The astroturf group’s strategy event had the theme ‘evolve’ – but its speakers want to take the country back to the past

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Last weekend, the astroturf body Advance Australia held its first national conference in Darling Harbour. Contrary to its theme, “evolve”, what leaked recordings of the speeches reveal is that Advance wants to return Australians to a mythical past.

At a time when Australian politicians and certain members of the commentariat are lecturing us about “social cohesion”, Advance’s messaging was a reminder that our definition of hate speech often depends a lot on who does the speaking.

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I am, like millions of others, dutifully fasting from dawn to dusk this month. My faith does not define me. It refines me

• Nazir Afzal is chancellor of the University of Manchester and a former chief prosecutor

As Ramadan begins, Muslims across Britain prepare for a month of fasting, reflection and charity. For most of us, it is a time of spiritual discipline and generosity. For too many of us, it is also a time when the drumbeat of anti-Muslim hatred grows louder.

I have never liked the word “Islamophobia”. It sounds abstract, almost clinical. What we are dealing with is not a vague fear. It is hostility. Suspicion. Discrimination. Abuse. So, I call it what it is, anti-Muslim hatred.

Nazir Afzal is chancellor of the University of Manchester and a former chief prosecutor

Do you have an opinion on the issues raised in this article? If you would like to submit a response of up to 300 words by email to be considered for publication in our letters section, please click here.

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This series is a collaboration between Dr. Ali and MuslimMatters, bringing Quranic wisdom to the questions Muslim families are navigating.

The Conversation Nobody’s Having

Here’s a scene playing out in Muslim homes across the world:

Teen: silently struggling with a crush, consumed by guilt, convinced they’re a bad Muslim

Parent: oblivious, assuming their teen “isn’t like that,” avoiding the conversation because it’s uncomfortable

Result: Teen either spirals into guilt-driven despair or abandons halal boundaries entirely because nobody gave them a framework.

Both outcomes are preventable.

But prevention requires a conversation most Muslim parents are avoiding.

What Your Teen Actually Needs to Hear

1. Having feelings isn’t a sin.

The Prophet ﷺ said:

إِنَّ اللَّهَ تَجَاوَزَ عَنْ أُمَّتِي مَا حَدَّثَتْ بِهِ أَنْفُسَهَا مَا لَمْ تَعْمَلْ بِهِ أَوْ تَكَلَّمْ

“Allah has forgiven my ummah for what occurs in their minds, as long as they don’t act on it or speak of it.” (Bukhari, Muslim)

Your teen needs to hear this—from you, not just from a screen.

2. Islam has a framework for managing attraction.

It’s not just “don’t do haram things.” It’s:

• Lower your gaze (practically, including digitally)
• Fast to diminish desire
• Pursue marriage through halal means when ready
• Build taqwa as a genuine protection

3. Silence on this topic is dangerous.

When Muslim parents don’t address attraction, teens get their framework from:

• Non-Muslim peers
• Social media
• Trial and error

None of these produce Islamic outcomes.

The Three Stages of Attraction

Islamic scholarship identifies three distinct stages:

Stage 1: The Initial Glance: Involuntary. Completely forgiven. The Prophet ﷺ taught: “The first glance is forgiven; the second is not.” (Abu Dawud)

Stage 2: The Lingering (or second) Gaze: Choice enters here. This is what “lower your gaze” addresses.

Stage 3: Feeding the Feeling: Instagram stalking. Unnecessary contact. Obsessive daydreaming. This is where most teens actually struggle—and where parental guidance is most needed.

Understanding these stages helps teens shift from: “I’m a bad Muslim for feeling this” (unhelpful guilt)

To: “What am I actually doing with this feeling?” (productive taqwa)

What “Lowering the Gaze” Means in 2026

Classical scholars defined this as avoiding the intentional lustful stare.

In 2026, it also means:

Digitally:

• Unfollowing accounts that feed attraction
• Not stalking their social media
• Muting posts that become obsessive

Socially:

• Not engineering situations to be near them
• Maintaining appropriate group settings
• Avoiding private conversations that cross lines

Mentally:

• Redirecting intrusive thoughts with dhikr
• Not building elaborate fantasies
• Replacing mental dwelling with productive action

This is practical guidance your teen can actually implement.

