When I give in to a wrong desire – whether it be a sin or not bothering to fulfil one of my chores for the day I feel disabled to do anything else meaningful. I feel this way because I regret the wrong I have done but I fear the thing I need to will be tainted as a way of punishment for the wrong thing that I did. I believe doing wrong will affect my life so it’s almost a self fulfilling prophecy. It’s debilitating and has meant I have wasted days where I could have got things done yet doing something wrong meant I thought “I’ll do it tomorrow with a fresh start”.
I know fearing the consequences isn’t a bad thing but then if I feared them so much I wouldn’t have given into my desires in the first place, right?
But everyone errs, right?
I think I need a better mechanism to deal with the aftermath of regret. I need to move on and work to change my circumstances, of course that includes starting by asking for forgiveness. I can’t sit and waste precious time wallowing in fear of the unknown and falling into a self fulfilling prophecy when I at least have the ability to try to avoid it. If I do get any deserved punishment in this life Allah knows best about which form that punishment will take. I can’t know when I’ll get that punishment so I can’t sit around wasting time, adding to my list of wrong doings. And I of course have to try my best to not do the wrong stuff in the first place. This all requires a lot of fighting with the nafs. The most difficult kind of fight.