In social situations the first-born child may feel anxious and fear that they may fail the expectations they put on themselves and the expectations of others (Hoopes & Harper, 1987). The first child operates within the family by being responsible for family members and the productiveness of each member (Hoopes & Harper, 1987). When the child thinks productivity is not obtained (or not to the level of quality they wish for) they view this as failing because they are not doing their “job” (Hoopes & Harper, 1987). However, in social situations first children learn well by observing others (especially adults) and integrate their observations into social interactions (Hoopes & Harper, 1987). First children do not want to fail and they may mask their emotions (Hoopes & Harper, 1987). The child will hide their emotions because they do not want others to view them as weak or as a failure (Hoopes & Harper, 1987).
The middle or second born child or children often have the sense of not belonging. They fight to receive attention from parents and others because they feel many times they are being ignored or dubbed off as being the same as another sibling. Being in the middle a child can feel insecure. The middle child often lacks drive and looks for direction from the first born child. Sometimes a middle child feels out of place because they are not over achievers and like to go with the flow of things.
I'm a VERY strong beliver in all of the above-I think ur birth order does SHAPE ur peronslity/future etc
anyone notice how the baby of the family and the eldest is ALWAYS loved the most and parents are more protective of them even if parents wont admit it
what number are u in your family and how tru are these stereotypes?
[url=http://www.theminddoctor.com/Birth%20Order.htm]LINK[/url]
Im the second as well as the middle born in my family.
I dont think its tru, i dont hav to fight for attention... i get enough as it is. I did however used to look to my elder brother for direction, but you grow out of it and soon find your own direction.
But ive never lacked drive.
I do agree that there are alot of expectations of the first born to do well and etc.
Back in BLACK
A lot of stress and responsibility comes with being the first born…but you are favoured the most.
I think the first is most defnitely spoilt but thats obvious cuz its the first child and its new experience and excitement for the parents so its 2 be expected..i am middle in the family and me and my sis are equally loved but my lil bro is loved the most out the family cuz he is like the baby of the family (trust me if you saw him you wouldnt think that!!)
my sister is the first born in our family and also the first grandchild in both mum and dads side
so she's evryones fav but she HATES it-I'm glad I'm not in her shoes :twisted:
then comes me
then comes my bro- good for nothing fool who's favoured cos he is the first boy is the family
and then comes my baby sister who being a beautiful little girl is loved by all
so being number two means I'm the neglected one
:evil:
no your not, your daddy loves you the most so your not neglected, i dont think i have ever felt neglected or had any need to..
being favoured by dad aint a big deal
i wish I was favoured by mum and my grandma...but to reach that status I have to work hard and do stuff like rub oil on grans legs and help her have a bath etc
I'm not negelcted but I feel ignord at time
Hmm i would think its a pretty big thing, does your gran stay wit you? when my gran comes over i always help her with the bath/iron her clothes etc, trust me do the lil things and it will help a lot like sit with the her and let her share her past stories (borin but old ppl appreciate that!) as for mums well my sis is closer to her as she is the oldest and i am close to my sis..
she dont live with us but we visit often
i cant do stuff for her ...like comb hair, rub oil, give bath etc
most of the time I dont understand what she's talking about and always assume that she's cussing me
but regarding ur sec point, ur EXACTLY like me....sis is close to mum cos she does practically evrything for her, but I'm EXTREMLY close to my sister
she's my best mate
but when I have kids I'll make sure that I make ALL of them by best mates
I hope I dont have any boys though
So true, ive never personally felt neglected or anything like that.
Old people do tend to waffle a little about "the old days" :roll: and i suppose it is pretty boring to us young people. But i guess thats one thing the old are guilty of: Forgetting what its like to be young.
Back in BLACK
hmm but just practice on your sis and do her hair
, its easy once you get the hang of it..shes ur gran she wont be cussin doubt it very very much.
See when i have lil boys I am gona make sure they dont know the meanin of bein sexist cuz if they do be they gona get a proper beatin! (ok thats against what i beleive in, beatin that is)
its funny that-
I hate doing my grans hair but have no problem doing my sisters hair when she asks...I can even iron her clothes and make her food without complaint
my boys wont be sexist either...if they are they'll receive a beating from their mum...I have no reservations about hitting nuaghty boys
but I'm anti hitting lil girls
Well angel... boys will be boys.
Back in BLACK
unfortunetly but soo true, but its all bout trainin you nasty boys up to be decent non-sexist males! (note you isnt aimed at you but just generally at boys!)
Yeah but thats whats boys are like to begin with, they mature and change with time.
You cant force them to be nanncy boys, intouch with their female side... coz we dont have a female side.... unless your a batti boy.
Bottomline: You should let them be as they are instead of trying to change them. With time and knowledge will come maturity and wisedom.