The Prophetic Prescriptions

The Prophet ﷺ gave two specific prescriptions for managing attraction:

1. Marriage:

“We do not see for those who love one another anything better than marriage.” (Ibn Majah)

For teens at marriageable age: Help them pursue this if possible. Don’t make marriage so inaccessible that haram becomes the only option. Yes, you were able to wait until you were in your late 20’s or early 30’s because your society has guardrails that are no longer present. Your kids are growing up in a society where phone apps are available, and sadly very popular, whose only purpose is to find someone to have sex with that night! You’re asking them to be chaste, so help them, please.

2. Fasting:

“Whoever can afford to marry, let him do so. And whoever cannot, let him fast, for it diminishes desire.” (Bukhari)

Fasting isn’t just for Ramadan. It’s a genuine prescription for managing desire. Encourage your teen to fast regularly—Mondays and Thursdays, or the three middle days of each month, or even more often. It works well and extinguishes desire when no other option is available.

For Parents: The Conversation to Have

What to say:

“I know this might feel weird, but I want you to know that having feelings for someone is completely normal and completely human. Islam doesn’t pretend that those feelings don’t exist—it gives us a framework for navigating them with dignity. I want to be the person you can talk to about this, not someone you have to hide it from.”

What NOT to say:

• “Don’t even think about that”
• “Good Muslims don’t have those feelings”
• “You shouldn’t be thinking about this at your age”
• “Just make du’a and it’ll go away”

These responses:

• Increase shame without providing tools
• Make you the last person they’ll come to
• Leave them alone with something they need guidance for

The Marriage Conversation

Here’s something most Muslim parents in the West avoid:

Early marriage isn’t the problem. Inaccessible marriage is.

When we make marriage:

• Financially impossible until 30+
• Culturally restricted to specific ethnicities
• Dependent on career completion
• Laden with expensive cultural expectations

Funny story: One of my medical school colleagues, a wonderful and handsome young man, wanted to get married. He had actually grown up around a sister who was a close family friend, and they eventually developed feelings for each other. Same ethnic background, two families that already liked one another, and two people who matched on so many levels. It was the perfect story! So, the young man’s mother approached the girl’s mother and proposed. The girl’s mother accepted immediately and was overjoyed. Then they came to a discussion of the mahr (dowry). The boy’s mother said she was uncertain how to approach this topic, but the girl’s mother responded with surprise saying, “Why? The matter is very clear from the Quran. When Musa wanted to get married, the girl’s father proposed that he should work for him for 8-10 years! So, your son should pay the equivalent of 8 years worth of salary as the dowry (which would have amounted to over 300k USD at the time). Easy.” Needless to say, the marriage never happened (this is NOT the Islamic stance on setting the dowry either), despite everything lining up so perfectly, because of cultural greed the likes of which are truly astonishing.

Sadly, too often we’re creating a 10-15 year gap between when attraction happens and when marriage becomes “acceptable.”

And then we’re surprised when teens, and our young adults, struggle with halal behavior or go off and get married to non-Muslims.

Some questions to ask yourself:

• Am I making marriage accessible for my teen when they’re ready?
• Am I prioritizing cultural expectations over Islamic guidance?
• Would I rather my child pursue halal marriage at age 20 or turn to haram?

This isn’t a call to marry off your 15-year-old.

It’s a call to have honest conversations about marriage as a real, accessible option—not a distant goal dependent on impossible prerequisites.

The Taqwa Framework

Ultimately, here’s what Islam teaches:

Attraction is human. Taqwa is the protection.

Not only willpower. Not shame. Not only avoidance of difficult situations.

Taqwa—genuine God-consciousness—that makes you not WANT to compromise what Allah has for you.

When your teen has a strong enough relationship with Allah:

• Halal behavior becomes natural, not forced
• They genuinely want what Allah wants for them

This is why Week 1 (Identity) matters for Week 2 (Relationships).

A teen who knows who they are before Allah won’t need to compromise their values for the approval of someone they’re attracted to.

