I really want to marry him

Assalamu Alaykom wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh,

So I got a question about

tranquility from a sister,

but about marriage proposals:

"What if the heart feels tranquillity

in a decision which isn't out of

the bounds of Shariah

yet circumstances dictate otherwise?

I.e parents turning down good

proposals due to race/status?

But you feel like the person would

be a good bet?

If the parental influence in this decision,

jeopardising the level of tranquillity

starts making you feel not tranquil,

does it become a whim if you still

wish to marry the person?

Should you just let it go because

the tranquillity has been unsettled?"

She actually answers her own

question. lol.

And it's a good answer to a good

question 🙂

I've had so many questions around

this. From different people.

Let me clarify a few things:

- for a virgin girl

(before homosexuality

became so rife, there was no need to

stipulate the gender !) her parents

must accept.

Even in the hanafi school where

SOME of the scholars have permitted

a woman to marry against her father's

consent, the

father can end the marriage if the

'husbands' parents are not considered

on the same social status as the

father of the 'bride'.

So no marriage if daddy isn't happy.

Now.

People always say:

'but it's transgression,

his decision is only based on race'.

Even if that is true,

it's your fathers problem,

not yours.

His sin, not yours.

Your fight is to abide by your

parents wishes.

When you're a parent,

you can show the world how

amazing you are.

OK ?

Do you know why Allah (swt)

gave that right to the father

of the girl

and only if she's a virgin ?

If she's been divorced before,

she doesn't need her fathers

consent...

... because as a divorcee

she's thinking clearly,

she knows what marriage stipulates,

it's difficulties, challenges,

the reality of it.

Now...

all of these conditions are

for one purpose only:

"to lessen the risk of the marriage

going bad and to increase the chances

that it'll work"

And for a successful marriage,

with happy children...

not just

the couple need to get on...

but their parents need to get on

with that persons partner and

his/her parents

(the in laws).

Two families are getting married,

not just two people.

And so, whilst you may think

that you're of the same culture

as someone from a different race

cos you're both bred in Britain,

for your parents, they don't

think so...

... and since it's two families

getting married... then there's

a problem.

So if there's friction from one side,

let it go. Have the dignity to let

it go.

There are PLENNNNNNTY of fish in

the sea. Plenty.

And Allah (swt) will reward you

for making your parents happy

and for not disturbing the harmony

of another family by making their

son/daughter fight with his/her

parents.

Even in the case of the male,

though he is allowed to marry

without anyone's consent...

... still, there's so much more

barakah... and it's much more

conducive to stability, happiness

and longevity if his parents

are on board.

Otherwise, there's resentment and

spite.

Why go into that ?!

So yes... judge it by the level

of tranquility.

This fallacy,

and it is a fallacy,

that this guy or girl is the one

for MEEEEEEEE...

... it's garbage.

(I can't live without her)

(If I don't marry him,

I never wanna marry anyone)

(You don't understand)

(bla)

(bla)

(bla)

Look at the companions.

They got married several times...

... meaning that if there was

only one true love,

then how could they get married again.

It wouldn't make sense.

But,

life is more practical than

Bollywood.

Romeo and Juliet both ended up

committing suicide.

This commitment to someone you

don't really know is based on

your fantasies.

How on earth do you know that

he's a good guy/girl ?

Let's be frank about the reasons

given:

- He reads Quran nicely:

You want a husband of a Qari' ?

It's a different skill to being

a husband. It's got NOTHING

to do with being a good husband.

- His friends like him:

So what ?

Guys like guys for completely diff

reasons than girls like them.

A guy might think another guy

is cool cos he burps out loud.

Good luck !

A girl might like another girl

because she gives good hugs.

- He/She is a member of the

Islamic society in Uni:

Oh man... this one I hate the

most. Seriously.

Soooooooo what ?!

"Well... she's really confident

and outspoken and I like that."

Then when I get him to think

about what that really means at

home... "hmmmm, who's going to

wear the trousers ?"

"He's such a good speaker"

Then when I get her to think

about things going wrong and

the need for ACTION and not words...

"hmmmm..."

Listen, I don't have a problem

with people liking other people,

but don't go into business with

someone just cos he has a nice

voice.

Don't give someone your house

keys just cos she can cook well.

Don't trust someone with your

kids just cos they're drop

dead gorgeous.

And whatever you like in that

person... find someone else

with that same characteristic,

but whom your father will

accept.

Allah (swt) didn't just create

that one person !

There is of course an exception

to all of what I said above:

If the father is some

twisted sick monster who never

wants his daughter to get married

and amazing suitor after suitor

get turned away for no reason

whatsoever... not even cultural

differences...

then... the father is sidelined

and we find a different walli.

But this is really rare.

I had a guy call me up once

asking for me to do a nikah

with a bro and a sis cos

her father supposedly wanted

her to only marry one guy in the

world

from Pakistan,

who was and I quote:

"low IQ, physically disabled,

un-educated and completely different

in culture to her cos she

grew up here and him there"

The father has no right to

impose upon the daughter,

just as the daughter has no

right to impose upon the

father.

And if it's true that the father

won't accept anyone but him,

then he is twisted.

So I said:

"yes I'll do it,

on one condition."

what ?

"I want to speak with her father".

I never heard from them again.

See how whimsical people can

get?

Making stuff up,

creating enemies out of the

reason why the one they

claim to love was born in

the first place !!

If you truly love someone,

have the good graces not to

hurt them and their families.

I know society programs us that

we should fight for love.

It's a lie.

They're feeding you the whim

of approval.

If it's true, it'll come to

you.

No one can push fate away.

So ease up,

release your whims,

feel tranquil,

and let the goodness come to you.

And by the way,

the pain that you think you'll

feel by releasing this 'love'

is actually the pain of holding

onto it so tightly !

Ready for freedom and true

love ?

http://ipersonalenrichment.com/whimsikill-signup/?awt_l=J94Lk&awt_m=3e_…

jazakAllah

AbdelRahman