Sins and self-harm - bandages over blades

Last year, when my parents went to Pakistan for a couple of months there were times when I felt very alone. My loneliness led me to an incredibly stupid mistake, no a sin, that I vowed not to repeat. But as I find myself in a similar position today, I want to walk on the same dirty path, towards the mirage that is contentment due to sin, all over again.

That’s the thing about sins, most of the times they’re not completely void of reasoning. Not all sins require calculated thought but there is a sense of purpose to them, an end goal which we believe will elevate us. Maybe elevate our status, or simply elevate our state of mind. Alleviate our problems and make us happy.

Perhaps this is a crude example, but I just thought of people who self harm. They do not self-harm to make their condition worse, they do not self-harm in an attempt to end their life. Self-harming is a coping strategy used to make the individual feel in control, possibly, or to feel a physical pain that, for a while, overrides all the pain that won’t stop. But, is it a good coping strategy? Well, the answer’s in the name.

We may think heading down to the pub after work will allow us to integrate within our environment, and make us feel better. We may think we’re great gamblers and we’ll be able to make some quick cash to cover this month’s bills. We may feel entitled to our haram relationships before marriage, because we need to know the person we’ll be spending our lives with. We may feel more beautiful without our bodies appropriately covered. But what do we really get out of these sins? Either a rude awakening or a severe guilt which ruins any sense of happiness that came with the sin. And when we don’t recognise either, well, that’s when we’re in real trouble.

The problems that are caused by sins rear their ugly heads as soon as we take our first step towards the sin. Yet we regularly overlook this for the momentary pleasure of this world. Sins will neither elevate us, nor alleviate us.

But the other thing about sins is that they can be so easy to fall into. I find myself doing things that my previous self would see in others and be shocked or disgusted or plain confused about the reasoning and “necessity” of committing such a sin. Yet, here I am. Dirtier and devalued, thrown off my high horse.

The easy, seemingly reachable, answer will always seem the way forward. But, do you remember the question? Are you answering the correct one? Do you need time to read over it again? Time is limited in this test, but the time limit takes into account the numerous necessary reads of the question.  

What is the question?  What is your position?

Do you want to cure your loneliness? Do you want to numb the pain?  Do you want to have fun? Do you want to make more money? Do you want feel more beautiful? Why do you not feel beautiful right now? Why will revealing more of yourself make you feel better? Is this relationship giving you all that a relationship should?

Are you looking for a solution to the consequence of a problem, or a solution to the root of the problem?

Are you going back to the sourcebook for the answers to your question?

Quote:
Then what is [the matter] with them that they are, from the reminder, turning away As if they were alarmed donkeys Fleeing from a lion? Rather, every person among them desires that he would be given scriptures spread about. No! But they do not fear the Hereafter. No! Indeed, the Qur'an is a reminder Then whoever wills will remember it. And they will not remember except that Allah wills. He is worthy of fear and adequate for [granting] forgiveness. Quran ~ 74: 49-56
 

Have you re-read the question? Again?

Do you want to avoid the hellfire? Do you want to enter paradise? Do you want to meet the Prophet peace and blessing be upon him? Do you want to submit to the will of Allah?

We attempt to fix ourselves with our sins but the fix is more like blade through the skin than a bandage on the skin.

Today, I wrote this to curb the useless thoughts, whilst feeling lonely. (After doing dua. I could’ve done more dua too. I could’ve done more worship.)

I hope tomorrow I can find a plaster, if not a bandage to fix me, rather than a blade.

Comments

unfortunately, due to spammers, for now the comment moderation is to stay.

This will change soon inshallah.

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

Anonymous wrote:
A moderated comment section is bad. Ibn Fulaan is better than a moderated comment's section.

Thanks for reading *rolls eyes*

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi

I do actually read it you know. First I scroll down to comment then I scroll back up and read it.

Ibn Fulaan is the bestest.

 

Registered users dont need their messages approved.

To register, you (currently) need your account approved

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

Sister has asked a very good question - she asks: do you want to cure loneliness? Now, I will answer your question sister, but first I want to ask you: have you ever tried shaadi.com? 

Last year, when my parents went to Pakistan for a couple of months there were times when I felt very alone. My loneliness led me to an incredibly stupid mistake, no a sin, that I vowed not to repeat. But as I find myself in a similar position today, I want to walk on the same dirty path, towards the mirage that is contentment due to sin, all over again.

