Rights & Responsibilities Of Husband and Wife

By Sajid Iqbal & Alveena Salim

So you’re married. You’ve completed one half of your Deen. You’ve got your parents off your back and now you’ve got a lifetime to look forward to with the love of your life. You’re sorted innit? Ah, but are you clued up on the rights your partner has over you and the rights you have over your partner? Yep, ‘rights’! In order to make your marriage a success Allah (swt) has prescribed a list of guidelines for husbands and wives, which if followed properly can lead to marital bliss and fewer nights banished to the sofa.

Islam teaches that marriage is ‘half of Deen’ because it fulfils so many basic needs of an individual and of society. But y’ know, most of the problems in Muslim families nowadays are to do with marriage, coz we don't have a clue how to get married Islamically and as a Muslim partner what our rights and responsibilities are. Well ladies & gents, don't worry, as you will learn all this right here, right now!

So what rights does the wife have over the husband?

Islam has honoured woman and granted her an equal status with man. It's only ignorance and cultural practices that prevent women from receiving the rights that they’re entitled to. It was Islam and not the Spice Girls that brought true Girl Power to women alright!

1. A wife has a right to choose her husband. If she doesn’t want to get married to someone her parents want her to marry then she has a right to refuse. So no woman can be forced to get married in Islam - this is her basic right!

2. If she doesn’t like her husband due to valid reasons then she may also get a divorce and re-marry someone else. Similarly, a widow may re-marry someone else as well.

3. She has a right to be a lady of leisure. Yep, seriously! In Islam, a husband has a duty to provide for his wife and should not force her to work to earn money- this includes clothing, food, accommodation and general care etc, and she should not be forced to work to earn money. She also has the right of Mahr (wedding gift) and inheritance. However, if she chooses to work, any money that she earns is her own and she has a right to spend it as she wishes. Now that is what I call Girl Power!

4. She has a right to keep her surname. Nowadays most women across the world lose their surname to their husbands' name, but Islam gives the wife the choice and power to keep her surname. How cool is that?

5. She has a right to be treated with kindness. Allah (swt) knows that by nature woman are more sensitive and gentle. This is why the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings be upon him) told men to treat their women nicely. (Tirmidhi)

The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings be upon him) advised men:

"The best amongst you, are the best for their wives, and I am the best of you for my wives." (Tirmidhi)

What rights does the husband have over the wife?

Of course, men have rights too. It’s not all about the women y’ know!

1. A husband should be respected by his wife in every way. Unless of course it conflicts with an Islamic obligation or goes against an Islamic teaching.

2. The husband has the right to a trustworthy and honest companion. (The same here goes for the wife too). For example, she should not lie about using birth control to stop him having a child... that would be naughty now wouldn't it?

3. The husband has a right to sexual intimacy with his wife. She should not refuse him this right – unless of course refusal is due to medical reasons in which case the husband should be caring and considerate. As they say, if you don't get any action at home, you're gonna play away. So this is in reality a right and responsibility for both the husband and wife.

4. If the husband doesn’t like someone, then the wife shouldn’t allow them to come to their house, she also shouldn’t accept presents from such people. This is to avoid jealousy and friction between the couple.

5. The husband's possessions are his wife’s trust. She needs to safeguard his property and possessions. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings be upon him) said:

“The woman is the guardian of her husband’s house and is responsible for it.” (Bukhari)

The reward for fulfilling these rights is immense! The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings be upon him) said:

“Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her, she will enter Jannah.” (At-Tirmidhi)

The Best Husband:

1. Shows good character and good manners towards his wife.
2. Doesn’t slack when it comes to the rights of his wife.
3. Does not check out any other woman other than his wife.
4. Learns and practises Islam and teaches his wife too.
5. Is there for his wife during times of distress.
6. Keeps his cool even when his wife hurts his feelings.
7. Appreciates his wife and forgives small mistakes.
8. Helps out with household chores and doesn’t just leave them to the wife.
9. Does his best to raise their children in an Islamic way.

The Best Wife:

1. Listens to her husband and does her best to please him.
2. Always considers her husband’s well being.
3. Does not give the husband stress but gives him peace of mind.
4. Does not spend more than her husband earns.
5. Helps her husband at the time of problems.
6. Has patience when the husband does not treat her justly.
7. Behaves and dresses modestly.
8. Learns and practises Islam and teaches her husband too.
9. Does her best to raise their children in an Islamic way.

