Funzo's abyss

Funzo —

Salaam im going to start to put some of my poetry here watch this space

Tags
poetry

Ya'qub — Sun, 12 Oct 2008 - 14:10

LOL when I saw the title of this thread I thought it would be about you spiralling into insanity!

Funzo — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 - 00:27

The suffering
Im not asking for your words of affliction
nor actions of philanthropic kindness
This isnt a campaign against or for
The only thing i ask for you is too spare and ear or two

Is that there tears have stopped trickling down there eyes
or is it that you have stopped fixating?
Is that there screams have faded into mere whispers and cries
or is it that you have stopped listening?

Has there pain gone away
is there no more struggle
has the war of justice been won today?
or is it that your empathy has been morphed into boredom?

Spare a thought for that lioness who doesnt know from whenst the next meal for her cub will come
spare a thought for the lion whos kingdom was stripped away and turned into dust and rubble
Or is that your thoughts are too consumed with yourself that a thought for another would be... dumb?
As you sit there you carry on in that positon as if your isolated from this mess in some perculiar bubble

I dont ask for anything
i dont ask for you to spare a thought
i dont ask for your hand
i dont ask for your wallet
i dont ask for you of anything wonderfull or rotten
i dont ask for your voice
No! this isnt even a reminder because a reminder is for those who have forgotton
but you ignore out of personal choice

Im not asking for your words of affliction
nor actions of philanthropic kindness
This isnt a campaign against or for
The only thing i ask for you is too spare and ear or two

Ya'qub — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 - 16:13

Funzo, when did you grow up? Did meeting me really have such a profound effect on you? Or was it finally seeing Lord's Cricket Ground?

Omrow — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 - 16:17

Salam

That was pretty good Fanz.

I liked it.

Also, your idea for this thread shows you are indeed a poet.

Omrow

Funzo — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 - 19:27

wednesdaydo you want the positive truth or the negative truth? (i don't lie, well i try not to so that option aint available!)

tell it how it is i can only move and be stronger remember im only 16/17

Funzo — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 - 19:27

Ya'qubFunzo, when did you grow up? Did meeting me really have such a profound effect on you? Or was it finally seeing Lord's Cricket Ground?

Lol!(sorry had to lol) a mixture of both!

Funzo — Mon, 13 Oct 2008 - 22:55

wednesday

Funzo
wednesdaydo you want the positive truth or the negative truth? (i don't lie, well i try not to so that option aint available!)

tell it how it is i can only move and be stronger remember im only 16/17

right, in that case... Keep writing... and don't use longish lines (or is dat ur style?)

i don't like to score creative work... it's cruel and biased!

i didnt really comprehend that, did you basically just say it was crap?

B.D.B (not verified) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 - 01:31

and don't use longish lines (or is dat ur style?)

Spare a thought for that lioness who doesnt know from whenst the next meal for her cub will come

reminisce of the lioness for whom a meal is in doubt

Spare a thought for the lion whos kingdom was stripped away and turned into dust and rubble

recollect that lion for whose kingdom hath collapsed

i've altered just a couple of sentences i thought i could improve as long sentences in a poem tend to deter the reader, hopefully they make sense and keep with the essence of the poem (which is excellent and doubt i'd be able to match)

Masha'Allah it's an art form poetry and you have the talent, reading the works of JalalUddin Al Rumi (r.a) will also inspire you.

B.D.B (not verified) — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 - 01:45

or is thy thought too selfish to contemplate another ?

whilst sat secluded from the world
you also use 'there' instead of 'their' 😉

Funzo — Tue, 14 Oct 2008 - 17:29

[quote=B.D.B]

reading the works of JalalUddin Al Rumi (r.a) will also inspire you.

How did you know?