From experiences in my life, i was thinking is beauty a blessing or a curse???
I mean,I've known girls who pretty much dip their face into make-up, and try to attract guys and get attention.
It's like they WANT the guy to notice them?
Why do they do that?
They try to make themselves feel and look beautiful.
But, do they actually know what a natural beauty has to suffer>?
I guess not.
...
Don't people understand that sure someone might be 'beautiful' from the outside, but what is in on the inside?
...
This kind of thing suffocates me. How people judge each other on their physical beauty'.
I wish i could see it,but I can't. Til date, I haven't come across anyone who is 'ugly'.
When my friends and I are talking, they may address someone as 'ugly'. But, i just don't see the 'ugliness...'
My older sister got married to this guy some years back, in Sweden.
The first time he saw her was, he decided that he'd get to know her. After merely 2 hours getting to know her.
He came knocking on our door, to ask for her hand in marriage...his bride who'd he known for 2 hours.
This made me laugh, until i cried. Honestly!
...
She's 22 now. It's been 6 years since their wedding. She's married to a man, who is arrogant, egotistical and vain and knows absolutely nothing about his wife. And, he's married to a hot-tempered angry woman who loathes him.
We went to their house, last December. All the 4 walls of the house are plastered with her photgraphs. Everywhere you look, there is his' and hers' faces.
...
I used to laugh at them before. Laugh until I cried. I laughed at his and his stupidity. I laughed at how she married such a fool; who cared for nothing, but his image. He didn't see the real beauty inside. I laughed at the fact that he didn't know her age. I laughed at the fact that he didnt know her origin. I laughed at the fact that he was in love with her beauty and not her.
I laughed and laughed and laughed......just at the whole situation I guess. I never laughed at her,because i Knew Allah was on her side, and he had done this for a reason.
....
But, I can't laugh anymore, because I've turned into that woman.
The woman who's married to a arrogant, egotistical and vain man who wants to control every move his wife makes. A man who respects his wife's beauty , but not the wife herself.
...
So, if you're like me, never EVER laugh at other people's state, because it'll hit you back!
...
And, don't ever tie the knot to someone just because they're 'attractive' or 'look good.'
Would you rather be the beauty or the beast?
I would suggest that being the beast (no offence if you're reading this, Beast) would be the greater curse.
Besides, if the beauty has the right and ability to say "no", it is not a concern other than having to say it more often than would be liked.
To me this seems like a problem similar to "I have too much money, what am I going to do with it all?!?"
Not exactly a curse.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Wow. That's really powerful.
I think finding someone attractive is important as it gives the couple an opening (to decide ok let me get to know so and so) but it has to work alongside the personality. I don't think anyone in this entire world can have both, an amazing personality and an amazing appearance and so (like i told my cousin) sometimes you have to settle. For me i would be less about the looks (after i have found some sort of attraction to them).
Again, wow that was really powerful.
Jihad of the Nafs (The Struggle of the Soul)
I dont see the point of this
this is the way of the world
men want a beautiful wife
FACT
if ur not beautiful, u hav less marriage offers
unless u meet someone urself who finds u beautiful on the inside too
she might have become like this AFTER the wedding turned sour.
know someone who divorced. married because she thought he would change...he's too into his look...
looks give me headache, hence why i dont take care of mine (THERE YOU GO FEEF I AINT A DIRTY GIRL! I just do NOT believe in appearance as something to be used to change a person! :P)
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
just messing Ocean...
when mum says "GO TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU KILL US" i do it! no argument. (Well a teeny bit of grumbling)
showers are just SO long and waste of time and annoying...
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
25mins on average. and that guetting dressed included.
ive once taken a 10min shower. that was awesome.
i never take bath. havent since i was about 7 years old.
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Everyone percieves beauty differently though
"Love your haterz
Took the stairs, no escalators :)"
LOL
and my "normal" showers are 1 hour. the quickest shower i've had at home was 15mins ish. But i realised that i can do this absurd thing, called a 5-min-shower, when i went to wales.
At Isha i'm sure u said he liked u for ur looks and because ur smart and religious...
:S
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Very interesting topic.
Over the years I have also noticed the emphasis that this society places on beauty - skin colour, dress size, weight for girls matters a LOT.
And whilst this shouldnt matter, in our society it does. So should we conform or should we fight people's narrow minded behaviour?
I know a few girls who have been rejected from other guys marriage proposals because they are overweight. It sad and depressing - but should these girls wait for Mr Right or make an effort to improve their looks?
I've become looks obsessed over the year - keep on top of most fashions and beauty care etc. As a wife/daughter in law etc I've quickly noticed that having someone that is presentable looking is a source of pride for many asians. Whilst I don't agree with it - I don't try to fight it either.
If I didnt look a certain way, would my now husband still want to marry me? If I was overweight or had bad skin? Prob not. But that doesnt change the fact that we have a very happy marriage.
