Weddings!
Salaam
Its wedding season, many weddings are taking place these days.
I’ve always really loved weddings; they’re such joyous occasions…. However, I do have some issues regarding weddings that I wish to raise.
Firstly, the extravagance that takes place these days is unbelievable…I’m not advocating being a cheapskate, but one should really spend according to their means and should not splash out unnecessary things i.e. hiring out numerous limo’s, getting ice sculptures carved, hiring out extremely expensive venues in the countryside... which all puts people into debt
And why are weddings SO long? How long does it say to say “Kabool”? Must weddings drag on for hours and hours?
Dancing is another issue…personally I love dancing even though my parents always tell me not to…..I don’t see a problem with dancing if there are no males present and if nothing gets recording….I don’t know what Islam says about this though.
But I know that dancing in front of boys is definitely wrong. It’s not right for a woman to dance in front of her dad, uncles, cousins and other strange men…
That’s another thing, why aren’t all weddings segregated? If they were all segregated, women could wear/do whatever they wanted to without any restrictions…
Also, to me weddings are all about the bride. But why is it that, people rate the bride when she enters the wedding hall. Everybody cranes their neck and falls all over themselves to see if the guy's wife-to-be is fit or not.
This is so wrong, what business do strange men have in the Fitness of another man's women!?
And then after everyone rates her she has to sit there like a doll for hours and hours getting bogged out by everyone. Again, ALL weddings should be segregated.
Also, I’ve always believed that if any aspect of culture does not contradict the teachings of Islam then there is nothing wrong with it…and I’ve always been a fan of the “Mehndi” ritual….But some of the rituals that seem to go on in weddings seem to stem out of superstition…or are just plain ridiculous.
e.g taking money and twirling it around the bride/groom's head to take off "nazaar" (the evil eye), oiling the door before the bride enters the home, throwing rice etc etc
Please share your views on all of the above.
Wasalaam
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[quote="Beast"]I'd like an answer to my questions!
1 - What assumptions have people made about you?
2 - How are such assumptions unfair considering that you have a picture of al-Zarqawi as your avatar?
3 - Do you admit that you have spread fitnah and tried to defame other members?[/quote]
and
4 - Is there any particular reason y u have to lie about being from Zarqa?
:roll:
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[quote="*DUST*"][quote="Beast"]I'd like an answer to my questions!
1 - What assumptions have people made about you?
2 - How are such assumptions unfair considering that you have a picture of al-Zarqawi as your avatar?
3 - Do you admit that you have spread fitnah and tried to defame other members?[/quote]
and
4 - Is there any particular reason y u have to lie about being from Zarqa?
:roll:[/quote]
5 - what you got against Kenya?
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[quote="Don Karnage"][quote="*DUST*"][quote="Beast"]I'd like an answer to my questions!
1 - What assumptions have people made about you?
2 - How are such assumptions unfair considering that you have a picture of al-Zarqawi as your avatar?
3 - Do you admit that you have spread fitnah and tried to defame other members?[/quote]
and
4 - Is there any particular reason y u have to lie about being from Zarqa?
:roll:[/quote]
5 - what you got against Kenya?[/quote]
6 - and why have you got a dirrty mind?
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[quote="Med"][quote="Don Karnage"][quote="*DUST*"][quote="Beast"]I'd like an answer to my questions!
1 - What assumptions have people made about you?
2 - How are such assumptions unfair considering that you have a picture of al-Zarqawi as your avatar?
3 - Do you admit that you have spread fitnah and tried to defame other members?[/quote]
and
4 - Is there any particular reason y u have to lie about being from Zarqa?
:roll:[/quote]
5 - what you got against Kenya?[/quote]
6 - and why have you got a dirrty mind?[/quote]
7 - watch your language when you answer 6
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it's very commendable that ppl want modest weddings in this day and age but it's very difficult to achieve, especially when you have parents who have other plans in mind.
If your entire family is practising then asking for a modest wedding won't be impossible. But for many of us our parents don't understand the islamic concept of modesty, or fail to see it as being extravagant because they just want to celebrate their childs wedding, express their joy. Whether this is right or wrong is besides the point, that is just how certain parents think, and it's next to impossible to change these sort of parents over night.
I only know of two sisters who managed to have very modest weddings in their family home, but that was because their parents totally understood and respected their religious beliefs. Unfortunately this isn't the case for most of us, and we can't be condemned for what our parents force upon us against our wishes.