Top Ten Tips On How To Be A Successful Husband/Wife

1. Dress up for your partner and look clean and smell good. Make an effort in your appearance so that you are always desirable and attractive for each other. Just like the husband wants his wife to look nice for him, she also wants her husband to dress up for her too. You know a bit of bow cha ka wawa does no harm when you look at your partner! Remember that the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings be upon him) would always start with Miswak when returning home and always loved the sweetest smells.

2. Use the best names for your partner. Call them by their most beloved names (such as baby and honey!) and avoid using names that hurt their feelings i.e. fatty, onion breath etc!

3. If you see anything wrong with what your husband/wife does, as long as it doesn’t contradict the Shariah, try being silent and don’t complain! This is one of the things the Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings be upon him) used to do when he saw something inappropriate from his wives. It’s a skill that Muslims need to master! Instead try to appreciate and focus on all the good your partner does.

4. Smile at your partner whenever you see them and embrace them often. Smiling is an act of Sadaqah (charity). Also, tell your partner that you love them regularly, don’t assume they already know! At least once a day say something kind or complimentary to your partner.

5. This might sound a bit cheesy but give it a try! Ask your husband/wife to write down the last ten things you did for them that made them happy. Then go and do the same for them again. It may be hard to recognise what gives your husband/wife pleasure but you don’t have to play a guessing game, ask him/her and work on repeating those things for them all the time.

6. Don’t belittle his/her desires. Comfort them. Sometimes the men may look down upon the requests of their wives. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings be upon him) set the example for us when on numerous occasions he comforted his wives.

7. Be humorous and play games or sports with your partner. The Prophet Sallallahu Alaihi Wa Sallam (Peace and Blessings be upon him) would race with his wife ‘Aisha (ra). When was the last time you did something like that? You should be having the time of your life. Do things together. Have fun for crying out loud! Go out for a meal. A weekend away. As long as it’s Halal then go for it!

8. Be romantic! Think about all the small things your partner does for you and then show some appreciation in return. And don’t forget those anniversaries! Some guys are extremely generous when it comes to their friends or family but for some reason can’t even bring themselves to buy their wife a box of chocolates! Spoil your partner with affection and treat each other to a surprise every now and again to keep that fire burning!

9. Trust and honesty is the key to a successful marriage. If something is harming or damaging your marriage then be open and honest with your partner. It won't just go away. Keeping secrets from one another or hiding stuff from your partner is one of the main reasons why a marriage can go wrong big time!

10. If you have done something wrong then admit it! Apologise sincerely to your partner and then try to make it up to them by doing something you know will make them happy. Never both be angry at the same time and don’t go to bed upset with one another.

Marriage is an enormous responsibility but also a great joy. Allah (swt) said that the husband and wife should be like ‘garments’ to one another. The point of a garment is to give warmth, protection, decency, intimacy and comfort. Allah (swt) has created all life forms in pairs and when something is created as part of a pair it is clearly incomplete without the other. But in order for a husband and wife to find perfect peace and harmony with each other, they need to be prepared to fulfil each other’s rights.

Now all that sounds quite straight forward doesn't it? If you try to act upon all of the above then Inshallah your marriage will be great, long and Islamic.

Comments

Zax (not verified)

Salaamz
i totally agree with this article cuz marriage is a 2 way street so love should come from both sides not just 1 side!!
i reely enjoy readin da revival it has sum interestin stuff 2 read!
so kep up the gud work guys!!
Wa Salaam

Safoora M. (not verified)

Salam Sajid & Alveena,

I must say his was really an excellent read! It caught my attention AND made me laugh! The method in which you both have made such a comprehensive list of what-to-dos! nice! JazakAllah!

Masalama!

ONLY ME (not verified)

wow, I'm on my way to a perfect husband. thanks

Malay Wedding P... (not verified)
[...] I am no expert on the subject, please click here, here and here if you’d like more information regarding the responsibilities of the husband [...]
Seraphim
Member since:
24 June 2005
Last activity:
2 weeks 5 days

Malay Wedding Part 4: Akad Nikah | Sleepless In KL wrote:
[...] I am no expert on the subject, please click here, here and here if you’d like more information regarding the responsibilities of the husband [...]

if you're no expert, why would we click here, there or anywhere?

Back in BLACK

You
Member since:
24 June 2005
Last activity:
1 hour 27 min

That post is a "pingback" - when someone links to a page on the revival, and their CMS has the ability to "ping" The Revival, we get such noticifations. Most places such as forums do not have a pinging facility. CMS's such as wordpress, drupal etc do, but may have it turned off.

