Salaam
Yep, no one likes a grass. This is something that I learnt at a very young age.
In high school there was always one guy who’d let of a stink bomb, the teachers always wanted to know “who dunnit” and everyone would always keep their mouth shut….even if it meant that the whole class would be punished as a result.
And if a guy/girl grassed that person up, he/she would later be beaten up.
There used to be a girl that I used to knock for every morning and we’d walk to school together. I also used to sit with her in Mosque after school. I wasn’t tight with her, but I did know that she had a man undercover….
Unfortunately for her, some one grassed her up to her parents….I knocked for her after this incident happened and received a massive lecture from her mum…
She claimed that I was in the wrong for not telling her what her daughter was getting up to behind her back, she made me feel so guilty…..I didn’t feel that I was in the wrong at all. I never, ever encouraged her daughter to do anything wrong…nor did I ever agree to be her cover…..even now when I think back to that incident I feel that the only thing that I did wrong was the fact that I never openly voiced my disapproval over her actions to her…
Yet, at the same time I expect people to be a “grass” at times….if my brother/sisters/cousins are doing something that they shouldn’t be, I feel that it’s my right to know.
Also because I’m extremely tight with my younger sister and always have been since a young age if anyone ever says anything to her in my absence regarding me and adds “don’t tell you’re sister” I feel that she has a right to tell me…..and she always has done, it’s a “loyalty thing”.
I have a cousin who gets up to extremely dodgy stuff…he’s into everything. Whenever I meet up with him he tells me everything….he does this cos he’s proud of what he gets up to and loves to “big himself up”… …I always tell him that he’s messing his life up….and no, with him I do not use the “lovely jubbly” approach.
But what do I do with the information that he has told me in confidence? Do his parents have a right to know? If they ever find out the house would be turned upside down and I’d be responsible for it….
This is something that I often get confused over…..does Islam preach that one should keep other people secrets or that one must grass?
I know intentions play a huge part in this issue as well…is it wrong to be an informer or is it even more wrong to withhold information?
I'm sure we all must be this position sometimes....
Share your thoughts…
Wasalaam
complicated, you dont wanna lose someones trust but niether do you want to let the bad prevail.
not simple, but do what you think is best, and more often than not...thats telling the parents/siblings/guardians what needs to be told.
in the long run, it'll be for the better of the person your 'grassing up' and you can put your mind at rest knowing full well that you did what was right.
or if the parents are likely to let loose and go sick on their kids.....help the person rather than snicth on em, but if that fails to bear fruit.....do what has to be done
i tell my mum what all my cousins get upto, doesnt bother me 1 bit.....dont care if my cousins dont talk to me, im only saying what needs to be said and i wouldnt dare hide something from my mum..shes got big sized slippers you knw
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
NO ONE likes a grass
its WRONG to be a grass
if someone tells u sumin in secret u should keep their secret
I'm sure its a sin to be a grass
but then again-I'm my sisters "informer" people are stupid enough to tell me stuff at times and tell me "not to tell my sister"
how stupid is that? :roll:
I always tell her everything and even add that the person told me "not to tell you"
thats loyalty
i suppose its OK to grass on family members for their own good but wrong to grass up other people-non family members
i agree, if its of no concern to you then you shouldnt get involved. you cant single handedly make the world a better place. focus on the problems around you. but you gotta grass ur cuzns up, its fun!
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
nah he'll go sick on me :roll:
last night he was pestering my sister on her mobile and she switched it off in the end
he thought she grassed him up to his mum-she would never,ever do that
some other cousin of ours did
I called him up and said "you deserved to get grassed up-ur into too much crap-ur deserve beats from ur mum"
and the boy started swearing at me-he's such a rude boy
he has no right to swear at me I'm older then him-he's only 15
but grassing up leads to, too many probs
it aint worth it in the end
I wouldnt grass some1 up no matter wot. If they tell u their business in confindence knowing that you'll listen then y shud you go tel it 2 their parents. Ok so if that person is doing wrong then you tell them its wrong...blah blah blah n then its up2 them 2 do the right thing. Parents wil only force them 2 do the right thing so its better they change because THEY think its wrong.
normally i dont grass on my bros and sis so they wont grass on me..but unfortunatly its not working like dat anymore...the other day i went got my hair cut behind my mums back and my sis squealed to my mum.
got an hour lecture. but i still thought it was right 4 me 2 do that coz if mums not gonna let me cut my hair its gonna end up getting damaged so i had to do it.
I think if a person tells you something in confidence and they are asking your for hlep and advice then grassing them up should be the last option becuase if they are asking for your help/advice in some rong things that they are upto then you are in a strong position to help them and stpo them from the bad thing. Grassing should in my opinion only come as the last option and even then you should tell the person before that look you asked for my advice/help, i gave u what i had to offer, but i dont see any change so i'm gonna tell your parents/guardians etc. This isnt grassing or is it cos you tell them that look im telling your problem to some1 higher in authority with the hope that they will be able to help better than i could.
