Answer by Shaykh Salim Ghiza:
In the name of Allah the most Beneficent and Merciful.
Pre-marital relationships (boy/girlfriends) are strictly Haram (forbidden) in Islam. For non permissible males to have a relationship with non permissible females is one of the major sins in today’s era.
Unfortunately we see this western influence spreading like an illness amongst the Muslim youth. As barriers of work and study have been relaxed by parents, as they would like to see their children prosper, it has brought its evils with it.
Whilst working or studying is commended and supported by Islam, the values of guarding one’s modesty and chastity are even more important.
Answer by Shaykh Salim Ghiza:
In the name of Allah the most Beneficent and Merciful.
Pre-marital relationships (boy/girlfriends) are strictly Haram (forbidden) in Islam. For non permissible males to have a relationship with non permissible females is one of the major sins in today’s era.
Unfortunately we see this western influence spreading like an illness amongst the Muslim youth. As barriers of work and study have been relaxed by parents, as they would like to see their children prosper, it has brought its evils with it.
Whilst working or studying is commended and supported by Islam, the values of guarding one’s modesty and chastity are even more important.
All men and women have a responsibility under the Shariah that they do not attract the other sex for whom it is unlawful to do so. The measures taken are clear and that all men and women must wear clothing, which are modest and loose.
It is as much haram for a man to wear tight clothing, which would expose the shape of his bodily contours, which are haram for him to show as it is for a woman.
The hijab is the head covering and the reason why this is emphasised for a woman is because her hair and head are also recognised as Awrah (parts which she must cover). As for the man the best way he can protect his modesty is to lower his gaze (as well as cover his body which would cause a sexual attraction).
Looking at the Opposite Sex
Allah says in the Holy Quran regarding lowering the gaze:
"Tell believers to lower their gaze, and tell the believing women to lower their gaze." (24:30,31)
Imam Al Quduri the great Hanafi Jurist states "It is not permissible for a man to look at a woman who is not his wife or un-marriageable relative except for her face and hands (because of the necessity of her need to deal with men in taking and giving and the like). If a man is not safe from lust, he may not look at her face except for when it is demanded by necessity. (Quduri)
The above tells us the strict ruling of looking at a woman never mind having a relationship with her.
The Prophet (May Allah bless him and grant him peace) has said that the eye that looks at a woman (non Mahram) or vice versa with intent of lust or a relationship is the eye that commits fornication (zina). In a lengthy Hadith he says
"The fornication of the two eyes is an evil glance. The fornication of the two ears is the obscene talk. The fornication of the tongue and hand is the touch and grasp. And the fornication of the two feet is the steps taken towards evil. The heart desires and longs and the private parts abide with or does contrary to it". (Mishkat ul Masabih, Abu Dawood)
Teenage Pregnancies
Teenage relationships start off as friendship and eventually can lead to fornication. This is why the Prophet of Allah said "When two people (illegally) are together alone then the third is shaitaan" (Bukhari).
We see in today’s day and age the consequences of such actions. Great Britain has the highest amount of teenage pregnancies in the whole of Europe. In 2002, 37,232 girls under the age of 16 became pregnant, this figure has risen every year since.
In 2003 the figure was 40828 and in 2004 the figure has reached a record level of 42400. Allah wants to protect the young male and female from such actions.
In fact the Prophet of Allah has said
"one of the seven people who will be under the protection of the shade of the throne of Allah on the day of judgment when there will be no shade will be the young man (or woman) who was approached by a respectable beautiful woman but he replied `I fear Allah`." (Bukhari)
What's So Bad About It?
Young Girls and boys must realise that fornication (sex outside marriage) is one of the worst sins for a Muslim. The Prophet of Allah has said "The greatest sin after polytheism (shirk) is the man who commits fornication with a woman who is not his legal wife" (Ibn Kathir, Mishkat).
In fact it is so serious that the greatest of gifts, which is Imaan (faith), is removed from the fornicator until the evil act is finished. The Prophet of Allah said "Faith comes out of a person whilst he commits fornication" (Mishkat).
