Weddings!

MuslimSister —

Salaam

Its wedding season, many weddings are taking place these days.

I’ve always really loved weddings; they’re such joyous occasions…. However, I do have some issues regarding weddings that I wish to raise.

Firstly, the extravagance that takes place these days is unbelievable…I’m not advocating being a cheapskate, but one should really spend according to their means and should not splash out unnecessary things i.e. hiring out numerous limo’s, getting ice sculptures carved, hiring out extremely expensive venues in the countryside... which all puts people into debt

And why are weddings SO long? How long does it say to say “Kabool”? Must weddings drag on for hours and hours?

Dancing is another issue…personally I love dancing even though my parents always tell me not to…..I don’t see a problem with dancing if there are no males present and if nothing gets recording….I don’t know what Islam says about this though.

But I know that dancing in front of boys is definitely wrong. It’s not right for a woman to dance in front of her dad, uncles, cousins and other strange men…

That’s another thing, why aren’t all weddings segregated? If they were all segregated, women could wear/do whatever they wanted to without any restrictions…

Also, to me weddings are all about the bride. But why is it that, people rate the bride when she enters the wedding hall. Everybody cranes their neck and falls all over themselves to see if the guy's wife-to-be is fit or not.

This is so wrong, what business do strange men have in the Fitness of another man's women!?

And then after everyone rates her she has to sit there like a doll for hours and hours getting bogged out by everyone. Again, ALL weddings should be segregated.

Also, I’ve always believed that if any aspect of culture does not contradict the teachings of Islam then there is nothing wrong with it…and I’ve always been a fan of the “Mehndi” ritual….But some of the rituals that seem to go on in weddings seem to stem out of superstition…or are just plain ridiculous.

e.g taking money and twirling it around the bride/groom's head to take off "nazaar" (the evil eye), oiling the door before the bride enters the home, throwing rice etc etc

Please share your views on all of the above.

Wasalaam

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738 comments

Saniyah Wed, 12 Nov 2008 - 12:48

1R4M

The Lamp
Naz*My aunties bro is getting married (having a love marriage). Hes paying for his own wedding and is pushing out the boat (booking nawaabs). The earliest date he can get is April 09. Its ridiculous.

Ive never been to an Arab wedding before so should be interesting as none of the brides relatives can speak Punjabi or English 😂

Personally i think British Pakistani weddings are boring. The ones in Pakistan are soooo much more fun. Throwing money over the grooms head, putting oil on his head, and theres this stick thing with sparkly things on it which you kinda move around in a circle and side to side over the grooms head (thats if you can reach the grooms head). I dont understand the reasoning behind it all but its still good fun 😃

I don't know if this is sjust a stereotype but, I've seen/heard Arabs acting like Native Americans at their weddings, you know with the "screaming"?

hahahahahaah!!!
yea they do thsi weird tongue on the roof of their mouth sorta thing
n go ayayayaayaya with their mouth in front
sorry that was such a crap explanation!

The "screaming" you're referring to is in fact called uluating and it is not only an arab thing but is used in india and africa as well as the middle east. And its not weird-every culture is different and unique and if you dont recognise or practice a custom, it is not right to take the mick out of it. Everyone has different ways of expressing their happiness, what may be weird to you may make so much sense to others.

Ya'qub Wed, 12 Nov 2008 - 16:32

My wedding will be a low-key, dignified affair, insha'Allah.

Just martial arts and someone playing the bagpipes :roll:

Some magazine people may be getting invites, BTW. Book 5 June 2009, insha'Allah.

1R4M Wed, 12 Nov 2008 - 21:50

Saniyah

The "screaming" you're referring to is in fact called uluating and it is not only an arab thing but is used in india and africa as well as the middle east. And its not weird-every culture is different and unique and if you dont recognise or practice a custom, it is not right to take the mick out of it. Everyone has different ways of expressing their happiness, what may be weird to you may make so much sense to others.

erm
I wasn't taking the p***
I just didnt know how to explain it, as I didn't know what the term was

n NOWHERE did I call it screaming, the other person said that thank u very much
n I even said it was a crap explanation since I didnt know what it was called
n I DIDNT say it was an arab thing, the other person said thats what some arabs do at their weddings, thats why I responded beause I knew what they meant

The Lamp Thu, 13 Nov 2008 - 11:55

I don't think anyone was tkaing the mick out of it, there's a reason why I put it in inverted commas. Now that you've said what it is I think everyone knows.

Naz Sat, 15 Nov 2008 - 17:23

wednesdayThat is an arab tradition... it just symbolises 'happiness' and 'togetherness'- i know i don't like it but when soemone does try it, it's like blowing a horn or shooting a canon to mark the opening of soemthing... and it doesn't only happen at weddings but all special 'happy' occasions

I've never been to a wedding (except my uncle's when I was some months old), wouldn't know a thing about them... (and that sounds appealing compared to actually going to one 😛 )

Seriously?

