Superwomen-Necessity or Choice?

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I agree university prepares you into a certain mindset, work work work, money money money. But it's all about striking a balance, if that's maintained then there is no problem.

I also feel the same about University, as you do. If I had my time over I'd have done A-Levels, but then gone onto an apprenticeship. Get paid on training, for learning a skill, then have a guaranteed job with the company. I'd be earning 3-4 years before my mates who'd come out of uni some years later to find no work is available for them coz they lack experience.

In some jobs however you do need degrees like you said medicine, law, teaching etc.

I still have my heart set on having my own business with my husband. Strictly female customers permitted through my doors. keep my babies with me near the counter lol. Close up for salat when i want to. Be my own boss. Grinding away for others to get little in return is no longer satisfying for me or my husband. We're struggling too. Insha'Allah he'll get a better job soon.

I could get into teaching with some training but right now I have other commitments, so I can't help my husband financially. In a year I hope to change that, for the sake of any kids I have. I want the best for my kids, and although you can get free secular education, Islamic education costs money. Plus if you want extra tuition for secular subjects that costs too.

About housing, brother that subject makes my blood boil. Sure we would all like to have some stability in our lives have a house that we own. But we can live without owning one. It's insane that we have to pay the same amount monthly for rent as we would for a mortage, but one is halal, and in most cases the other is not. Ever considered going with a housing association? There are some out there that you can rent to buy from, no interest system. Also coz you're with them any repairs on the house, they will carry out free of charge. It might not be your dreamhome, but if it will be cosy, clean, and you can move in right away with wife and kids.

Me and my husband have decided we will only buy a house if we can afford to pay one lump sum, otherwise we'll never own one. Besides we are planning to move shortly. After a year in the next house we'll be moving out again insha'Allah. hectic life

"yashmaki" wrote:

I still have my heart set on having my own business with my husband. Strictly female customers permitted through my doors. keep my babies with me near the counter lol. Close up for salat when i want to. Be my own boss. Grinding away for others to get little in return is no longer satisfying for me or my husband. We're struggling too. Insha'Allah he'll get a better job soon.

LOL, sis that seem like everyone dream, ever thought of starting a internet business, u don't need much capital, probably could start it for as little as £100, it easy to set up. Sell islamic goods, manitain pardah and never worry about salah. U find enough people willing to help.

House prices are a headache, 6 years ago it would have taken 3 years to cash out the house now you looking at 15-20 years. I personally waiting for the islamic mortages to become more islamic. No need for a house at the mo, so i can wait.

"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."

[url=http//

I agree with Yash's points. I also would have loved if my parents could have helped me with my homework as mum/dad didnt know much. If i needed help i used to ask my older sis. I think its vital to at least know the basics in which u can build a bond with your child.

I think secular education is great, any educations is, obviously the primary emphasis should focus on Islamic as that is what the child needs for his/her upbringing. However a woman should be independent esp. when she needs be, i dont think there is anythin wrong with a woman leaning for support on her husband but there can be unforseen circumstances wich means a woman can be left on her own.

In this day and age, you gota have qualifications to get a good job and for a single mother it can be hard as it means looking after her children and if she is to put them in care then there is a worry of trust as to who she is leaving them with etc.

yeah I have Yuit but i don't know how to start up. Also not sure what to sell online. There are too many Islamic outlets already. I want to make a profit not lose out.

If i want to sell the same I need to offer excellent goods at low low prices. I think a lot of stuff from morocco, egypt, jordan, syria is beautiful, and not much of that can be bought in uk unless you order from online shops abroad. So how do i go about getting contacts abroad.

I don't want it to be a flop. Need to know what I should specialise in, rather than trying to sell anything and everything much like the indian corner shops, next to the bread you find perfume, mop heads you name it lol.

That's why i think an offline shop is less hassle, i duno u have any ideas. There is no islamic store in my town. Well a makeshift one, but usually full of men. Just that would cost a lot more to set up, so i put my dreams on hold.

"yashmaki" wrote:
yeah I have Yuit but i don't know how to start up. Also not sure what to sell online. There are too many Islamic outlets already. I want to make a profit not lose out.