But, don’t mistake this point for what it’s not. We can’t say that a young person who is struggling with desire “just needs to have taqwa”. Taqwa will carry them and protect them, yes, but desire is human and Allah created that as something natural, with halal channels. Taqwa won’t extinguish desire. We’re not monks, right?

Discussion Questions for Families

For Teens:

1. Have you been carrying guilt about feelings you never chose? How does tonight’s teaching change that?
2. Honestly assess: Are you managing attraction in a halal way? Or feeding it through social media, unnecessary contact, daydreaming, etc.?
3. Do you feel like you could talk to your parents about this? Why or why not?

For Parents:

1. Have you created space for your teen to come to you about attraction without shame?
2. Are your expectations around marriage realistic and accessible? Or have you made halal options feel impossible?
3. How do you model halal relationship boundaries in your own life?

For Discussion Together:

1. What does Islam’s framework for attraction tell us about how Allah designed human beings?
2. How can our family make halal options more accessible and less stigmatized?
3. What does “guarding your chastity” look like practically in our family’s specific context?

Continue the Journey

This is Night 10 of Dr. Ali’s 30-part Ramadan series, “30 Nights with the Quran: Stories for the Seeking Soul.”

Tomorrow, insha Allah: Night 11 – “Toxic Relationships & When to Walk Away”

For daily extended reflections with journaling prompts: https://30nightswithquran.beehiiv.com/

Related:

When to Walk Away from Toxic Friends | Night 9 with the Qur’an

30 Nights with the Qur’an: A Ramadan Series for Muslim Teens

The post I Can’t Stop Thinking About Someone | Night 10 with the Qur’an appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

[This narrative scene is excerpted from The Interrogation Vault trilogy. Set within a digital simulation of the first Hijrah to Abyssinia (Rajab, 5th year of the Prophetic mission), the story follows a protagonist and an extraterrestrial visitor as they analyze the strategic genius of the Prophet ﷺ. Together, they explore his mastery of ally selection, crisis management, and the crafting of ambassadors whose impact would echo through history.]

***

“And he didn’t send them to any land,” the alien continued. “He sent them to a Christian kingdom. To a just king. He knew Najāshi would listen.”

He turned to me.

“What does that tell you?”

“That he trusted justice wherever it was,” I replied.

“Yes,” the alien nodded. “But more than that—he understood diplomacy. He sought allies. Islam wasn’t retreating. It was extending.”

The scene shifted again.

We were in Abyssinia now—green hills rising above open plains, birds darting through eucalyptus groves. The Muslims stood before the throne of Najāshi, weary but dignified.

A hush fell over the court.

Then Ja‘far stepped forward.

And he spoke:

“We were a people in ignorance… until God sent us a messenger… who taught us to speak truth, to care for kin, to protect the weak…”

His voice echoed across the throne room like a prayer carried by wind.

I felt my throat tighten.

“He could have just recited theology,” the alien whispered. “Instead, he described transformation. The moral revolution that Islam was birthing.”

Then came the challenge.

Qurayshi envoys arrived—polished, persuasive, bearing bribes. “These are rebels,” they insisted. “Hand them over.”

Najāshi turned to the Muslims.

“Do you carry anything from what your Prophet has received?”

Ja‘far nodded.

And recited verses from Surah Maryam.

Tears shimmered down the king’s face. The simulation let us feel it—the hush of the court, the tremble of awe, the moment a Christian king defended Muslim refugees against his own nobles.

“These weren’t just migrants,” the alien said. “They were envoys. Their presence in Abyssinia laid the foundation for interfaith respect, for political leverage, for survival.”

I exhaled. “But it must have been… so hard.”

The alien gazed toward the hills.

“Fifteen years. Some never saw the Prophet ﷺ again. They missed Badr. Uhud. They prayed facing Jerusalem until word of the qiblah (direction) reached them months later.”

He paused.

“They were not forgotten. But they felt forgotten.”

The simulation pulled us into a quiet tent.

A woman wept silently as her child slept beside her.

“I miss him,” she whispered to no one. “I miss his voice.”

I felt a weight in my chest that no gravity could match.

“Why did they stay so long?” I asked.

“Because they understood that service to Islam isn’t always visible,” the alien replied. “Sometimes, it means guarding the future from afar. They were the insurance policy. The reserve. The seed in foreign soil.”

