Omrow wrote:

Marriage is one the most important decision men make in their life.

Who to marry, a rich chick, a pretty babe or a pious lady.

So many things to consider.

Today men are in turmoil as to who would best be their life partner.

Soul mates are not an easy catch.

What do you guys think about all this.

Does a woman who follows a career make good wife?

Do girls who climb higher and higher on
the steps of ladder are good mothers and good wives?

Give your views.

Article in the Forbes Magazine:

By Michael Noer, the Managing Editor of Forbes.com

"Don't Marry Career Women"

Guys, a word of advice. Marry pretty women or ugly ones. Short ones or tall ones. Blondes or brunettes. Just, whatever you do, don't marry a woman with a career.

Why? Because if many social scientists are to be believed, you run a higher risk of having a rocky marriage. While everyone knows that marriage can be stressful, recent studies have found professional women are more likely to get divorced, more likely to cheat, less likely to have children, and, if they do have kids, they are more likely to be unhappy about it. A recent study in Social Forces, a research journal, found that women, even those with a "feminist" outlook, are happier when their husband is the primary breadwinner.

Micheal Noer is very rich businessman.

He also wrote the devestating article:

"The Economics Of Prostitution"

Wife or whore?

The choice is that simple. At least according to economists Lena Edlund and Evelyn Korn, it is.

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/comment/columnists/india_knight/article...

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/news/world/article620896.ece

You can read the full text of both controversial articles here: http://sissymen.blogspot.com/2009/02/blog-post_6800.html

Hahahahahahahaha!! (Btw I'm a girl answering this...although it seems to be aimed at 'strictly men only').

Hmm...why have you put up only a limited amount of choices in the poll?I think there could have been more options added, such as 'working women/career women can make good wifes'.

Firstly,Islamically, Prophet Muhammed pbuh has said chose a woman who is with her religion.SubhanAllah, that woman will encourage you also in religion.

Ok erm...now practical stuff...Looks fade, she may be hot when you marry her with all that makeup covering her actual face (I'm not saying she might not be beautiful without makeup), trying to make the point:LOOKS FADE.

a rich woman...(wait let me laugh a lil) *LOOOOOOL*...Wealth only comes from Allah swt, noone else. A guy marrying a woman for money is not a Muslim and is definatly got some problems!

Ok ...now from a girls point of view, a woman has to work nowadays to earn a living, in this world everything evolves around money...kind of sad, but its the truth. If a girl doesnt work she finds it difficult to provide herself and if she has family to provide for also, it becomes difficult.
Secondly, a woman is allowed is work is Islam, she has that right, however her working shouldnt distrupt the family (i.e. because of her work the woman doesnt look after her children).

I havent checked out the links you put up, but if it explains anything what I'm saying then I apologise.
Who claims a woman who has a career cannot be a good wife?

Why is it that women are in question consistantly, from men in Islam and from non Muslims also?

A man who is career minded, can he be a good husband? Or will be only be focussed on his work? He might even end up meeting a hot chick from work who he is able to relate to on a different level than his wife whose at home?!...

My point is, whether a woman has a career or not that shouldnt question whether she will be a good wife...
Being a good wife depends on the girls thinking!

Its not to do with someone having a career (would a career MAN be a bad father?), but about outlook, aspirations and goals.

If the person has a need to prove others wrong through a successful career, other aspects of life may suffer to fulfil that need.

It all depends on what you want out of it and what the both people think and their separate and collected aspirations in life.

You wrote:

Its not to do with someone having a career (would a career MAN be a bad father?), but about outlook, aspirations and goals.

If the person has a need to prove others wrong through a successful career, other aspects of life may suffer to fulfil that need.

It all depends on what you want out of it and what the both people think and their separate and collected aspirations in life.

Yup,totally agree

I clicked on 'I don't know'

Completely depends. What kind of career?

I think it's great for women to have a good career. I can't see how it would ruin a marriage...is it because she might not have enough time for family life?

Man's career ruin marriage?

Im sorry Omrow, but i have to disagree.

Both my parents work.
My moms is a career woman. And i still think shes awesome.

But to be fair, she only started working after all us kids had grown up and were at uni so.