Ive never been on the brides side (apparently its really boring in comparison to the guys side, well at least thats what my mum says).

If your weddings are anything like mine then I can assure you that you aint missing out on anything.

Ya'qub Sat, 15 Nov 2008 - 19:58

I've been to many weddings: Scottish, English, Malay, Somali, mixed Pakistani and British, mixed Pakistani and Irish. Some have cost thousands and thousands of pounds, some have cost less than a hundred. Some were segregated, some were mixed. One of my friends had his wedding in a coffee shop (yes, really).

My favourite ones are Malay. And I'm not just saying that to suck-up to the in-laws. It's just a really chillaxed atmosphere and they make a MASSIVE bowel of curry (they have to stir it with a broom handle) and LOTS of chicken satay with peanut sauce (possibly the tastiest food outside of Jannah) and then you just sit and chat to people, then some guys do martial arts and sing TERRIBLE Malaysian pop songs.

And to top it all off you get given an egg (?) as a gift when you leave.

What more could you want?

One of my school friends was ASTOUNDED when I said I was getting married. He said he'd never been to a wedding in his life, and asked if we were going to have snakes (?!).

Naz Sat, 15 Nov 2008 - 20:58

Ya'qubI've been to many weddings: Scottish, English, Malay, Somali, mixed Pakistani and British, mixed Pakistani and Irish. Some have cost thousands and thousands of pounds, some have cost less than a hundred. Some were segregated, some were mixed. One of my friends had his wedding in a coffee shop (yes, really).

My favourite ones are Malay. And I'm not just saying that to suck-up to the in-laws. It's just a really chillaxed atmosphere and they make a MASSIVE bowel of curry (they have to stir it with a broom handle) and LOTS of chicken satay with peanut sauce (possibly the tastiest food outside of Jannah) and then you just sit and chat to people, then some guys do martial arts and sing TERRIBLE Malaysian pop songs.

And to top it all off you get given an egg (?) as a gift when you leave.

What more could you want?

One of my school friends was ASTOUNDED when I said I was getting married. He said he'd never been to a wedding in his life, and asked if we were going to have snakes (?!).

Free range or the opposite of free range. Raw or cooked?

Ya'qub Sat, 15 Nov 2008 - 21:18

Naz
Free range or the opposite of free range. Raw or cooked?

What are you, a rooster?

I think they're boiled eggs and the chickens that laid them have probably never seen daylight.

You Sat, 15 Nov 2008 - 21:20

So... is it like a cauldron?

Do they wear pointy hats?

Ya'qub Sat, 15 Nov 2008 - 21:35

YouSo... is it like a cauldron?

Do they wear pointy hats?

Their hats are sort of 'pointy', more like a peak, though.

1R4M Sat, 15 Nov 2008 - 22:10

Ya'qubMy favourite ones are Malay. And I'm not just saying that to suck-up to the in-laws.

ypu're getting married??

Funzo Sat, 15 Nov 2008 - 23:11

Noorthats the plan

Translation:
insh'ALLAH!

Ya'qub Sun, 16 Nov 2008 - 20:13

1R4M

Ya'qubMy favourite ones are Malay. And I'm not just saying that to suck-up to the in-laws.

ypu're getting married??

There's still three spaces that are unallocated, so don't give up hope!

(that was a joke, btw, before anyone accuses me of being inappropriate or whatever).

1R4M Sun, 16 Nov 2008 - 20:14

Ya'qub

There's still three spaces that are unallocated, so don't give up hope!

(that was a joke, btw, before anyone accuses me of being inappropriate or whatever).

hahahaahahahaha!!!!

Don't worry
my SOH is still intact

awww
mashaallah
I'm happy for you
I just didn't know u were getting married though

are we all invited???

Ya'qub Sun, 16 Nov 2008 - 20:23

1R4M

Ya'qub

There's still three spaces that are unallocated, so don't give up hope!

(that was a joke, btw, before anyone accuses me of being inappropriate or whatever).

hahahaahahahaha!!!!

Don't worry
my SOH is still intact

awww
mashaallah
I'm happy for you
I just didn't know u were getting married though

are we all invited???

Not ALL... but some (mainly magazine people and oldies).

She was at the IslamExpo for a bit, I think you were chasing American social commentators... She was with another charity and tried to get some people from our stall to contribute (which I'm sure they did because they're generous souls).

1R4M Sun, 16 Nov 2008 - 20:27

Ya'qub

Not ALL... but some (mainly magazine people and oldies).