My parents don't understand the need for modest weddings, even though they get into debt funding every family wedding. To them it's a mark of disgrace to have a wedding in a house coz low and behold ppl will talk, say you are tight, or ashamed of the partner your daughter or son has chosen. Sounds pathetic but they are more into their culture than religion, to be fair that's how they were raised.
However for the first time ever we are going to have a wedding insha'Allah in the house, because I managed to convince my siblings and parents. Let's hope they continue this way with my other brothers weddings. Besides we are in debt can't afford to have a dozen more weddings in extravagance.
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In Bosnia there is an old custom that still has to be done on wedding days. The groom and his dad will knock on the door of the girl’s home and ask if there are any girls available for marriage.
If there are any such girls available, they will be presented and the man will choose his favourite and “reserve” her by paying an agreed price to the girl’s mother.
Then the marriage will be quickly arranged, no waiting about or long engagements. You can’t get married unless you go through this ritual.
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[quote="latifah"]In Bosnia there is an old custom that still has to be done on wedding days. The groom and his dad will knock on the door of the girl’s home and ask if there are any girls available for marriage.
If there are any such girls available, they will be presented and the man will choose his favourite and “reserve” her by paying an agreed price to the girl’s mother.
Then the marriage will be quickly arranged, no waiting about or long engagements. You can’t get married unless you go through this ritual.[/quote]
lol that's got a be a bit of a shocker.
Is this is a Christian custom too?
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talk about direct action loool
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lol.
I understand the lady's points about how difficult it is to have a simple wedding.
I doubt very many people will opt for the simple nikah that the ulama do.
If anyone wants to know how a modern recent history wedding CAN be conducted in complete simplicity I advise reading Aap Beti of Shaykh ul Hadeeth Mawlana Muhammad Zakariyyah rahmatullahi ta'ala alayh.
The marriages of himself, his sister, children and grandchildren are beautiful.
Infact despite Shaykh ul Hadeeths family being learned in deen, when he first conducted the marriage in complete simplicity some of his own relatives objected on this and were angry. They made such statements that are this how weddings are conducted?, weddings are for merriement, and some even went to say
Zakariyya ne hamari naak katwa di.
Zakariyya has cut our noses - meaning he has dishonoured us.
When this report came to Shaykh ul Hadeeth he replied to the messenger that go back and tell them my nose is still here, you can feel it and report to them that my nose has not been cut.
MashaALLAH.
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I dunno... as much as I think simplicity is the best route it's very hard to tell people you love "no" for a justification you really aren't that passionate about to begin with.
I don't think guys think about weddings all that much - I certainly didn't, and it seems like that's all girls have been thinking about from age 4 up to the present.
Certainly there are excesses - for example carriage pulls and tiaras, but I [i]highly[/i] doubt there are that many women who would go that far off the deep end.
I figure this really is all about her so give her everything she wants - make her happy - and enjoy yourself if you can afford it.
lol guys have other marital objectives.
As conservative as I am - I don't think God will mind if I let her engage in slight excess on her big day
"A man who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD. " - Proverbs 22
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[quote="Don Karnage"][quote="latifah"]In Bosnia there is an old custom that still has to be done on wedding days. The groom and his dad will knock on the door of the girl’s home and ask if there are any girls available for marriage.
If there are any such girls available, they will be presented and the man will choose his favourite and “reserve” her by paying an agreed price to the girl’s mother.
Then the marriage will be quickly arranged, no waiting about or long engagements. You can’t get married unless you go through this ritual.[/quote]
lol that's got a be a bit of a shocker.
Is this is a Christian custom too?[/quote]
It used to be, though more common among Musilms and Albanians. Tradition dies hard over there, but these days its just symbolic, no money involved.
The girls mum is the one who makes the decision though, daddy can be overruled by the girls. That's the best way. 😃
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hahah that's awesome
And I think the only instance ive ever come across that the [i]mother [/i]gives the girl away
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if a guy and girl want to get married, dya think its a good idea if there is no attraction from one or other of them?
i mean personality wise if they get on, but one doesnt fancy the other?
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[quote="fizzy1"]if a guy and girl want to get married, dya think its a good idea if there is no attraction from one or other of them?
i mean personality wise if they get on, but one doesnt fancy the other?[/quote]
No... that wouldn't work at all
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[quote="fizzy1"]if a guy and girl want to get married, dya think its a good idea if there is no attraction from one or other of them?
i mean personality wise if they get on, but one doesnt fancy the other?[/quote]
No. It wouldnt work in my opinion.
