How can I find a Husband without having a Boyfriend?

"How do I find my perfect husband without going out with a guy? I’m not going to know what somebody is really like through someone else so they may not be right for me.
Why is the Muslim way of marriage better?"

I need help answering the above questions because my friend wants to have boyfriends as she see’s that the only way of finding a husband. Obviously that’s wrong, well I’m not sure if it’s the same if you go out with the person you marry but if u do have a boyfriend and end up dumping him for someone else that is definitely a sin. Therefore I don’t want my friend to see this method as they only way and/or the best way.

Can anyone help me give her a good, convincing answer?

Any response is most appreciated,

Love you for the sake of Allah (swt) - ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE

you get to know the guy with a chaperone therebut you dont acutally date

SMILE! its charity Wink

gd luck with that im facing the same trouble my friend is talking to her so called 'boyfriend' through the phone. He even came to her house and met her mum and everything apparently they are getting married next year. Even though they have arguments on the phone and stop talking to each other and blackmail each other.
I just remind her what her punishment is in the hell fire.

Can I be bold here and suggest there needs to be less segregation within the muslim community?

Men and women are allowed to interact as long as there is purpose.

Having total segregation only leaves the old fashioned ways, and they are crumbling -or have crumbled already.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

YasminCullen wrote:
gd luck with that im facing the same trouble my friend is talking to her so called 'boyfriend' through the phone. He even came to her house and met her mum and everything apparently they are getting married next year. Even though they have arguments on the phone and stop talking to each other and blackmail each other.
I just remind her what her punishment is in the hell fire.

Is what they are doing wrong?

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

ye i know i obiously.
but you are not alowed to have a boy friend are you?

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
ye i know i obiously.
but you are not alowed to have a boy friend are you?

Don't you know the answer to that?

i thought the answer was no, seeing as Zina is forbidden and everything. But You made me think otherwise...

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

YasminCullen wrote:
gd luck with that im facing the same trouble my friend is talking to her so called 'boyfriend' through the phone. He even came to her house and met her mum and everything apparently they are getting married next year. Even though they have arguments on the phone and stop talking to each other and blackmail each other.
I just remind her what her punishment is in the hell fire.

What?
They are getting married next year. And he's met her parents.
I don't understand what the problem is here.

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
i thought the answer was no, seeing as Zina is forbidden and everything. But You made me think otherwise...

He said there shouldn't be a segregation and that men and women are allowed to talk without there being a purpose.
The purpose meaning getting together.
So why did that make you think otherwise?

right wrote:
ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
i thought the answer was no, seeing as Zina is forbidden and everything. But You made me think otherwise...

He said there shouldn't be a segregation and that men and women are allowed to talk without there being a purpose.

actually, that is not what I said.

@ ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE - zina is haraam. It is clearly wrong. Having a boyfriend and girl friend in a tradiotional sense is also wrong and there is a very lengthy answer on that .

Also, if your friend is anywhere near your age, I doubt marriage is on her mind much...

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

You wrote:
right wrote:
ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
i thought the answer was no, seeing as Zina is forbidden and everything. But You made me think otherwise...

He said there shouldn't be a segregation and that men and women are allowed to talk without there being a purpose.

actually, that is not what I said.

@ ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE - zina is haraam. It is clearly wrong. Having a boyfriend and girl friend in a tradiotional sense is also wrong and there is a very lengthy answer on that .

Also, if your friend is anywhere near your age, I doubt marriage is on her mind much...

Lol that was short, sharp and to the point, but it doesnt actually help me :S any more links? hehe

and yes she is my age and she has already had one BF but now she doesnt want to have another until she is older, like in 1 or 2 years time.

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

You wrote:
YasminCullen wrote:
gd luck with that im facing the same trouble my friend is talking to her so called 'boyfriend' through the phone. He even came to her house and met her mum and everything apparently they are getting married next year. Even though they have arguments on the phone and stop talking to each other and blackmail each other.
I just remind her what her punishment is in the hell fire.

Is what they are doing wrong?

Yeah because technically they are still girlfriend and boyfriend no engagement nothing. The guy is a scumbag who blackmailed her couple of times she even ran away from home to go see him ( he lives in diffrent city).

