What happens when Muslims and Christians tie the knot?

Hummus —

When Heather Al-Yousuf, first met her husband of 28 years, they both felt a strong connection to their own faiths.

But their love was not straightforward as Heather is Anglican and her husband is Shia Muslim. However, Mrs Al-Yousuf thinks this is why so many inter-faith couples are drawn together.

Inter-faith marriage is on the rise in the UK. But as couples from different faiths fall in love, what are the challenges they face?

"There are quite a lot of Catholic-Muslim couples, and Catholics from quite a strong Catholic background meeting a Muslim from a strong Muslim background.

"It is almost like there is something they recognise about each other, there is an unconscious connection there - same kind of families, same kind of faith informing how they live life," Mrs Al-Yousuf says.

She believes each faith puts family at its core. However, inter-faith relationships also challenge both faiths. Where do they marry? In what faith do they raise their children?

According to figures from the 2001 census, more than 4% of married Muslims are in an inter-faith marriage in England and Wales.

But Mrs Al-Yousuf, who now lives in Oxfordshire, thinks this figure could be higher as there could be many more unmarried couples who choose not to marry due to the complications caused by selecting a ceremony.

Read more on: http://www.bbc.co.uk/religion/0/24338285

Would anyone like to share any experiences they know of?

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You — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 - 10:10

The first tenet of interfaith marriage is compromising your religion.

If you cannot guarantee that your children will be raised on the right path, why bother?

Everything else - emotion, love, warmth, lifestyle, is secondary.

Hummus — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 - 10:20

Excellent point infact.

As Muslims, we wouldn't compromise our own religion because we'd want our children to follow exactly what we do.. but maybe there are adults who'd prefer to raise their children with two religions and then later in life, let them make their own choice.

Do you think that's any better or does it confuse the child and perhaps lead them to believe in neither?

TPOS — Thu, 31 Oct 2013 - 16:15

HummusExcellent point infact.

As Muslims, we wouldn't compromise our own religion because we'd want our children to follow exactly what we do.. but maybe there are adults who'd prefer to raise their children with two religions and then later in life, let them make their own choice.

Do you think that's any better or does it confuse the child and perhaps lead them to believe in neither?

This "let them choose" business is confusing. If you believe the truth is the truth why would you bring up your child without sharing this truth with them? Islam is a priceless gift, and the only key to success. Why any Muslim would be willing to not share this with their child, to help them potentially screw up, is beyond me.

Seraphim — Fri, 1 Nov 2013 - 09:00

Choosing to marry someone of a different faith can be tough. Especially if both people want to continue practing their own faith. But we cant always predict or prevent who we connect with and therefore isnt getting married better than continuing to live in sin?

The children will often have it even tougher. Ofcourse we should always share the truth of Islam with our children in the hopes that they will carry on practing Islam long after we have gone. However this is not something thats always guaranteed. People often go through phases of doubting their own religion and some will convert away from Islam.

Give the children the tools to guide themselves and they will find Mecca.

You — Fri, 1 Nov 2013 - 12:35

Seraphim But we cant always predict or prevent who we connect with and therefore isnt getting married better than continuing to live in sin?

You can only connect with people that you come into some sort of contact with.

Seraphim — Fri, 1 Nov 2013 - 23:14

You

Seraphim But we cant always predict or prevent who we connect with and therefore isnt getting married better than continuing to live in sin?

You can only connect with people that you come into some sort of contact with.

You are absolutely right. I assume too much by saying this but i assume people leave the house. I assume people have to go to school to college to university to get an education. I assume they want to put food on the table and be a respected member of the family and so they have to work outside the house.

I assume in each and every one of these situations they will come into contact with other human beings. Id go on to generalise that these assumptions describe 98% of all people and that be the case then id say contact with other people is unavoidable. 

Hummus — Sat, 2 Nov 2013 - 10:58

SeraphimChoosing to marry someone of a different faith can be tough. Especially if both people want to continue practing their own faith. But we cant always predict or prevent who we connect with and therefore isnt getting married better than continuing to live in sin?

Or you could always dump him or her or tell them why you can't continue with the relationship and start the Muslim hunt for marriage instead.

Seraphim — Mon, 4 Nov 2013 - 13:46

Hummus

SeraphimChoosing to marry someone of a different faith can be tough. Especially if both people want to continue practing their own faith. But we cant always predict or prevent who we connect with and therefore isnt getting married better than continuing to live in sin?

Or you could always dump him or her or tell them why you can't continue with the relationship and start the Muslim hunt for marriage instead.

I thought they were married? (tied the knot?)

So you're saying they should divorce now because its no longer convienant?

Seraphim — Mon, 4 Nov 2013 - 13:49

Titanium

Hummus
SeraphimChoosing to marry someone of a different faith can be tough. Especially if both people want to continue practing their own faith. But we cant always predict or prevent who we connect with and therefore isnt getting married better than continuing to live in sin?

Or you could always dump him or her or tell them why you can't continue with the relationship and start the Muslim hunt for marriage instead.

 

a Muslim partner may not be happy about being second best or the only guilt driven option... Or live a lifetime being compared to the potential non-Muslim partner.

 

IMO, those who are connected to a potential non-Muslim partner will always look for those qualities in a Muslim partner too and they are very rare to find (however they are increasingly becoming more common these days as the generations grow and evolve) So maybe they spend their 20s and 30s being dormant and when they feel ready, they give up on the idea of searching for an ideal Muslim partner and just settle with what they were initially attracted to or or or for the sake of it, marry whoever their friends and family can find. Like the next best thing or the only option available lol

poor sods. 

I have a friend who says he's just waiting for the right girl to come along.