If you click on the username, you will go to the page that linked to this article.

Its time to be angry.

sadu88 (not verified)

wow! this was really interesting to read! very imformative and loved the layout of it... thanks for that! Smile

Jack the Ripper
Member since:
16 February 2011
Last activity:
3 years 2 months

Marriage is one heck of a tall order.

Me don't think me can do all of this, human beings are full of shortcomings. I don't think I could ever love anyone so much to be able to put up wit all dat crap or find someone who could do the same wit me. It's just not possible....

That gal in the pic is pretty sweet, the guy??
I guess it gives em both the opportunity to secure jannah,
The husband for making Shukr
and the wife for making sabr..

If I ever have to kill for something, it would be for, "A woman"
If I ever have to kill something it would have to be, "A woman"

TPOS
Member since:
8 November 2008
Last activity:
2 days 4 hours

(lol)

JackR wrote:
Me don't think me can do all of this, human beings are full of shortcomings. I don't think I could ever love anyone so much to be able to put up wit all dat crap or find someone who could do the same wit me. It's just not possible

Do you not want to even try? Beee

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

MuslimBro
Member since:
11 May 2006
Last activity:
2 years 8 months

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
Do you not want to even try? Beee

And ruin someone else's life?
You
Member since:
24 June 2005
Last activity:
1 hour 27 min

As if that is the only possible outcome.

Its time to be angry.

Jack the Ripper
Member since:
16 February 2011
Last activity:
3 years 2 months

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
(lol)
JackR wrote:
Me don't think me can do all of this, human beings are full of shortcomings. I don't think I could ever love anyone so much to be able to put up wit all dat crap or find someone who could do the same wit me. It's just not possible

Do you not want to even try? Beee

Not anytime soon...

If I ever have to kill for something, it would be for, "A woman"
If I ever have to kill something it would have to be, "A woman"

TPOS
Member since:
8 November 2008
Last activity:
2 days 4 hours

MuslimBro wrote:
ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
Do you not want to even try? Beee

And ruin someone else's life?

Like Mr You said, its not like thats the only possible outcome. Ripper said he doesn't think its possible but if he tried (and so did his potential wife) then that could all change and they may realise that it is possible/the marriage may work very well.

However if he thinks it's not possible because he's not even willing to go for it, but would rather have all the 'fun' all his and none of the 'headache' then that's a different matter.

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

Looking To See
Member since:
24 December 2008
Last activity:
5 days 11 hours

this sounds more like lack of self-confidence then "i wanna have fun".

i dont see why you cant have "fun" or why the "fun" stops as soon as you get married. i really dont get it.

if you strive to be a good muslim in all possible ways. You can't go wrong.

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

TPOS
Member since:
8 November 2008
Last activity:
2 days 4 hours

Lilly wrote:
this sounds more like lack of self-confidence then "i wanna have fun".
yep, thats why I asked, if he would give it a try or not.

Quote:

i dont see why you cant have "fun" or why the "fun" stops as soon as you get married. i really dont get it.


You may have misunderstood my meaning of 'fun'...?

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

Looking To See
Member since:
24 December 2008
Last activity:
5 days 11 hours

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
Lilly wrote:
this sounds more like lack of self-confidence then "i wanna have fun".
yep, thats why I asked, if he would give it a try or not.

Quote:

i dont see why you cant have "fun" or why the "fun" stops as soon as you get married. i really dont get it.


You may have misunderstood my meaning of 'fun'...?

i didnt mean your definition of fun specifically. i just meant that the main point people are mentionning for why they dont wanna get married is end of fun.

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

TPOS
Member since:
8 November 2008
Last activity:
2 days 4 hours

That can depend on their definition on fun too.

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

Looking To See
Member since:
24 December 2008
Last activity:
5 days 11 hours

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
That can depend on their definition on fun too.

yep, thats what i wanna know. well what from that "fun" is gona go after marriage.

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

Jack the Ripper
Member since:
16 February 2011
Last activity:
3 years 2 months

Lilly wrote:
ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
That can depend on their definition on fun too.

yep, thats what i wanna know. well what from that "fun" is gona go after marriage.

Just about everythin, you're stuck with an overweight hairy hippo that is waiting to chew off your head at the very first opportunity...

I support variety as the spice of life, don't want no boring hippo...

