Weddings!

MuslimSister —

Salaam

Its wedding season, many weddings are taking place these days.

I’ve always really loved weddings; they’re such joyous occasions…. However, I do have some issues regarding weddings that I wish to raise.

Firstly, the extravagance that takes place these days is unbelievable…I’m not advocating being a cheapskate, but one should really spend according to their means and should not splash out unnecessary things i.e. hiring out numerous limo’s, getting ice sculptures carved, hiring out extremely expensive venues in the countryside... which all puts people into debt

And why are weddings SO long? How long does it say to say “Kabool”? Must weddings drag on for hours and hours?

Dancing is another issue…personally I love dancing even though my parents always tell me not to…..I don’t see a problem with dancing if there are no males present and if nothing gets recording….I don’t know what Islam says about this though.

But I know that dancing in front of boys is definitely wrong. It’s not right for a woman to dance in front of her dad, uncles, cousins and other strange men…

That’s another thing, why aren’t all weddings segregated? If they were all segregated, women could wear/do whatever they wanted to without any restrictions…

Also, to me weddings are all about the bride. But why is it that, people rate the bride when she enters the wedding hall. Everybody cranes their neck and falls all over themselves to see if the guy's wife-to-be is fit or not.

This is so wrong, what business do strange men have in the Fitness of another man's women!?

And then after everyone rates her she has to sit there like a doll for hours and hours getting bogged out by everyone. Again, ALL weddings should be segregated.

Also, I’ve always believed that if any aspect of culture does not contradict the teachings of Islam then there is nothing wrong with it…and I’ve always been a fan of the “Mehndi” ritual….But some of the rituals that seem to go on in weddings seem to stem out of superstition…or are just plain ridiculous.

e.g taking money and twirling it around the bride/groom's head to take off "nazaar" (the evil eye), oiling the door before the bride enters the home, throwing rice etc etc

Please share your views on all of the above.

Wasalaam

Forum
General

fizzy1 — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 17:45

i know its very weird. he said he could get a girlfriend if he wanted to any time, but he doesnt want a girlfriend, he wants a wife.

he said looks dont bother him, as long as person as right for him, that is why i was so surprised, guess it is a gamble. i will do istikhara and see what happens. havent got engaged so if attraction aint there in time, will just leave it

Dave — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 17:46

fizzy1no he didnt say he wasnt attracted to me, but didnt say he was either

all he said was "i dont think yr ugly, and not sure if im attracted to you.

but sure that attraction will grow. still want to marry you regardless."

charming! not the best way to win a girl!

oh boy...

This guy needs some human interaction lessons

MuslimSister — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 17:47

fizzy1

i know its very weird. he said he could get a girlfriend if he wanted to any time, but he doesnt want a girlfriend, he wants a wife.

Did you ask him what he meant by that? :?

Beast — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 17:49

fizzy1no he didnt say he wasnt attracted to me, but didnt say he was either

all he said was "i dont think yr ugly, and not sure if im attracted to you.

but sure that attraction will grow. still want to marry you regardless."

charming! not the best way to win a girl!

Maybe he wants you to know that he wants to marry you for who you are not what you are.

He's got to be attracted to you if he wants to marry you. He just doesn't want you to think that 'attraction' is the only reason.

He must have a bad way with words generally or he gets all messed-up when talking to you.

MuslimSister — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 17:51

Beast

Maybe he wants you to know that he wants to marry you for who you are not what you are.

He's got to be attracted to you if he wants to marry you. He just doesn't want you to think that 'attraction' is the only reason.

He must have a bad way with words generally or he gets all messed-up when talking to you.

Yeh, thats one way of looking at it.

The reason why I'm being optimistic about this guy is cos I have a brother who has a funny way with words...his compliments also sound like disses.

fizzy1 — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 17:54

sounds bad i know!

he meant he is not looking for fling, his intention is not to go out but with intention of marriage.

said if he wanted someone based on looks alone that would be easy, but its more difficult to get someone with compatible personality.

he has turned marriage proposals down, even though girls were pretty cuz not on same level

think im digging myself into a hole by explaining further, lol

MuslimSister — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 17:56

fizzy1

said if he wanted someone based on looks alone that would be easy, but its more difficult to get someone with compatible personality.

he has turned marriage proposals down, even though girls were pretty cuz not on same level

That makes perfect sense to me.

