"The strong are not wrestlers or bodybuilder. The strong are those who can hold back their anger."
Over the course of the last year ive noticed im becoming an angry person. There have been times where i've been absolutely furious with someone. This often leads me to raise my voice and becoming argumentative. Even confrontational where i wont stop till ive had my say or decimated someone.
I dont like doing this. I dont like raising my voice. I dont like saying anything unkind. I dont like going all Bruce Banner on anyone (SEPHY SMASH!!).
Firstly, let me just say in not normally an angry person. And i dont go around randomly getting angry at people. Im usually a very mellow kinda guy. It usually takes a lot to grind my gears. I dont know if its because of the amount of crap thats happened over the course of the last year and I've just reacted to that.
My normal method for everyday sh*t is to simply close my eyes, take a deep breath and take an objective view of things. Then make a decision. The deep breath in and out is important.
But sometimes thats not enough. Theres only soo much you can absorb without it affecting you. As destructive as it is, at times its necessary to get angry rather than to stay passive in order to bring about a change. Apathy will simply leave things the way they are and that seems to be the problem. The way things are.
I know Islam teaches that its not a good thing to be angry. But sometimes its appropriate. Not saying its a good thing to shout and scream (or hit) anyone. I definately dont think blind fury is a good thing. Can anger be constructive??
the anger Islam tells us is bad is the crazy, expanding into a green monster, kinda one. the one where you say shizzle you dont mean and lose control of yourself. and that im sure we all agree IS a bad anger.
but there is another type of "anger". im sure theres another word for it, its not actually called anger im thinking, but i dont know the word..
so this other type of anger. the one when you have to defend your honour (not the macho honour, the islamic honour), the one where you're defending somebody else's honour, etc.. i think thats alright.
hmm.. im thinking im thinking... of a scenario where raising voices is the only possible way but i cant think of one right now. theres always the option of being cool headed and dealing with it objectively. that option is there. sometimes we're just not ready or mentally able yet to take it. but i think we shld aim for it everytime. and slowly slowly we'll grow tall enough to be able to reach for it without too much difficulty when situations arises.
i think im just above the "middle" in terms of being an angry person. i think its just a trait ive got. but i "manage" it (?) because i wil lusually burst when im stressed, tired, busy, have other things on my mind etc..
and stuff sometimes just get to me. and its just this burning "i want to destroy something" anger. with injustice, with.just.stupid.shizzle. (lol getting angry just thinking abt it).
i shld stop talking. i think ive talked abt a lot of feelings but called them all some type of anger. and i think im very wrong.
can anger be constructive? i dont think so.
the "constructive" anger we're referring to. its not anger..its... idont know what its called. something like being firm when you're defending the truth, whats right.
PS: dealing with built up stuff through anger doesnt usually help, leaves you burnt out and depressed. using that anger energy to punch a bag or jump a rope or lift your own body weight or cycle till it burns. that helps. and doesnt exercise release some happy hormones or smething? all good then.
or just bake a cake and eat it. with custard. yum.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
It makes my head hurt
No i cant do that. Makes it seem like im backing down or admitting im wrong.
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I know what you mean. But what you have to understand is i dont get angry over any old thing. Someone has to REALLY cross a line for me go sick on them. After which all bets are off, its either you or me.
But THE most annoying thing about it is i'll be steaming about it for a few days. And i do try and work it off by going down to the gym. Bench press the hell out of it. Go for a run. Anything to let off steam. But ive noticed that the whole stress of the even gives me a headache.
Too many headaches, too close together. Not good.
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Wait so do you want to let it go or not?
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
I think i need to run. Sephyy is ANGRY, i can't even imagine that in my head.
I'd say just continue using the methods your currently using to resolve this anger that makes your head hurt.
But WHY and WHAT is causing you to become so furious? Try find theee cause! Is the person your talking to annoying you? Can you no longer stand them in your face? Get them out of your life, tell them that they're annoying you in a nice way or be the good guy and walk away, or avoid them. Or you could just use your Mr Incredible powers if you liked?
Some more stuff that i'd like to add: Say Ta'auwudh (Audhu Billahi Min Ash-Shaytaanir Rajeem). Say it in your head and seek refuge from Shaytan. Then SMILE, a smile can change a lot of things, even when your not feeling too good. You might want to call it a fake smile, and if theres someone in front of you, they might think your a bit wierd. But, think of something good thats happened in your life, that you were really happy about and use this as a way of letting go of this anger.
You know that saying that you mentioned right at the beginning of your post, its a saying of the prophet Muhammad (S). Remember that hadeeth when you get angry and read up on the importance of controlling anger. Remind yourself of the status that Allah gives to those people who control their anger.
