

I would also think that medschool takes a lot of hard work.

Exactly. Hard work you can't do if your not into it.

You wrote:

But since it is medschool, the community needs doctors (it is fardh kifayah for the community to provide the tools that it needs, so if not enough Muslim women study to become doctors and the needs of the community are not met, then the whole community is sinful for it).

I wanna talk about this

apart from Doctor, what other jobs do the muslim community need women for, (apart from teaching as well, i know teaching..)

so? WHAT ELSE??

EDIT - Answer here, not in this topic.

MakeMeRawr_8TeenF wrote:

ARMY wrote:

MakeMeRawr_8TeenF wrote:

At least if you go to uni and he's willing to wait five years for you
You know that he loves you.

The silliest thing I've heard all day and I hear many silly things.

It's pretty 'silly' of you to say that and not explain why.

It's silly of you to ask for a explanation of something that is silly. If there was an explanation for it then it would not be silly.

As you ask, waiting for 5 years for someone does not prove they love them. There was a poll here on age a while ago, which was, frankly, pointless. You can guess the age of someone by their posts. In this case, I'm guessing you to be 16-22.

For it to be as simple as 'if he waits, therefore he loves you'- it would be too 'simple'. Life is not simple. (Is there a term for using the same adjective in the same sentence yet coined?)

There are underlying factors that can upsurge in regard to importance, relative to age. Namely his career and especially the desire for children, which in my book would render 'love' less important.

Instead of attacking another user, a more productive use of your posting will be to answer the questions in the original post.

I do agree with you that waiting five years is not a guarantee of love (especially as its an arranged marriage, so there would be some limitations in contact too) and I also think it is a form of torture.

IMO people should get married mmediately in such circumstances and the parents should be clued in to how the world works - its not like things were better in their times, so why do they pretend to be from an age of angels?

ARMY wrote:

MakeMeRawr_8TeenF wrote:

ARMY wrote:

MakeMeRawr_8TeenF wrote:

At least if you go to uni and he's willing to wait five years for you
You know that he loves you.

The silliest thing I've heard all day and I hear many silly things.

It's pretty 'silly' of you to say that and not explain why.

It's silly of you to ask for a explanation of something that is silly. If there was an explanation for it then it would not be silly.

As you ask, waiting for 5 years for someone does not prove they love them. There was a poll here on age a while ago, which was, frankly, pointless. You can guess the age of someone by their posts. In this case, I'm guessing you to be 16-22.

For it to be as simple as 'if he waits, therefore he loves you'- it would be too 'simple'. Life is not simple. (Is there a term for using the same adjective in the same sentence yet coined?)

There are underlying factors that can upsurge in regard to importance, relative to age. Namely his career and especially the desire for children, which in my book would render 'love' less important.

Love how after you said there was no explanation for why it was silly you explained why you thought it was.
My age is in my username, kinda 'silly' of you not to notice since you looked through everything else I said for my age >.< 18 but i'm glad i seem potentially four years older.

And my post might have seemed reductionist but I was just adding a thought to the discussion. Also I didn't mean that the definition of love was patience but that it's a factor that someone cares when they're willing to make sacrifices for you. In this case, if he just decided she wasn't worth the wait, then maybe he could care more.

Ocean wrote:

Well DUUUUH! Of course it's hard work... what do you guys really expect this to be ride in teacups at a fair? and I'm sure she's hard working ALREADY that's why the admissions tutors trust her with the course... Sometimes you're born with an excellent Work Ethic!

Work to live or live to work... both are just excuses to categorise priorities. Stop thinking and just get on with it. If the doors open it's open for a good reason and if it shuts and there's nothing you can do about it then another opens, that's what I call God's planning. Destiny.

:roll: Honestly. Who am I arguing with? Am I arguing? not at all.

No one said she's not working hard, and what i meant was going into medschool would be hard work and if you're not into the subject you will start hating it and won't want to do the hard work or it will seem harder than it is. I don't think anyone should choose a career path to prove to anyone else they can do it, or to do what someone else wants them to do Or even to make use of a talent (excellent work ethic? /just being good at something) but people should do what they want to do, what they feel happy doing.

There are many choices available in life and she has more than one choice of going into medschool or not; she can get married, she can do another job etc etc. Just cuz you're good at something doesn't mean you HAVE to do it. You say medschool is a priority but it may not be for her. You make your own destiny.

Not arguing, just saying how i see it.

It's a difficult one - I only had to wait one year to get married to my husband and that was only cos of wedding hall availability! And that was an incredibly long year..

Career is really important..as much as I love being married, I also love having my own financial independence..I also love having enough qualfications under my belt which means that I can work wherever/whenever I want.

Maybe the couple could get an engagement and/or a nikkah done do the wedding after 5years?

My sister in law was waiting for her husband to get his medical school completed and had her nikkah done a year before her wedding...it worked out really well for them.