If i want to sell the same I need to offer excellent goods at low low prices. I think a lot of stuff from morocco, egypt, jordan, syria is beautiful, and not much of that can be bought in uk unless you order from online shops abroad. So how do i go about getting contacts abroad.

I don't want it to be a flop. Need to know what I should specialise in, rather than trying to sell anything and everything much like the indian corner shops, next to the bread you find perfume, mop heads you name it lol.

That's why i think an offline shop is less hassle, i duno u have any ideas. There is no islamic store in my town. Well a makeshift one, but usually full of men. Just that would cost a lot more to set up, so i put my dreams on hold.

Nah, if there no real one in ur town, start one up, it won't cost as much as u think, it not like u have to buy a property, but you have to have enough income to sustain lost for the first year, that a must. Making contact is as easy as sending a email or a phone call, in time more avenues and contacts will open. Plus most islamic shop are more then happy to help and will set u up with contacts.

But also use the internet as well, sell on Ebay as well advertise the online and offline store, Revival mag a perfect opportunity, it cheap to advertise on it and get to 15,000 people, who are ur target audience as well. Offer Classes as well, the opportunity is endless. Try to cater for as much things as possible and sell as much goods as well.

The islamic shop that open in our area, has become like the figure head for non muslims to learn about islam, due to how inactive the mosque are. There a interest in Islam at the moment, so it be a good way of bring your income with doing something for islam. The best thing about owning a shop like this is that you never will make enough to be millionaires, but u able to sustain a healthy income for yourslef

"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."

[url=http//

yeah i know but renting is still gona cost, then doing the place up, getting stock, we're looking at a few grand, haven't got that kind of cash right now. Insha'allah soon.

Yeah just hope someone doesn't come along and do it first, in my area, I knew of at least 5-6 brothers who were planning a islamic store, till someone beat them to it. Love the idea of a book store, seating all day reading some books while earning ur living, but i guess it would get boring after a while.

"A true Muslim is thankful to Allah in prosperity, and resigned to His will in adversity."

[url=http//

"yashmaki" wrote:
If you brothers are suggesting that sisters should just concentrate on Islamic knowledge coz it's the best form of knowledge, which no one will argue with. I ask you why don't you act on your own words? Why is it perfectly ok for men to study to high levels at university but frowned upon for women. If the deen is as important to you as you make out why are you "wasting" your time with so called lowly secular study, you should be studying your deen full time, not part time.
yash, brothers would have a fairly easy answer for that - they HAVE to have a secular education because they HAVE to go out into the working world and support their family...

i remember asking Med the exact same question once and he said he was only doing dentistry coz his parents wanted him to, he'd be perfectly happy studying deen full time and teaching kids in a madrasah...

[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=, X-Men[/url]

my parents would have loved for me to do law or medicine. But i wouldn't do it just to please them. That's such a cop out from brothers.

Do you want your women to suffer, God forbid, if something happens to you? Wouldn't you rather she doesn't go around begging cousins? Retain some self dignity at least, and provide for herself and kids, i don't understand these sort of men :roll:

"yashmaki" wrote:
my parents would have loved for me to do law or medicine. But i wouldn't do it just to please them. That's such a cop out from brothers.

Do you want your women to suffer, God forbid, if something happens to you? Wouldn't you rather she doesn't go around begging cousins? Retain some self dignity at least, and provide for herself and kids, i don't understand these sort of men :roll:

my parents wanted to me go down that path too-never did it though

and i TOTALLY agree with u

i know a lady who's reduced to begging neigbours cos she dont work and her husband is a scrooge

maybe if she was educated she could work Cray 2

its true that islamically men HAVE to work-but women shudnt be 101% dependent on them

u know what makes me mad? sugar daddy mentality :evil:

i'm looking for a job atm-i've never workd in my life-

a freind of mine had the NERVE to say to me "why look for a job and instead focus all ur energy on finding a rich hubby"

the shallow girl made me mad :evil:

this is the REAL world-in the REAL world even daddy's lil princess go to work and break a nail :roll:

if god forbid sumin happened 2moro-wud I be able to charm my way out of not paying the morgage? :roll:

and it makes me MAD when mother just focus all their attention on making their daughters desirable bimbo's-and only focus on their looks, charm and culinary skills so that maybe some rich man in the future will agree to look after them for the rest of their life :roll:

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:
u know what makes me mad? sugar daddy mentality :evil:

i'm looking for a job atm-i've never workd in my life-

a freind of mine had the NERVE to say to me "why look for a job and instead focus all ur energy on finding a rich hubby"

the shallow girl made me mad :evil:

this is the REAL world-in the REAL world even daddy's lil princess go to work and break a nail :roll:

if god forbid sumin happened 2moro-wud I be able to charm my way out of not paying the morgage? :roll:


lol, it was rather shallow of the girl to say that, and it is very important for girls to be well equipped if God-forbid they were left without a breadwinner in the family.
but arent these skills acquired in the form of university education? say for example, once ur sis has done her PGCE course and induction year, she can go into teaching any time, no one can take those skills and her degree away from her.
i guess what i'm trying to say is, its not rocket science to work as a cashier behind a till, there are some jobs that u can do without the least experience. a good education equips one with the skills for a job which can provide a good enuf pay to potentially support one's family.

[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=, X-Men[/url]

i agree

i don't like the idea of relying on men-my daddy's in his late 40's

I cant expect to have him look after us FOREVER Cray 2

everyone needs skills, education and experince in order to help themselves in the future

the reason why I'm looking to work-is cos I've lived SUCH a sheltered life

I dont know how to behave in the working world

education AND exp is important

but try telling that to the backwards, cultural, ignorant people out there :roll:

Working makes you independent, it also gives you a an idea of responsibilty and hard-work. Responsibility in the sense you earn for yourself, you dont ask anyone money (when i worked I never once asked dad money cuz I was workin had my own money) - I paid for practically everythin (have been doing so for the past 5 years).

Now that I have left work I cant ask dad money i feel really bad, just the other day he gave me "pocket money" :oops: cuz i dont work anymore but I was like dad I have money left over but he wouldnt hear of it.

Being able to stand on your two feet is a very important as you cant depend on one person for the rest of your life.

I feel the same way as you angel and I’ve never worked up until only 5 months ago.

Even though dad prides himself in financially taking care of all of us…one can’t help but feel bad for putting so much pressure on the sole breadwinner in the family.

Last year, dad was paying mine and my sisters Uni fee’s and driving lesson/test’s fee…this year he brought me a car and is still paying for my sisters lessons and soon my brothers lessons as well…I’ve just finished Uni but next year my brother will start and the fee’s have gone up as well. :?

I’m working at the moment so I can look after myself but like you said, dads love to give money…Last night dad taught me how to put petrol in my car, he filled my tank up but even though I had money on me, he wouldn’t take it and paid for the petrol himself.

It's not so much indendence that I'm big on...is the thought of putting pressure on others even if dad doesnt mind. There's always something to get...I dislike the thought of asking it makes me feel so bad.

i'd like to help my husband with the bills coz we are really struggling, and things are gona get worse in a few months time. I don't ask him for money coz i know he has none left over. But if i need something badly he'll take me out to get it.

I wouldn't feel bad asking my husband for money, it's my right as his wife. Most of the times it's for groceries not anything personal. Besides since i'm the home maker, i cook, clean, take care of his mother, organise the house i am working, that's my job. May be monotonous and dismal sometimes but it's still a job. If i was working outside full time he'd have to hire someone to cook and clean for him now that wouldn't be cheap would it.

I am still thinking of working somehow, but i don't want him to know, maybe a few hours in the morning. He wouldn't forbid me, just i'd like to contribute without him knowing Wink

i dnt see anything wrong muslim women working, as lng as it doesnt affect ur duties as a wife, daughter, mother etc...

smile and be happy!!!

but it will effect family inevitably. If you have a baby for instance who are you gona leave the baby with while you go to work? Say the child is under 1 years old a wee baby would you leave the baby with your parents and go work? i couldn't do that. If i was a single mother then i'd have no choice, but since i'm married i have a choice. That's how i see it.