I dont think it ruins a marriage. If anything it helps strengthen it. As mom also contributes to the upkeep of the house now and its not all on Dad. Which also means, that we've got a little extra to put away.

Downside, she still does the majority of the housework.

I think its more about the girls thought process. The way she thinks. Looks and wealth are only pleasing in the short term but dont mean jack in the long run. Looks fade, money comes and goes. But the personality captures the heart.

lol
this is absolutely ridiculous
the majority of women work nowadays
the economy depends on it
so basically
any woman that work is a shite mother n wife???

what about men that work for ridiculously long hours??
oh but THATS ok I guess
because theyre men
n a child ONLY suffers if his mother is working??
seriously
ppl need to stop being so chauvinistic

its such a desi mentality as well
some guys dont want an educated/working woman because these women think for themselves
n arent dominated by their men
simple as

theres nothing prohibiting a woman working, in Islam
the prophet's first wife, pbuh. had her own business
did that stop her from being a good wife?

my mum brought me up single handedly AND she worked
I didnt suffer
if she hadnt worked, we'd probably be living on the streets
n dont think im exaggerating

life is all about balance
true
a woman's goal wen shes married is to look after her children, but her children wont suffer if shes working, so long as shes not working long hours
eg if she works during their school hours
plus
women are better at multi tasking- we can go out to work AND come home n do the housework

1R4M wrote:

theres nothing prohibiting a woman working, in Islam
the prophet's first wife, pbuh. had her own business
did that stop her from being a good wife?

khadijah (ra) worked from home.

1R4M wrote:

what about men that work for ridiculously long hours??
oh but THATS ok I guess
because theyre men
n a child ONLY suffers if his mother is working??
seriously
ppl need to stop being so chauvinistic

I guess we know who to blame then if the kid turns out to be gay.

Father turns around to mother: This is YOUR fault...

i should be a asleep, got in late then i came online bad bad bad. Anyway i think there is a difference between work or just a job to get in the wages and a career. A career as in scaling the ladder, always wanting a more challenging job, demanding, powerful, and lucrative. This sort of thing is definately damaging. These sort of ppl will not have time for family and if they have any children they will rarely see them. They'll have all the material wealth they could desire but real wealth, happiness, contentment they'll never achive that.

As for a job to bring in the money well if the mother needs to work because the father can't make ends meet, then she should. But otherwise i think children suffer. My sister works. She never needed to work she chose to, but now because of various events in their life she has no way out. Her husband has to get a better paid job or she has to stay in work, or she could go on benefits struggle but ultimately have happy kids. Big decision to make huh? Her children not happy. Things are so bad they even tell outsiders about it. Personally i think she should pack in the job, kids are more important than bringing in the money. In islam this is the ultimate job of the husband. He is meant to be the primary bread winner. The mother should be raising the kids, and when a mother leaves the family unit without a very good reason she is jeopardising that family unit. This is not my own opinion, but Islam. I believe the same because just look around you so many women at work kids in creche, care, mother gets home when it's the kids bedtime. The kids spend more time with teachers than they do own mother. So who is the primary teacher? I think its not the ideal situation.

If a mother must work out of need, or she has no children great. But if she has tiny children and there is no need she should definately put her heart and soul into bringing those kids up. Wait til they reach school age before you go to work at the very least. Mothers who don't wait regret it in later yrs, coz those precious few yrs, and experiences with a young child can never be relived.

That said i may not last the day if i don't get some kip, kids have me up at 5am, lucky
me!

p.s if a woman is married and has no children, i don't see how it would ruin the marriage. It is a good way of combatting idleness, and that is far more dangerous than working.

Hajjar wrote:

The mother should be raising the kids, and when a mother leaves the family unit without a very good reason she is jeopardising that family unit. This is not my own opinion, but Islam. I believe the same because just look around you so many women at work kids in creche, care, mother gets home when it's the kids bedtime. The kids spend more time with teachers than they do own mother. So who is the primary teacher? I think its not the ideal situation.

If a mother must work out of need, or she has no children great. But if she has tiny children and there is no need she should definately put her heart and soul into bringing those kids up. Wait til they reach school age before you go to work at the very least.

I kind of disagree with the strength of the statements here.