The scene faded.

“Today,” the alien said, “you remember Badr. Uhud. Khandaq. But do you remember the ones who left?”

I looked at the sea again.

“They didn’t fight with swords,” I said slowly. “But they fought with sacrifice.”

He nodded.

“And that is the harder jihad.”

He stepped forward.

“You call it Hijrah. But it was also Hikmah. Wisdom. Timing. Diplomacy. Trust. If Islam was only spiritual, none of this would have mattered. But it did. Because Islam was always a movement. And movements… must move.”

I didn’t speak.

The chamber was too full of farewells.

Too full of forgotten names who gave everything for a future they would never fully see.

Rain still fell.

But now I knew.

They weren’t drops.

They were prayers.

***

 

Related:

– NICOTINE – A Ramadan Story [Part 1]: With A Name Like Marijuana

– Lejla And The White Days [Snow White And The Seven Dwarfs] – A Short Story

 

 

The post Fifteen Years In The Shadows: The Strategic Brilliance Of The Hijrah To Abyssinia appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.

Some hearts enter Ramadan quietly — not because they lack faith, but because they lack a place to belong. Not everyone walks into the sacred month with a community waiting for them, a masjid that feels like home, or a circle of people who hold their presence with warmth.

Some believers arrive carrying a different kind of longing: the longing to be welcomed, to be seen, to be spiritually safe.

These are the uninvited hearts — the ones who love Allah deeply, yet often feel like strangers among His Creation.

And Ramadan, in its mercy, comes for them too.

The Month That Opens Its Doors to Everyone

Ramadan is not a gated community. It does not ask for credentials, popularity, or belonging. It does not require you to have a spiritual family or a perfect life.

It simply arrives — softly, generously, without conditions — and says: Come as you are.

Allah tells us in the Qur’an:

“And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.” [Surah Al-Baqarah: 2;186]

Near to the ones who feel left out. Near the ones who pray alone. Near to the ones who enter Ramadan with a heart that has been bruised by people but still reaches for Him.

When the World Doesn’t Invite You, Allah Does

There is a unique kind of worship that belongs to the uninvited heart.

The suhoor eaten in silence. The iftar made for one. The taraweeh prayed in a small room with no rows to join. The du‘ā’ whispered with no one to say “ameen” but the angels.

These acts are not lesser. They are not lacking. They are not lonely in the sight of Allah .

They are intimate. They are witnessed. They are beloved.

Sometimes Allah calls the Qur’an:

“O mankind, there has to come to you instruction from your Lord and healing for what is in the breasts and a guidance and a mercy for the believers.” [Surah Yunus: 10;57]

For the believer who feels spiritually displaced, the Qur’an becomes a home — a place where the heart is finally allowed to rest, to breathe, to belong.

In a world where people may overlook you, the Qur’an never does. In a month where others gather in circles, the Qur’an gathers you into its light.

A Du‘ā’ for the Uninvited Heart

There is a du‘ā’ that fits the ones who feel unseen, unheard, or unclaimed:

“And say, “My Lord, cause me to enter a sound entrance and to exit a sound exit and grant me from Yourself a supporting authority.”[Surah Al-‘Isra: 17;80]

A du‘ā’ for strength. For protection. For divine companionship when human companionship is scarce.

Let it be your anchor this Ramadan.

Ramadan as Your Sanctuary

If you enter this month feeling uninvited by people, know this:

Ramadan itself is your invitation.

It is the sanctuary Allah built for the hearts that wander. It is a refuge for the ones who feel spiritually homeless. It is the month that gathers the forgotten, the quiet, the tender, the unseen — and places them gently in the presence of God.

May this Ramadan be a sanctuary for your uninvited heart. May it soften what has hardened, heal what has been aching, and remind you that Allah’s Door is always open — even when every other door feels closed.

And may you leave this month knowing, with certainty, that you were never truly uninvited. You were simply being invited somewhere higher.

 

Related:

– A Ramadan Without Community, And Isolation The Whole Year Round

– Ramadan At The Uyghur Mosque: Community, Prayers, And Grief

 

The post Ramadan As A Sanctuary For The Lonely Heart appeared first on MuslimMatters.org.