I am assuming that you are a young man and not a young woman. Due to the fact that your parents left you on your own when they went to Pakistan. I may be wrong but it is unusual to leave a young girl alone in the family home. Unless of course you have reached that age were your parents no longer feel the need for a chaperone, or some sort of marriage contract.

If you are the latter and for the first time in your life alone, then you have the twin fears of aloneness yet the guilt of feeling freedom for the first time in your life. Quite a heady mix and in the circumstances it is not unusual to do stupid things. Welcome to the club of stupid people, if we are honest with our selves [and we can’t lie to ourselves] we have all been guilty of being stupid. But we have to learn from these times.

Yes times, we are frail human beings and are easily led astray. We do things for pleasure, then feel guilty immediately afterward and vow, never again. Then repeat the same, or something similar.

We may think heading down to the pub after work will allow us to integrate within our environment, and make us feel better. We may think we’re great gamblers and we’ll be able to make some quick cash to cover this month’s bills. We may feel entitled to our haram relationships before marriage, because we need to know the person we’ll be spending our lives with. We may feel more beautiful without our bodies appropriately covered. But what do we really get out of these sins? Either a rude awakening or a severe guilt which ruins any sense of happiness that came with the sin. And when we don’t recognise either, well, that’s when we’re in real trouble

Heading down to the pub after work, maybe with work colleagues that are not Muslim? I know that there is a school of thought that Muslims should not mix with non-Muslims. But! If we don’t mix we don’t understand each other’s ways and end up living separate lives within society. This in turn breeds intolerance and fear on both sides.

You mention “our Haram relationship”, and the wearing of different clothes that makes us feel more beautiful. Two things;

1] God sees the person beneath the clothes that you wear and loves, understands you better then you understand yourself.

2] An age old question. A Muslim man marries a non-Muslim woman, that is fine so long as any children are brought up as Muslim, But what if a Muslim man marries a Jewess [it does happen] the children take the Jewish faith [or should] Then again it is fine for a man to take a non Muslim woman, but for a woman?  

Whilst still on this subject I have concluded that you are a woman owing to the statement “We may feel more beautiful without our bodies appropriately covered.” But why feel guilty and be made to feel like a second-class person because you are woman. It appears to me, an outsider that there is too much double standards applied.

Do you want to cure your loneliness? Do you want to numb the pain?  Do you want to have fun? Do you want to make more money? Do you want feel more beautiful? Why do you not feel beautiful right now? Why will revealing more of yourself make you feel better? Is this relationship giving you all that a relationship should?

That is one mean statement. But only you can answer it, then again if we are honest with ourselves we have all asked similar questions to ourselves over the years, and still do.

The only answer that I can give is learn to know yourself, be honest with yourself, regardless of what other people say. It is you that has to live with your actions. Yes you can make mistakes, but learn from them and move on, its part of life’s challenges.

Do you want to avoid the hellfire? Do you want to enter paradise? Do you want to meet the Prophet peace and blessing be upon him? Do you want to submit to the will of Allah?

Back to the guilt trip, and “the if I don’t do what is expected of by society, religious faith, or family? You shall burn in hell for all eternity. If you sit and think about it, the guilt trip, plus threats, are both very efficient ways to control people. The Christian Church are past masters of this.

I am a Christian and believe in the teachings of Jesus, who taught us to see God like a good compassionate father figure. That we should be honest with each other and try to get along with one another in an honest and compassionate manner. Using the golden rule “treat others as you would like to be treated yourself”.

In all his teachings he only talked about hell once, and that was a fate reserved for people who are unjust in their treatment of others.

The Rich Man and Lazarus Luke 16:19-31 for the full account. But the following two verses sum it up

25“But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

Yes you live life, but were you end up is not determined by following set rules of doing this or that. It is about how you live your life and your personal relationship with God. Do you trust in God, can you talk to God, how do you treat/respect God.

We have Church services with collective prayers, but besides this I can sit quietly, or walk in the fields and I can talk to god in my thoughts [if not words] and mull things over in my mind and answers usually [not always] come. Surprisingly not always the answer that I expect, but just being in contact brings a sense of well being. For me that is another definition of hell, being separated from God.

We attempt to fix ourselves with our sins but the fix is more like blade through the skin than a bandage on the skin.

I hope the last comment is not an admission of self-arm, Or maybe just wanting to try another path different to the one that you was born in to. But the answer lies within yourself, take your self to a quiet place were you will not be disturbed and think through your problems and in time the answer may come. If not the first time, maybe the next, or the one after?