Even the Prophet was brought up by a foster mother in the early days. I have no idea how that really worked, and how much contact he had with his real mother, but I would assume it was less then the few hours a baby these days may spend with its mother even if it ss in a crèche facility during the day.

On the money argument, I am not sure, but I think the government money for kids is generally enough to cover a living - even if it might not be to a high standard that a parent may want to provide.

Have you ever lived off benefits, i have on two occasions, and it's a hard life.

when me and husband moved to scotland, even though husband was working we were struggling. Why because we are saving the kids child tax credits/child benefit. We want a saving for them. So we do not get any extras cannot afford it. If we want anything we have to save for a few weeks then get it. Now there have been times when my husband has been out of work.Even with government funding there is literally nothing left over. You can survive but life is not enjoyable, there are no extras. it is literally everything you need, nothing you want. Want some fresh cakes, frozen pizzas for later too bad you can't have it. It is hard living like this. We have done it and can survive, but i don't think many ppl last like this, it's really testing.

If however we used the kids money we wouldn't be struggling, we would get by quite happily. Most ppl do use the kids money, down side you will never have any savings for yourself or your kids, not unless husband has enough income to put some aside every month.

I think a foster mother is very different to a teacher, creche worker, or child minder. Anyway this was the Arab custom, and i'm sure indopak muslims have strange customs when kids are born. I know gujeratis go to their mothers home, and the mother waits on them sees to their needs for a few weeks, it's a cultural thing. Too bad i ain't gujerati i wouldn't mind some of that treatment. He was breastfed for a few days by his own mother, then foster mother was chosen, somewhere remote, Halimah. This was a way of teaching the son to be brave independent. The arabs of desert were known for their great Arabic, Archery skills etc. So this is why he went there it was an education, it wasn't because his mother Amina wanted to go out to work, she sent her son there with a good purpose in mind. Forging a career to me is not a good purpose,especially if children are babies, toddlers. I think its very selfish, don't have kids if you're gonna have them and 2 weeks later be back at work. I have seen career mums trying to fit their babies into their schedules, hello something is inherently wrong in your head your life should revolve round that baby, not the other way round. I feel really strongly about this issue, to me it's a form of neglect.

But it is different today in the 21st century.

[/quote]

Exactly! It is different today, arabs frowned at those men or something you were saying ??That was the culture! Not the religion.

If Khaidja ra gave her business to The Prophet Rasool pbuh , was it out of religion or choice?

If your claiming it was out of religion, give us the proof. You cant make 'claims' and say its religion without authentic Hadith proof and Quranic proof.

Please provide the proof (Islamic proof....Im not talking about your so called statistics) that career/ working women are bad wifes...If you havent got the proof I suggest you put a full stop to this particular Forum.

Give ...Islamic proof that working women are bad wifes
Give...Islamic proof that Khadija ra gave up working because it was what Islam said to do?

PROOF PROOF PROOFFFF!!!!

Islamically a woman's wealth always remains her own, so it would not be a religious edict to give the business to her husband.

I have not really read the history so I have no idea what the case there was or was not.

It is actually the old British way that when a woman married all her wealth/possessions were automatically transferred to her husband. That is not the Islamic way.

You wrote:

Islamically a woman's wealth always remains her own, so it would not be a religious edict to give the business to her husband.

I have not really read the history so I have no idea what the case there was or was not.

It is actually the old British way that when a woman married all her wealth/possessions were automatically transferred to her husband. That is not the Islamic way.

Thanks You! My point proven. This Omrow guy has it all twisted! Poor guy is picking on Muslim women.... shameful!

What's wrong with picking on "Muslim women"?

Actually mean what's worse about it than picking on "others"?

Not singling you out, but its something I notice everywhere. the concept of "think of the women and the children!", which seems wrong. Not only does it alienate the men, it also helps make them info bogeymen - things to frighten others with.

You wrote:

What's wrong with picking on "Muslim women"?

Well firstly my point was picking on women in a negative form, e.g A brilliant example this stupid poll. Then there's the situation of the hijab/veil which non Muslims (and also MANY Muslims) don't get ( I wont get into at this minute).

From my point of view, everyone seems to be 'attacking' women. Whether its 'career woman' or 'at home' woman or anything, women who wear the hijab, women who dont wear the hijab, they all get attacked. Everyone is ready to speak out about them in a mostly negative form. Its really frustrating...I'll leave it at that.