When children are of school age it's easier to go work for a few hours. But trust me it can be very stressful. Coz for all the talk of gender equality women still do the majority of the housework, even if they have saints for husbands. So a woman could work outside, pick up her kid and come home to do nothing but more domestic work. It's very stressful and does effect relationships between husband and wife, and parents and children. But for some couples they have no choice but to work, i completely understand that. Ones i can't understand are those who have a choice yet abandon their kids coz they can't be bothered.

My parents are the only ones i'd trust for childcare but my parents are already taking care of a nephew of mine. My parents are old, health isn't great. It wouldn't be fair to dump my child on them aswell.

"yashmaki" wrote:
i'd like to help my husband with the bills coz we are really struggling, and things are gona get worse in a few months time. I don't ask him for money coz i know he has none left over. But if i need something badly he'll take me out to get it.

I wouldn't feel bad asking my husband for money, it's my right as his wife. Most of the times it's for groceries not anything personal. Besides since i'm the home maker, i cook, clean, take care of his mother, organise the house i am working, that's my job. May be monotonous and dismal sometimes but it's still a job. If i was working outside full time he'd have to hire someone to cook and clean for him now that wouldn't be cheap would it.

I am still thinking of working somehow, but i don't want him to know, maybe a few hours in the morning. He wouldn't forbid me, just i'd like to contribute without him knowing Wink

I know it’s the duty of the husband to provide for his wife and it’s also the duty of the father to provide for his children…but if ones husband/father isn’t exactly loaded and has loads of people to look after then it can’t be easy to ask…

None of us pester dad for needless things…but even necessities cost so much. And University education/driving expenditures/food/travel expenditure/NHS bills/school trips or text books etc are all necessities.

The first few years of marriage are usually a financial struggle, inshallah things will get easier for you.

"yashmaki" wrote:
"madiha" wrote:
i dnt see anything wrong muslim women working, as lng as it doesnt affect ur duties as a wife, daughter, mother etc...

but it will effect family inevitably. If you have a baby for instance who are you gona leave the baby with while you go to work? Say the child is under 1 years old a wee baby would you leave the baby with your parents and go work? i couldn't do that. If i was a single mother then i'd have no choice, but since i'm married i have a choice. That's how i see it.

When children are of school age it's easier to go work for a few hours. But trust me it can be very stressful. Coz for all the talk of gender equality women still do the majority of the housework, even if they have saints for husbands. So a woman could work outside, pick up her kid and come home to do nothing but more domestic work. It's very stressful and does effect relationships between husband and wife, and parents and children. But for some couples they have no choice but to work, i completely understand that. Ones i can't understand are those who have a choice yet abandon their kids coz they can't be bothered.


very well put yash, i agree.

[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=, X-Men[/url]

Most mothers totally dedicate their lives to their children. They seem to spend their entire life chasing after their ungrateful kids with milk and fruit…even when their kids are well into their 30/40’s. :?

As a result some mothers suffer a lot when their tie with their children is so extreme...

My mother is not like that; when we were very young she worked as a nurse…when we became older she dedicated her life to working for Islam.

The house is always clean, food is always on the table and she’s always been there for all of us in every way possible. Everything she does is around her husbands and her children’s commitments....

I love the fact that she keeps herself busy outside the home. Her activities have psychologically kept herself and her family very healthy…

My best mate (who’s also a mother) also lives a similar full on life.

I’m a firm supporter of women who wish to pursue interests/activities other than the housework as long as her role of a mother/wife is not placed in jeopardy...

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:
u know what makes me mad? sugar daddy mentality :evil:

and it makes me MAD when mother just focus all their attention on making their daughters desirable bimbo's-and only focus on their looks, charm and culinary skills so that maybe some rich man in the future will agree to look after them for the rest of their life :roll:

Nowt wrong with the sugar daddy mentality. It's the job of men to provide for his family whilst women should bring up children. What's wrong with seeking a husband who you know can financially look after you for the rest of your life? It's better then settling down with someone who is not able to look after his family and is too lazy to seek work.