I too value compatibility over everything else. After all, thats what you have to live with...

He sounds like a decent guy.

*DUST* — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 18:00

fizzy1no he didnt say he wasnt attracted to me, but didnt say he was either

all he said was "i dont think yr ugly, and not sure if im attracted to you.

but sure that attraction will grow. still want to marry you regardless."

charming! not the best way to win a girl!

lol. guys can b wierd! :roll: but as muslimsis and beast pointed out, there's no way he wouldv'e approached u about marriage if he wasnt at all physically attracted to u. as i read ur first few posts, i was wondering if u were referring specifically to physical attraction, or general likeability - obviously this became clear later on.

wot do ur parents think of it?

fizzy1 — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 18:05

unfortunately i have not approached my parents about this yet because im not 100% sure it is the right thing.

my mum is happy about us marrying our own choices as previous cousins chose their own husbands,

my older sister knows about him and approves

she has given her blessing, but still wants me to be careful.

his parents have also encouraged him to find a wife. he is planning on telling them about us (all being well) after his 26th bday in march

Sirus — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 18:51

Fizzy....you can possibly have the honoured privelage of having the FIRST Revival Wedding 😃

...providing you beat Irf to it, in which case, you better be quick! 😂

WE WANT CAKE!

Dave — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 19:01

Hayder on HolidayFizzy....you can possibly have the honoured privelage of having the FIRST Revival Wedding 😃

...providing you beat Irf to it, in which case, you better be quick! 😂

WE WANT CAKE!

lol no - Yashmaki was the first.

Unless...wait...fizzy is it somebody from the forum?!

*DUST* — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 19:11

Don KarnageUnless...wait...fizzy is it somebody from the forum?!

:roll: come on dave no need to go into fairytale-land 😛 the girl's only been here a short while!

fizzy1 — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 19:25

lol

no one from here dnt worry

dnt know if i will beat irf, but will be at least a year if all goes well

i will do a blog for you if/when things get going

and yes, there will have to be cake!

Sirus — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 19:32

Don Karnage

Hayder on HolidayFizzy....you can possibly have the honoured privelage of having the FIRST Revival Wedding 😃

...providing you beat Irf to it, in which case, you better be quick! 😂

WE WANT CAKE!

lol no - Yashmaki was the first.

i know shes married, but i didn't knw the Revival had an invite :shock:

in which case, i would like to claim my slice of cake now please :mrgreen:

gud 2 hear fizzy, but if its a year...i may jus entire the race 😂

Beast — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 19:33

Hayder on HolidayFizzy....you can possibly have the honoured privelage of having the FIRST Revival Wedding 😃

...providing you beat Irf to it, in which case, you better be quick! 😂

WE WANT CAKE!

Hayder, whu are you so obsessed with me getting married?

:? :roll:

Sirus — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 19:36

Beast

Hayder on HolidayFizzy....you can possibly have the honoured privelage of having the FIRST Revival Wedding 😃

...providing you beat Irf to it, in which case, you better be quick! 😂

WE WANT CAKE!

Hayder, whu are you so obsessed with me getting married?

:? :roll:

meri praa di shaadee honai vali hai 😂

its a joke, chill

star — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 19:37

so many weddings are taking place in 2006....i hate attending or part taking in weddings.

i hope things keep getting delayed for me.

fizzy1 — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 19:52

why naj??

when you getting married?

i aint been to a wedding for ages

star — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 19:58

fizzy1why naj??

when you getting married?

soon ....erm i dont wanna disclose too much

i just want it delayed coz dads in hospital....havent a clue when hes out innit,

fizzy1

i aint been to a wedding for ages

really the atmosphere is crap....i dont know whether you like em oka not ?

meaning alot of fitnah around

*DUST* — Tue, 24 Jan 2006 - 23:41

this is for Dave, and anyone else who is interested in 'Arranged Marriages' and how they should really work (as we were having this discussion recently):

http://daruliftaa.com/question.asp?txt_QuestionID=q-13144262

Q. I am a young woman who would really like to get married but my parents do not believe in arranged marriages. How should I explain to them that this is their obligation?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A. In the name of Allah, Most Compassionate, Most Merciful,

Helping one’s children marry and find a suitable life-partner is an important parental responsibility.