It has also been stated in another hadith related by Imam Tirmidhi, Abu Dawood and Baihaqi that the Messenger of Allah (may Allah bless him and grant him peace) said “When a servant in Allah engages in fornication, his faith leaves him, for it is like a piece of cloth covering his head (and is removed), and when he finishes his sin, his faith returns”.
Another point to take in to account is when young men and women look for a suitable partner, even if they were themselves involved in such acts, they will want a partner who was pious and had protected their chastity, hence, modesty and Haya (Shamefulness) is a part of Imaan as advised to us by our beloved Prophet. (Bukhari)
Mahram or non-Mahram?
Islam categorises and defines the relations from the opposite sex who are not allowed to be a marital partner and therefore are known as Mahram. All other types of relations or people are regarded as non Mahram hence marriage is allowable with them and therefore individual contact is not permissible unless it is open and necessary or the person is beyond marriageable age.
Mahram - people who you are not allowed to marry
(Extracted from Reliance of the Traveler) It is unlawful for one to marry one’s ancestors, descendents, parent’s descendents, or the first generation of one’s grandparent’s offspring, meaning one’s paternal or maternal aunts or uncles. One’s un-marriageable kin (mahram) are those one is forbidden to marry forever.
For a man:
- Mother
- Grandmothers (paternal or maternal) and on up
- Daughters
- Daughters of his children, children’s children and on down.
- Sisters
- Daughters of brothers or sisters, their children’s daughters, and on down
- Mother’s sisters, grandmothers sisters and on up
- Father’s sisters and father’s fathers sisters and on up
- Wife’s mother, Wife’s grandmother
- The wives of his father, father’s father and on up
- The wives of his children, children’s children and on down.
All the mentioned relatives are unlawful to be married. However, the first lot are due to blood relationships and hence it would be incest.
The last four are unlawful due to the fact of his marriage, i.e., wife’s mother (she was lawful but became unlawful when he married his wife) and this is what this means and will now remain unlawful for him even if he was to divorce his wife. The same applies with the other three.
Also, all of his wet nurse mother’s kin made un-marriageable to him due to being breast fed by his milk mother.
It is also unlawful for a man to marry both of these together (whilst being married to the other):
- A woman and her sister
- A woman and her father’s sister
- A woman and her mother’s sister
- He may marry the other if he was to divorce (or by death) the first partner.
For a woman:
- Father, grandfather and on up
- Son, son’s son, daughter’s son and on down
- Brother
- Father’s brother, meaning the brother of any male ancestor
- Mother’s brother, meaning the brother of any female ancestor
- Brother’s son, sister’s son, or any other descendant of brothers or sisters
- The husband of her mother, grandmother and on up
- The husband of her daughter or other female descendant
- Her husband’s father, grandfather and on up, and the husband’s son and descendant’s
Also, all of her wet nurse mother’s kin made un-marriageable to him her to being breast fed by her milk mother.
To conclude: Mixing freely with the opposite sex (non-mahram) without necessity is not allowed in Islam. Having a boy/girlfriend is totally haram. We need to understand what relationships are allowed and what are not.
We ask Allah to protect us and help us guard our Chastity.
Have any questions? Send them into editor@therevival.co.uk
Comments
So, to resume this: you have to have a boring life?
DONT SAY NO, yes it is, i want to be in a band but I cant because I have to pray.
you cant go have fun, you cant choose your dream job, you can't do what you want.
... well, what can I say more...
thanks...
You only hear what you want to hear.
Tell me, will in gigs you be playing constantly over say 6 hours? or can you take 2 minutes off in the middle?
If you say that you cant and that people play constantly, I will not think you are telling the truth.
If you dont want to accept the rules of Islam, you dont have to.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
You don't have to do anything its up to you knowone can force you
My English is not very good
Please read and absorb before replying, because we never said that. And it is not true.
Now, if you can do the above then check these out
http://www.therevival.co.uk/blogs/dawud/why-does-it-feel-like-im-not-all...
http://www.therevival.co.uk/blogs/dawud/purpose-our-lives
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
God is so great for giving us freedom of choice, aaahhh
If only we were intelligent enough to still do the right thing.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
oh is that so???
why did you tell me pray for the last 72 hours!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
so ALL you are telling me you dont HAVE to pray??????????
okay okay, now im lost.
