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If you are a Muslim man reading this after having intentionally clicked on the article link, may Allah reward you. Even if you don’t have a wife, you definitely have a mother, and maybe even a sister or daughter. I promise you, this will be relevant. 

As a husband, part of being your wife’s qawwam (protector/maintainer) is being actively involved in helping her meet her spiritual, emotional, and physical health needs. This applies to fathers as well. If your own father did this, then alhamdulilah, you are so privileged to have such a Prophetic example. If not, then it’s up to you to break that cycle by educating yourself on what kind of support your wife needs during her midlife years and helping her through it.

Shifts in Midlife

There are funny social media reels about husbands being told their perimenopausal wives now detest the way they smell/breathe/sleep/chew. Beneath that humour is the very real issue that, as hormones shift during perimenopause, even the most solid of marriages can be tested. 

For example, a wife who has been happily homeschooling her three young children may now be far too exhausted by her hormonal changes and much more prone to anger. Midlife is a time for a mother to start looking inwards on how to nourish herself better, after nurturing her own children. Perimenopausal symptoms can start in some women as early as their mid-thirties, while most women start feeling symptoms of declining estrogen and progesterone in their forties until they reach menopause.

I actually asked my husband for tips on how to write this article, and he has plenty of gems to share. 

 – Make sure she eats well

With the gradual decline of bone density and muscle mass starting in her late thirties/early forties, protein is now absolutely necessary to help strengthen her bones and muscles. Stock up on protein, and – even better – prepare a protein-rich dish for her. It doesn’t have to be fancy, but knowing that she doesn’t need to hunt for more protein will help to ease some of her mental load.

Plant-based protein shakes are also helpful. Yogurt smoothies with nuts and fruit are another tasty and easily-prepared option. Offering her a slice of her favourite bread with high-protein peanut butter and jam can make a huge difference in her mood. 

 – Exercise together

Exercising together is a lot more conducive than nagging her to exercise. Ask me how I know. It helps to have a partner to go on walks with, and it’s even better to have a partner to spot you while you both lift heavy. In addition to building muscle and bone mass, exercise works wonders for improving mental health, blood circulation, and mobility.

“At the very least give your wife the gift of time to exercise regularly.” [PC: Elena Kloppenburg (unsplash)]

For those who are financially able, consider investing in a personal trainer to support your wife in her fitness journey, and/or gift her with a ladies-only gym membership. 

For those who aren’t, you can still support her by giving her the gift of time to exercise regularly. Consistency is difficult to maintain even in the best of times, so supporting your busy wife means committing to looking after your children or arranging for childcare, to give your wife the time and space to exercise. Renewing this beautiful intention to support your wife’s exercise journey is also a means of pleasing Allah .

 – Facilitate her good sleep

If your wife is struggling to sleep, then please know that this is part of perimenopause. If she is also neurodivergent, then getting sleep during perimenopause will be even trickier than usual! The irony is that nightly long stretches of uninterrupted sleep are exactly what will help to regulate your wife’s hormones, but falling asleep can be harder than ever. 

Ask her how you can help support her nighttime sleep routine. Mothers often sleep late at night because they crave that silence and uninterrupted time to themselves. To counter this, brainstorm ways to give her time to herself during the day. After a rough night, do her a favour and give her the chance to sleep in. 

Whenever possible, take charge of the morning school drop-off routine so she can rest a little while longer. Give her the opportunity to nap during the day by looking after your children, or arranging for a trusted babysitter or family member to do that.

 – Be understanding of her libido changes

Marital intimacy comes in stages – the excitement and discovery of the newlywed stage, the exhaustion after newborns, and the fluctuating state of perimenopause. Vaginal dryness can be a reality for many perimenopausal women, and this can definitely impact her decreasing libido. It’s important to investigate different types of lubrication that can help, as well as the possibility of dietary changes or supplements. Foreplay is even more important in this stage of marital intimacy. 

Jabir bin ‘Abdullah narrates saying, “The Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and give him peace) forbade intercourse before foreplay.” [Khatib, Tarikh Baghdad: the chain was deemed sound by Dhahabi]

Figure out a way to schedule regular marital intimacy instead of leaving it to chance. It’s natural for perimenopausal wives to feel anxious about intimacy, but avoidance only makes it worse. 

Supporting your wife throughout the day will endear you to her, making her much more receptive to marital intimacy at night. Keep in mind that, on top of hormonal changes that make your wife feel uncomfortable, her body shape has probably changed over the years, too. Telling her that you still find her beautiful  and attractive will help allay any anxieties she may feel. She is the mother of your children, and her body has gone through a tremendous change with every child she brings earthside. 

 – Keep lines of communication open

Every marriage has its own stresses, but coupled with perimenopause, it’s more important than ever to remember that you’re both on the same team. Make daily bids for connection by turning towards each other, rather than turning away. There are simple things you can both do to show your love and concern, e.g., preparing a favourite drink/snack, affectionate touches, and using terms of endearment. You can think of this as filling up each other’s love tank, so you can both function well together as a team, as opposed to sputtering on empty.

In addition to small daily gestures of kindness, make an effort to schedule at least weekly date nights and/or coffee dates together. It makes all the difference to have intentional conversations about meeting each other’s needs – especially during difficult stretches. It’s important for husbands to also express what kind of support they would like too. Plan for success to help both of you thrive. Supporting your wife does not mean obliterating your own needs – that will only create resentment.

 – Hormone Replacement Therapy 

By the time a woman has reached menopause, even the most supportive husband cannot replace the role of hormone replacement therapy (HRT). I’m at least ten years away from menopause, if not less, but I’m already reading about the benefits of HRT. All of the most common perimenopausal struggles listed above can be alleviated by the right dose of HRT.

