The Revival

Your Voice Matters!

Jokes!

Naz —

Asalaam Walikum ppl
I’ve noticed (as many of you probably have) that its kinda dead lately on this forum so just to spice things up and add a bit of humour feel free to add your jokes. I’m pretty sure there nothing in Islam forbidding jokes (if there is i apologise and admin feel free to delete this thread. Last thing keep it clean please.

Walikum salaam

husband and wife go to see a councellor.
The counsellor says to the husband "what is you wife’s favourite flower?"
the husband replies "elephant atta!"

An Asian man gets caught stealing a packet of sugar while buying a bottle of ribena from kwik save. In court he claims “not guilty because on the back of the drink it says sugar free!”

Here is the story of an Imam who got up after Friday prayers and announced to the people:
"I have good news and bad news. The good news is, we have enough money to pay for our new building program. The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."

A man is taking a walk in Central park in New York. Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and saving the girl's life. A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: "Brave New Yorker saves the life of little girl" The man says: - "But I am not a New Yorker!" "Oh ,then it will say in newspapers in the morning: 'Brave American saves life of little girl'" – the policeman answers. "But I am not an American!" – says the man. "Oh, what are you then? " The man says: - "I am a Saudi !" The next day the newspapers says: "Islamic extremist kills innocent American dog.

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114 comments

#61

Courage Fri, 4 Jan 2008 - 18:14

You have to be Asian to get this.

Why is it encouraging to see a fat woman wait?

Because she is motivating!

For non-Asians: Moti= Fat (feminine)

#63

Funzo Fri, 4 Jan 2008 - 18:32

CourageYou have to be Asian to get this.

Why is it encouraging to see a fat woman wait?

Because she is motivating!

For non-Asians: Moti= Fat (feminine)

it would be better if it was motee--vating

#64

Naz Fri, 4 Jan 2008 - 19:51

Irfan.khan

CourageYou have to be Asian to get this.

Why is it encouraging to see a fat woman wait?

Because she is motivating!

For non-Asians: Moti= Fat (feminine)

it would be better if it was motee--vating

true true

#65

Allahuakbar Fri, 4 Jan 2008 - 21:05

Ha ha.... yeah

That one is about as good as:

What happened to the frog that broke down? It got TOAD away!

In fact mines better. 😂

#66

Funzo Fri, 4 Jan 2008 - 22:53

The delivery is obviously different in speaking and unless your weird a hyphon isnt required when you say it.
Why the hell did i write this man i think im going mad.

#67

MuslimSister Thu, 10 Jan 2008 - 21:53

A sufi, a salafi, a tablighi jamaati and a hizb-u-tehriri are chilling out enjoying a pizza together.

Suddenly, the light bulb goes out and in the pitch black an argument breaks on what to do.

The TJ speaks up first; "Brothers, I think we should make a jamaat, elect an amir and read Fazail-e-Amaal together for guidance".

"And how you gonna read bro?" said the HT, "There's no light. We must first establish a khilafa state and the Caliph will decide how to rectify the situation."

"No, no. You're both wrong" interrupts the sufi, "The 4 of us will hold a dhikr gathering and the noor from the dhikr will light up the room."

The 3 of them start arguing again and then fall silent and look at the salafi; "Well. What do you think we should do?" they all ask him.

"Brother", replies the salafi, "Where's your daleel for the light bulb?"

#68

idi Thu, 10 Jan 2008 - 22:19

erm whats a daleel?

#69

Ya'qub Thu, 10 Jan 2008 - 22:20

M4k4v3l1erm whats a daleel?

the punchline to the joke!

#71

Ya'qub Thu, 10 Jan 2008 - 22:23

Here's the Christian version of that joke...I don't understand some of it:

How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands already in the air.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic: None. Candles only.

Baptists: At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much they liked the old one better.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it.

Unitarians: We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your light bulb, and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence.

Methodists: Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved -- you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Churchwide lighting service is planned for Sunday, August 19. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.

Nazarene: Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish: What's a light bulb?

Jehovas Witnesses: None. The lights are on but no one's home.

#72

Beast Thu, 10 Jan 2008 - 22:26

Seeing as we're all posting jokes we've only just come across on the net, here's mine:

Why Do These Muslim *******s Keep Calling Me "Islamophobic"?

I just don't get it, dude.

I like a frank debate on the issues of the day as much as the next man and I'm always polite. I respect their wacko cultural sensitivities and ****, but I've just about had it with these ****ing Muslims calling me some kind of bigot.

It's always the same - I'll be having an online discussion with some towel-head, and the next thing I know Abdul or whoever gets all aggressive and starts calling me all these filthy names.

One minute I'm making a perfectly valid point about how they're all ignorant sheep following a religion of hate, and out of nowhere they'll suddenly accuse me of being "racist" or "prejudiced".