My sister in law has openly said that she was only chosen cos of her looks (she is very attractive) - however, that still doesnt change the fact that she is very happy with her husband.
This is something that I often ponder over - I just find it easier to conform rather then fight it.
i would personally not do anything for look only or for someone else.
like i would exercise because i enjoy it and i enjoy not being overweight and being "healthy" hence, im not overweight. Same for skin, I, me, myself, dont like having bad/dry skin so i try to look after it.
and i look after my body like the prophet (pbuh) said to. The things he (pbuh) recommanded and told us to do. And i've been quite fine so far
i dont get fashion and it cost money, money that i could spend on sweets and food.
i also dont get makeup, but i think im going to have to learn at least the basics...
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
In a semi segregated society, it probably takes on extra importance too as it is one of the few things that can be judged from afar.
Well, so can wealth and family, but personality or faith are not something that can always be realised without further contact.
(just saying that i don't agree that it shouldn't matter.)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
It takes time and effort to get to know someone personality or faith - most people don't bother or make time for that.
It often just a snapshot that people need - they see someone and make a judgement superficially. Wrong - but it does happen.
I suppose living amongst the superficial upper class in Egypt and relocating to the glitzy and glamorous Dubai - where even getting a pint of milk is an opportunity to put on your glad rags has influenced me a lot.
(in Egypt and Dubai there are as many nail salons as there are food stores - and in Dubai Male spa's are SO popular)
I would assume that people would also like to at some point figure them out too?
The Arab world I assume is way more segregated too and i have no idea if they would allow people to get to know such stuff before marriage etc.
Here, people may be able to figure them out after someone has caught their eye, but would it be the same over there, or would such contact be considered illicit in their communities?
(disclaimer - I have NO idea how the arab world works or what their cultural norms are apart from the occasional headline that comes my way.)
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
The upper class/wealthy Arab is usually very, very westernised. They get to know each other very, very well. Everything goes.
I suppose with the conservative lot - it will all boil down to a superficial and constrained meeting where its all about the looks.
Why marry someone who is overweight when there are other girls who are slim.
Its also a culture thing. In some parts of the world, men prefer women who are, erm...healthy.
Obviously people should look after themselves and stay healthy but some girls are too looks obsessed, they need to look at a mirror every 10mins.
What does it mean to be looks obsessed? An Arab woman might consider the average British woman to be far too lazy about her looks.
I agree that it isnt healthy to look in the mirror every 20min - but does that also mean that the woman who doesnt get monthly manicures, pedicures, facials, hair cut etc every month is far too lazy about her looks?
If I measure myself against the average British woman - I'm obsessive. If I compare myself to the average Arab woman I'm way too lazy.
this thing about arab women being on top of their looks. Surely that has a lot to do with wealth and time. If you mean they have the full works. Always in full make up, the best clothing, latest handbag and shoes, immaculate nails. That is all about wealth. I have never ever had a manicure or pedicure done in my life. My idea of a manicure is cutting my nails as short as possible, because i associate them with dirt.
Also no one seems to have mentioned the unpractical element of this high maintenance beauty, as far as religious practices are concerned. I mean make up vs wudu?, manicures vs wudu? How many times will you slap it on, and scrub it off??
As far as the first post goes. Beauty is not a curse, but a flaw in the personality. i mean the poster said her sister was chosen for her beauty and she knew it,this marriage now has little fuel to go forward on. What do you expect if you merely look at the physical and not character traits. Both need to be assessed in balance.
It's wrong to say beauty is a curse, who gives beauty Allah does. Aren't we then blaming Allah by saying it is a curse which is ruining a marriage? The truth is the individuals concerned did not use their pretty little brains when choosing their marriage partner. They went in with an unbalanced approach. Beauty alone will never keep a marriage going, just as personality alone won't. Each person needs to be attracted to both the physical and inner traits of the potential partner.
“O my people! Truly, this life of the world is nothing but a (quick passing) enjoyment, and verily, the hereafter that is the home that will remain forever.” [Ghafir : 39]
I once worked with a girl who used to get a small mirror out of her handbag every few mins to check her face.
No way - She was my team leader. I would only say that to someone if I knew them properly.
In that case can I have a mirror and a man-bag please.
Why would it bother you (the proverbial you and not to the post(s) above) if someone used their mirror "too much"?
As long as its on their time, its their thing.
IMO.
Going back to the topic of beauty and taking care of "yourself", anyone else notice how some people really into "looking after themselves" will eventually morph their features into something quite hideously unnatural?
I think its a case of people slowly losing perspective.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
If its temporarily you're talking about then yes. I watched a programme called marry snog avoid out of curiosity. The people on there were using waay too much make-up. They actually look really nice naturally, when using very little if any make-up at all.
I've also seen a few people who had done surgery. Their faces looked artificial and like dolls. But they're convinced that they look beautiful.