YasminCullen wrote:
You wrote:
YasminCullen wrote:
gd luck with that im facing the same trouble my friend is talking to her so called 'boyfriend' through the phone. He even came to her house and met her mum and everything apparently they are getting married next year. Even though they have arguments on the phone and stop talking to each other and blackmail each other.
I just remind her what her punishment is in the hell fire.

Is what they are doing wrong?

Yeah because technically they are still girlfriend and boyfriend no engagement nothing. The guy is a scumbag who blackmailed her couple of times she even ran away from home to go see him ( he lives in diffrent city).

Is backbiting about people wrong?

Don't just do something! Stand there.

Totally off topic but its weird anyone but Dawud using that avatar. I do not know why.

I had actually thought I was talking to him before!

As fro the situation of those people, lets not go into that. Allah (swt) knows best.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

You wrote:
Totally off topic but its weird anyone but Dawud using that avatar. I do not know why.

I had actually thought I was talking to him before!

As fro the situation of those people, lets not go into that. Allah (swt) knows best.

are you talking to me too :S i want to help my friend and i intended to show her this as soon as someone gave me a good answer :S

and ye i thought it was Dawud the first time i saw it too. lol

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

Well the "good answer" is that she is not looking for a husband and probably will not be for quite a number of years.

If you throw in dating/relationships into the mix, she must be aware that (especially but not only) guys will try to cheat the system.

When she is ready for marriage, she will find a way, but talking about it 'til then is just a waste and a way to justify having a boyfriend.

IMO

There is no good/perfect answer. Just that dating will not mean that she will "find a husband". It does not seem to work that way for the vast majority of people, so why would it be any different for her? Chances are she will just be used.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
"How do I find my perfect husband without going out with a guy? I’m not going to know what somebody is really like through someone else so they may not be right for me.
Why is the Muslim way of marriage better?"

The Muslim way is halaal.
thats why its better. I think.

 

You wrote:
Well the "good answer" is that she is not looking for a husband and probably will not be for quite a number of years.

If you throw in dating/relationships into the mix, she must be aware that (especially but not only) guys will try to cheat the system.

When she is ready for marriage, she will find a way, but talking about it 'til then is just a waste and a way to justify having a boyfriend.

IMO

There is no good/perfect answer. Just that dating will not mean that she will "find a husband". It does not seem to work that way for the vast majority of people, so why would it be any different for her? Chances are she will just be used.

yes dating at this age, she isn not thinking of marriage and she knows it's haraam. how can i totally put her off the idea?
When she does want to find a suitable husband what is the best Halal alternative(s)? because she would think that the only way to get to find and get to know someone is through dating and that is the way she would know if she wants to marry him or not. if she meets someone through someone they could turn out to be the total opposite of who he seems to be or whatever. (if that made sense?)

wednesday wrote:
Reasons for why you are not allowed to have a Big Foot are pretty obvious. However, you have to question your status; is it for a halal purpose or just for the sake of it?

(I've just realsied I have nothing to say)


lol no worries but what do u mean by big foot?

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

As far as I know, in Islam this whole soul mate thing has to be kept as rational as possible because, like it or not people make silly mistakes when they're blinded by romance. That's why in Islam you sit down and have the serious dialogue about say, rights, responsibilities and expectations, that way you're both open with each other from the start, most marital breakdown results when people can't talk to each other.
You're less likely to get messed around, because you can verify what he says by asking his friends or family. Of course it won't always be nice and rosy but you won't have that idea in your mind, some marriages might still end in divorce but the likelyhood of that will be very little.

“Before death takes away what you are given, give away whatever there is to give.”

Mawlana Jalal ud Din Rumi

ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE wrote:
"How do I find my perfect husband without going out with a guy? I’m not going to know what somebody is really like through someone else so they may not be right for me.
Why is the Muslim way of marriage better?"

I need help answering the above questions because my friend wants to have boyfriends as she see’s that the only way of finding a husband. Obviously that’s wrong, well I’m not sure if it’s the same if you go out with the person you marry but if u do have a boyfriend and end up dumping him for someone else that is definitely a sin. Therefore I don’t want my friend to see this method as they only way and/or the best way.

Can anyone help me give her a good, convincing answer?

Any response is most appreciated,

Love you for the sake of Allah (swt) - ThE pOwEr Of SiLeNcE

Obviously marriage is a big step and is very important for someone to get to know about a person but this can be done in a Halal way without having a BF/GF. such as finding out from there friends or family if possible. speaking to the person directly - preferrably in the presence of a Wali etc.