Good answer. Makes sense too.

Two words: 'triple shift'. Does this mean anything to anyone?

We read about the work of al-Badawi when we were studying Sociology - her point on this was that religion itself (she was discussing Islam but I think applies to most religions) aren't, in themselves, sexist. There isn't anything in the original scriptures which discriminate etc...

but the 'ownership' of religions - i.e. scholars and religious leaders - are predominantly men; old men at that. She said that they have 'hijacked' religions to suit their desires. It's a view that resonates with me more and more as time goes on.

zINC wrote:

But it is different today in the 21st century.

Exactly! It is different today, arabs frowned at those men or something you were saying ??That was the culture! Not the religion.

If Khaidja ra gave her business to The Prophet Rasool pbuh , was it out of religion or choice?

If your claiming it was out of religion, give us the proof. You cant make 'claims' and say its religion without authentic Hadith proof and Quranic proof.

Please provide the proof (Islamic proof....Im not talking about your so called statistics) that career/ working women are bad wifes...If you havent got the proof I suggest you put a full stop to this particular Forum.

Give ...Islamic proof that working women are bad wifes
Give...Islamic proof that Khadija ra gave up working because it was what Islam said to do?

PROOF PROOF PROOFFFF!!!!

THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!

Omrow wrote:

Noor wrote:

1R4M wrote:

theres nothing prohibiting a woman working, in Islam
the prophet's first wife, pbuh. had her own business
did that stop her from being a good wife?

khadijah (ra) worked from home.

Thats right. Poor Iram does not know her history.

Khadija gave it all up working when she got married.

While she was a widow, she was indeed self-employed.

But even then she did not leave her home and go out to earn money.

When Prophet married her in 595 A.D. she put all of her business in his hands.

As a wife she gave up her employment and devoted her self to her husband and bringing up children.

Prophet would never allow any of his wives to work and earn money. It was considered dishonourable in those days for a man to let his wife go out and make money. Arabs frowned on such men.

But it is different today in the 21st century.

I DO know my history
being a history student

n also
khadijah trusted prophet muhammad pbuh
thats prob why she let him run the business
also why she married him
because he was a decent man who was trustworthy

PLUS a woman in islam keeps her property and money
so it was NOT a religious requirement

in those days
it wasnt as necesary for women to work

culture is the reason why those men frowned upon it
NOT necessarily religion

as for "poor Iram"

dont patronise me

Glad you heard my voice loud and clearr

I'm not being all feminist or anything, but it is something which is very noticeable. And yeah as Yaqub said it is people , scholars who 'hijack' religion that makes stupid claims such as this one.

Just a lesson to be careful what kind of poll you bring up haha

I think I know what my first 'Baba Ali' project will be Muhahahaha

Hahaha

I Love your controversial extremely interesting polls and the replies they get.

But have no opinion on the subject.... Just offering a little ego booster to you all

MakeMeRawr_6TeenF wrote:

Hahaha

I Love your controversial extremely interesting polls and the replies they get.

But have no opinion on the subject.... Just offering a little ego booster to you all

Lol just stand back and enjoy the view haha

I personally think, the men that dont like career women are those who feel intimidated by them, they dont like women reachig a higher position than them (in terms of job/career)because it threathen thier ego

Another thing, If some men did their job properly, provided for their familys and BEHAVED in the way islam asks them too then maybe these women wouldn't have to work so hard to provide for themselves and their families.

It is a man's duty to provide for the woman but these days so many men make it out as if they are doing the wife a favour. It is a right of a wife!

Some of these hard working women would love to stay at home to look after their families, but they have no choice.

Another point, so many of us expect female-only services for the female population of the muslim community such a female Dr's, nurses, solicitors, social workers etc, if these CAREER women didn't exist then unfortunately these privileges would not exist.

Before you ask, I am a career woman and do work really hard in life at the same time fulfilling all my duties that islam requires me to fulfill. Its hard but it is possible. We are not here to enjoy and relax, we have a duty.

The role of a man from an Islamic point of view is to provide for the family by working.

What is the role of a woman from an Islamic point of view?