If on the other hand, som1 is bragging about their actions and they either hope to impress you or annoy you and something similar then two things should be done. Tell him in no uncertain terms that you are NOT impressed, rather you think such actions are pathetic. Then that will probably get the persons back up cos they wanted to impress you with their deeds; then say if i hear abt u still doing this stuff - from you or from a second source - im going straight to your parents and telling them what you are upto.
Advantage of this approach is that with the first the person is receptive to your explanation so you dont grass up as that is not gonna be productive. Second approach you giving a warning might not stop the person doing his stuff but it will do two other things: 1. Stop getting you involved in his bad actions and 2. make the person more wary and worried so he will try to keep the thing concealed as much as possible cos he wont want u finding out.
Personally thats my approach infact I use it regularly. Sometimes when I go to a mates house and they joke around abt rong things i sit unimpressed and they do it to wind me up, so what i do is wait for their dad to come in and then i speak generally abt eg alcohol, drugs, fornication - and then ask him if he wud expect me to grass his son up if i found out he was doing these things. Subhanallah this puts my mates in order; cos then they dont talk about those things with me and secondly it makes their parents a bit clued up that hafizjee is giving them some advice on whats going on.
I think a subtle approach works most often .
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
I used to be a massive grass
once my sister cut her hair-she was about 11 behind dads back
I grassed her u and she got told off-she was very upset
then when I grew up I learned what loyalty is all about
part of the reason why my brother is my enemy is cos he grasses me up all the time
whenever sumin is lost/broken and my parents want to know who dunnit we always keep our Gob shut....or blame it on baby sis-cos no one can say jack to a baby :twisted:
I find the position people take on this matter stupid. Fair enough when we in school it different, but many of us are grown up now and need to understand the reality around us. Now if someone is doing wrong, I wouldn't think twice about grassing them up, if I knew it would help them, which is the case in most matters. The problem is that it may seem a little problem at the time and nothing too worry about, but having that attitude can result in serious problems in the long run.
There is a timescale when people are doing wrong and if you don't break the habit early on, it may haunt them for the rest of their life. It doesn't mean grassing them up too the parent, or on every little matter. But it important to inform someone who may be able to change the person viewpoint, it maybe a role model or someone who has real influence. When you start thinking in maybe, maybe he get better on his own or he learn from his mistakes, it become dangerous.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
Salaam
My cousin's parents know what their son is on….they don’t need me to state/re-confirm the obvious.
Personal experience has led me to believe that “grassing up” always leads to more problems in the long run.
People always question your intentions and turn on the defensive.
Wasalaam
I don't see how. Also the parent don't alway need to know. Telling a big brother or cousin or someone the person looks up too is normally better in the situation. Someone who can normally take that person under his wings, rather then just having a go at them. It is definitely the much safer option in the long run as what seem a small problem can escalate to something which is much more dangerous. None of us are from a Mafia and are following a code so the term grassing up shouldn't be used.
"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."
[url=http//www.guidancemedia.com/videostream.php?id=Burda.mov]Quran[/url]
I think grassing sum1 up is silly, if sum1 told you somethin in confidence then they obviously dont want anyone to know. If sum1 is doin somethin wrong by all means tell them its wrong but grassin them up has no point. i just think if the parents find out they will end up beatin their child up and for most kids a beatin isnt enough to keep them from rebelling against their parents...i supose if the parents knew then they can have a certain control over their child i.e. chekin up on them, where they got etc but then again that should be done by the parents neway, its not nosy its a right of a parent.
remain objective, never let your emotions get the better of you.
always do what is right
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
Grassing-up should only be considered if somebody's actions directly effect you.
Otherwise it's not your business. S*** happens.
Here I would have to agree with medievalist, his post is very good advice in my opinion.
But Also do what seems right, when things get anoying for me I make Du'a and have a nice creamy glass of milk...mmm milk.
Gentleness and kindness were never a part of anything except that it made it beautiful, and harshness was never a part of anything except that it made it ugly.
Through cheating, stealing, and lying, one may get required results but finally one becomes
and buscuits
The Lover is ever drunk with love;
He is free, he is mad,
He dances with ecstasy and delight.
Caught by our own thoughts,
We worry about every little thing,
But once we get drunk on that love,
Whatever will be, will be.
ɐɥɐɥ
I agree
once in my town a lady got clocked having an affair
when she got beaten up by the woman whose husband she was messing up with
her MATE also got beaten up by her
cos people thought that her mate was in the wrong for keeping it quiet
IMO that was wrong
Lol!
I like that town
Ya ALLAH Madad.
Haq Chaar Yaar
Sometimes in this “grassing up” business it seems as if your damned if you do and damned if you don’t.
It’s always safer and less stressful if you don’t know anything about anyone in the first place.