I am a muslim, a pure muslim, I want good for me and everybody, I worship God, if he tells me to pray I will, but I need to ahve some fun.
so , one moment your telling me its a hudge sin the other you tell me its okay????????????????????????????
whats wrong with you peaple???!!!!
Rlly? Your resenting prayer? :/
and I AM gonna say NO! You have limited your 'fun' to thinking its all about playing in a band, going to the beach etc and not praying. Life is TEMPORARY! Fun? How much fun do u need?!
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
you dont have to pray if you dont want to. but you will be sinful for not praying and it will decrease your chances of securing heaven in the afterlife.
What is so hard to comprehend about that?
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Allah Hu Akbar to that
[/quote]
No it has nothing to do with intelligence Allah is the one who choices the person for doing good deeds
My English is not very good
She was being sarcastic! Yh, no-ones gonna physically force you to pray, the choice is yours. but know that ,that choice will give u a one way ticket to hell, no return!
only muslims go to heaven, if you dont pray, your not a muslim, so u dont qualify for heaven!. Stick around dude, you cant get your answered by single posts! There is much work to be done here. *rolls up sleeves*
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
O.O do you want me to strangle you???
WHATS WRONG WITH YOU oh my God, YOU TOLD ME THAT I MUST PRAY AND THEN YOU TELL ME YOU DONT HAVE TO PRAY IF YOU DONT WANT TO AND NOW YOUR TELLING ME THAT IT WONT LET YOU IN HEAVEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DUDE!!!!!!! focus
listen, praying= heaven right?
not praying= hell right?
why are you telling me you dont have to and continuing the awesner in other commeents??? just exaplain it once!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OM SO ANGRY RIGHT NOW
YOU KNOW WHAT EVERY BODY?????????
tell me just what to do
PRAY OR NO??? simply yes or no?
How long is a piece of string?
My English is not very good
it depends
PRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY!
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
I really hope you're not a troll, that I'm wasting time on.
Now listen carefully.
On the day of judgement the first thing that you will be asked about is
SALAH - Your 5 daily Prayers
If you haven't got your salah, you're screwed. You will go to hell unless Allah swt decides to forgive you.
Some people say a person who does not read the salah is a non-believer until he reads the next one.
Making up for a salah does NOT mean you have not missed it. It's called MAKING UP, for a reason.
You must read it on time.
The time for each salah is an hour minimum - you have plenty of time to do other things, around each one
Salah is important because Allah swt told us it is. It is something little that Allah swt wants after giving us EVERYTHING. EVERYTHING that we have. EVERYTHING.
Although we MUST do this, Allah swt has given us freedom of choice.
This means we can CHOOSE what we do. This is why there is fun and entertainment - Allah swt wants to see if you will do what He has asked you to do and not be fooled by the 'good stuff' in this world.
However not all entertainment is not haram and you can do it AS LONG AS it does not stop you from praying.
THEREFORE if you are going to spend the whole day at a theme park and do not intend to find a place to pray in and don't pray then you will get a sin for it.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
OKAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY thank you, I want to ask you something but forget it
you know when you were a kid, you were HAPPY and had FUN by playing with toy cars and stuff right? and now what makes you happy changed right? so humans change. so just like you're telling me now music is your life and it makes you happy etc.. in a few years time you could have totally changed right?
SO, how to know what brings happiness that will last forever, ask the one who created us, God. and He tells us that music isnt going to make you happy forever, it might give you a feeling of happiness but that wont last forever. true happiness can only be achieved through pleasing God.
@SI: indeed, i wuold feel angry too, but thats coz we're humans right, Allah is above all those feelings stuff. So He gives us chances, He somtimes forgive us if we ask, or He sends a punishment, even THAT is good,because you get punished here and it doesnt hurt (too much) rather then be punished in hell (forever or so)
@Metallica: there are some set punishments for some set sins. But Allah decides ultimately whether you'll be punished or not. BUT back in the Prophet (pbuh) time, when the prophet told them to do/not do something they wouldnt question "is this obligatory or recommended?" "is this forbidden or dislike" they'll say "we hear and we obey". True we cant be like them, but we should strive to, because they were the most perfect muslims ever after the prophet (pbuh)
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
You have the knowledge. Not all of it, but enough to tell you whats right and whats wrong. You should know better! How can you choose eternal damnation when you can have salvation? Your just making a mockery of the situation and you should be ashamed!
