The Revival

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Forced Marriage vs Gay Daughter

s.b.f —

"I took off my hijab, and I threw it on the floor and my brother got really mad. It's the worst thing I could have done to offend my religion, aside from burn or tear the Koran.

"My mother, she kind of stood still, and started listening, and it was very liberating that she finally wanted to hear what I had to say.

"I told her about my sexuality and I said 'that's right, I do meet girls, and I love it' and I told her that she had been hurting me really badly, and I will never forgive her."

Now 20, Reviva - not her real name - recounts the day she finally came out to her family, her pupils flash and the flat, matter-of-fact delivery of her story-telling becomes briefly animated.

This, you realise, is the pivotal moment in a disturbing journey of self-discovery which encompasses family estrangement, exorcism, and attempted suicide.

Like hundreds of young men and women in Britain, Reviva was forced into marriage in spite of her sexual orientation, and still carries deep psychological scars from years of torment at the hands of her parents.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-11613992

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70 comments

#31

Bijou Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 15:00

Sephy

BijouWell Mr Seraphim I would rather have no solution than have a solution like yours!

And she is now 20. An adult capable of coming up with her own solutions and asking for help if required.

I find your lack of faith disturbing... :/

Your ignorant and rude.

#33

MuslimBro Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 15:18

It's a hard question as people don't normally think about theses things.

There are quite a few things (Asian) people would do:

- think that they were possessed so try and get the jinn out of them
- send them back home
- give them a good beating with lots of hot chilli's rubbed onto the eyes
- disown them
- force them into a marriage

I would think very few parents would accept it and be happy.

#35

Sephy (not verified) Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 16:43

Bijou

Sephy
BijouWell Mr Seraphim I would rather have no solution than have a solution like yours!

And she is now 20. An adult capable of coming up with her own solutions and asking for help if required.

I find your lack of faith disturbing... :/

Your ignorant and rude.

Sticks and stones bijou.

#36

Bijou Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 16:58

Sephy

Bijou
Sephy
BijouWell Mr Seraphim I would rather have no solution than have a solution like yours!

And she is now 20. An adult capable of coming up with her own solutions and asking for help if required.

I find your lack of faith disturbing... :/

Your ignorant and rude.

Sticks and stones bijou.

Likewise.

#37

TPOS Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 17:59

@Sephy : wouldn't the lesser of two evils be to let her carry on doing what she's doing. Marriage is supposed to be heterosexual in Islam so it wouldn't really be a marriage will it? And if it is then its sort of like doing 3 sins:
Adultery
Homosexual relationship AND Marriage

Does that make sense?

MuslimBroIt's a hard question as people don't normally think about theses things.

There are quite a few things (Asian) people would do:

- think that they were possessed so try and get the jinn out of them
- send them back home
- give them a good beating with lots of hot chilli's rubbed onto the eyes
- disown them
- force them into a marriage

I would think very few parents would accept it and be happy.

I could imagine any/all of those things happening!

What does "sticks and stones" mean?

#38

You Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 18:10

A gay marriage?!?

Is there anything at all that suggests that such a think is valid in the eyes of Allah (swt)? if not (which I highly suspect to be the case), it is the same as no marriage. Unlike other people, we can't just make new things up (and it is quite a serious thing too).

Besides, if she has given up Islam, then marriage is not the most important issue.

(it is also weird how people have suddenly started to accept homosexuality as a natural thing...

...and kissing other girls aged 12? Surely that shows a dysfunctional family background as otherwise she wouldnt have been kissing ANYONE at that age.)

#40

Isha Al-Maghribi Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 19:34

s.b.fWhat would you do if you found out your child was lesbian/gay?

(after slowly dying inside of course)

screaming on the inside and smiling on the outside.
Today, we took the twins out. Ju'saf brought a football to play with. and Ja'cuub wanted a doll. and i was like" Honey, do you want that sword?"
"No!Doll!"
I gave 'Him' a "?" look; he smiled. If anything does happen, he is cleary responsible....
😂

#41

Isha Al-Maghribi Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 19:36

Well, the Prophet L'ut was homosexual,so...

The Dead sea? Some people believe that Allah drowned a whole bunch of homos in there. the sea is said to be salty due to the bodies.That's freaky ,right?
Do you believe?

#42

TPOS Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 19:41

Isha Al-Maghribi

screaming on the inside and smiling on the outside.
Today, we took the twins out. Ju'saf brought a football to play with. and Ja'cuub wanted a doll. and i was like" Honey, do you want that sword?"
"No!Doll!"
I gave 'Him' a "?" look; he smiled. If anything does happen, he is cleary responsible....
:lol:

awwwwwww 😂

Isha Al-MaghribiWell, the Prophet L'ut was homosexual,so...

????????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
WHAT, where did you hear that from? is that actually true? do u mean homosexual in the "just feeling" sense? cuz Prophets are sinless, right? :S

#43

You Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 19:42

Isha Al-MaghribiWell, the Prophet L'ut was homosexual,so...

Astaghfirullah. No he (as) wasn't.

People from his community were. He was there to warn them against such transgressions.

WHen they did not cease their activity after being told multiple times, the community was destroyed by God.

#46

Isha Al-Maghribi Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 19:52

MuslimBro

Isha Al-MaghribiWell, the Prophet L'ut was homosexual,so...

:o

Not the Prophet, his people were. Prophets don't commit sins.

Sorry, wrong information!
(why are they knows as 'People of L'ut? Shouldn't they be called 'People of Sodom?')
...
In the Bible, Jonathon and David were though, and Naomi and Ruth were also...so maybe it's not entirely wrong....?

#47

Isha Al-Maghribi Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 19:53

You

Isha Al-MaghribiWell, the Prophet L'ut was homosexual,so...

Astaghfirullah. No he (as) wasn't.

People from his community were. He was there to warn them against such transgressions.

WHen they did not cease their activity after being told multiple times, the community was destroyed by God.

which is where the Dead Sea comes into it?

#49

Bijou Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 19:55

Isha Al-Maghribi

MuslimBro
Isha Al-MaghribiWell, the Prophet L'ut was homosexual,so...

:o

Not the Prophet, his people were. Prophets don't commit sins.

Sorry, wrong information!
(why are they knows as 'People of L'ut? Shouldn't they be called 'People of Sodom?')
...
In the Bible, Jonathon and David were though, and Naomi and Ruth were also...so maybe it's not entirely wrong....?

The Bible has been edited by the Christians, it is not the most authentic source to go by!
I believe this is also written in the Quran Shareef...not sure where though :?

#51

You Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 19:55

Isha Al-Maghribi

You
Isha Al-MaghribiWell, the Prophet L'ut was homosexual,so...

Astaghfirullah. No he (as) wasn't.

People from his community were. He was there to warn them against such transgressions.

WHen they did not cease their activity after being told multiple times, the community was destroyed by God.

which is where the Dead Sea comes into it?

No idea.

EDIT - was just reading this and it suggests the dead sea as the location of the city of Sodom.

#52

Isha Al-Maghribi Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 20:13

YouWhat is written? (that the bible is altered?)

Yes;several times, it is mentioned.
And, the Bible preaches that homosexuality is not wrong, but it is not recommended, either.
The Holy Qur'an states that the Bible has some sense of truth,....

#53

You Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 20:19

Except where it contradicts or is overruled by the qur'an - we only take guidance from the qur'an.

Are you sure that the bible teaches that it is not wrong? First I ahve heard that - I was under the impression that those christians that allow it are in the uncomfortable position of ignoring of what is said in the Bible?

#54

Isha Al-Maghribi Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 21:12

YouExcept where it contradicts or is overruled by the qur'an - we only take guidance from the qur'an.

But Qur'an Al-Kareem states that the Taw'rat (Torah) , Zabur(Gospel) and Inj'il (Bible)should be given importance.

You
Are you sure that the bible teaches that it is not wrong? First I ahve heard that - I was under the impression that those christians that allow it are in the uncomfortable position of ignoring of what is said in the Bible?

Or they may be Protestants or Reform Christians?

#55

TPOS Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 21:13

Isha Al-Maghribi

YouExcept where it contradicts or is overruled by the qur'an - we only take guidance from the qur'an.

But Qur'an Al-Kareem states that the Taw'rat (Torah) , Zabur(Gospel) and Inj'il (Bible)should be given importance.

The actual ones, not the altered versions we have today.

#56

You Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 21:30

Isha Al-MaghribiOr they may be Protestants or Reform Christians?

Not really such a difference - go back ten years and te christian churches were united in considering homosexuality a major sin. Now you get gay priests.

Not all protestants/reformists etc are happy with such a change, and so far, to keep unity, the major bodies are getting around it by following the ostrich plan.

#57

You Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 21:31

Isha Al-MaghribiBut Qur'an Al-Kareem states that the Taw'rat (Torah) , Zabur(Gospel) and Inj'il (Bible)should be given importance.

Importance, esteem, but not guidance as they are not our source of guidance, even if they were unaltered. They have been superceded by the Qur'an as the source for guidance.

#58

Isha Al-Maghribi Mon, 25 Oct 2010 - 22:30

You

Isha Al-MaghribiBut Qur'an Al-Kareem states that the Taw'rat (Torah) , Zabur(Gospel) and Inj'il (Bible)should be given importance.

Importance, esteem, but not guidance as they are not our source of guidance, even if they were unaltered. They have been superceded by the Qur'an as the source for guidance.

Ok, If you say so...

#59

LookingToSee Thu, 28 Oct 2010 - 23:56

it's not "if you say so" thats the real deal. The Quran and Sunnah got it all.

IF the Bible, Torah and Psalms were unaltered, aka, the real Injeel, Tawrah and Zabur then we could read them...

BUT

they arent! HENCE why Allah sent the Qur'an.

#60

Bilan Thu, 6 Jan 2011 - 00:36

BijouI had no idea that we get Muslim girls becoming lesbians, until a friend of mine told me his cousin is a lesbian and he sees her making out with other girls, so he sleeps with her instead to get her away from that...TALKED ABOUT MESSED UP FAMILY!

Anyway, with regards to this article I'm actualy not suprised she used her hijab to show her dislike for the religion or for the restrictions of not becoming a lesbian.

I think You is right, I'm sure there must be a lot more going on than whats been written on the BBC. But it looks like cultural influence has attracted her attention more than Islam.

I also think the way the parents have gone about it is wrong. If you are a followerer of the Sunnah you would know that the Prophet never hit anyone in his life, so how can these people do that? That is no way to discipline a child, whether young or not. Its plain wrong. I think if they tackled it differently then things might have turned out differently with this girl. And I also dont think its out of fear of being questioned on the day of judgement, I think it was fear of society, culture and what their daughter was turning into (a lesbian).

I can understand them using this method, because its scary to see your own child taking a wrong turn in life. But it also depends on their upbringing and the society they are opened to.

I dont know, personaly I think if they tackled it different it would have been a different situation (possibily). But this girl seems to be influenced by this western culture of it being acceptable to be a bisexual.
Also, forced marriage is haram in Islam, so even if she did 'get married by force' it would not be accepted in Allahs' eyes.

oh my god! oh my god! WTH???????????!!! tht i sooooo messed up! and wht, u said u didn knw until your friend said his cousin is???? so they ARE muslim, did i get tht right???? :shock: :shock:

I feel sorry for people who might feel this way, because theyre feelings...feelings are very strong and sometimes overpowering, so I cant imagine the dilemma such a person would go through and its not exactly something u can discuss with others is it????

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