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could try to.....but if one of them knows no chance whatsoever....i dont reccommend it
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but do you think the attraction could grow over time?
i mean is that now what happens in arranged marriages anyway?
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attraction can grow over time
but then get to know them in Halaal way before, so you have a lil attraction before you get married....?
and as for arranged marriages...^^^^ can happen, forced is different
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[quote="fizzy1"]but do you think the attraction could grow over time?
i mean is that now what happens in arranged marriages anyway?[/quote]
Maybe..
But who'd want to take that chance?
And even in arrange marriages it is important to be attracted to the one you're marrying...and even one meeting is more then enough to determine whether or not attraction is present.
Weddings!
i have a situation
a friend approached me a while back about marriage. we have been getting to know each other better, obv before marriage i want to know if we are right for each other.
topic comes up about attraction. i think he is attractive. he is not sure if or how much he is attracted to me.
i say there is no point getting married if the attraction isnt there. he says he wants to pursue it and get married, and says personality wise we are compatible, and even said he thinks of us as soul mates.
im not getting whisked away in a romantic situation cuz i knw i can still pull out of it.
but he says we will grow to be more attracted to each other over time, and that our parents had arranged marriages and grew to love each other.
bit confused
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Well...
I don't really see an issue. If he says that personality wise you guys are compatible and he even considers you as his soul mate...then go for it.
Obvioulsy, if he wasn't attracted to you one bit he wouldnt want to get married to you.
Its true that after marriage attraction can and will grow..esp if you guys are compatible.
Do an istakhara sis.
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it's important that the person you marry is attracted to you. I personally wouldn't get married to someone if i wasn't attracted to them or they to me. Even if you get along personality wise if the attraction doesn't develop way into the marriage then a lot of problems will crop up. You may not realise immediately but it could centre on this lack of attraction.
The same would go for someone with an incompatible personality, would you put up with everything hoping you may be able to "change" that person after you get married? You can't change ppl they can only change themselves if they wish to.
My advice don't take the risk. He should be attracted to you as much as you are to him, if not more.
Our parents lived in a different age where they had little choice but to marry who their parents had chosen for them, and they did so obediently no questions answered. We have the blessing of choosing who we marry, so why not make sure they are right for us, physically, mentally, intellectually. I don't believe in just settling for someone hoping they will change or learn to love you as much as you do them.
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...but this guy didn't say he [i]wasn't[/i] attracted to you did he?
[size=9]that would be pretty nasty[/size]
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[quote="Don Karnage"]...but this guy didn't say he [i]wasn't[/i] attracted to you did he?
[size=9]that would be pretty nasty[/size][/quote]
I'm positive he wouldnt want to get married to her if he wasnt attracted to her.
The fact that he wants to be with her is more then enough proof that he is attracted to her.
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no he didnt say he wasnt attracted to me, but didnt say he was either
all he said was "i dont think yr ugly, and not sure if im attracted to you.
but sure that attraction will grow. still want to marry you regardless."
charming! not the best way to win a girl!
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Lol..
Maybe he's one of those who just has a terrible way with words.
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since he said im not sure if im attracted to you. You should tell him get in touch when you're sure, till then adios. I would take his words as an insult, you're a lot more reserved than me :shock:
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This is weird..usually guys are more into looks then girls are.
It's not like them to overlook something like this. :?
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[quote]it's important that the person you marry is attracted to you. I personally wouldn't get married to someone if i wasn't attracted to them or they to me. Even if you get along personality wise if the attraction doesn't develop way into the marriage then a lot of problems will crop up. You may not realise immediately but it could centre on this lack of attraction.
The same would go for someone with an incompatible personality, would you put up with everything hoping you may be able to "change" that person after you get married? You can't change ppl they can only change themselves if they wish to.
My advice don't take the risk. He should be attracted to you as much as you are to him, if not more.
Our parents lived in a different age where they had little choice but to marry who their parents had chosen for them, and they did so obediently no questions answered. We have the blessing of choosing who we marry, so why not make sure they are right for us, physically, mentally, intellectually. I don't believe in just settling for someone hoping they will change or learn to love you as much as you do them.
[/quote]
[b] I am in absolute agreement with you sis [quote]
[/quote][/b]
I'd like an answer to my questions!
1 - What assumptions have people made about you?
2 - How are such assumptions unfair considering that you have a picture of al-Zarqawi as your avatar?
3 - Do you admit that you have spread fitnah and tried to defame other members?