If I ever have to kill for something, it would be for, "A woman"
If I ever have to kill something it would have to be, "A woman"

bilan
Member since:
26 November 2010
Last activity:
6 months 1 week

would it be a good suggestion...to stop lookin in the mirror and start shaving???? (:p )
things might look a bit brighter...(literally)

"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"

Jack the Ripper
Member since:
16 February 2011
Last activity:
3 years 2 months

bilan wrote:
would it be a good suggestion...to stop lookin in the mirror and start shaving???? (:p )
things might look a bit brighter...(literally)

I thought men were supposed to keep beards??
Bearded women!! now that's a scary thing....

If I ever have to kill for something, it would be for, "A woman"
If I ever have to kill something it would have to be, "A woman"

Rayan (not verified)

Now.thats the response of a OPTIMIST:)

TPOS
Member since:
8 November 2008
Last activity:
2 days 4 hours

Rayan wrote:
Now.thats the response of a OPTIMIST:)

huh?

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

Looking To See
Member since:
24 December 2008
Last activity:
5 days 11 hours

The Best Husband:

1. Shows good character and good manners towards his wife.
2. Doesn’t slack when it comes to the rights of his wife.
3. Does not check out any other woman other than his wife.
4. Learns and practises Islam and teaches his wife too.
5. Is there for his wife during times of distress.
6. Keeps his cool even when his wife hurts his feelings.
7. Appreciates his wife and forgives small mistakes.
8. Helps out with household chores and doesn’t just leave them to the wife.
9. Does his best to raise their children in an Islamic way.
The Best Wife:

1. Listens to her husband and does her best to please him.
2. Always considers her husband’s well being.
3. Does not give the husband stress but gives him peace of mind.
4. Does not spend more than her husband earns.
5. Helps her husband at the time of problems.
6. Has patience when the husband does not treat her justly.
7. Behaves and dresses modestly.
8. Learns and practises Islam and teaches her husband too.
9. Does her best to raise their children in an Islamic way.

doesnt sounds so bad...

Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?

TPOS
Member since:
8 November 2008
Last activity:
2 days 4 hours

deleted

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

yousuf (not verified)

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
deleted

Hi dear just I wanna ask some question!

If a husband always asked from his wife that don't lie to him even if she have done some misstake. if she tell the truth the husband happily will forgive her but unfortunately wife always lies & has a realation with someone else on behalf of husband I mean while he is at work this dammn misstake is happenning from time to time now would u plz advise what the husband should do? Note ( the husband always trys to be honest with his wife & he never hide anything from his wife & always work hard till could looke after his wife )

You
Member since:
24 June 2005
Last activity:
1 hour 27 min

1. the issue there is not honesty, but another relationship.
2. was the husband working so much houras that he was neglecting the duties to his wife?

I ask the second question because some people are either at work or out or asleep and that will mean that duties to the spouse or offspring are not fulfilled and when problems inevitably arise, it is their fault.

Its time to be angry.

Bijou
Member since:
14 April 2009
Last activity:
2 years 7 months

You wrote:
1. the issue there is not honesty, but another relationship.
2. was the husband working so much houras that he was neglecting the duties to his wife?

I ask the second question because some people are either at work or out or asleep and that will mean that duties to the spouse or offspring are not fulfilled and when problems inevitably arise, it is their fault.

I agree with You about the issue being the relationship- the wife is not doing a 'mistake'. A mistake is down once and not repeated again. She is clearly having an affair and is lying about it. Either she is not happy in the marriage and wants out or is being neglected as You pointed out.

Your own soul is nourished when you are kind; it is destroyed when you are cruel.

cc (not verified)

Bismilleh er-Rahmen er-Rahim.

If the wife works, she cannot keep the money. It is not precise. If she works because the family is in need, then the man has to manage the family finance and her earnings are such. If the family is not in dire need, then she and her husband should fear Allah and the wife's place is in the home not going around the streets and places.

Also, it is not that she has a choice to keep her surname. In Islam it is a sin to claim a false paternity and so the wife cannot and never should, take on the surname of other than her father. This prevents lots of sins in society.

The Lamp
Member since:
10 November 2008
Last activity:
1 year 7 months

I'm sorry, but who are you?
You've made two points bro, point one, you don't really back up and many would disagree with you. No enlightened scholar will say a woman should just stay at home.

Second point: yeah you are right, kind of. But taking on a new surname and claiming false paterniry is not quite the same thing. Although, I agree that taking on the surname is an alien practice in Islam.

"If you stand for nothing, you'll fall for anything!"

Motto of Outlandish

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