Communicating before marriage by consent

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Agz
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I need help! I've been searching everywhere..

Is one allowed to talk to a girl with the intention of marriage, on the internet.
I assume not, but what if she has parental consent to talk to the potential spouse.
And if so, how about talking on the phone by consent of the parents.

JazakAllah Khayran

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Suhail (not verified)

I think you would need her Walli to be present if wanting to talk to her about marriage.
There's a website called Ummah Forums, there's a lot of threads on there addressing similar questions, just go to the marriage section and have a look around.

http://www.ummah.com/forum/showthread.php?321549-Finding-a-husband-wife-via-Matrimonial-websites-yay-or-nay

comment #7 may be of some help.

May Allah swt make it easy for you inshAllah.

You
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I wouldnt reccomend anyone be pushed towards Ummah Forums - they are a hotbed of extremists and create distrust of others such that they prefer to turn a blind eye to murder as long as it is commited by Muslims of their choosing and will distrust all sources that suggest that their preferred terrorist groups have done something wrong..

Communication before marriage is allowed an there is even a hadith that when a suitor has doubts, he should look for something in the suited that will overcome those doubts - impossible without communication.

But on the other hand, things can easily go too far. Better to communicate in the real world, person to person as opposed to through technology.

Its time to be angry.

Suhail (not verified)

but i think his question is whether he is allowed to communicate with whoever it is alone, when discussing marriage is there no compulsion for a walli to be present amongst the two suitors or is that all codswallop?

You
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That is a reccomendation, not a compulsion.

Besides the requirement of a wali to allow marriage is when its between very young people. Say, under 18.

Once adult the same restriction does not apply but the communities like to ignore that as it makes parental control more normal and demanded, but this is cultural as opposed to religious.

Its time to be angry.

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Once adult the same restriction does not apply but the communities like to ignore that as it makes parental control more normal and demanded, but this is cultural as opposed to religious.

i never heard that before. i dont think its right, is it?

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

You
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Something for you to check up.

It's convenient to forget that part though, so often its left unmentioned, untaught.

Its time to be angry.

Agz
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I would appreciate back-up/references/evidence. I dont want to displease Allah SWT with my actions. I've done a lot of researched, and i think there are different opinions. Im starting think the strongest opinion is you meet and talk while the Wali is present face to face.

We met on an Islamic matrimony website, and now continuing our talk via chat elsewhere (due to membership expiration). We have avoided the idea of phone calls. If she has consent from her parents, is it permissible to talk online or on the phone?

You
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if you have consent why mess about and not get married straight away?

It is the only true way of making sure that you dont err or fall into sin as otherwise the attraction and desire will be there.

Its time to be angry.

Agz
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Well, our aim is to see if we are compatible with one another.

You
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You already have enough information to make a decision.

Any more and its just fitting into a false world.

If you do need to talk more to make sure, then having a third party taking part in the discussions will be awkward and will make you avoid what you really need to discuss.

Saying that, you already know and the rest is just a game.

Its time to be angry.

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Admin just give a straight answer lol

*as far as I know* there should be a wali with the girl whenever u talk. My friend once mentioned that her sister would send a copy of the emails she was sending to her potential, to her brother as well, and the guy would do the same. It may be awkward but that would definitely stop u flirting etc which is the main reason for guys n girls not being able to communicate before marriage.

If you already know she is the one you want to marry and just generally want to know her better, talk about everyday stuff then Islamically afaik that's not allowed.

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

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well if after a bit of talking you feel she's right for you, then marry her adn talk for ever right?
and if you feel she isnt right for you, then stop talking altogether.

Islam allows that minimum talking. and prohibit the extra unnecessary stuff.

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

Agz
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Makes sense.. so one needs to understand the importance of the Wali's involvement.
InshaAllah, Allah protect us from evil Smile

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Lilly wrote:
well if after a bit of talking you feel she's right for you, then marry her adn talk for ever right?
and if you feel she isnt right for you, then stop talking altogether.

Islam allows that minimum talking. and prohibit the extra unnecessary stuff.


Exactamente.

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

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ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
Admin just give a straight answer lol

*as far as I know* there should be a wali with the girl whenever u talk. My friend once mentioned that her sister would send a copy of the emails she was sending to her potential, to her brother as well, and the guy would do the same. It may be awkward but that would definitely stop u flirting etc which is the main reason for guys n girls not being able to communicate before marriage.

If you already know she is the one you want to marry and just generally want to know her better, talk about everyday stuff then Islamically afaik that's not allowed.

Is it not recommended to do a Nikah with two wintesses in that situation?

"If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything!"

Motto of Outlandish

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What situation?

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

You
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The Lamp wrote:
Is it not recommended to do a Nikah with two wintesses in that situation?

and then hide it?

no.

Just calls for abuse of the situation.

Its time to be angry.