I think maybe you're looking at 'Islam' as one big mountain that you'll never be able to climb. And using that as an excuse not to go up at least a little bit.

I don't blame you i was doing the same, many times. Shaitan tries to tell us that 'it's all or nothing'.

But that's not the case. None of us will ever, ever, EVER be perfect Muslims. And we're not supposed to be either.

Just doing small acts for the sake of Allah (swt) is a good start. And if you start walking towards Allah (swt) He has promised to run towards you!

Don't worry about the things you're doing wrong in your life. Well, DO worry about them, but don't kill yourself over them. And ESPECIALLY don't use them as an excuse not to do good things as well.

Don't wait for a bolt of lightening to hit you out the sky because, although that might happen, you might be waiting in the rain for ages.

Also, try to meet people who will encourage you to good and avoid the people who have been encouraging you to bad.

Ya'qub said it all pretty much.

I would emphasise the point of keeping good friends as well. knowing that there is something that you should be changing and the willingness to do that is always a good place to start. Once you have that inshAllah you'll be fine. Best of luck with it

They've pretty covered it but i'd just like to point out that you have allready taken that first step towards Allah swt that so many find difficult. You've accepted that you're doing wrong and you feel guilty about it, now just make intention to repent. Allah' Swt mercy is open to whoever asks for it.

Remember good deeds erase bad deeds so do any act of good no matter how small you think it may be.

There was once this woman who had done bad all her life and she was a prostitute but one day she saw a thirsty dog and she gave it some water and for this act Allah swt granted her mercy nd entered her into Jannah.

Take one step towards Allah and He will take 10 steps towards you. We've all been in this situation before.

May Allah guide us all. Ameen

may I add that Allah loves repentance and the one who repents. he knowws we will always sin, but what he looks for is the people who will ask for forgiveness.

Life is a ongoing and never ending struggle between doing what Allah wants or not. everything you do falls in either category.

Welcome to revival. please stay. we will try to support and inshaaAllah you will find the site a help. even for a little while. however crazy or weird we might be, there's one thing that brings us together, Islam. here is your little concentrated online islam thingy majit.

But nothing beats real life sisterhood. So if you can attend talks or circles do so, even if not for what they actually talk about, but for the atmosphere, inshaaAllah that'll help.

i think you need to start with learning more about Allah and the unity of Allah subhanahou wata'ala. i'll try and look for some links and articles you might want to read. I believe that if you know who you're worshipping and how great and awesome He is. the rest of Islam will become much easier. music, clothing etc...

Surah Al e Imran 133-136:

And vie one with another for forgiveness from your Lord, and for a paradise as wide as are the heavens and the earth, prepared for those who ward off (evil); Those who spend (of that which Allah hath given them) in ease and in adversity, those who control their wrath and are forgiving toward mankind; Allah loveth the good; And those who, when they do an evil thing or wrong themselves, remember Allah and implore forgiveness for their sins - Who forgiveth sins save Allah only? - and will not knowingly repeat (the wrong) they did. The reward of such will be forgiveness from their Lord, and Gardens underneath which rivers flow, wherein they will abide for ever - a bountiful reward for workers!

Don't feel overwhelmed by your sins and think it's too hard to get back on the straight path as the above verse says, Allah loves those who recognise their sins and repent for them and don't do them again. Allah swt is the most merciful and inshaAllah he will forgive yours and everyone elses sins

Also as Ya'qub said don't make it feel like you're climbing a mountain!

Take everything one at a time instead of fixing everything at once as you've won't succeed that way. And even when you're looking at one thing, take that slowly too, e because you won't be able to give anything up at once. This is the recommended way as Islam isn't supposed to be hard, and it recognises that people can't just do things at once. Even the Qur'an shows us this by, for example, banning alochol in stages as the Arabs loved to drink and it would've been very hard for them to just give it up all at once.

If you feel your jeans and tops aren't modest enough, make a slight change - wear some loose trousers and longer tops instead; you don't have to start wearing an abaya or anything! But if you feel you want to, then you can do that later, once you are used to more 'modest' clothing.

As for music - delete and get rid of all the music you have, stop going to place/hanginf around places where you know certain music is played. If you find yourself youtubing stuff try to look for stuff that has some decent lyrics or find alternatives like nasheeds. Or just find a new way of passing time?

(Although you can even climb a mountain if you put your mnind to it )