In the words of Dr Vonda Wright, an orthopedic surgeon and expert on women’s aging and longevity:

“Estrogen, when started within 10 years of your last menstrual cycle, doesn’t just help with hot flashes or night sweats. It significantly reduces your risk of the top killers of women in midlife and beyond: heart disease and osteoporotic fractures. In fact, studies show it can reduce the risk of heart disease by 40–50%. That’s not a small perk—that’s a game-changer.”1

Conclusion

By the time you have reached this point in your marriage, alhamdulilah, you have already graduated through the newlywed and newborn babies stage. Now is the time to continue to nurture your wife through her midlife years by ensuring she has enough protein to eat, exercises, and sleeps well. Understanding her shifting libido will help to keep your marital intimacy going, as well as supporting her decision to explore hormonal replacement therapy. It’s important for husbands and wives to keep having regular conversations around how you can both meet each other’s needs, as a team, with Allah’s Pleasure in mind.

InshaAllah, the love and care you give your wife during this critical stage will reap tremendous reward in both this life as well as the next. 

 

Related:

– The Muslim Woman And Menopause: Navigating The ‘Invisible’ Transition With Faith And Grace

– A Primer On Intimacy And Fulfillment Of A Wife’s Desires Based On The Writings Of Scholars Of The Past

 

1    https://www.drvondawright.com/blog/what-if-we-told-you-estrogen-could-help-you-live-longer

The post Perimenopause For Husbands: What To Expect And How To Support Your Wife appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

By Amina Abdullah A Warning I Didn’t Understand

This all started on a regular back-to-school trip to Target. I asked my mom if we could get some Korean skincare. Instead of answering me, she reminded me to never watch KPop Demon Hunters even if my friends are. She mentioned that our local imam had warned parents to keep their kids away from this show; apparently, he knew it was quite popular, and did not think the content was appropriate for children.

While I thought it was odd that my skincare request somehow made her think of that movie, I did what I do best: I nodded, but I honestly did not understand why she was being so serious. I thought it was just a cartoon and could not be that bad.

A few weeks later, I was at a small party with some of my mom’s Muslim friends. It was fun at first, but after a while my friends and I got bored and went inside to watch TV. Someone picked a movie, and suddenly KPop Demon Hunters was on the screen.

Right before I sat down, my younger sisters, who are now 5 and 8, told me very clearly that watching it was a bad idea. They said, “You should not watch that.” I thought they were just being dramatic and trying to act older than they are. But later on they came to watch too.

At the end of the movie that’s when we realized their advice was right.

What I Saw and Why It Mattered

Very quickly we realized this movie was not what I expected at all. Some of the characters wore clothing that did not feel appropriate. The songs, especially “How It’s Done” and “Your Idol,” had lyrics that did not seem right for kids to hear. There were also mixed-gender scenes that felt uncomfortable, and it just did not feel like something I should be watching.

What surprised me the most was that all the other girls acted like everything was perfectly normal. They had watched the movie so many times that nothing seemed strange to them anymore. That made me think. When you keep watching something again and again, you start to think it is fine, even when it is not.

Just because something is animated does not mean it is harmless. And just because everyone else thinks it is okay does not mean it actually is.

So in conclusion, KPop Demon Hunters is not a movie Muslim kids should watch. Not even once. It is better to listen to the people who care about you, even when you think you know better.

***

Amina Abdullah is a 5th grader from California’s SF Bay Area. When she’s not at school, she’s a part-time Hifz student, badminton player, and older sister.

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The post K-Pop Demon Hunters: Certainly Not for Kids appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Architect Farshid Moussavi is behind a tranquil and timeless new building where Houston’s 40,000-strong Ismaili Muslim community can come together. But how has she created something that looks so delicate out of stone?

On a hot autumn day in southern Texas, monarch butterflies flit around the gardens of Houston’s new Ismaili Centre. Fragile and gaudy, they are on their way south to overwinter in Mexico, travelling up to 3,000 miles in a typical migration cycle, an epic feat of insectile endurance.

Their combination of delicacy and stamina is an apt metaphor for the Ismaili Centre, a building that has taken seven years to realise and is designed to last for a century or more. It’s a place where Houston’s 40,000-strong Ismaili Muslim community, one of the largest in the US, can practise their faith but it’s also a venue for shared activities.

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Nadav Zafrir is making a killing.

Greg Abbott’s move heightens the clash with Muslim groups and usurps federal authority

Texas governor Greg Abbott declared the Council on American-Islamic Relations (Cair) and the Muslim Brotherhood to be “foreign terrorist organizations” on Tuesday, prohibiting them from acquiring property in the state and authorizing legal action to shut down affiliated entities.

The move marks a massive escalation in Abbott’s confrontation with Muslim organizations and communities in Texas, though states have no authority to designate foreign terrorist organizations on behalf of the US.

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As the Muslim Book Awards are in full swing, judges Amire Hoxha and Zainab bint Younus discuss Amire’s book “Amar’s Fajr Reward,” which brings Kosovar representation to the Muslim kidlit space, and what it was like for Amire to write as a minority within a Muslim minority. They explore trends in Muslim bookselling, and what’s still missing in the Muslim kidlit space.

If you’re a Muslim writer, publisher, or reader, you won’t want to miss this episode!

Related:

Podcast: Refugee Representation In Muslim Literature

Podcast: A Glimpse Into Muslim Bookstagram

[Podcast] Books, Boys, & Kareem Between | Shifa Saltagi Safadi

 

The post [Podcast] Kosovar Rep & What’s Missing In Muslim KidLit appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

How banning Palestine Action has led to the banning of Palestine in prisons.

Former federal police director Nicoletta della Valle directly criticized.