I told him shes not gonna fall outta the sky and into his lap! He needs to go out there and look for her. I think thats the problem with a lot of people, they want the ideal person but not willing to go out there to look for them but by some miracle they want then to land on their doorstep. Reality doesnt work that way.

Hummus — Sun, 10 Nov 2013 - 10:10

Seraphim

Hummus
SeraphimChoosing to marry someone of a different faith can be tough. Especially if both people want to continue practing their own faith. But we cant always predict or prevent who we connect with and therefore isnt getting married better than continuing to live in sin?

Or you could always dump him or her or tell them why you can't continue with the relationship and start the Muslim hunt for marriage instead.

I thought they were married? (tied the knot?)

So you're saying they should divorce now because its no longer convienant?

I'm referring to the "living in sin" part of what you had said.

Maybe if they love you THAT much and aren't connected to their own religion as much, then perhaps they might consider converting to yours, that way, 1) you can marry them now 2) they are now Muslim 3) less confusion for the upcoming kids. JACKPOT.

Seraphim — Wed, 4 Dec 2013 - 13:37

I came across this and it reminded me of this thread. So thought id post it for you to read. Its a really interesting read:

A Muslim Sings Christmas Carols

As a practicing Muslim, I am also an 'adherent' of a Christian church, where I'll be spending Christmas Eve.

BY: Amir Hussain

As a practicing Muslim, I am also an 'adherent' of a Christian church, where I'll be spending Christmas Eve.

BY: Amir Hussain

 Last winter I did what I always try to do when I am home in Toronto at Christmastime--attend the Christmas Eve service at Trinity-St. Paul’s United Church. The Christmas decorations always look beautiful, and it’s a delight to reconnect with other parishioners I haven’t seen in months. I particularly love the music in my church, and since I know most of the carols by heart, I can give my hymnal to someone else.

This is an experience shared by millions of Christians in North America. What makes my story different is that I am not a Christian, but a practicing Muslim.

How did an observant Muslim end up a regular worshipper in a Christian church? Looking back, many factors and people--from childhood friends to my wife--brought me to this place.

I am a Canadian Muslim who teaches theology in a Jesuit university in Los Angeles. While some people may find that unusual, I feel right at home in a Catholic university. I was born in a Catholic missionary hospital in Lahore, Pakistan, my only formal connection to the Catholic Church. I grew up in Toronto, which at the time that I moved there with my family in 1970 was still very Protestant. Many of my friends, however, were Italian, Polish and Portuguese Catholics--working-class kids whose parents worked with mine on assembly lines. From them I learned about Christianity.

In return, they were curious about my own faith. They didn’t know much about Islam, and the only person they could identify as a Muslim was Muhammad Ali, the world-famous boxer. My friends couldn’t distinguish my Islam from the Hinduism and Sikhism of other friends and lumped us all together as “Indian.” However, they knew that I didn’t eat pork, causing some friends to think that I must also be Jewish.

I was observant growing up, though we didn’t eat halal (Muslim kosher) meat because it was difficult for my parents to obtain. Also, there was no mosque close to us, so we often only attended congregational prayers on the two Eids (the Muslims holidays to mark the end of the month of fasting, and the sacrifice of Abraham at the end of the Hajj). While I was content in my faith, I didn’t really get a chance to learn about it until I took courses on Islam at my university.

However, I learned about Christianity in elementary school. I was part of that generation that said the Lord’s Prayer during opening exercises, acted in the Christmas (not “holiday”) pageant, and learned Christmas carols in music class. To this day, I am a source of amusement to Christian friends, since I often know more verses to the usual carols than they do.

At the University of Toronto, I learned more formally about Islam and Christianity, graduating with a Ph.D. from the Centre for the Study of Religion. It was at the university that I fell in love with the woman who would become my wife, Shannon. She was a member of the largest Protestant church in Canada. We were married in 1989 in a service that incorporated Christian and Muslim traditions.

Over the years, my Christian wife helped me become a better Muslim. While she discovered how to make a difference with her life within a Christian framework, she helped me to find my own answers within a Muslim framework. Both of our faiths called us to work for justice and to help end oppression. Shannon was involved in the peace movement and worked with abused women, while I worked on issues of hunger and homelessness. Together, we could tackle some of the serious problems of modern urban life.

When Shannon died suddenly of a pulmonary embolism in 1992, I was devastated. On the fourth anniversary of her death, I had no idea what to do with myself. It happened to be a Sunday, so I ended up going to the church that Shannon sometimes attended in Toronto, Trinity–St. Paul’s United Church.

 

.........

Seraphim — Wed, 4 Dec 2013 - 18:52

TPOSAt first I just skim read that and thought it's great that his Christian wife made him be a better Muslim. But I've read it all now and it doesn't sound as great as I first thought.

...why did you read it again? ¬_¬ silly rabbit

Hummus — Wed, 4 Dec 2013 - 19:47

An interesting read. Thanks for sharing.

From what I understand, he's following two religions, both Islam and Christianity and his actions seem to correlate with that too. However, if he went deep into Islam and its teaching, he may find that even imitating what they do is wrong and that many Christian beliefs about God contradict with Islamic beliefs about God. 

In my opinion, such a lifestyle is confusing.

TPOS — Thu, 5 Dec 2013 - 19:03

Seraphim

TPOSAt first I just skim read that and thought it's great that his Christian wife made him be a better Muslim. But I've read it all now and it doesn't sound as great as I first thought.

...why did you read it again? ¬_¬ silly rabbit

I didn't read it twice. My eyes just happened to fall on that paragraph as I was scrolling down. Then I read it properly.