:shock:

so girl what u gonna do when ur sugar daddy dumps u? will u bat ur eye lashes outta paying for the bills? :roll:

"MuslimSisLilSis" wrote:
:shock:

so girl what u gonna do when ur sugar daddy dumps u? will u bat ur eye lashes outta paying for the bills? :roll:


o-k. :shock:

lilsis there's nothing wrong in Ramz's posts - Islamically it [i]is[/i] the man's responsibility to provide for his family.

wots with the bitchiness, will u guys plz b nice to eachother. :?

[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=, X-Men[/url]

There’s a massive difference between the “sugar daddy mentality” and expecting your husband to financially take care of the household cos its his duty…

The former is blame worthy.

What am I? Housewife, Mother, What?
Anonymous

A few months ago, when I was picking up the children at school, another mother I knew well rushed up to me. Emily was fuming with indignation. "Do you know what you and I are?" she demanded.

Before I could answer, and I didn't really have one handy, she blurted out the reason for her question. It seemed she had just returned from renewing her driver's license at the County Clerk's office. Asked by the woman recorder to state her occupation, Emily had hesitated, uncertain how to classify herself.

"What I mean is," explained the recorder, "Do you have a job, or are you just a .....?"

"Of course I have a job," snapped Emily. "I'm a mother."

"We don't list 'mother' as an occupation...'housewife' covers it," said the
recorder emphatically.

I forgot all about her story until one day I found myself in the same situation, this time at our own Town Hall.

The Clerk was obviously a career woman, poised, efficient, and possessed of a high-sounding title like Official Interrogator or Town Registrar.

"And what is your occupation?" she probed.

What made me say it, I do not know. The words simply popped out.

"I'm a Research Associate in the field of Child Development and Human Relations." The clerk paused, ball-point pen frozen in midair, and looked up as though she had not heard right. I repeated the title slowly, emphasizing the most significant words.

Then I stared with wonder as my pompous pronouncement was written in bold, black ink on the official questionnaire.

"Might I ask," said the clerk with new interest, "just what you do in your field?"

Coolly, without any trace of fluster in my voice, I heard myself reply, "I have a continuing program of research (what mother doesn't) in the laboratory and in the field (normally I would have said indoors and out).

I'm working for my Masters (the whole darned family) and already have four credits (all daughters)."

"Of course, the job is one of the most demanding in the humanities (any mother care to disagree?) and I often work 14 hours a day (24 is more like it).

But the job is more challenging than most run-of-the-mill careers and the rewards are in satisfaction rather than just money." There was an increasing note of respect in the clerk's voice as she completed the form, stood up, and personally ushered me to the door.

As I drove into our driveway, buoyed up by my glamorous new career, I was greeted by my lab assistants - ages 13, 7, and 3. Upstairs I could hear our new experimental model (6 months) in the child-development program, testing out a new vocal pattern.

I felt triumphant! I had scored a beat on bureaucracy! And I had gone on the official records as someone more distinguished and indispensable to mankind than "just another mother." Motherhood...what a glorious career. Especially when there's a title on the door.

aww lol. that^s so cute. Smile its also sad tho, as it shows how people in our society look down on motherhood. :roll:

[size=9]I NEVER WORE IT BECAUSE OF THE TALIBAN, MOTHER. I LIKE THE [b]MODESTY[/b] AND [b]PROTECTION[/b] IT AFFORDS ME FROM THE EYES OF MEN.[/size] [url=, X-Men[/url]

lab-assistants or lab-rats?

"For too long, we have been a passively tolerant society, saying to our citizens 'as long as you obey the law, we will leave you alone'" - David Cameron, UK Prime Minister. 13 May 2015.

A family friend came over last night....she's a woman who's really into her career.

She's was telling me how she works part time now cos of her kids.

She mentioned a point that she read in a study recently..which was that "children suffer if their mother works full time, and those children who's mothers are at home 24/7 suffer too, however, the most stable children are those who's mother worked part time".

Basically, for a good upbringing it is VITAL that the mother is of a healthy/positive state of mind and for many mothers this can be achieved if they put some time aside for their selves too instead of just spending all their time chasing after other...

To what extent do you guys agree?

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