Mohammed had his cave were he would retreat to for quiet time of reflection, whilst Jesus used to take himself away from his disciples for a quiet time of reflection.

 

As i see it wrote:
Welcome to the club of stupid people, if we are honest with our selves [and we can’t lie to ourselves] we have all been guilty of being stupid. But we have to learn from these times.

Yes times, we are frail human beings and are easily led astray. We do things for pleasure, then feel guilty immediately afterward and vow, never again. Then repeat the same, or something similar.

That is defintely true. The story of being human, eh?

(I am female and was not left on my own, just felt it.)

Quote:
Heading down to the pub after work, maybe with work colleagues that are not Muslim? I know that there is a school of thought that Muslims should not mix with non-Muslims. But! If we don’t mix we don’t understand each other’s ways and end up living separate lives within society. This in turn breeds intolerance and fear on both sides.

Mixing should not require one giving up their morals and values.

Quote:
1] God sees the person beneath the clothes that you wear and loves, understands you better then you understand yourself.

That doesn’t excuse us not trying.

Quote:
2] An age old question. A Muslim man marries a non-Muslim woman, that is fine so long as any children are brought up as Muslim, But what if a Muslim man marries a Jewess [it does happen] the children take the Jewish faith [or should] Then again it is fine for a man to take a non Muslim woman, but for a woman?  

It is (Islamically) legal for them to marry so they can, but *in my opinion* the question about the childrens faith should be asked before marriage, and then the guy could avoid it if it’s not for him.

Quote:
Whilst still on this subject I have concluded that you are a woman owing to the statement “We may feel more beautiful without our bodies appropriately covered.” But why feel guilty and be made to feel like a second-class person because you are woman. It appears to me, an outsider that there is too much double standards applied.

I don’t feel like a second class person at all, and I believe there is more beauty in modesty. The guilt comes from disobeying God. 

Quote:
The only answer that I can give is learn to know yourself, be honest with yourself, regardless of what other people say. It is you that has to live with your actions. Yes you can make mistakes, but learn from them and move on, its part of life’s challenges.

Good

Quote:
Back to the guilt trip, and “the if I don’t do what is expected of by society, religious faith, or family? You shall burn in hell for all eternity. If you sit and think about it, the guilt trip, plus threats, are both very efficient ways to control people. The Christian Church are past masters of this.

I am a Christian and believe in the teachings of Jesus, who taught us to see God like a good compassionate father figure. That we should be honest with each other and try to get along with one another in an honest and compassionate manner. Using the golden rule “treat others as you would like to be treated yourself”.

In all his teachings he only talked about hell once, and that was a fate reserved for people who are unjust in their treatment of others.

The Rich Man and Lazarus Luke 16:19-31 for the full account. But the following two verses sum it up

25“But Abraham replied, ‘Son, remember that in your lifetime you received your good things, while Lazarus received bad things, but now he is comforted here and you are in agony. 26 And besides all this, between us and you a great chasm has been set in place, so that those who want to go from here to you cannot, nor can anyone cross over from there to us.’

Yes you live life, but were you end up is not determined by following set rules of doing this or that. It is about how you live your life and your personal relationship with God. Do you trust in God, can you talk to God, how do you treat/respect God.

We have Church services with collective prayers, but besides this I can sit quietly, or walk in the fields and I can talk to god in my thoughts [if not words] and mull things over in my mind and answers usually [not always] come. Surprisingly not always the answer that I expect, but just being in contact brings a sense of well being. For me that is another definition of hell, being separated from God.

I understand where you’re coming from but we believe in a physical hell and heaven and I believe thinking about them is a good way of reminding us to do the right thing – the carrot and the stick approach is needed imo. Also, my personal relationship with God is affected by the sins I commit – which can distance me from Him. 

Quote:
I hope the last comment is not an admission of self-arm, Or maybe just wanting to try another path different to the one that you was born in to. But the answer lies within yourself, take your self to a quiet place were you will not be disturbed and think through your problems and in time the answer may come. If not the first time, maybe the next, or the one after?

Mohammed had his cave were he would retreat to for quiet time of reflection, whilst Jesus used to take himself away from his disciples for a quiet time of reflection.

Nope, just a metaphor. You are right, contemplation is necessary and a great way to work through things. For me, sometimes, I find writing out my thoughts in such blogs can help too. Thank you for reading my ramblings, and sorry about the late reply! Also, I’ve started blogging at  if you wanna read Smile

"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi