Adoption

MuslimSister —

Salaam

The Asian community does have a lot to be proud of…

As a community we welcome strangers into our home, we never leave guests without feeding them, we have unshakable family values and many are fiercely passionate about our culture.

So why is it that when it comes to the idea of adopting a child/baby all alone in the world, we don’t want to know?

Most of us have been lucky enough to have a mum and dad who we’ve taken for granted.

If someone has been trying for years and is unable to have a baby…is there something wrong with adopting a child?

I think adoption is largely a taboo act…a lady was telling me that if the parents gave their child up for adoption then obviously its cos the child’s past is shameful…..

But does it really matter how the child came in the world?

Is it right to hold an innocent child accountable for what his/her parents have done?

I know Islam says a lot about orphans and their rights…but I’m not sure what Islam says about adopting children.

A family friend of mine is desperate for a baby and she’s been married for 10 years…it’s a lonely life, but I really don’t understand why she just doesn’t adopt.

Is our love only for our “own”?

And does religion play a part in this? Naturally one would want to bring up their child as a Muslim…however say that child was mature and wished to stick to his/her own faith, would it be right to allow this?

The main issue that confuses me is that of this Mehram/Non Mehram issue….hypothetically speaking would I need to do pardah in front of my adopted son? Would sisters need to do pardah in front of their brother who was adopted?

…is the above mentioned reason, the reason why Muslims shy away from adoption?

Share your thoughts.

Wasalaam

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104 comments

MuslimSisLilSis Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 22:58

Fatima

MuslimSisLilSis
Darth V-Hayder

dont know what the rest of this thread said, but i now defo know that a woman HAS to do pardah from an adopted child

I thought so

thats HARD :?

the first thing I do when i get home is take my scarf off-its not easy cvering ur hair

Salaam

As for the above (I might be making a big assumption here) I think that it is probably one of the main reasons why muslims (esp asains) dont adopt children.

Eg a couple adopts a child, shower him/her with love and affection but when the child reaches the age of 12/13 one of the adoptive parents must do pardah.

IMO it is harder for women as they tend to be closer to their children in the sense that they show affection more readily for their children even when they are older.

Think about it, hypothetically speaking, guys if you were adopted then there would come a time when you would not be able to hug your mother 🙁 and vice versa for the girls.

May Allah (swt) grant our parents live a long life in this world, as we would be lost without them and may they enter the gates of paradise in the hereafter

Ameen

Wasalaam

i agree with u

but PERSONALLY this wouldnt put me off adopting a lil boy-after all after a certain age they're too big for hugs and kisses anyway

Dave Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 23:04

What is Pardah...

You wouldn't be allowed to hug your child if you adopt them?

MuslimSisLilSis Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 23:05

ConstantineWhat is Pardah...

You wouldn't be allowed to hug your child if you adopt them?

u know what mahram and nah mahram is right?

girls have to do pardah (cover) themselves in front of na mehrams

Dave Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 23:07

MuslimSisLilSis

ConstantineWhat is Pardah...

You wouldn't be allowed to hug your child if you adopt them?

u know what mahram and nah mahram is right?

girls have to do pardah (cover) themselves in front of na mehrams

I think I get the jist - dunno what mahram and nah mahram is though.

So essentially because you aren't biologically related you have to cover yourself...

Please tell me that's not based on the fear I think that's based on...

Theyre your child for God's sake! - maybe not biological, but that doesn't matter

MuslimSisLilSis Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 23:12

mahram are guys a girl cant marry

son, dad, grandad, uncle etc etc

nah mahrams is guys she can marry

she must cover in front of na mahrams

we're debating whether a adopted son is a mahram or nah mahram

there's diff of opinion on this

Dave Fri, 2 Dec 2005 - 23:18

ohhh okay... so it's not like this is something which has been decided.

Seems logical adopted children are mahram - God recognizes you as the parent of the child (since as somebody said Muhammad said anybody who adopts a child is in good with God), and God decides everything.

Ergo his judgement overrules biology.

And you cannot marry your parents - doesn't say biological parents does it?

*DUST* Sat, 3 Dec 2005 - 00:56

Constantineohhh okay... so it's not like this is something which has been decided.

Seems logical adopted children are mahram - God recognizes you as the parent of the child (since as somebody said Muhammad said anybody who adopts a child is in good with God), and God decides everything.

Ergo his judgement overrules biology.

And you cannot marry your parents - doesn't say biological parents does it?

I think there's a fairly decisive ruling that the adopted child is not considered mahram when it reaches puberty. EXCEPT if the child was breastfed by the adopting mother before it reached the age of two.

here's the thing Dave: in Islam, there's not really such a thing as 'adoption'. u can take a child under your wing, but they MUST carry their biological father's surname. blood relations are considered very important in Islam. For example the Prophet (s.a.w) 'adopted' an orphan named Zaid and treated him like a son, and people began to call the child 'Zaid ibn Muhammad'. Till a verse (33:4) was revealed saying that only one’s biological child had the right to take the father’s name. then Zaid was called 'Ibn Harith', after his biological father.

Anonymous (not verified) Sun, 4 Dec 2005 - 15:34

AngelSeema if you dont mind me askin how young was your son when you adopted him?

Ahh woops, now i get it.

Dave Sun, 4 Dec 2005 - 15:34

Seema?

You Seem-a little different...

HAHHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHHAHHAHAHAHAHAH

ohhh man i'm good

Dave Sun, 4 Dec 2005 - 15:45

seema*nope dont get it!

...you don't?

doesn't it seem-a little familiar?

hahahhahahhahhahhhahhahhahhhhahhah

laila Sun, 4 Dec 2005 - 15:48

are you trying to confuddle me cos i still dont get it and i'm not in a smiley mood - understood 🙁

judda Mon, 5 Dec 2005 - 14:43

Constantinetoo much work to do

Lol more then politics?

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