Or, do something that cheers you up. Eating doritos? Do you have any comfort foods?
are those headaches like your brain being put in a vice?
sleeping, a relaxing herbal tea (camomile), hydrating myself and obviously moving away from the stuff thats causing the headache. i find these things help.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Surprising yes. followed by sharp pain radiating from the side of my head. The part between the eyes and the ears =/
Poppin pills like skittles.
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The recent headaches i keep getting are pokey and mainly on the left side of my head. When i do get them, there's this pokey thing, a bit like a very pokey pokey pin. It pokes me inside, pokes my head and pokes my eye from the back too. It begins to poke me more, the second i decide to get up and walk. The poking is so unbearable i have to squint, or more like, scrunch that eye as hard as i can, and then quickly get to where i need to go and sit down. It pokes so painfully, i don't even want to think about it. Ouch.
You should probably get that checked out.
Just saying.
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Doctor Seraphim is diagnosing me now, eh? I don't think its exactly that, but the next time it does appear, i have no other choice but to take your advice. Thing is, doctors are just, i don't know the word, they'd rather just have a telephone appointment and trying to book an appointment is like trying to book a plane to Australia for a tenner.
Go to a Walk in Centre? or Hospital? ... im 99% sure they have doctors there lol.
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Those doctors are doing something else! The whole idea of having surgeries and clinics here and there, was to avoid people from going directly to the hospital. The nearest walk in centre will require me to wait and wait in the waiting room, and i will be there forever. I'd rather just take the pain :/ (But no, next time it pops up, i will book a telephone appointment with my doctor).
i know the radiating pain headaches!
the vice headaches... everytime i have a glass of water while having one of those i imagine my brain all dried up adn closed up (hence why it hurts thinking coz its trying to open up) then i have my big class of water and i imagine my brain moistening up and expanding and allowing itself to become big and extract information in a nopain way!
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Someone once told me, Anger comes from the devil, so whenever you get angry, he is attached to you and doesn't want to let go. Yuck. You don't really want that to happen! So how do you get rid of him? Well, no matter how hard it may seem, you should always try to scare him off by saying something he hates (i.e. reciting the Ta'awuz).
Like anyone you get angry with, you'll try and hurt them or say something so they get the message and do 1. The last thing you want is the devil feasting on your anger and making you feel in such a way.
Anger and Patience come in a package I suppose, which reminded me of something I came across today:
And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute and [thus] lose courage and [then] your strength would depart; and be patient. Indeed, Allah is with the patient. (Surat Al-'Anfāl, 8:46)
If you're still getting angry, I'd advise you to read some Hadith about how much Allah (swt) HATES the one who can't control his anger.
I had (well, still have I suppose) anger problems, but getting into the details would be boring. So I'm reminding myself FIRST.
who finds having argument through writing (aka online, text, whatsapp, email) is better than face to face? i'd rather sort issues out through writing coz i know i'd say stuff i dont mean or wont phrase it right etc..so i'd rather have my time to reply and really word my sentences correctly so I can control myself and not say anything that i'll regret or can be used against me or held against me afterwards. in an argument i like to stay clean and do NOTHING that could cost me my validity or integrity..i try to anyway...
do i come across on revvy as someone angry?
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
I dont think anger comes from the devil. At lest ive never come across any hadith or such that states it does. If im wrong please let me know. Its always good to learn something new. I know my anger tends to stem from injustice and when someones being unfair etc etc.
I find it better to argue verbally rather than writing. Its far more affective. Arguing in writing gives them time, as you said, come up with a retort. I just argue verbally and let what will be will be. Because if you say something and they dont have a retort its obvious and they will back down alot quicker. In writing they will just take time to think about it and come back with another arguement.
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We're all learning here and i know of the Hadith, so i'll share it with you - The Messenger of Allah (S) said: 'Anger comes from the devil, the devil was created of fire, and fire is extinguished only with water; so when one of you becomes angry, he should perform ablution'. (Sunan Abi Dawud 43,12).
if you build your sentences well and corner them well. there wont be retort to think up. and if they do try and turn you into circles and invent retort. then we riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiise abve this and dont answer. the beauty of ignoring a text/email.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
I wonder what it feels like to be a lion. When you can just ROAR and everything runs out of your way and hides, and all the trees sway and the leaves rustle, and the wind goes in a totally opposite direction.
you...my friend..have...slight misconceptions about lions.
but sometimes shouting and rawring DOES help. even when you're not a lion.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
I love my misconceptions about lions. I was just wondering how cool it would be. The open air. The coolness. The breeze. The sun. The space. The Roaring. Having a louder voice than everyone else. Being heard. Absolutely beautiful. But no worries, i wasn't planning on growing a tail, claws, or a mane. I think they'll dump me in London Zoo even if i tried. Roaaaaaar.
Meh watched that too a couple of days ago. I got very seasick of THEIR journey. (Just created a new topic in the forum section).
To answer anger with anger, ain't the Islamic way. In such a heated debate, a danger there is, of losing who you are.
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