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
Ask! come on, were all best buddies here
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
okay Ill ask but I already know the awesner... its uselless
once again :
can you delay a prayer: NO
and why? because its a sin.
but I want to accomplish something in life wich is be in a band.
well, it dosent last forever, heaven does
but why did Allah create desires SO MUCH STRONG
to use them NOT during prayer times
yes but its hard to forget that fun
AND NOW THE FINAL QUESTION
WHY DOES IT HAAAAAAAAAVE TO BE SOOOOOO HARD??? hwy cant we not get emotions that would be perfect, just pray pray and then go to heaven??? WHY DID GOD GIVE US A CHALLENGE THAT HARD??
we're telling you
prayer is for your own good
but you still have freedom to not pray
but prayer is for your own good
so now you DECIDE whether you want to pray
knowing that being a muslim and not praying leads to big trouble.
even if you know it, you can still chose not to pray.
thats a pretty twisted thing to do though.. why would you not do somethings thats good for you, its like, eg: its snowing outside but you have a cold, instead of staying AWAY from teh snow and in bed drinking your meds, you get OUT THERE IN THE SNOW and have your fun, whats going to happen AFTER the fun, you tell me...
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
right right okay, BUT why does it have to be haaaaaaaaarddddd
that I have so much attraction for music!!??
you know what, i really feel your pain, i feel that way too. but i remember. ETERNAL and NEVER ENDING happiness come at a price. common, normal happiness in THIS world is at a high price, imagine the perfect promise of being happy FOREVER and never being sad, never thinking.. "you know what, something really bad could happen in five mins and i'll sink in depression and it'll be all over" nope, none of that, just HAPPINESS
also, in heaven, you get to see Allah. the one you worship even though you never saw Him, you get to see Him in Heaven. amazing.
are my long posts putting you off reading them? i apologize..i just start writing and when i press save its comes up as SO much...
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
no no, I do read them its okay
but... you didnt awnser my question...
WHY IS IT HARD? point, end of the line. why?
Did you not read my post?! Alright, i forgive
the prophetPeace and Blessings of Allah be upon him did say "The Fire is surrounded by shahawaat (desires), and paradise is surrounded by hardship." (Al-Bukhaari and Muslim)
It WILL be hard! This attraction is your nafs/soul tryna get the better over you. Ya gotta fight back and tame it! tame it!
You have to really look at the relationship you have with Allah and the one you want to have. This should put things into perspective inshaaAllah. and knowing that death is rlly around the corner cos ya never know when thats gonna happen do ya? Can you imagine dying/being dead?! :shock: Thats some scary shizzle right there!
"Verily, in the remembrance of Allah, do hearts find rest"
when you manage to fight it, you will feel this AMAZING UNDESCRIPTIBLE feeling! ITS AMAZING! i guess thats what "doing the right thing" feels like. you'll also be a lot happier because you're doing for the sake of your Lord, remember he's the one who created you and who runs yourr life basically, if He's happy and pleased with you, He's going to reward you for your effort in this life a lil bit and in the hereafter for ever!! in this life you'll be happier and things will inshaaAllah be easier and stuff.
but its all worth it. we're not saints, all of us here feel the same way about something. dude.. i use to listen to music too.. and guitar makes me dreamy..but...for the sake of Allah, im staying away. and i hope you'll have the willforce to do it too! when you take a lil step towards Allah, Allah takes a bigger step/runs towards you. when you try a lil bit for Allah, Allah sees and gives you something better to compensate, something that will truly make you happy and give you satisfaction. its a win win. always and forever.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
If it was that easy, it wouldn't be a very good test would it?
In psychology terms, the results would have something known as a "type 1 error" - this means that too many people would pass the test because the grade boundaries were too low, it was too easy and if they were at the right grade boundary they wouldn't have passed therefore it is basically cheating and wrong.
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
in case you think i havent answered your Q:
why is it so hard: because the reward is so great, the challenge should match. thats basically it.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
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