Back in BLACK
I'm the youngest in my family-I have 5 elder sisters. Being the youngest and being the only boy I get a lot of attention from my extended family but not from my immediate family.
My parents are quite liberal so they dont pay me more attention than my sisters, they really want to break the sterotype that boys are favoured more than girls.
They're constantly talkin about how they'll be stuck with me for life whereas my sisters will get married and leave which is why they want to make the most of the tme they have with the girls.
However, my parents stilll believe that being the boy I have to do anything and everything for my sisters. If they fancy a milkshake at 11 at night, i have to drive out and get it for them, but me and my sisters have a good understanding with each other so I don't mind doing things for them.
I don't think my parents are protective of me-probably because I'm a boy. They just leave me to get on with things.
I think the gender of your brothers or sisters also have a big influence on a child.
If a girl was born after a couple of boys then it is likely that she'll start to act manly unless there are some girls that follow.
Similarly i know of boys who have older sisters and they act a bit gay IMO to be honest.
I consider myself lucky as i'm born into a family full of girls-it would've been quite easy for me to adopt their ways and turn out gay but right from a young age, i've been out with boys. when i was younger, i always stayed round my cousins house and fought with them and now that im older i say out with my mates.
One good thing about being born into a family of girls is that i have a lot of respects for them. Right from a young age my parents espcially my mother drilled into my head to respect my sisters. My sisters have also matured my way of thinking in a positive way.
I have a mate who's a bit of a dick to his sisters, he pushes them around and basically treats them like shit. I can't see myself doig that to any girl regardless of her relationship with me.
My gran's quite harsh and insults a lot as well but deep down i know its a result of old age.
Every Friday i drive my nan to jummah prayer, but the whole way there she shouts at me for either coming too early or too late and on the way back she shouts at me for either keeping her waiting whilst i'm chattin to my mates or rushing her so she can't chat to her mates. But i just laugh it off.
my sisters get upset, she's even made them cry but you gotta remember that you should make the most of the time you have with her.
It just really depends on the way you see her, either you can see her as a harsh old lady who don't like you or as a elderly women who loes you a lot but just doesn't think before she talks which is a result of old age,
most old people tend to do that even though they dont mean to offend or hurt anybody...my older aunties are always cussing people, its like a habit...maybe its one of the symptoms of old age!
yeh thats really true...im the eldest n being the eldest aint easy....you get more of the responsibilities and your looked up to so sometimes you can feel under pressure but at the same time...parents value your opinions more...dont know if that should happen but i aint complaining lol
but i wouldnt say that im spoilt...because thats definitely my brother...lol
Yeah its because of old age.
"Purity is half of faith.......Prayer is the light...patience is illumination; and the Quran is an argument for or against you. Everyone starts his day and is a vendor of his soul, either freeing it or bringing about its ruin." Muslim
Old people remind me of kids, they want their own way and are very stubborn, my gran reminds me of a child , shes soo cute 2
Youth cannot know how age thinks and feels,
but the old are guilty if they forget what it is to be young
Back in BLACK
i agree that if a boy is born after many girls, he is more likely to be in touch (possibly too much) with his 'female side'. this is because dad is at work most of the day and not always much of a male role model. so ur lucky in that u hung out with ur cousins a lot...
but i dont think the same is applicable, as u sed up there^^, to a girl who is born after many boys - because mom is always at home and there to nurture her daughters personality; the mother is definitely a role model for her daughter.
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
my good for nothing bro was born after two girls
and we have no other brother
me and sis have tried to keep him in touch with his feminine side but the fool aint intrested
lol, maybe thats because u keep calling him a "good-for-nothing fool"
[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=http://www.adherents.com/lit/comics/Dust.html]Dust, X-Men[/url]
yeah I think thats the reason
I agree with you but only to an extent. These days in society, I don't think that parents are strong enough role models. Siblings are much stronger role models because they they are closer in age.
I think that that if there's only one girl amongst deveral brother, she is more likely to go off and play with them as opposed to stay with mum and help her cook and clean.
This point is further reinforced if the parents are from back home as the child not only has to overcome the age barrier but the culture and language barrier. It will be much easy for her to relate to her brothers as they are from the same society.
Who said make them into batty boys, being decent and respectful towards women is considered batty? nah i think not..i think it is very important for the generation to come to know the rights and status of women, that way people wont be stuck in their old ways of thinkin women as bein inferior..
Salaams
I haven't been on the forums for a while because I have been in Birmingham.
I think that if you have a lot of sisters and no brothers you do start acting like a girl.
"Purity is half of faith.......Prayer is the light...patience is illumination; and the Quran is an argument for or against you. Everyone starts his day and is a vendor of his soul, either freeing it or bringing about its ruin." Muslim
thats probably true in some cases...but my brother tries so hard to put up a 'hard manly' image all the time...maybe to show us sisters that he is a boy even though hes got sisters to look up to lol
Pages