:oops:
urgh...just the title sounds wrong.
Its annoying when you're talking to someone and WHILE you're talking, are guetting their mirror our, worse when they cut you off and ASK you if their scarf is fine.. (okay, if there was something wrong, but every 10 mins?)
WOOT WOOT HAJJAR-SAN!! You've said it all, so truly. Wise words wise words mashallah! thanks for the contribution!!!!
I hate is when my scarf goes funny but because im with family and they dont mind they dont tell me. then i catch myself in the mirror...
>.> Sometimes i forget to look at myself in the mirror before going out..and the mirror is NEXT to the front door and then i have to use my phone screen to make sure my scarf is fine to go to school... =/
Is it true? Is it kind? Is it necessary?
Turning this on its head... what about the beard? Some people wear a half an inch wide line beard that is like grade one.
Even though my beard is small too, I always found that odd.
"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.
Fair point. Most of the glamorous Arabs I associated with didnt work and were very wealthy - hence the supermodel looks.
However, culture and society does play a role too. I've never got a manicure/pedicure done in my life. I also wasnt used to getting my hair styled in the hairdressers on a weekly basis. However, during the year I spent in Egypt, cos there were so many beauty salons available. I started doing treatments on a weekly/monthly basis just cos thats what women around me would do...(btw I was also in a stressful full time employment and managing a house too).
Me and my mum go to visit and old, ill lady.
So we're sitting there and the lady asks my mum
"Who's she [talking about me], is she your neighbour?"
mum: no it's my daugher
her: No it isn't, I don't believe you your daughter was pretty and skinny.
LOL
"How many people find fault in what they're reading and the fault is in their own understanding" Al Mutanabbi
Well, all over the world despite culture, women (and men) are pressured to look beautiful and thin and glamorous. Well perhaps not thin—but that was the most popular trend. I personally have nothing wrong with wanting to look as good as possible. As the khaira ummah (3:111), we have a duty to look well-groomed and approachable. I think that now, there’s more of an emphasis on a healthy body, which leads to a healthy mind and state of well being. Everything is interconnected. That’s Islamic and not at all wrong.
The final messenger of God, Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) mounted the pulpit, then wept and said, "Ask Allah (swt) for forgiveness and health, for after being granted certainty, one is given nothing better than health."
Related in Tirmidhi
Health is a blessing from Allah swt and we should maintain it and preserve it according to the Prophet’s lifestyle. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but as muslims all over the world—we will always find our Prophet (peace be upon him) the most beautiful and following him and his ways will surely ensure that. After all, you see everywhere that a smile enhances your appearance ten times, yet it is considered as important as charity in our religion.
“And He enforced the balance. That you exceed not the bounds; but observe the balance strictly; and fall not short thereof.” (55:7–9) And “Eat and drink, but avoid excess.” (20:81)
Eating wholesomely is encouraged in Islam. What Allah (swt) has given you, be thankful for it.
I know I’ve touched on health in my reply and not necessarily the beauty you’re talking about, the physical attractiveness of a person, regardless of health such as how fair/flawless their skin is, how long their lashes are e.t.c. But we have to remember that this life is a test and everyone has flaws as well as virtues. Allah (swt) is the one who fashions us and we should thank Allah (swt) for making us as we are and try and improve ourselves. Not obsessively, because the most important thing to Allah (Swt) is a person’s piety, not their looks or anything.
"A man marries a woman for four reasons: for her property, for her rank, for her beauty, and for her religion (and character). So marry the one who is best in the religion and character and prosper".
( Marriage quotation from Bukhari and Muslim)
So marrying for beauty shouldn’t be our top priority, however it doesn’t mean we should be dishevelled and not look after ourselves. I wouldn’t want to marry a slob, so if I don’t look after myself then how can I expect another to want to marry me?? After all, we are all made with beautiful external features and have to be thankful and recite this dua when looking into the mirror.
اللَّهُمَّ أَنْتَ حَسَّنْتَ خَلْقِي فَحَسِّنْ خُلُقِي
"O Allah, just as You have made my external features beautiful, make my character beautiful as well".
"A truth that is told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent."
-William Blake
Sorry, If i'm quite slow, but what do you mean by that...?
Oh, i get you now....
Love is a serious mental disease.
How exactly???
I'm not sure I agree. The 'beauty is a curse' is a total different scenario to this!
I kind of understand your perspective, but when i asked this question, its not really 'I ahve too much money, wqhat am i going to do with it all?'
It's more like "People only want to be with me because I have money. And they want to be with me- the wealthy person, not me-the actual person inside"
Love is a serious mental disease.
Totally agree.
But, I wonder why it's always about looks?!
That's the thing thats killing me inside. "Appearance!" For goodness's sake!
Yes, i get it, it's how the world works!
Weird world. Also, gives a lot of value to a piece of paper with a figure's portrait on!
Love is a serious mental disease.
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