Funzo's abyss

Published by Funzo on 12 October, 2008 - 01:51

Comments

Submitted by Ya'qub on 12 October, 2008 - 14:10

LOL when I saw the title of this thread I thought it would be about you spiralling into insanity!

—

Don't just do something! Stand there.

Submitted by Funzo on 12 October, 2008 - 17:53

maybe i am and maybe it is.

—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by xSmurfy786x on 12 October, 2008 - 23:51

Lol, cant wait to hear it.. or lets say,, read it hehe

—

If you desire Allah to be persistent in granting you the things you love,, be persistent in doing the things that he loves - (Imaam Ahmad Ibn Hanbal)

Submitted by Funzo on 13 October, 2008 - 00:04

neither can i....

—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by Funzo on 13 October, 2008 - 00:27

The suffering
Im not asking for your words of affliction
nor actions of philanthropic kindness
This isnt a campaign against or for
The only thing i ask for you is too spare and ear or two

Is that there tears have stopped trickling down there eyes
or is it that you have stopped fixating?
Is that there screams have faded into mere whispers and cries
or is it that you have stopped listening?

Has there pain gone away
is there no more struggle
has the war of justice been won today?
or is it that your empathy has been morphed into boredom?

Spare a thought for that lioness who doesnt know from whenst the next meal for her cub will come
spare a thought for the lion whos kingdom was stripped away and turned into dust and rubble
Or is that your thoughts are too consumed with yourself that a thought for another would be... dumb?
As you sit there you carry on in that positon as if your isolated from this mess in some perculiar bubble

I dont ask for anything
i dont ask for you to spare a thought
i dont ask for your hand
i dont ask for your wallet
i dont ask for you of anything wonderfull or rotten
i dont ask for your voice
No! this isnt even a reminder because a reminder is for those who have forgotton
but you ignore out of personal choice

Im not asking for your words of affliction
nor actions of philanthropic kindness
This isnt a campaign against or for
The only thing i ask for you is too spare and ear or two

—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by Funzo on 13 October, 2008 - 00:33

take it easy im a young.

—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by Funzo on 13 October, 2008 - 16:04

that bad?

—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by Ya'qub on 13 October, 2008 - 16:13

Funzo, when did you grow up? Did meeting me really have such a profound effect on you? Or was it finally seeing Lord's Cricket Ground?

—

Don't just do something! Stand there.

Submitted by Omrow on 13 October, 2008 - 16:17

Salam

That was pretty good Fanz.

I liked it.

Also, your idea for this thread shows you are indeed a poet.

Omrow

Submitted by Funzo on 13 October, 2008 - 19:27

wednesday wrote:
do you want the positive truth or the negative truth? (i don't lie, well i try not to so that option aint available!)

tell it how it is i can only move and be stronger remember im only 16/17
—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by Funzo on 13 October, 2008 - 19:27

Ya'qub wrote:
Funzo, when did you grow up? Did meeting me really have such a profound effect on you? Or was it finally seeing Lord's Cricket Ground?

Lol!(sorry had to lol) a mixture of both!
—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by Funzo on 13 October, 2008 - 22:55

wednesday wrote:
Funzo wrote:
wednesday wrote:
do you want the positive truth or the negative truth? (i don't lie, well i try not to so that option aint available!)

tell it how it is i can only move and be stronger remember im only 16/17

right, in that case... Keep writing... and don't use longish lines (or is dat ur style?)

i don't like to score creative work... it's cruel and biased!


i didnt really comprehend that, did you basically just say it was crap?
—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by B.D.B (not verified) on 14 October, 2008 - 01:31

Quote:
and don't use longish lines (or is dat ur style?)

Spare a thought for that lioness who doesnt know from whenst the next meal for her cub will come

reminisce of the lioness for whom a meal is in doubt

Spare a thought for the lion whos kingdom was stripped away and turned into dust and rubble

recollect that lion for whose kingdom hath collapsed

i've altered just a couple of sentences i thought i could improve as long sentences in a poem tend to deter the reader, hopefully they make sense and keep with the essence of the poem (which is excellent and doubt i'd be able to match)

Masha'Allah it's an art form poetry and you have the talent, reading the works of JalalUddin Al Rumi (r.a) will also inspire you.

Submitted by B.D.B (not verified) on 14 October, 2008 - 01:45

or is thy thought too selfish to contemplate another ?

whilst sat secluded from the world
you also use 'there' instead of 'their' Wink

Submitted by Funzo on 14 October, 2008 - 17:29

B.D.B][quote wrote:

reading the works of JalalUddin Al Rumi (r.a) will also inspire you.


How did you know?
—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by Funzo on 14 October, 2008 - 17:29

im going to go over that first one and re-do it.

—

Those who danced were thought to be quite insane, by those who couldn't hear the music...

Submitted by Omrow on 15 October, 2008 - 13:20

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO !!!!!!!!!