Having a BF/GF or DATING is forbidden as it can lead to zina even if there is no physical contact involved as the eyes can even commit zina just by looking at the oppsite gender, and eventually it can lead to more major sins.

Meeting someone with the intention of marriage IMO is fine and as some of us might know from a hadith that looking at someone for the intention of marriage is recommended.

If your friend is quite young she may not be looking to marry, just to date in which case you need to tell her this is wrong given the reason above. If she is looking to marry then is she aware of the rights and responsibilites of a husband/wife and a married life?

hmmm girls confused by marriage and considering boyfriends mmmmh... jackpot (:lol: jk)

Im sure alot of people have wondered about this at one point or another (except me ofcourse... coz im superbad like that); but Islams way is ALOT better.

Why? Bcoz everybody lies. Especially guys tryn pick up women. Just coz you might want a bf to see if he's marriage material... i can tell you thats NOT why he wants a gf. That sick b******! Fifi tell me where this ass-hole live and ill break his legs and then beat him to death with his own leg!

I really shouldnt post stuff when high... on sugar.

Back in BLACK

Anonymous123 wrote:

Having a BF/GF or DATING is forbidden as it can lead to zina even if there is no physical contact involved as the eyes can even commit zina just by looking at the oppsite gender, and eventually it can lead to more major sins.

Meeting someone with the intention of marriage IMO is fine and as some of us might know from a hadith that looking at someone for the intention of marriage is recommended.

If your friend is quite young she may not be looking to marry, just to date in which case you need to tell her this is wrong given the reason above. If she is looking to marry then is she aware of the rights and responsibilites of a husband/wife and a married life?

Yeah I-m so happy thats right what 123 said.

Just to add though, even when your asking about someone its usually not a good idea to ask their family or friends (ofcourse you do it anyway) but theres ALWAYS the chance they're gonna big'em up... especially parents. And make it out like their kids got gold coming outta his a$$.

The BEST thing to do is ask people YOU know who might know them. Imo alot of pakistani folk know each other, or will know people who know people e.g. when my brother was going through this, the girls side were trying find out about us (my bro & our family) and it turns out they knew one of my brothers tutors wife (who we had known for a while) and apparently she gave a glowing recommendation.

Back in BLACK

You wrote:
Totally off topic but its weird anyone but Dawud using that avatar.

For 10 points can you remember why I have a tiger avatar anyway?

Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.

Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes

nil points.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

Dawud wrote:
You wrote:
Totally off topic but its weird anyone but Dawud using that avatar.

For 10 points can you remember why I have a tiger avatar anyway?

Bcoz you like tigers ofcourse.

You wrote:
nil points.

Tut tut.

The story goes back to the ancient days of the old forums. (Not the old old forums.) A forumite by the name of Dave created a thread for the appreciation of tigers. Some way into that thread, a chaotic force by the name of Angel began to spread her dolphin propoganda and so Dave decreed that from that day, let all who recognise the greatness of the tiger show their support by taking a tiger avatar. It was glorious! Revolutionary! The forums were awash with tiger avaatars. Alas the interest waned and fizzled away and the cause of the tiger was forgotton.

To this day, I am the only one who was present at that great tiger decleration who has kept his tiger avatar.

Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.

Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes

LOL at Dawud, you have a real knack of making the trivial seem worthy.

Going back to the original question, isn't the whole point of University Islamic Societies to find marriage partners?

And if not, why not?! It seems like a good age and a halal time to find like-minded people, and converse with them in a way that discourages fitnah.

If not, there are plenty of Islamic events, and you can volunteer for them! I think Hamza Moin summed it up excellently here:

Don't just do something! Stand there.

Seraphim wrote:
Fifi tell me where this ass-hole live and ill break his legs and then beat him to death with his own leg!

Lol Thank You Seraphim! but im not talking about myself! Astaghfirullah! Biggrin

And Thank You all for the other answers Smile inshallah it will help change her mind on the matter.

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

Oh, and whatever you do, don't try to scare her with Hell, that might not be Allah's intention and might be counter-productive.

“Before death takes away what you are given, give away whatever there is to give.”

Mawlana Jalal ud Din Rumi

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