Just why do these Muslim *******s keep calling me "Islamophobic"? Does the Koran command them to be dumbasses or something?

And Allah help me if I so much as mention the fact that their holy book totally commands them to kill or convert everyone on Earth, which would be a disgusting breach of human rights and wrong. Only a fanatical psycho would think about genocide in the name of religion.

It makes me so mad, sometimes I think we should just nuke 'em all and let God sort 'em out.

Well, I'm done being polite. If I want to call a fifth of the world's population fanatical killers I will, and if they've got any objections they can come take a shot at me any time - my email address is out there for the world to see.

Come try it if you got the balls, Islamonazis.

#73

MuslimSister Thu, 10 Jan 2008 - 22:34

...is this a joke Beast? Looks more like a death threat to online Muslim posters...?

#74

idi Thu, 10 Jan 2008 - 22:34

lol i was thinkin the same fing

#75

Beast Thu, 10 Jan 2008 - 22:36

Read between the lines people.

The guy is being sarcastic.

#76

Noor Thu, 10 Jan 2008 - 22:51

MuslimSisterA sufi, a salafi, a tablighi jamaati and a hizb-u-tehriri are chilling out enjoying a pizza together.

Suddenly, the light bulb goes out and in the pitch black an argument breaks on what to do.

The TJ speaks up first; "Brothers, I think we should make a jamaat, elect an amir and read Fazail-e-Amaal together for guidance".

"And how you gonna read bro?" said the HT, "There's no light. We must first establish a khilafa state and the Caliph will decide how to rectify the situation."

"No, no. You're both wrong" interrupts the sufi, "The 4 of us will hold a dhikr gathering and the noor from the dhikr will light up the room."

The 3 of them start arguing again and then fall silent and look at the salafi; "Well. What do you think we should do?" they all ask him.

"Brother", replies the salafi, "Where's your daleel for the light bulb?"

lol!

#77

Sirus Sat, 12 Jan 2008 - 11:00

lol the ligh bulb joke is hilarious!!! i had to share it with mum and dad

teh christians changing light bulb was funny too...altho not sure of a few of the groups, get a gud idea

#78

Seraphim Mon, 14 Jan 2008 - 14:06

M4k4v3l1A Pakistani guy, an Indian guy, a beautiful girl and an old woman were sitting in a train. The train was going through a tunnel and then it gets completely dark.

Suddenly there was a KISSING sound and then a SLAP!

The train came out of the tunnel. The beautiful girl, the old woman and the Pakistani guy were sitting there looking perplexed.

The Indian guy was bent over holding his face, which was red from an apparent slap.

The old woman was thinking:
"That Indian must have tried to kiss that girl and has got slapped."

The Indian guy was thinking:
"Damn it, that Pakistani guy must have tried to kiss the girl, she thought it was me and slapped me."

The girl was thinking:
"That Indian guy must have moved to kiss me, and kissed the Pakistani guy instead and got slapped."

The Pakistani guy was thinking:
"If this train will again pass through another tunnel, I could make another kissing sound and slap that Indian guy again

LMAO!

#81

Naz Wed, 16 Jan 2008 - 13:30

4 men....A Yank, a Brit, a Russian and a Pak.
Yank says im a CIA agent
Brit says im a MI5 agent
Russian says im a KGB agent
Pak says im a newsagent!

#82

Seraphim Wed, 16 Jan 2008 - 14:40

Actually i think you'll find the KGB no longer exist. They were part of the Soviet Union back in the cold war, but where disbanded in 1995.

#83

Allahuakbar Wed, 16 Jan 2008 - 15:27

SeraphimActually i think you'll find the KGB no longer exist. They were part of the Soviet Union back in the cold war, but where disbanded in 1995.

Big deal! Dont take all the fun outta the jokes.

#84

Funzo Wed, 16 Jan 2008 - 18:37

Some would argue against that ^

#85

idi Wed, 16 Jan 2008 - 23:07

Irfan and or FunzoSome would argue against that ^

oright nobody cares
lets not kill the topic n just stick to the jokes k?

#86

Funzo Wed, 16 Jan 2008 - 23:08

Ooooh calm down love! keep your hijaab on!

#87

Seraphim Wed, 16 Jan 2008 - 23:09

Irfan and or FunzoOoooh calm down love! keep your hijaab on!

😂

#88

Allahuakbar Thu, 17 Jan 2008 - 01:08

Irfan and or FunzoOoooh calm down love! keep your hijaab on!

I see everyone is taking a liking to my hijab joke re:Makaveli.

Stroke o' genius 😉

#89

idi Thu, 17 Jan 2008 - 19:12

itz all coz of uuuuuuu am in this position lol

#90

Allahuakbar Thu, 17 Jan 2008 - 22:59

Yeah true.

But you were the one who put that pic up as your display picture.

Shot yourself in the foot mate. 😂 😃 🙂 😛 :!:

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