Pimp My Ride, The Revival Style

Zahid Maqbool

Well the car, phatt whip, ride, ma wheels or ‘gadhi’ is the star. To have a mad bad car is THE priority coz on the streets true respect is born by the badness of ya car. The faster, the higher the brake horse power, the bigger the wheels, the meaner the better.

Ya phatt whip can’t be one that every Tom, Daud or Haroon has. So, what do you do? You pimp your ride of course and start by spending more money on say the rims. These are changed to 21” or if you have pockets big enough to take a JCB down, then you get gold plated custom 23”. Oh by the way if we are gonna do it then do it proper eh.

OK then, lets fit a new sound system to get the bass in ya face. You want to be seen and heard. OK, what’s next? DVD screens, the mini plasma, the subs, the built in Xbox 360 and the touch screen sat nav. Have I finished? Probably not... what about a plate on the car. I like H4JJ but not J1 H4D.

Life is about being seen and heard. So… you’re wearing your finest dapper – you look the bomb. You climb into your very shiny, very glossy super car that you spent all day cleaning, ready to hit the streets - dammm right!

Cruzin Green Street or Alum Rock Road, not forgetting the curry mile on Wimmy Road –Manchester’s finest. Remember: drive slow so everyone can see your flow. I think about 20 laps up and down should do it. No, make that 30 laps.

Rolling down any major high street you are getting admiring looks from all that see you. Little homies in the streets on stand by wait till you cruize by to read the CV on the boot lid, is it a M5 wow or SL65 AMG wow x2 . Bentley GT Mulinner too dark, you know the score. Nuff respect eh? So you’re the king of the hill, the king of sting. The main man.

But wait just one minute. Let’s rewind a touch. How does someone who is barely old enough to pass his or her driving test, and is just about visible behind the wheel, drive a flash car that’s worth more than their house? How do they afford the petrol to fuel that monster? Recently I got an insurance quote for a BMW M5.

My quote was based on 9 years full no claims, no accidents in the past 5 years, no convictions – guess how much it was? £500? No. £1000? Oh NO! £5700 squid. Wow!!!

So how do our younger bro’s and sista’s chillout in these cars? Is it because:

  • A. They work really hard, and are phenomenally gifted?
  • B. The have rich parents?
  • C. They are hustlers. Big pimpers, you know OG’s, gangsters. Criminals??!! No... no astagfirullah. He can’t be because he has lovely centre hair parting, rich in brylcreem or she is a nice little baybee baji.

A, B or C. Answers on a postcard please!

Let’s look at option A

They are really phenomenally gifted. Some are... they work multiple jobs. Taking risks with their health and wealth often working a 15 hour day. Let’s not take any thing away from these brothers and sisters. Sadly most don’t fall into this category. There are not many who are so willing and able or have the tenacity and drive to work hard and earn their keep.

Option B?

What about rich parents? Again it’s on the cards because working for your pops means you don’t have to put in the sweat and tears ‘coz you’ve got it on a nice shiny plate. You could ask how the parents got rich.

You know the old joke. My uncle came here with only 5 pound but boy was his 5lb the purest on the block? Oops. Let’s save that one for another topic.

What about option C?

The gangster route. The way of the world. You can deal, beg, borrow, skank your family or steal. Sadly some turn to this route as their first choice because cocaine gives you the opportunity to make the needy into the greedy and your success comes speedy.

Now we are not saying that all Muslims who have an interest, passion or love for cars are up to something wrong. Far from it.

But let’s look at the struggle it will take to get into that big bad car. Brothers will be tapping up credit cards...the patta scam. They use false IDs. Then there’s the hood on the street pushin’ drugs to anyone and everyone. The nept-out shnarlies are low lifes that hide behind the counter of their corner shops with more alcohol than food right near a local mosque - nasty pushers.

You know what brothers and sisters? This is not success

This is not the path of our dear beloved Holy Prophet who used to cry all night asking the Almighty to forgive his Ummah, is it? We think that it’s a struggle to get into the seat of the latest car, but let me tell you about the real struggle and what it brings you.

You see, a real struggle does not give you a few well chosen laps of your favourite high street in ya crude car. The real struggle is within yourself and the reward will last far longer than the fuel in the tank of the latest scam you’re spinning. This world is a small stepping stone. A test. The reward is better and sweeter than a fleet of Enzo’s and far more rewarding that a garage full of super cars.

Still in doubt?

Well let me tell you from the experiences of some of my friends who used to walk on the wild side. They had it all, the cars, the clothes, the watches, the girls...the ruff respect. Late night diners at the best eateries, they lived life in the fast lane. Sounds good eh? But here’s their reward, they’re banged up in a cell.

Good eh? Guess what these hard boys do when they’re banged up? They cry. Yes, if you could only see them truly in the big dark cell then you would ask yourself: nuff respect or I have had enough of this type of respect?

Having a sick ride doesn’t bring you nuff respect, people laugh at the good-for-nothing unemployed dosser with no qualifications who wastes time driving round the same block 50 times a day.

It aint all about the car, it’s about the person in the car. If the car went would people really give a toss about you?

A man committed 99 murders and began to feel a bit guilty, so he decided to ask a religious leader if Allah would ever forgive him. The religious leader told him that there’s no way that Allah could ever forgive him. This angered the murderer so he killed him too. Now he had committed 100 murders and again he began to feel guilty so he asked another religious leader if Allah would ever forgive him.

This religious leader told him that he should go to the next town and sit amongst a group of God-fearing men and seek forgiveness from Allah sitting amongst them. On the way to the town the murderer passed away and his soul was collected by both the angel of hell and the angel of heaven.

They argued amongst themselves and could not decide who should take his soul. They took this matter up to Allah who decreed that the angel of heaven should take his soul to heaven as the murderer had the sincere intention to repent.

Now… how’s that for a chance?

To conclude, the cars may be the stars but it’s better to aspire to be a better Muslim by focusing our energies on following the teachings of the Holy Prophet of Islam.

Does Allah really care how pimped up our ride is, how many heads turn when we cruise down the road or the nuff respect our ride brings us? No. Allah doesn’t care about what we look like on the outside, it’s the inside that counts.

So, why don’t we spend our time kitting ourselves up? Why don’t we make heads turn because we’re fantastic Muslims? Why don’t we spend less time driving around the same block and spend more time preparing for the journey that is eternal (the hereafter)?

Why don’t we aim for the nuff respect that comes from living our lives as God fearing Muslims?

Don’t give up on your dream of driving that M6. Don’t be put off from pulling over in a Porsche 911. Don’t even give up the ghost of an idea that you may one day drive a Rolls Royce Phantom. Oh no, simply think of it this way: should I drive my dodgy car down Green Street, Wilmslow Road Alum Rock Road looking over my shoulder or should I drive my Islamically earned car, after a satisfying meal, without a care in the world, to the mosque and pray my salat in peace. You decide. But the respect is parked up at the mosque at Fajr.