She was at the IslamExpo for a bit, I think you were chasing American social commentators... She was with another charity and tried to get some people from our stall to contribute (which I'm sure they did because they're generous souls).

LOL
so I missed future mrs yaqub??
ah damn...!

Imaani Sun, 16 Nov 2008 - 20:54

Ya'qub

1R4M
Ya'qubMy favourite ones are Malay. And I'm not just saying that to suck-up to the in-laws.

ypu're getting married??

There's still three spaces that are unallocated, so don't give up hope!

(that was a joke, btw, before anyone accuses me of being inappropriate or whatever).

😂

You do make me laugh. 🙂

Funzo Sun, 16 Nov 2008 - 22:41

1R4M

Ya'qub

Not ALL... but some (mainly magazine people and oldies).

She was at the IslamExpo for a bit, I think you were chasing American social commentators... She was with another charity and tried to get some people from our stall to contribute (which I'm sure they did because they're generous souls).

LOL
so I missed future mrs yaqub??
ah damn...!

I met her mum! she was really nice 😃

The Lamp Mon, 17 Nov 2008 - 12:35

Yeah, but in Islam a woman doesn't change her second name when she marries. So in the eyes of Islam she will not be Mrs Bell, poor Yaqub.

Ya'qub Mon, 17 Nov 2008 - 15:55

The LampYeah, but in Islam a woman doesn't change her second name when she marries. So in the eyes of Islam she will not be Mrs Bell, poor Yaqub.

As long as she cooks and cleans, I don't care what she's called!

(that's a joke too, for all the serious so-and-sos)

TPOS Mon, 17 Nov 2008 - 19:16

Naz*

Personally i think British Pakistani weddings are boring. The ones in Pakistan are soooo much more fun. Throwing money over the grooms head, putting oil on his head, and theres this stick thing with sparkly things on it which you kinda move around in a circle and side to side over the grooms head (thats if you can reach the grooms head). I dont understand the reasoning behind it all but its still good fun 😃

most of the asian wedding iv been to in britain have done all of that and more! :)mye it is fun but not very islamic :S

1R4M Mon, 17 Nov 2008 - 23:01

The LampYeah, but in Islam a woman doesn't change her second name when she marries. So in the eyes of Islam she will not be Mrs Bell, poor Yaqub.

I didnt know her name, thats y!

Naz Tue, 18 Nov 2008 - 12:38

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE

Naz*

Personally i think British Pakistani weddings are boring. The ones in Pakistan are soooo much more fun. Throwing money over the grooms head, putting oil on his head, and theres this stick thing with sparkly things on it which you kinda move around in a circle and side to side over the grooms head (thats if you can reach the grooms head). I dont understand the reasoning behind it all but its still good fun 😃

most of the asian wedding iv been to in britain have done all of that and more! :)mye it is fun but not very islamic :S

Throwing money over the grooms head might be because your wasting money which isnt allowed. I also missed out the necklaces made out of money (how could i forget that), that could be classed as a wedding present rather then wasting money. The stick thing i dont think theres anything unislamic about that hmmmm and isnt wearing oil sunnah? :?

Naz Tue, 18 Nov 2008 - 12:41

The LampYeah, but in Islam a woman doesn't change her second name when she marries. So in the eyes of Islam she will not be Mrs Bell, poor Yaqub.

Is it because they are not allowed to or because they dont have to? Ive heard its not allowed because its construed as the wife belonging to the husband (like property) or something like that.

The Lamp Tue, 18 Nov 2008 - 14:34

I don't think it says that she's not allowed, if you went to the Sahaba and told them about this they'll be like: "What?"
I think the concept was alien at that time.

Angelic (not verified) Tue, 18 Nov 2008 - 14:45

I dont it says anywhere that a woman CANNOT or HAS to take on her hubby's name. I've stuck with my maiden name only because its too much hassle with getting new passport/driving liscence etc. I know my husband would like our kids to be named after him, I dont personally mind.

Ya'qub Tue, 18 Nov 2008 - 16:21

AngelicI dont it says anywhere that a woman CANNOT or HAS to take on her hubby's name. I've stuck with my maiden name only because its too much hassle with getting new passport/driving liscence etc. I know my husband would like our kids to be named after him, I dont personally mind.

Aren't sons named after their father and daughters named after their mother? Is this just my imagination?

Anyway, this way of naming (along with a wife not-taking her husband's name) was around in Arabian culture before the advent of Islam. Does this mean its 'Islamic' or not? Or whether its a 'duty' or not? I have absolutely no idea.

Imaani Tue, 18 Nov 2008 - 17:44

As far as I'm aware it is the right of a muslimah to choose whether she wants to take on her husbands name or keep her maiden name.

I know loads of girls who take on their husbands first name - I always thought it was his surname. I think some first names sound odd as surnames.

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