Abu Sa’id and Ibn Abbas (Allah be pleased with them both) narrate that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “Whoever has a child, he should give him a good name and teach him how to read and write. And when he matures, he should marry him off. When he matures and the father does not marry him off, then if the boy commits a sin, the sin will be on the father.”(Shu’ab al-Iman of al-Bayhaqi)

Umar ibn al-Khattab and Anas ibn Malik (Allah be pleased with them both) narrate that the Messenger of Allah (Allah bless him & give him peace) said: “It is written in the Tawrah that: Who’s daughter reaches the age of twelve years and he fails to marry her off, then if she commits a sin, the sin will be on the father.” (ibid. Also see: Mishkat al-Masabih, 2/939, no. 3139)

In light of the above, it becomes clear that it is the moral and Islamic responsibility of the parents (and importantly the father) to help their children marry. They should actively look for a suitable spouse for their children and do whatever they can in order for them to find a suitable life companion. They should select a pious spouse for their offspring and spend whatever they need to in this regard. Failure in doing so and being neglectful in this regard will result in them being sinful by Allah Most High.

You state that your parents don’t like the idea of arranged marriages, thus you need to explain to your parents that, it is not necessary Islamically to have a arranged marriage, in the sense that the children are not obliged to marry whom the parents select. The final choice is yours, and you can not be forced into marrying someone whom you don’t wish to marry, for Islamically, both men and women have the full right to choose their spouse.
Thus, if you explain to them that their responsibility is only to help search, recommend and select a suitable person for marriage, after which you will have an independent right to marry or not marry the selected person. You will have the right to look at and speak to (within limits) the suitor in order to determine whether he is the right person for you or otherwise.

If you explain this to your parents in a gentle and polite manner, I am sure that they will understand the concept of parents arranging marriages for their children. They have probably misunderstood the concept of parents helping their children marry.

May Allah Most High make it easy for you in order to carryout this beautiful obligation of marriage, Insha Allah.

And Allah knows best

Muhammad ibn Adam
Darul Iftaa
Leicester , UK

Angel — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 - 00:37

My sis is gona have a wedin cake too, there cant be a wedin cermony without cake, everyone on this forum is officially invited lemme ask sis first but rember you pay for your flights to scot yourselves, accomodation can be sorted

star — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 - 13:53

so thoughtful of ya !

cant hack wedding cake...

too much thick icing, always end up taking it all off

Dave — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 - 14:35

*DUST*this is for Dave

lol and I thought I was doing such a great job of pretending (out of politeness) I am understanding of them

I need to take acting lessons...

Thanks though

shawana — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 - 14:40

najcant hack wedding cake...

too much thick icing, always end up taking it all off

how can you not explain,icing is the main bit 😃

Dave — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 - 14:44

Cake is more than just an edible plate for icing.

But you can't take off the icing.

Much like the bride and groom are one - so are the cake and icing.

...Okay I made that last bit up.

But still

star — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 - 14:46

shawana

najcant hack wedding cake...

too much thick icing, always end up taking it all off

how can you not explain,icing is the main bit :D

dont like fat icing...

my sister also thinks its the main part.

*DUST* — Wed, 25 Jan 2006 - 14:49

naj

shawana
najcant hack wedding cake...

too much thick icing, always end up taking it all off

how can you not explain,icing is the main bit :D

dont like fat icing...

my sister also thinks its the main part.

depends - if its chocolate icing, then i'm all for it! 😂 (but wedding cakes dont usually hav choc icing :()